Mister Sloppy wishes you all a Joyous HannuKwanzaChristmas...

Mister Sloppy has asked me to convey to you a heartfelt "Merry Christmas!" Given his extensive rap sheet, ummm, history (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), we can only suggest that this sort of unbidden friendliness on his part suggests - strongly - that if you are anyone who carries a wallet, you should check your pants. Just to, ummm, confirm that said wallet is still in 'em.

Now that I consider that advice further, you should probably check your pants anyway. Just to confirm that you are still in 'em...

Mister Sloppy is that good.

Merry Christmas, everybody. And a happy New Year. May your holiday season be pantsful and free of evil-genius larceny. Unless, of course, you're into that.

I'm the kind of guy who makes Google poems

* I'm the kind of guy who thinks fotos made by fotografers might want to mean something.

* I'm the kind of guy who can say in 100 words what most say in twelve. By choice.

* I'm the kind of guy who likes to ask a lot of people questions for reviews and do my own research before I buy something so I know that I'm getting a quality product.

* I'm the kind of guy that knows the names of the store clerks where I stop and get my daily morning Diet Coke; I'm the kind of guy who will let you in front of me in traffic or in line at the store

* The itching is horrible, but I'm the kind of guy who doesn't seek medical treatment right away. It's not a macho thing.

* Look, I'm the kind of guy who loves to ridicule blatant Monster Hunter rip-offs.

* You have to remember, I'm the kind of guy who has to look that up.

* I'm the kind of guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, “Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?

* I'm the kind of guy who strongly believes in doing what you're passionate about to make money.

* I'm the kind of guy who just goes out and tries to catch as much as I can every day and make as much money as I can in every event, and then I sit back and see how that hand plays out.

* I'm the kind of guy who visits a gallery or museum and can't understand the people who see things in art. I just see it as art.

* I would tell you to just stop reading and listen to it, but I'm the kind of guy who likes to keep that sort of thing to myself..

* I'm the kind of guy who likes to take responsibility and I like the pressure.

* Like I said before, I'm the kind of guy who goes about my business and not try to think
about things like that or things that are out of my control too much.

* I'm the kind of guy who says things sometimes just to make myself laugh, but she would just catch me making jokes for me.

* I'm the kind of guy who does a lot of self-expression on my laptop

* I'm the kind of guy who takes pictures of himself.

* I'm the kind of guy who's constantly trying to improve myself by reading up on whatever I can.

* I'm the kind of guy who likes to have my hands in the nitty-gritty and keeping stealthy until having things really, really ready, but I recently reached the point where I realized that I needed to flip the coin and get out of the office

* I'm the kind of guy who… Will wake up to kill a mosquito in the middle of the night, but won't wake up and open the door for someone ringing the doorbell in the morning.

* I'm the kind of guy who fixes stuff only when it stops working, or when its broken.

* On the other hand, I'm the kind of guy who changes my devices every year

[source]

No bull

As Ottawa's festival season winds down once again, we coyotes feel a gnawing emptiness. A summer of nonstop-festivals-up-the-wazoo is about to be displaced by another cold winter of festless discontent.



But hey! For reasons that may or may not become clear if you click this link, the Irregulars' hit counter has lately been roping in mucho action from Google Image searches for "testy festy pictures".



Since coyotes are ever curious - you could ask all the cats we've ever known just how curious, if any through sheer inadvertent carelessness remain unboiled - I naturally researched this oddity. You could too, the same way. I ain't linking up to all that NSFW WTFery here. We're a family blog. A really dysfunctional family. I digress.



Let us merely state that Montana's Testicle Festival, known among the glitterati as Testy Festy, features a whole lotta breaded deep-fried prairie oysters, and a whole lotta (on the photographic evidence, apparently also deep-fried...) participants scarfing the aforementioned and behaving, ummm, somewhat badly. I figure it's probably excess testosterone.



But hey! I also figure this kind of thing is just what Ottawa needs - worse-than-usual bad behaviour to light that long, dark tunnel between the end of this weekend's Ottawa Folkfest and 2012 Winterlude, sometime far, far in the frozen future!

Whatever you do, don't skip this Google Poem

don't touch his hat

* Whatever You Do, Don't Buy Dermasis.
* Whatever You Do, Don't Show Him The Queen of Hearts.
* Whatever You Do, Don't Call Them Fuddy-Duddies.
* Whatever you do don't do other people's thinking for them.
* And whatever you do, don't try lugging in any nacelles to your local scrap dealer.

* Whatever you do, don't ignore it.
* Whatever you do, don't over-schedule the kids. Everyone needs some downtime.
* But whatever you do, don't get on meds. Those things are REALLY bad for you!
* And whatever you do, don't sit on the sidelines, waiting for a massive drop in prices. It isn't coming.
* whatever you do,don't eat take out/fast food,the stuff is toxic garbage.

* Don't touch his hat, whatever you do, don't touch his hat.

* Whatever you do, don't wait till the last minute to drive to your appointment or you'll pile additional stress on yourself by having to rush.
* Whatever you do, don't lower it.
* Whatever you do, don't forget to put the accurate information for contacting you.
* Whatever you do, don't be one of those people who give their parents a generic wedding gift put some thought into it, make it memorable, and don't wait to the last minute!

* Whatever you do, don't use a string trimmer, which will send sap-oozing bits of plant flying — some undoubtedly landing on bare skin.I
* So, if you like them, eat some apples and bananas and lettuce and make a splendid salad, but whatever you do - don't start your day with a banana!

* Whatever You Do Don't Relax!
* Whatever you do, don't take the staircase that leads up to the rooftop deck. It's haunted.
* Whatever You Do, Don't Stay In Your Lane.
* Oh … and whatever you do … don't forget to leave a comment below!

* Whatever you do, don't forget to thank your asian zodiac that bamboo is making a serious statement for those looking for a modern-day wooden look.
* Whatever you do, don't make an altimatum that you are not fully prepared to follow through with.
* You may say this goes without saying, but whatever you do, don't say anything bad or derogatory about the attendees or anyone or anything while on the webinar, even if you think you've hit mute or it's not on.

* whatever you do, don't ask for the ketchup unless, that is, you like plenty of attention.
* Everyone stay inside and crank the A/C! Whatever you do, don't learn how to cope with extreme weather without the help of central air!
* whatever you do, don't give the photos to a newspaper

* Whatever you do, don't waste that space.

* whatever you do, don't look down at Jennifer Aniston's feet. They are horrible. Really horrible. It's like a dead person's feet have been attached to her.

* And whatever you do, don't stop your child from eating because 'it's almost time for dinner.'
* Whatever you do, don't forget to take advantage of this time.

* whatever you do don't put the blame on you.. blame it on the rain yeah yeah. ...



[source]

Tips for Criminal Masterminds: the Secret Lair

As a criminal mastermind you need more than a hideout. You need a base of operations suitable for developing your nefarious plans to take over the world.

The Diefenbunker - too obvious?

Here in Ottawa there are many properties that will require very little retrofitting to meet your needs. Most are not currently on the market, but as an evil genius, you should be able to overcome that challenge.

The great news is that you'll be able to tour many sites without suspicion this coming Saturday and Sunday as part of Doors Open Ottawa.

Of course, you'll want to see the Diefenbunker. It is closed on Saturday, but open on Sunday. In my opinion, the Diefenbunker is too obvious a location for a secret lair, but you're the evil genius.

There are a good number of embassies on the list as well as churches and schools that could meet your needs. Lisgar Collegiate used to have a rifle range on its 4th floor.

Traffic Operations - inspiration?

Even if you don't want to acquire one of the Doors Open properties, you might get some good ideas. For example, the City's Traffic Operations Unit at 175 Loretta Ave has control and monitoring systems you might like to study.

There is one possibly ideal location not on the Doors Open list we expect to be up for sale in the next few months. It's only a block from Parliament Hill and has escalators going up and down to a large basement. I'm talking about the Zellers at 156 Sparks. It's one of the few Zellers outlets that have not been bought by Target.

Your new lair?

If I were a criminal mastermind, I'd snap this Zellers up as soon as it comes on the market and keep it a low price retail store. Not just for the income stream, but also so that my minions could come and go without notice and I could buy their uniforms wholesale.

The light rail tunnel construction starting soon would also cover up the noise and waste from any excavation I wanted to do for extra sub-basements or my own secret tunnels.

Good luck wherever you decide to locate your lair. Feel free to invite us to the house warming party. We'll be sure to bring a suitably evil houseplant.

Tips for Criminal Masterminds: Skill Building

Not quite ready to take over the world? Perhaps you need to strengthen a few skills or develop some new abilities. The City of Ottawa offers a number of low cost programs that can help you.

There are many suitable offerings in the Spring – Summer 2011 Recreation Guide. Here is a small selection from the adult program:

Public Speaking
Improve public speaking with practical tools including breathing techniques and voice work. Build confidence addressing a group in a supportive environment. Skills help in various professional settings.
Nepean Creative Arts Centre – 613-596-5783
Fri 6:30-7:30 pm
Apr 8-May 13 $61.25 645286

Chivalrous Sword Handling
Sword fighting? You mean like Lord of the Rings? Train in the safe handling and fair usage of the European Broad Sword.
Instruction includes parts and history of the sword, shield work, code of Chivalry and how to make chain-maille armour.
Plant R.C. – 613-232-3000
Level 1
Sun 10:30 am-12:30 pm
Jul 10-Aug 28 $90.25 635205

Hypnosis – Basic Techniques
Hypnosis is a tool to communicate with the subconscious. Learn how to achieve a deep sense of relaxation and assist with habits and goals with the guidance of a certified hypnotherapist.
St-Laurent Complex – 613-742-6767
Wed 6-8:55 pm
May 25 $68 636776
Jun 15 $68 636778
Jul 13 $68 636781
Aug 3 $68 636784
Aug 24 $68 636786

The City also has a program to prepare your children to become better henchmen for you:

Spy Camp
Hone your craft, meet ‘real spies’, and run training missions through top-secret briefings and activities. Develop a disguise, make and break codes, use escape and evasion techniques, create spy gadgets, and uncover the science in spying.
Pinecrest R.C. – 613-828-3118
6-8 yrs Tue-Fri 9 am-4 pm
Aug 2-5 $132 644569

FAQ
Q: Are there other courses I should consider?
A: Absolutely, if you haven’t worked your way up to Ballroom Dance Level 10, get on it right away. And if you have not mastered an obscure musical instrument you can start with piano lessons. The piano is not an ideal instrument for an evil genius, but learning it will help you learn how to play the pipe organ.

Q: Should I sign up for one of the dog obedience courses?
A: What? The only dogs an evil genius should have are attack dogs managed by a professional trainer. If you’re looking for pets, it’s cats or reptiles.

Q: Until my plans come to fruition, I’m a little tight on funds. Any way to get a break on registration fees?
A: Of course. Just apply to the Fee Assistance Program.

Never Trust a Google Poem

* Never Trust a Hippy
* Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be
* Never Trust A Junkie

* Never trust your solder joints
* Never Trust a Man in Crocs
* Never trust a millionaire quoting the sermon on the mount
* never trust an attractive woman that you meet in a dungeon

* Never trust the media guys who tell you to “go ahead and leave your mic on”
* You Should Never Trust Someone Whom You Don't Know To Take a Decent Picture
* you should never just trust a review

* Never Trust a Scrawny Foodie
* Never trust an international guarantee
* Never trust a CEO with your personal well-being
* Never trust a cloud!

* Never Trust Your GPS.
* Never Trust the Internet to Always Be Your Friend
* Never trust Google Maps when walking!

* never trust a fart no matter what.

* Never trust your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
* Never Trust A Jawa
* Never, NEVER trust your form inputs.
* You Should Never Trust The Photos Hotels Post Online

* Never trust downloads even if it is from a respected official download site because it might still be a threat
* Never Trust a Politician
* Never trust a warlock

* Never trust a fart. I had a rather unfortunate experience after tonight's 10 mile run.

* Never Trust An SEO Salesman
* Never Trust Anything With That Much Wicker Around
* Never trust a man who wears a sweater vest
* Never trust a big butt and a smile

[*]

Oar not...

It's unclear at the moment, what with different sources touting vastly different he-said-she-said versions of the story on Sunday. But it seems at least likely that the reason the incumbent minority PM is so certain that those costly new stealth fighter planes he's set his heart on would cost ludicrously less, by at least half, than the figures that every other financial and military authority other than the PM and the Department of National Defence has come up with, is because they're ummm, gliders.

But us coyotes can see the, ummm, logic. Yeah. That's it. Logic. Because this solves everything. All the haters who've pointed out that our
economically-trained PM has never actually practiced economics - nor, apparently, economy of any kind - look like losers this time.

Because ordering motorless planes saves a veritable billions-and-billions bundle on up-front costs and downline engine maintenance. And it'll put the Canadian military at the tippy-top forefront of those petroleum conservation and low carbon footprint thingies. Just what the country needs to counterbalance that plethora of negative tar sands environmental impacts, I'm sure. Not to mention how much stealthier they'll be than everybody else's stealth fighters, if they don't make any noise.

How to make 'em go, then? Look no further than Canada's proud and ancient voyageur tradition, people! Just borrow the Olympic rowing team's supply of high-tech carbon fibre oars (to match the high-tech carbon fibre wings, y'unnerstand...) and paddle them suckers! Using penitentiary prisoners as galley slaves would, without a Tory doubt, save huge bucks on the big prison-building schema, too!

All done within budget, just like those prudent, conservative fiscal managers said they would! Problem solved! Mission accomplished! Where have I heard that line before? Never mind! How could I have ever doubted?

Tips for Criminal Masterminds: Crown Assets

So you want to be a criminal mastermind. You’ve got the IQ. You’ve got the naked ambition to take over the world. But you need materials and supplies. Where to go for good deals on the stuff your world dominating organization needs? Why not try the government?

Crown Assets Canada is currently auctioning two skids of 30-minute road flares (minimum bid: $ 6,672.50). and a whole pile of marine cordage (no minimum bid).

[Notes:

(a) It might be worth waiting on the flares. They were up for sale in February with a minimum bid of $7,850.00, but there were no bids, so the price has dropped by 15%.

(b) The minimum bid is still a big savings over the retail price.

(c) If you don’t know what you’d do with 5600 road flares and heavy marine cordage, you might be evil but you’re no genius.]

Also, if you act fast, you can buy a firetruck (minimum bid: only $3000!) Just the thing for pulling off a major heist in a downtown core.

Bonus Crown Asset items to help you set a criminal mastermind ambiance:

• 6-String Banjo and soft case
• Ceremonial Swords and Scabbards

Going begging

It was either extensive research, or insomnia last weekend after one too many beavertails on the canal, that led us to the momentous discovery that could lead the Elgin Street Irregulars out of cyber-irrelevance. Or, more likely, allow us to continue to be the self-referential wankers that our regular readers have come to know, and be deeply disturbed by. People, the domain name "ca.ca" is apparently unregistered. Online gold going begging!

Gosh, I don't know about you, but I can think of a ton of business propositions that could hang off that kind of online identity. And three or six political parties, too.

Thank you. I just wanted you to know. That is all.

Coffee with Mister Sloppy

When I dropped by Mister Sloppy's Centretown lair the other day to wish him a belated happy new year - or whatever passes for "happy" among elite-level evil geniuses - he was frenetically stuffing mailer boxes with gift coffee mugs. Given the guy's "It is Better to Swipe Outright than to Give or Receive" schema, it seemed out of character.

"No, no. Not really," he grinned, blue eyes bright with merriment and the usual insanity. "Didja read that news item the other day? The one about the transatlantic flight making an emergency landing because the pilot spilled coffee?"

Suddenly wary, I eyed the stacks of mugs sporting myriad famous high tech logos, and reached for the Rolaids. Sloppy was up to no good again.

"You, ummm, had something to do with that?" I asked.

"Not a thing! But it gave me a great idea! Every major lab in the world is fueled with caffeine. Heck, I've even been known to abuse the stuff slightly myself, on my own projects! So I just figured, you know, anonymously send all the researchers gift coffee cups with their company logos on 'em."

"Aaaaannnnddd?" I asked. When Mister Sloppy is happy, there's always an "Aaaaannnnddd?"

"Of course there is," he said impatiently, apparently reading my thoughts.

"Creepy," I thought. "I might need to check into that."

"No. You don't," Mister Sloppy said out loud. "It's a whole other thing. Nothing to do with this. Lookit, I'm proud of these. Every science guy in the world takes their coffee cup everywhere. These mugs are my new memory-enhanced nanoceramic. They're programmed at the atomic level to scan nearby computers or test equipment, then transmit a quantum-burst packet of all their data to my stealth server farm. Oh. Then they spill hot coffee on everything and short it out."

"So you're actually stealing...?"

"The sum total of the world's latest research. It's all good!

Maybe for evil geniuses. I declined a complimentary gift mug on the way out. And behind me, Mister Sloppy's laughter echoed like cats fighting in an alley...

I don't get paid enough to create Google poems

* I don't get paid enough to deal with this guy!

* I don't get paid enough to fix it.

* I don't get paid enough to do this job

* I don't get paid enough to potentially get blown up by an IED and be away from my family for a year ($2250/mth right now), but I do it anyway.

* I Don't Get Paid Enough To Blog (2), I should know better then to do meta

* I don't get paid enough to even consider it.

* I don't get paid enough to explain this, but I promise twenty, thirty or fifty years from now, a house bought will be worth more than you paid for it today. You'd have to be stupid as a zombie to keep paying rent...

* I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**!

*You ruffle too many feathers, and at the moment I don't get paid enough to handle the stress of that kind of feather-ruffling on my front page with my name over the top of it.

* I would definitely take my tantrums elsewhere, but I don't get paid enough to.

* I don't get paid enough to be abused.

* I don't get paid enough to put up with the crap that people are giving me.

* I don't get PAID enough to spend as much time as you do here.

*I don't get paid enough to put up with a toddler that gives me bruises and bites the hell out of me every time he gets put in time out.

* personally, I don't get paid enough to be a judge for everyone in the blogosphere.

* I don't get paid enough to touch used panties, and I won't do it.

* I don't get paid enough to live in fear of being hacked by my fellow co-workers.

* I don't get paid enough to think.

Maman walks The Line

You have no doubt heard news of the National Gallery's new acquisition, One Hundred Foot Line, planted of late on the foothills of Nepean Point.

I understand that, nominally, it represents a bare, limbless tree. With the right lighting (read: "brooding and dramatic") it's pretty spectacular. It is a tall pointy metal stick to be reckoned with, but not for wimpy, mild cirrus-cloud summer days. Yet I was also kinda jealous when the guys over at OttawaStart.com came up with the line: "A huge monument to sticking your tongue to a cold pole."

The other day, after each of us had wandered down serially to look up (waaaaaay up...) at it, Robin K. from Watawa Life and me had a lengthy philosophical discussion about the phenomenological and epistemological implications of really humongous public art.

Long story short, Robin said he still far preferred Maman, out front. He's cooler on stainless steel toothpicks. Or in his words, "Who wouldn't like a statue of a giant spider?"

About then, some semimythical idiot piped up thoughtlessly, "...but has no one considered how cool it would look if Maman was climbing that steel tree? Epic, in a King Kong on the Empire State Building kinda way! But more spidery and metallic…!"

It was at that fateful point that Robin fatefully uttered the fateful words: "Agreed! Send her up."

Genius.

Google Poem: Do we really want a mayor?

* Personally, I don't want a mayor who isn't willing to do the legwork to ensure that all of her/his nominators are in fact on the voters list

* I don't want a mayor or councillor who blames new people for the ills of this community.

* I don't want a mayor who is too scary to talk to.

* I don't want a mayor with a track record of over 80% failure in city hall. I've been in the damn #verizon store so much that I'm the mayor

* We don't want a mayor that goes by his opinion only

* I don't want a mayor who's going to get up on his soap box, shake his fist and “stand up for our city”.

* I don't want a mayor that show-boats with an Islamic extremist that believes suicide bombers and the execution of homosexuals are acceptable.

* I don't want a mayor that delivers "energy" and "renewal"

* pick whatever hackneyed adage or idiom you'd like but the reality is I don't want a mayor who will make me feel good

* We don't want a mayor that signs papers without reading them.

* They don't want a Mayor who insists on protecting the hills, air and water, and avoid big-time traffic increases.

* I don't want a mayor that waddles.

* They don't want a mayor that would have this bunch, or an essentially similar one, happier in their work. They want a mover and a shaker

* I don't want a mayor that sits back and lets the city go down the tubes to protect his buddy Longos feelings.

* I don't want a mayor that's going to drop dead half-way through.

* I don't want a mayor who says “I'M WORKING FOR U”. It's not difficult at all to type the other 2 letters to make the correct word.

Google Poem Thanksgiving

* I'm just thankful that there are people that are trying to help me, and to those people I just want to say thanks for all that you do.
* I'm just thankful my clothes are fitting, because I am going to stay out of maternity clothes as long as possible.
* i'm just thankful i had a childhood to remember now that everyone has been taken over by everything that is just so unnatural.

* Sometimes I complain about all the things I need to do in my life, but really I'm just thankful I get tro stay at home with my sweet baby and that I have a work-at-home job and that I have THINGS that need packing. 

* I'm lucky and thankful that Mr. Hot is in my life

* I'm just thankful that I find meaning and connection from doing ordinary things... like taking care of my dogs.
* I'm just thankful it was me and not some defenseless old lady or something.
* I'm just thankful I was also given talents where I can show my stuff for being a good dancer.

* I'm just thankful that we do not get all the government we pay for!

* I'm just thankful the photos weren't out of focus (I definitely was out of focus..)
* I'm just thankful to have this opportunity. 
* I'm just thankful that you took the time to stand up and glorify the greatness we can be together.

* I'm just thankful that my daughter Kendall and our dear friend Ryan Lavery are not in jail for this crime.

* I'm just thankful that they won't be raising our taxes now that this wasteful boondoggle has been rejected.

* I'm just thankful Boras didn't get his claws on Chooch before we scr, er, negotiated that sweeeeet contract in January.

* I'm just thankful for guys like Edgar Wright, Duncan Jones, Danny Boyle (sometimes!)
* I'm just thankful that I got to use the coupon they advertised and that the people there, from the manager on down, are always so pleasant to deal with.

* I'm just thankful that I got wind of it before it was too late.


* I'm just thankful that the race officials acted so professionally and I wasn't seriously hurt in the crash.
* I'm just thankful that I can find the matches online and feed my burgeoning addiction.

* I'm just thankful it hurt. You know, cancer doesn't always hurt.

* I'm just thankful that I don't have to drive in the city, because I don't think I would make it!

* But I'm just thankful that people find it entertaining and, hopefully, thought-provoking.

* I'm just thankful she's finally stopped scribbling on walls, spreading lotion on every available surface and sneaking off to the middle of my bed for chocolate syrup experiments.

* Alright, basically I'm just thankful to them for not banning websites that I spend 80% of my virtual time on which includes Facebook, You-tube and Twitter


[*]

Whaaaaaat?

I just figured that, since Sun TV is gonna go all Foxic News North on us, it should have a classy new logo. The old one is as boring and dull as, ummm, the existing media that the new Putative Stun Channel hopes to thrash.

So, you know. Something restrained. Classy. Understated yet evocative. And with all the wit and public charm of its new, formerly pasty and now oddly-tanned executive guy, Kory Teneycke. Former Stephen Harper spokesthingy. Former Mike Harris backroom braintrust kid. Y'know?

But it wasn't easy. Endless concepts. Days of consultation with the Research Director. Multiple versions. Accusations of overthinking everything.

And locating a cuddly new mascot. You have no idea how hard it is to find a one-winged turkey vulture that can still, actually, you know, aviate in the solar wind...

Listen to me when I say my Google Poem

* Put the donut down and listen to me when I say, introducing and adopting new habits doesn't happen overnight.

* Listen to me when I say you don't have to listen to me.

* alright buddy listen to me when i say that this man has spent his entire life researching things like this so dont tell people he has no credibility.

* Please listen to me when I say that even waterproof cameras cannot withstand underwater photography.

* please listen to me when I say this…he will NEVER change.

* Shut your piehole and listen to me when I say that I am FINISHED with the checking-of-the-bags CONVERSATION.

* Ok, listen to me when I say I've been in this situation, and I can tell you really want her back, so there's only one thing to do, ask her to meet you somewhere, don't buy flowers or anything, just do simply this, when you see her tell ...

* Please; as a scientist, and a geologist, listen to me; when I say that you should do your research more into this, before either failing to act, or acting improperly;

* Listen to me when I say, as long as you are happy with you, as long as you are healthy, as long as you are breathing, living, as long as you are YOU, you are beautiful.

* I am sorry but if you guys want me to listen to your life, how about listen to me when I say mine.

* Listen to me when I say that you've bought into an idea that DEFIES intelligence. You're happy, and we're all glad for that, but I am so sad and disappointed that your happiness has come at the cost of common sense.

* Sometimes I really wish you would listen to me when i say I need help.

* Secondly, please listen to me when I say that this boyfriend of yours doesn't sound like good news.

* But please listen to me when I say this, it's not all about how much we earn in our websites

* i wish someone would listen to me when i say stem cells.

* Listen to me when I say the laundry doesn't matter!

* I know that so many girls think drugs like this are an easy quick fix, and if you were one of them I really hope you will listen to me when I say how stupid they are.

* Listen to me when I say Nocando is the world's new hope for rap music

* listen to me when I say this — There are a couple of situations in which honesty is NOT the best policy.

* So listen to me when I say that mistakes and cheating are dangerous, in many, many ways.

[source search]

Bunk. And double bunk.

We coyotes note with (uncompounded) interest that G8 and G20 leaders visiting Toronto for next month's world summit - mostly a grand (standing) photo-op for the Prime Minister - are now projected to cost Canadians, according to one estimate, something approaching $1.1 billion. With a "B". As in "Bunk".

It's more than three times - closing on four times - the cost of any previous "most expensive G20 summit". The record until now was a paltry $300 million. With an "M".

The billion buck boondoggle arises, says Public Safety Minister Vic Toews, and I quote, probably pretty accurately: "Because since 9/11... mutter spread fear mutter ... terrorism... mutter non sequitur mutter... high tech security!!!!" Huh. Even the lately-habitual conservative defender Rex Murphy couldn't buy that.

Mr. T. is also the government's designated faux-hardass in charge of cluelessly punitive prison policy. As in, "If we build lots more jails and lock up everybody for everything no matter how trivial, crime will drop."

Apparently Tories haven't been reading Statistics Canada analysis showing that, ummm, crime has been dropping steadily for a couple of decades already in the absence of such ideologically-driven programs. Damn statistics, anyway! Never let 'em get in the way of a good media line!

Lately, confronted with, you know, actual costs for building all them penitential buildings that ain't revivalist churches, Mr. T had to do some quick media spin. He now alleges his government's policies won't cost much. Because, hey, having thought deeply about it - possibly for the first time, although what passes for deep in this case would barely cover my doggy toenails if I stepped in it - he'll just double bunk all the new prisoners in existing hoosegows. No problemo!

In the spirit of liberté, fraternité et egalité, we coyotes suggest that if double bunkin' is gonna save so damn much in incarceration costs, howzabout double-bunking G20 leaders? And all of their high-tech security? By Mr. Toews', ummm, logic, if it saves proportionately as much for the G20 bunfest as he thinks it'll save the corrections system - I admit you're free to argue that's complete bunk - us coyotes figure we're back down to only equalling the previous most expensive G20 summit. Bargoon!

I'd love it if you read my Google poem

* I'd love it if Emilia discovered the joys of curry and the pleasures of tempura and the bliss of creme brulee earlier rather than later, but I'm not going to force the issue.

* I'd love it if you guys reviewed games more often

* I'd love it if Sanford and Son moved out but for now I'd settle for the boat and car.

* I'd love it if you would visit her, read my post, and check out the rest of her site.

* "Well I'd love it if you didn't fucking kill someone--" "Maybe if you'd gone to the store yourself I wouldn't have had to--"

* I'd love it if you'd join me, and weigh in on your experiences.

* I'd love it if she were a cheerleader someday. I'd also be just as happy if she plays basketball, sings in the choir or joins the debate team.

* I'd love it if I lived in an idyllic world and could believe there was a cease fire, but I don't.

* i'd love it if you'd share.

* ha! i'd love it if gilbert brought laimbeer to town.

* I love critical analysis of comics, and I'd love it if more superhero comics were produced that stood up to analysis beyond, "Yep, that two-page splash sure was cool!"

* I'd love it if Sprint would just allow me to upgrade to the Evo with their discount, but i'm sure that's not likely.

* If you're a regular visitor or just passing through, I'd love it if you'd sign my guestbook.

* I'd love it if it was a product that wasn't going to sting

* I'd love it if you had any insights.

* I feel like I'd love it

* I'd love it if Chris Farley showed up and crashed thru the conference room table.

* I won't bribe you to become a follower, although I'd love it if you were.

* I'd love it if you take a moment to leave a comment!

* I'd love it if you would visit my shop and if you're in the mood, please feel free to heart it!

* I'd love it if you became a follower of the blog!

* She said, “I'd love it if you went and bought eye cream for me.” I told her that she absolutely would not like that.

* I'd LOVE it if he chose the weekend before I start back to work to decide that sleeping through the night is a good idea. Because I think it's a FANTASTIC idea. I mean, come on, kid. Sleeping is COOL. DO IT MORE.

* I'd love it if they got together, but I'm not sure if it would work.

* I'd love it if these summer tours enabled the England squad to develop, to identify some key players, to rule out others that are not.

* I'd love it if this was released in Austria while I'm studying there.

* I'd love it if you'd join my group for updates and discussion of our favorite beading techniques, new product info and more!

* I'd love it if they came clean, said the latest Shuffle was a huge mistake and gave us a decent micro player instead.

* I'd love it if you'd comment and make me feel less alone in my chaos.

* If you enjoyed what you read here, I'd love it if you could share this with one friend or tweet this story.

* No pressure, but I'd love it if you became an official "follower" of the Devil and Egg blog!

* I'd love it if any readers with call center experience weighed in on this one.

* I'd love it if you would include the MM button in your post, to let others know you are participating.

* I'd love it if Nintendo would announce that Other M's release date was being bumped up to at least July. Another thing that would floor me is the announcement that Metroid Dread does exist and it's a proper 2D Metroid

* I'd love it if you stopped by.

* i don't know if i like jimmy buffet, but i'd love it if i could have a job to go to afterward, you know?

* I'd love it if it was just the picture, because it's really cute. Especially since I'm a fan of all things rabbit related. But I don't care for the text and, really, it's not even necessary. The picture speaks for itself

* I'd love it if you would link up your freebie

* I'd love it if you follow me, follow me please. pleeeease!

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It's time for a Google Poem!

* It's time for some planning

* It's time for regions in Nova Scotia to actively promote what they have to the world.

* It's time for a little intelligent dialogue.

* It's time for Change!!!!!!!

* It's time for the Jewish community to put farber out to pasture and consolidate his organization into another usually more sane voice like B'nai Brith.

* it's time for dinner

* it's time for the Astros to stage a revival.

* It's time for the city to be fully transparent on our tax increases, explain why they're going up, and seek public input on how to rein in spending and expenses.

* Now, it's time for him to stand up and really be a contributor.

* Perhaps it's time for us to swallow our collective pride, and give the guy a decent second chance.

* It's time for Chicago's establishments to step up on behalf of the Bulls.

* And now....., it's time for some damned lies.

* It's time for everyone to help out in its time of need.

* It's Wednesday, so it's time for the Wednesday Minute

* With the US soccer roster named, it's time for Coach Bradley to get to work.

* It's time for Soderling and Roddick to make a move.

* Although most of the Devil's long time veterans still have a good number of years left in them, I think it's time for certain players to move on.

* It's time for Tiger to “lawyer up.”

* It's time for me to scare you.

* it's time for me to log off for a bit.

* After two lovely, if ordinary performances, it's time for Crystal to go big again.

* It's time for REAL CHANGE!

* Maybe one smoke before it's time for me to go?

* It's time for your yearly Comcast Project Infinity video on-demand update

* Hank Haney says in a statement to the Golf Channel that he enjoyed working with Woods but he thinks it's time for him to step aside as his coach.

* It's time for Jewish leaders in Israel, America, and around the world to grapple with the difficult truths of Israel's occupation and its treatment of the Palestinian people

* It's time for President Obama to lead on clean

* It's time for our weekly baseball picks for online MLB betting action.

* it's time for that attitude to change

* It's time for cycling accidents in Ottawa.

* It's time for The Insider's Best and Worst celebs for Tuesday!

* Facebook's Gone Rogue; It's Time for an Open Alternative

* it's time for new window displays!

* it's time for the government to act

* Tired of the run around, maybe it's time for the BBB.

* It's time for war

* Panasonic's KX-TG9300 series DECT phones also boast a talking alarm clock that will tell you when it's time for lunch

* It's time for a little '90s anime nostalgia!

* Now it's time for relaxation. Lie on your back and bring your feet together. Allow your knees to splay apart. You can also extend your legs and come into corpse pose

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