ESI Motif Roundup

Jet Packs: 25 Nov 2008 - Eric Scott took 21 seconds to cross Colorado's 335 metre wide Royal Gorge at 120 km-h. [Google News]

Ways to make money that we've been scooped on: Unconventional Naked Calendars

• Red Hat Ladies,
• Women who ski with rifles,
  
• Clowns,
• Australian Paramedics,
  
• Women of Curling,
  
• Oxford Students,
• Builders,
• Bus Drivers, but
• Why it's maybe good we didn't try this.

Rural Predators:

• In the event you have a livestock loss due to one or more of the noted predators, claims for compensation can be made to the City of Ottawa.
• CBC: Ontario's most dangerous city for deer-vehicle collisions should make it legal to hunt deer with a bow within city limits, a local hunter says.

Dating:

• Someone else is researching Friends with Benefits, so I don't have to.

Metablogging:

• The New York Times has picked up on Slow Blogging:
  

  Ms. Ganley, who recently left her job as a writing instructor at Middlebury College, compares slow blogging to meditation. It’s “being quiet for a moment before you write,” she said, “and not having what you write be the first thing that comes out of your head.”

• And the Slow Blog Manifesto:
  

  4. Slow Blogging is a willingness to remain silent amid the daily outrages and ecstasies that fill nothing more than single moments in time, switching between banality, crushing heartbreak and end-of-the-world psychotic glee in the mere space between headlines. The thing you wished you said in the moment last week can be said next month, or next year, and you’ll only look all the smarter.

• Did you know there is a formal mechanism for grading blog posts? It's Ryan Bretag's Blogging Rubric.
• New mom, Tiana blogged something this week that I have no doubt is true in every sense, but I still think she's going to get in trouble for it:
  

  It's been just over 5 months and so far, I feel like I'm doing not only a good job, but a fantastic job

Dysfunction and Politics:

• Carleton University Students Association, the Town of Caledon, and Stephen Harper demonstrate that misguided decisions happen at every level of politics.

Breaking News*

Nymphs not wearing tank tops

Here are the results, so far, of your voting for which t-shirt or tank top I should order:

Coming Through: 8%
Woodsy's Web: 25%
Putting Out: 25%
Mad for Tea: 42%

You have two more days to vote before I place my order, and unlike with the Canadian Blog Awards, you can vote as often as desired.

Audrey and Harmony, I haven't forgotten your two votes for Romantic Gestures.

*OK, so maybe it isn't.

Playing Along - Nursemyra and t shirt friday

Nursemyra invites all to play along on the last Friday of the month by showing off our favourite t-shirt. A short story explaining the t-shirt can also be included.

I decided it would be fun to play.

I don't wear this t-shirt anymore. It is too big, stained, worn thin, and rather tacky, but I can't seem to part with it.

I credit Iggy Pop's music for providing me with much needed ambition and raison d'être when I was 17.

When the world catches Spamish flu

It's another odd little "Who'da thunk it?" sign of global recession: Apparently when times get tough, the tough buy Spam. My secret coyote sources tell me that Hormel Inc, manufacturer of the delicacy, is already cheering it's fat(ty) windfall profits. Even added extra shifts to the assembly line to meet surging demand.

But anyone warming up for a swan dive into the dietary Spambyss should note that, though we coyotes will eat most any damn thing, we won't touch that stuff. (Note to early Christmas shoppers: We prefer chocolate, and large, slow cats, and sugary baked goods but really, we're not fussy... I digress)

You're baffled, you say? All of Great Britain lived on the stuff during the Second World War, you say? It can't be that bad, you say? Who wouldn't like unidentifiable parts of porker, frappé-ed to vaguely pinkish molecules in some industrial-sized Cuisinart, then suspended in gelatinous yellow goo comprising half fat and half salt, you say? Then welded into a metal-jacketed brick of maybe-meat, you say? Resembling food? You say?

Oh, wait, you say. Except that Great Britain immediately after the war had to invent the National Health System to counteract its effects. One 12-ounce block (Remember ounces? I digress again...) serves you 180 per cent of an average human's normal daily dose of salt, 150 per cent of the total fat, and 170 per cent of the saturated fat. Oh, and, like, rather more than a thousand calories. That's a lot of goodness in one unassuming little can.

Which, judging by my speed-reading-on-the-fly the last time Hartman's Independent Grocer stockboys were chasing me out with brooms, ain't that cheap compared to like, food, anyway. It's all so... unappetizing.

Let's get very clear here: buying Spam is not about economizing, it's about self-flagellation for goin' all greedhead and buying those sub-prime mortgage futures your idiot brother-in-law was flogging, even when you knew the economic model sounded like utter lunacy. Is it coincidence that penitence and penury share prefixes? But for those that feel a need to maintain certain standards of social decorum and gracious living in a global meltdown, we look to Hawaii for a ray of hope: Spam sushi. Because even while you're killing yourself, you can hang onto a vestige of your old panache doing it.

Workout Wednesday

Because a mind is a terrible thing to waste

Tank Top Tuesday - Guest Spot

Duncan the Cat in his sexy tank top.

Tea-Shirt Advice

I can't decide which Tea-Shirt by Fourth Dwarf I should order for myself.

What Tea-Shirt would you like to see on me?
	Coming Through
	Woodsy's Web
	Putting Out
	Mad for Tea
Free polls from Pollhost.com

I am not posting for Tuesday because

1. I'm tired and I have cramps because it's my moon-time.
   
2. I've got a lovely book to read. (Nursemyra, it's called You Suck: A Love Story by Christopher Moore)
   
3. I feel unappreciated because nobody commented on my cleavage today (although a female co-worker did take a hold of a strand of my hair and stroked it).
   
4. I could tell you about today's flirting, but you'd still continue to walk around downtown pretending you don't see anyone - you would still resist flirting with cute coffee baristas.
   
5. I'm so grumpy that you'll be much better off reading this xkcd Webcomic than anything I could write to charm you with right now.
6. I asked someone to guest post for Tank Top Tuesday. Their bosom is much bigger then mine. (Dwarfie only has five on his list.)

I'm not posting for Monday because

1. I'm tired.
2. I've got a good book to read.
3. I feel unappreciated because nobody noticed the tea-shirt I did of Audrey's advice last week.
4. I could tell you about the dating study announced last week that said when there are many people at speed-dating, everyone just picks the best-looking, but when there are only a few, people make choices based on perceptions of compatibility. But if I did tell you about it, it wouldn't change anything you do. You'd still make the same screwed-up choices in your romantic lives.
5. I'm so grouchy that you'll be much better off reading this dinosaur comic than anything I would blog right now.
   

Romantic Gesture Tea-Shirt by FourthDwarf

Bloggers Breakfast

I regret missing the Bloggers' Breakfast...or was it brunch? Woodsy told us all about the event, and some of us wished we had been there.
Woodsy was delighted with all the bloggers, and was particularly happy about getting to know XUP, who she reported is delightful, intelligent and cool.
Here are my reasons for not doing the brunch:

1) I haven't been blogging, so feel unworthy of attending.
2) I get all shy and nervous around high-profile bloggers.
3) I never commit to morning activities on weekends.
4) There is no fourth.
5) There is no fifth.

Ottawa Transit: Straight to Plan F

I see we're trying to roll out yet another Plan B on the Transit Plan thing - again. This time, $7.2 billion buys the city a couple of rail lines that don't get where a lot of transit users want to to go, And! A! Light! Rail! Tunnel! Downtown!

Hey! The times cry for boldness! Does a real city need to dig some crappy rail tunnel? They're so 19th century, and our visionary mayor is really a 20th century kinda guy. Heh. I know we've we've suggested a few Plan Bs ourselves, but now I think Ottawa just needs to leapfrog straight over all that dithering, and skip straight to the big enchilada: Plan F!

Hear me out. I've been looking into motorized para gliders, and $7,200 buys a nice one, with bulk discounts. More than adequate. Our budget buys a million of 'em. Do it! Lend them out for a minimal fee to everyone who needs to use one, just like those communal bicycles in Paris and Amsterdam. Cutting edge thinking. No need to dig a tunnel. No more buses clogging the streets. We put all that free wasted airspace to use. Utopia! Well, except for the pigeons.

Our mayor is obviously big on the cult of the amateur. He applauds when the city fires those elitist managers. He's proved willing to pitch in micromanage things himself. And since being elected, he's more than fulfilled his ripe early promise as an ultimate amateur. So I think he'll agree when I say that although these things technically fly, we don't need no stinkin' pilot licence requirements. Anybody with a toonie or so should be able to use 'em. And to show my faith in him, I think he should be the first to test the system. Do we need Plan F right this minute, or what?

Avoiding awkward moments

I've heard a rumour that Woodsy might be running into some Ottawa bloggers this weekend. Since bloggers are inquisitive and yet shy at the same time, I have prepared this list of questions they should avoid with each other to prevent awkwardness.

• A&J at Please pick up your socks: "Did you have any trouble finding a parking spot?"
• Alison at Party of 3: "Would you say this is as tasty as frozen yogourt?"
• From Nat's Brain: Are those your original lips?
• Guillermo at Los Zielgler: "How do you like Canadian wildlife? Don't you think squirrels are adorable?"
• Hella Stella - No questions are off limits with Stella. Ask what she's bought at her favourite store lately.
• Jobthingy's Jungle: "Have you used your cell phone for something other than phoning lately?"
• Jo Stockton at Also a Talker: "Does your gynecologist still think you're a good woman?"
• Lynn at Diary of a Turtlehead: "Is it true you got silicone cups for your birthday"
• Maven of Stay at Home Mayhem: "Do you think a person who calls herself a social blogger might actually be a binging blogger in denial?"
• Meanie at Mean old Mommy: "Would you like a Dorito?"
• Newsguy Bob: "Could you pass the salt?"
• Raino MOT: "Have you found anywhere in Ottawa to get naked with a little oriental girl?"
• Robin at Watawa Life: "Have you snuggled with Clint Eastwood today?"
• Sky Girl: "Is your daughter still obsessed with the stove timer?"
• Skylark at Logan - The DandeLion King: "Still sleeping with your son?"
• Woodsy Coloured Marbles (or here): "What would you wear under that top?"
• XUP: "Would you like a drive home?"
• Zoom at Knitnut: "Did anyone pee in your bed last night?"

Remember, those are all questions to avoid!

Tank Top Thursday

Breaking News

Wendell's funeral procession?

Stringer Tree Guerillas? Never heard of 'em

With a new Parliament upon us, it seems an opportune time to try to divine the political fortunes of our federal parties. Sometimes that means peering into the mists for hidden messages, scripted code and fateful meaning. So let's rev up the trusty Internet Anagram Server and see what we can learn by typing in their names.

Conservatives ... Cave Voter Sins

Liberals ... Ill Bears or, if you are a glass half-full type, Ballsier

Bloc Quebecois ... Coo Clique Ebbs

New Democrats ... Comrade Newts

Green Party ... Rapt Energy

Looking ahead to the Liberal leadership race, things appear a little menacing for Michael Ignatieff ... Mafia Fleecing Hit ... and equally troublesome for Dominic LeBlanc ... Clinical Mob Den ... but perhaps former Ontario premier Bob Rae will again rule in the coming Bob Era.

Image: Superior Comrade Newt keeps an eye or two on the proletariat

Tank Top Tuesday

Nursmyra, is this a tank top or a corset?

Young Blood in the 'Hood

I walk up to this group of young pups, and I have to comment.

"Nice fox tail. "

He turns around - flashes a sharp smile. "It's a wolf tail."

RNDP 12a: More Romantic Gestures that Score with Audrey

It looks like Audrey's beau is raising the bar ever higher for the rest of us fellows. She wrote this weekend to say:

My boyfriend and I met up with some of my friends for dinner at a trendy restaurant in Toronto on Saturday night. When I introduced my beau to one friend, I said, “and this is my boyfriend {Redacted} – I’m madly in love with him!” My friend was startled and said, “How wonderful that you can say that out loud and he doesn’t mind!” I looked over at my beau and he nodded and smiled.

My boyfriend really is the most romantic man I’ve ever met.

Audrey’s top-ten list of romantic gestures – continued

11. Show up at her home in time to kiss her and then walk her to work.
12. Clean out a drawer in your bedroom for her clothes.

13. Stock the bathroom at your home with her favourite toiletries.
14. Take her to see live theatre. (My sweetie took me to see Cirque du Soleil.)
15. Eat a huge piece of her cheesecake.
16. Celebrate her birthday for a week!
17. Go to her family reunion with her and pose happily for photos with her.
18. Go on a romantic vacation with her.
19. Send her romantic e-mails.
20. Tell her she was made for you.

Previously: RNDP 12: Romantic Gestures that Score with Audrey

New at the Meta-Wear Store: Tea-Shirts

You could be wearing this or another of our fine tea-shirts. Just stop by the Meta-Wear Store.

The mad-for-tea-shirt was inspired by Jo Stockton and a young friend of hers. Commissions from sales of this shirt will be donated to an Ottawa United Way Children's Charity.

This Week's Fun from Ottawa Blogs

Nik at Kill Everything had a fun Facebook chat with a woman, Sarah G, whose name showed up in some insulting graffiti. Sarah G didn't realize at first that Nik was actually doing her a good deed and lashed out at him. The way Nik turned it around is an example we can all learn from:

I was walking my dogs with my wife and we saw the graffiti. And I said, jokingly, "I wonder who Sarah G--- is? Maybe I should look her up in the phone book."

She laughed and said, "Look her up on Facebook."

So I punched in "Sarah G---" and your profile was obviously in Ottawa. So I sent you a message.

It struck me as vaguely funny. And your response ("fucking dick") made my wife and I laugh. So now everyone is happy.

Well, except maybe you. And maybe some other Sarah G.

Zoom over at Knitnut reported on Nov. 12th that XUP said she talks about her Gentleman Caller (GC) too much [ed: I disagree and would like to read more adventures of GC.] And so, Zoom announced that she will be mentioning XUP in every post until the end of the month.

P.S. A little birdie told me that XUP thinks I’m mentioning GC too often on my blog, so I’m going to mention XUP every day for the rest of November.

Do you see what is happening here ESIs? Zoom has already schooled us on Kitty blogging, Craft blogging, Local Politics Blogging and Photos of Dead People Blogging, but now she is coming after our main turf: Self-Referential Wanking (SRW)!

Hella Stella is going for a spa massage soon and tells us that this always brings to mind an experience she shared with her Better Half (BH) in India:

...actually, every time I get a spa massage I flash back to that time I was in India and decided to get a Aryuvedic massage with my BH. Then we got stripped down to nothing, oiled up, and spanked for over an hour. It was pretty much the worst massage EVER. The only thing my massage "therapist" could say in English was "ticklish?" and I had to laugh and nod because she wouldn't have understood "no, I'm bleeding internally." Then we limped back to the hotel.

Remember last week when Hella met Mae for the first time and told her that she loved the story about her vibrator [which was really a dildo] and the eight orgasms in one night?

Now Mae (or you) when you see Stella somewhere in public, can say "Stella, I love the story about you and your guy getting oiled up and spanked by women in India!"

To readers appalled by Coyote's cavalier attitude

Hey! I didn't actually say I was appalled myself, did I...? And the cookies over here are terrific!

Breaking News - Spotted on Elgin Street

Communist Snowmen and Bears!

Breaking News: Missing wallaby's body found in field near eastern Ontario zoo

...ESI's Coyote to be brought in for questioning.

Death, taxes and, oh yeah, annoying phone calls

You might think Canada's tax collectors would be a sharp bunch. Competent, educated, shrewd, with sharpened pencils at the ready. And the latest electronic tools at their disposal to flag overdue accounts, zero in on debtors and efficiently scoop up cash that's rightly owed to Canadians.

You would also be wrong.

At least, if my recent experience is anything close to typical.

Here is a verbatim transcript, with only minor identity-protecting edits, of a message left on my home answering machine:

"Hi Indochinese Obstetrician, this is Peso Cohlecta from the Canada Revenue Agency. I'm calling in regard to your old numbered corporation X87X97PD. Currently there's a lot of overdue GST returns. And I think we've been having ongoing conversations -- or you have -- with different people at the organization. I just want to get this account cleared up in terms of file-up-to-date and closed. Would you please give me a call and I can help you with that in any way I can. Currently with the notional assessment that's been done, we think you owe $7,500, which is no doubt wrong, but it's the debt that currently stands until this gets corrected, so please call me."

Things I told Mr. Cohlecta upon calling him back:
1. I have never had, nor been involved in, a numbered corporation of any kind.
2. I have not had ongoing conversations with people at the Canada Revenue Agency, just one previous conversation six months ago with him, Mr. Cohlecta.
3. In this previous conversation, I told him my name is Independent Observer, not Indochinese Obstetrician, and that I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about.

Mr. Cohlecta then said, "Oh, we must be looking for a different Indochinese Obstetrician."

"OK," I replied, "what does that have to do with me?"

"Well, your names are very similar."

"Actually, no, they are not even close."

"Are you calling me back from a 905 area code number?"

"No, it's a 613 number. I live in Ottawa."

"Oh," said Mr. Cohlecta, "that's the problem. I'm going to scratch your phone number from the database."

"I'm still totally confused," I asked. "How could this happen?"

"Well, when we are seeking a debtor, sometimes we cast a wide net and go after people with names that might match."

"This is the second call I've received from you. How do I know there won't be more? Could you kindly send me something in writing to assure me this was a mistake?"

"Well, your number has been scratched from the database. You have my personal assurance I won't call you again. And I'm going to be here for years."

We are all doomed.

Tank Top Tuesday

Helping Manny Blue hang up a purple veil.

Overheard on Somerset Street West

"You golf?" she said looking and sounding surprised.

Well, Iggy Pop, the godfather of punk, golfs, I thought to myself.

"Yes, I golf," he insisted.

Minutes: Spontaneous Meeting of ESI Editorial Board

In attendance: [Redacted]
Venue: The [Redacted] Spot

1. The Stragglers
The board discusses the reasons that some ESIs are rarely posting on their selected days and concludes that there are a variety of reasons and that each person is a unique case with special needs. They identify possible reasons they may not be posting:

• Stressful lives
• Busy shagging
• Lack of inspiration
• Microphone Fright: Fear that their post will not be of high enough quality or importance
• Feeling they do not have enough to say
• Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and the other personality disorders that seem to affect all ESIs to varying degrees, especially, ADD and OCD
• Substance abuse
  

Consensus: We must recognize that all we can do is offer our support and create a safe environment for the Stragglers as they struggle with their demons.

2. Inducements to Post
The board discusses possible ways to induce the Stragglers to manage one post a week:

• Stress that a posting need only be a pair of sentences or a single image. (But not "I got nothing" says one board member.)
• Assign story ideas or topics ("That won't work for the Chair or for Aggie" notes the secretary as the Oppositional Defiance issue is recalled.)
• Conduct a Motivational Therapy Session by bringing in a speaker like Tony Robbins ("Or what about XUP?" asks a member who needs no motivation.)
• Rewards and Consequences (or Carrots and Sticks) ("With this crowd? Are you kidding?")
  

3. Focused Comments

Listings: Are any ESIs following the real estate market? How about a weekly Ottawa's worst listing?

Conch Shell:

• We would like to know about the occasional weird thing going on in the celebrity world.
• We would also like an occasional update on your fellow maritime creatures. Especially news about cute or famous maritime creatures.

Agatha:

• All you need to do is ask those piercing questions that come to you.
• We debated asking for more stories of shagscapades, but recalled that they seem to come naturally, all on their own.

Chair:

• There's more to life than watching movies.
• Posts can be short.

Independent Observer:

• The editorial board is happy with your frequency.
• We like that crazy still works for you.

Audrey:

• Just because you're not in the sidebar and don't have a day doesn't mean we don't expect more contributions from you.

Woodsy:

• No need to escalate things with Tank Top Tuesday. As you were advised by 7th Heathen, imaginations will fill in the details.
• However, if you switch days with someone, make sure that person knows they are expected to do a Tank Top Tuesday posting.

Coyote:

• Keep up the good work.
  
• Attending an ESI meeting with female guests, or attending a bloggers' brunch that single female bloggers are attending does not place you under an obligation to date any of those women.

Fourth Dwarf:

• No need for specific instructions for you because it is obvious by your posting the minutes that you found yourself at the Spontaneous Meeting of the Editorial Board.
  

When Bloggers Collide or Secret Identities Often Aren't

Do any of you remember years and years ago when the Atlantic published monthly stories about famous people meeting each other for the first time? Last week, Mae Callen met Hella Stella:

HS: "Hi, nice to meet you too. I love your blog. I read it all the time"

MC: "oh, I ah, didn't realize people actually did, wow, oh thanks, I didn't expect that"

HS: "yeah, and that vibrator (you know the one that gave you 8 orgasms in one night) yeah, I'm totally going to order one."

• Description from MC
• HS Explains
  

Like clockwork

Some things are as predictable as the seasons. I can tell it's autumn again, because City Councillor "Dog" Thompson, after mostly, ummm, lying doggo all summer, is once again fulminating about the apocalyptic looming infestation of untrammeled coyote hordes in Ottawa's far burbs. Yoohoo! Dog! Us coyotes all live downtown! The restaurants here are less likely to be crummy nationwide chains, and after tony bistros stack their chairs for the night, the cats of Parliament Hill make fine midnight snacks, ummm, excellent conversationalists...

Yet I have to say that I am beginning to become concerned about ol' Dog's persistence. It's like I'm playin' a roadrunner to his, ummm, badly-drawn Wile E, or something. Also worrisome is the fact that he now seems to be trying to bring a provincial cabinet minister onside. You know the jig is up when somebody initiates an investigative committee in the provincial ledge. They could deliver a non-partisan, all-parties proposal to scrutinize me with a legislative task force, in a matter of mere decades.

I am also worried by the increasing proximity of certain winsome wayward wallabies this week. It seems that Wendell, since his big jailbreak, has hopped it all the way from Kemptville to the fringes of Ottawa. How are ya gonna keep him down on the farm, after he's tasted the City That Fun Forgot's wild nightlife? And there have been ominous suggestions from Wendell's erstwhile screws and the Australian wallaby cognoscenti that if cute little Wendell bites it, it'll probably be a coyote that bit him.

People, I swear! It's a setup! I'm bein' framed! Now, excuse me. I have other fish to fry. And where did I misplace that bottle of Tangy Memories of Billabong Sauce...?

Tank Top Tuesday on Wednesday

Playing with Manny Blue's Boas

Propping up Palin or Meeting Innocence

They all batted their eyes at me at some point during the Hallowe’en party, and they all acted brainless bubbly like the real Alaskan Queen.

The Erratic Genius claims that, “The props is what makes a costume.”

Well, the first Sarah that I met had focused on the real Sarah’s curves, and placed two pairs of shoulder pads in her bra to give herself a more rounded look. She also wore a much envied homemade vote button. (see picture above)

The second Sarah carried a shot-gun all evening and pointing it at people while sing songing, “Drill baby, drill!”

The third Sarah proudly clutched a portfolio filled with home and garden type magazines and was escorted by her own Joe the Plumber.

But here is the point of this post - two people at the party had never heard of Sarah Palin!

“Innocents!”, I blurted out envious of their purity.

House of Representatives

Who knew the U.S. election would be fought not only in Ohio and Florida, but on Bay Street in our own Centretown? Perhaps, just weeks ago, colourful Dion and Harper posters hung in rowhouse windows somewhere in Washington, driving a most Canadian wedge between unparliamentary neighbours.

RNDP 18: More Developments

Let's take a poll: Who wants the Revolutionary New Dating Paradigm (RNDP) to be over? Everybody. Me too. There are many other things I would like to blog about. For example did you know that there are people out there who think "selfless" means something bad? Click on this google search link if you do not believe me.

But I cannot wrap up the RNDP quite yet because new developments and research keep coming out.

Detecting Infidelity: A study by Paul Andrews and colleagues at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond reported in New Scientist, concluded that men are better at detecting their partner's infidelities than women. In a study of 203 young heterosexual couples, while 29 per cent of men said they had cheated, compared with 18.5 per cent of women, 80 per cent of women's inferences about fidelity or infidelity were correct, while men were accurate 94 per cent of the time.

But then the authors mention these other points:

• "... men were also more likely to suspect infidelity when there was none... "
• "Complex statistical analysis of the data hinted that a further 10 per cent of the women in the study had cheated on top of the 18.5 per cent who admitted to it in the questionnaires, whereas the men had been honest about their philandering." [10%+18.5%=28.5%]

The authors do not remark on how astonishing it is that all these men who had lied to their partners chose to be honest with a group of psychology researchers.

What do we learn from this? We learn that there is still grant money to be gained in looking for differences between men and women.

HookupMaps
HookupMaps is a new website that combines the personal ads in Craiglist with Google Maps. So far it is only available in San Francisco Bay Area, New York, LA, DC, San Diego, Virginia, and Maryland.
If they do not add Ottawa soon, perhaps we could prevail upon the people who created the Ottawa Crime Map to do this for us.

The Locasex Movement
Perhaps when you read about HookupMaps, you were thinking, I don't need no stinking Google Maps Mashup! I can get sex the old-fashioned way by flying across the country to spend a dirty weekend with my sure thing.
However, over at Lifehacker, Mark Ontkush reports that there are those within the ecology movement who are pointing out there is a huge environmental cost to long-distance booty calls.

The Guys like those Red Dresses
From the Globe and Mail:

A series of studies by researchers at the University of Rochester has revealed that men are far more attracted to women in red clothing or surrounded by red accessories than females who sport other colours. What's more, men seem to be especially generous to the lady in red - and are more willing to open up their wallets to wine and dine her.

Warm Drink, Warm Heart
From the LA Times:

Looking to improve your romantic odds? Get your date a steaming cup of coffee.
That's the implication of a new study by researchers who wanted to see if there was any connection between physical and emotional heat.
To their surprise, people who held a cup of hot coffee for 10 to 25 seconds warmed to a perfect stranger. Holding a cup of iced coffee had the opposite effect

Maybe Nice Guys Don't Finish Last?
From Medical News Today:

Displays of altruism or selflessness towards others can be sexually attractive in a mate. This is one of the findings of a study carried out by biologists and a psychologist at The University of Nottingham.

Advice Gleaned From All This:

1. Give money to street people while on a date.
2. If you're at a bar and attracted to your date order Irish Coffees. Unless you've already decided you're not interested. In that case, ask for vodka that's been kept in the freezer and order extra ice cubes.
3. Once again, the Liberal party girls have the advantage over the NDP, Conservative and Green party girls.
4. You'll be easier on the environment if you date local.
5. If you're a young American, you've got about a 1 in 3 chance of finding a partner who won't cheat on you. If you get such a partner, you'll most likely figure it out, but to be sure, you should hire a social scientist to include your partner in a study and then carry out complex statistical analysis.
   

Rideau Canal: We Try Harder

News Item:

National Geographic rates Rideau Canal a top destination

The Ottawa Citizen

Published: Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ottawa's Rideau Canal Corridor has placed second out of 109 historic destinations around the world in the November issue of National Geographic Traveller.

• Historic Places Rated: The List
• Ontario: Rideau Canal corridor