Travelling incognito

Upon arriving at the airport in Bridgetown, Barbados, I noticed a sign informing visitors that camouflage is banned on the island.

I have concluded the reason must be one of the following:

1. The people of Barbados fear takeover by a camouflage-clad army of insurgents.
2. The country is populated by fervent hunters who may mistakenly shoot tourists disguised in camouflage.
3. Barbados has taken a firm stand against what is perhaps the most objectionable fashion trend of the decade.

A new kinda Pisa topping

Thanks gang. Leuven? More like leavin'! I located Cedric in Brussels face down on a waffle, slurping maple syrup. The chagrined gnome and I hopped on the first plane to Italy.

Cedric agreed to accompany me upon learning we'd visit the leaning tower of Pisa en route to Florence. However, he was mightily disappointed to discover the famous landmark was not made of tasty tomato-and-cheese pies.

The ingrate. It was all I could do to refrain from dropping him off the tower in a recreation of Galileo's gravity experiments.

Llama dramarama, part four: the mouth-watering conclusion

What better way to forget your troubles than a trip to stunning Machu Picchu? Unless, of course, the place is lousy with llamas and you happen to have a morbid fear of the ankle-biting Andean amblers.

After pointed accusations from Cedric ("You knew there would be llamas here, didn't you?!") and several lengthy apologies from me ("I will personally hand-wash your little red hat every night for the next month!"), Cedric calmed down and began to relax.

Especially once he realized no health-conscious llama would ever eat a centuries-old gnome with flat feet and wooden teeth.

Next we work on Cedric's fear of John Baird's hair ... Oh, right, that's my unending phobia ...

Llama dramarama, part three

After a few hours with the photo during our Cusco sojourn, Cedric got used to the idea of being around an actual llama.

So we clambered down four flights of stairs (a lengthy procedure for Cedric) and the tiny troll calmly posed for this photo. I barely had the heart to tell him it wasn't a real llama.

Still, Cedric considered it a step forward. He really is a glass-half-full kind of gnome.

Llama dramarama, part two

Cedric and I have spent a couple of days talking about llamas and alpacas. It is the first step in my plan to help the little gnome get over his fear of the four-legged Andean creatures.

Today we made a major breakthrough: Cedric was able to look at a photo of a llama without shivering violently, falling over or vomiting.

It helps that the tiny man loves to sing: Alpaca-p my troubles in my old kit bag ... (whistling follows).

Cedric thinks he is so clever.

On the llama

Sometimes the best way to get over one's fears is to confront them directly. Cedric's longstanding trepidation about llamas, not to mention alpacas, has led us to Lima, Peru.

That and the little gnome's love of salsa dancing, pisco sours and the general hustle and bustle of urban South America.

We have not yet spotted one of the four-legged woolly creatures that give Cedric the night sweats. But I have assured the small one, we most certainly soon will...

Will the gnome roam to Nome or Rome?

I am happy to report my new travelling companion is cute, looks good in red, and is up for just about anything.

I am less enthusiastic to note said companion is a 203-year-old gnome named Cedric with a fondness for homemade brew and a pronounced dislike of cats.

A Christmas present, Cedric came with explicit instructions that I must:

1. Take him wherever I go.
2. Photograph him.
3. Blog about his travels.

Cedric's maiden trip was a holiday jaunt to Sharbot Lake, Ontario, where he got a taste of country air and deftly avoided being eaten by a wolverine.

I suspect Cedric is a bit of a ladies gnome. He was in town scant hours before making the acquaintance of an unidentified female gnome (a century or so his senior) who hails from a small Dutch village.

And to think I was counting on him to be my wingman.

Rideau Canal: We Try Harder

News Item:

National Geographic rates Rideau Canal a top destination

The Ottawa Citizen

Published: Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ottawa's Rideau Canal Corridor has placed second out of 109 historic destinations around the world in the November issue of National Geographic Traveller.

• Historic Places Rated: The List
• Ontario: Rideau Canal corridor

Scammed and looking for advice...

I was scammed last spring by an Ottawa U professor who reminded me of Mr. Bean. Here is the sequence of events:

1) I met Mr. Bean at a conference in a European country. Mr. Bean confesses that he has no cash, and can't even buy himself a cup of coffee because he can't get the bank people to understand him and for some reason he can't get a cash advance on his credit card.
2) Aggie, realizing that he is from Ottawa, the city in which she lives, hands over 50 Euros to Mr. Bean, along with her business card, saying, "Here. Borrow this. I know where you work."
3) Mr. Bean is grateful, and says how embarassing it is, but takes the money.
4) Aggie does not hear from Mr. Bean.
5) Aggie decides to email Mr. Bean in late August, reminding him that she is there.
6) He responds with photos of the conference, good wishes to Aggie, and says he is heading off to Paris for another conference.
7) Aggie responds with, "Have fun in Paris. Don't forget to bring your Euros this time!"
8) Mr. Bean doesn't respond.
9) Aggie's work colleague who also met Mr. Bean at the conference runs into him by chance on the Ottawa U. campus and says, "Hi. Remember me. Aggie's friend. Remember Aggie, the one who so generously bailed you out." He mutters, "Oh, yes." then rushes off.
10) Aggie's colleague recounts this chance meeting to Aggie. Aggie is now pissed off at this scamming bastard and sends another email, this time saying. "Ok, Mr. Bean. Write me the check for $80 and send it to this address"...
11) Mr. Bean responds curtly with a "Yes". No thank you. No Sorry. Nothing.
12) That exchange was a week and a half ago. No cheque has arrived.

So, blog readers. I am asking for your advice here. What are the next steps? What should Aggie do?