A carnival atmosphere

Y'know...

The thought of riffing just one more time on the weak-mindedness of politicians contributing to this town's carnival atmosphere makes me catastrophically weak in the knees. All four.

And after all, with the onset of full-on festival season in the Nation's Cap, the chimp house on the Hill becomes a mere second banana sideshow, albeit one with the undisputed entertainment value of high pitched screeching and gratuitously flung poo.

But this weekend, thank Dog, we can dive into two truly excellent little affairs that have nothing to do with politicians. Except for the inevitable drive-by glad handing, which Ottawattamies have learned to ignore with blasé shrugs and understated lip curls. Tsk. I digress.

In Centretown, Le Festival Franco-Ontarien has set up shop with a big main stage, a Ferris wheel 'n everythin', in front of City Hall. I'm pretty sure any politicians will mostly be safely locked inside. The musical line-up looks like good times.

And out in deepest Westboro is the free and extraordinarily kickass little WestFest. The musical line-up also looks like good times.

And if neither of those grab your butt, Zoom has a bunch more options posted. My best advice? Stock up on bus tickets, cab fare, or chain oil. Shuttle back and forth with un-Ottawa-like abandon! Fest early! Fest often! It's finally the season again for actual real people - and coyotes - in this burg...

A Less Lofty View on Coping with the Economic Downturn

Much as I admire those of you employed who are out there selflessly spending your money to stimulate the economy during this downturn, remember, your situation could change. So keep in mind what's best for you in both the near and the long term.

1. Borrow all the money they will let you. Then, get a no-fee credit that is offering a 1% interest rate on balance transfers a transfer all your debt to the 1% account. Get another card that you can transfer this balance to when the special ends. Repeat the cycle until the mess is all over.
2. Spend on stuff that's cheap in a downturn:
1. Housing,
2. Renovation contractors (remember when those guys wouldn't even return your calls? Ha!),
3. Are you a collector? A musician? Rare treasures will be showing up in the pawn and consignment shops,
   
4. Original art (this is a good time to get your portrait done in oils or pop bottle tops);
5. Promoting yourself, and
   
6. Fancy pets.
   
3. Since you're working really hard so they don't fire you, hire people to do all the things you don't have time for like cooking your meals, mending and washing your clothes, cleaning your house (or houses) and walking your pets.
4. Actually lost your job? Stay in Canada and
   
1. Have a baby,
   
2. Go to school,
3. Write a book,
4. Plant trees, and
   
5. Take your blog pro.

Coping with The Economic Downturn, Part 5

Audrey’s List of 10 Items that You Shouldn’t Scrimp On:

1. A good haircut.
2. Books. If you are buying fewer books due to the economic downturn, be sure to borrow books from friends and family or the Ottawa Public Library. Don’t stop reading!
3. Vacations. Reduce your travel budget and search online for bargains.
4. Gifts. Give more modest gifts but don’t stop giving gifts.
5. Your future. Keep making contributions to your pension plan.
6. A good work wardrobe.
7. If you are drinking less, drink the better quality wine and beer.
8. Tips. Remember those who are less fortunate: tip more generously.
9. Lipstick and perfume!
10. Empathy. If your friends are fearful of losing their jobs, be sensitive. If they lose their jobs, assist them in any way you can.

Coping with The Economic Downturn, Part 4

Audrey’s 20 Tips for Reducing Expenditures:

1. Bring your lunch to work as often as possible. Always eat breakfast at home on workdays. (No need to forgo an occasional breakfast out on Elgin Street as a weekend treat.)
2. Drink the cheap coffee at work.
3. Eat dinners at home more often. When you eat out, order the burger, not the dinner special.
4. Avoid the pubs, or, if you indulge, have fewer drinks.
5. Go to the cinema on nights when the price is lower.
6. Avoid using your car. Use public transit or walk. However, don’t take risks to save money. Walking home in the bitter cold or in freezing rain could jeopardize your health; walking home alone late at night can be dangerous for men as well as for women.
7. Ask yourself if you really need something before you buy it.
8. Wait for your favourite items to go on sale.
9. Only make changes to your home that will add value – e.g. modernizing kitchens and bathrooms, and having a basement professionally-finished.
10. We all know that we should withdraw money less frequently so as to reduce bank charges. However, how many of us meet with our bank to discuss our finances before there is a problem Set up an appointment with your bank and discuss your accounts. Can you prepay some of your mortgage? This will save you in interest in all the remaining years when you have a mortgage. Obtain a line of credit and transfer the balance on your credit cards to this lower rate product.
11. Become more knowledgeable about the income tax system – for example, I’m going to add my charitable donations for 2009 to those for 2010 when I file my 2010 tax return.
12. Review your pension plan at work. If you work for the Government of Canada, can you buy back pensionable service (eg. from when you were a summer student)? This will reduce your fears about not being financially secure in your old age.
13. If you are a renter, make appointments to view less expensive properties. You might be surprised to find one that you like better than your current home.
14. Roll your change. My boyfriend had $35 in nickels and dimes and $40 in quarters!
15. Make greater use of the Internet.
16. Marry your true love and move in together. You’ll have more time together and you will save on household expenses! A co-habiting couple can also take advantage of pension and benefit plans. There are also tax advantages to co-habitation.
17. Have a trusted friend do your taxes for you, instead of an agency.
18. Recycle the beer and wine bottles in your basement. My boyfriend and I had a contest – I made $25 and he made $23!
19. Unplug your beer fridge. Disconnect your vcr and other appliances that are drawing power even when not in use (the “phantom load”).
20. Call your cable company and find out if you can save money by switching to digital services. My boyfriend did this, and he is getting more channels for less money. He also advised that people should ask service providers if there are any discounts available.

Coping with The Economic Downturn, Part 3

Another instalment from Audrey's timely survey

What You Shouldn’t Scrimp On

When I was in fourth-year university and had no money, I spent my emergency cash on perfume. My parents were shocked but I insisted that I was in an emergency situation - without perfume, I was feeling like a boy! All of us have things that we spend money on that seem like extravagances, but which are important to us. Don’t deny yourself these little luxuries. Sometimes the smart choice is to make that purchase, even in an economic downturn, because of the sheer pleasure that that purchase can bring to us.

We undeniably live in a society where our image is very important. Like it or not, we are judged on our appearance. Even in a downturn we should be careful to update our work wardrobe and to get regular haircuts. Go to clothing swaps. Ask friends where to buy bargains. One of my friends suggested that I buy tops at RW & Co. (in the Rideau Centre) and I was so happy with the selection that I bought three of them for work.

Give more modest gifts but don’t stop giving gifts. This year for Christmas, my boyfriend and I baked quiches and shortbread cookies for family members. It was fun to get the phone calls long after Christmas to hear that a salmon quiche had been the main dish at a luncheon or dinner.

We always must remember those less fortunate than ourselves. One friend told me that, at restaurants and bars, we can try to “tip a little more generously because the servers probably need the money” during these difficult times.

Everyone needs a vacation. We all need time to recharge. Don’t deny yourself a vacation but do search the web for good deals. I like the “flight deals” for passage out of Montreal on Air Transat's website.

We workers in Ottawa are very fortunate compared with those in other Canadian communities. Public Service jobs and the high-tech sector bring great stability to the local economy. However, even those of us who manage to keep our jobs and income intact should be vigilant about our finances. One recommendation for all workers is that they review their bank accounts, insurance policies and pension plans. There are many steps that can be taken today to improve one’s income in the future, including taking advantage of opportunities to buy back past Public Service time and consolidating debts.

Do readers have any tips for reducing expenditures that they wish to share?

Image: Audrey and her boyfriend's home baking creation, a humungously delicious apple pie

Part IV: Audrey’s 20 Tips for Reducing Expenditures

Coping with The Economic Downturn, Part 2

More from Audrey's groundbreaking survey...

Opinions of Those Who Have Not Changed Their Spending

Not all of my friends have changed their spending as a result of the economic downturn. Several wrote to tell me that the downturn has, thus far, had little or no effect on their purchases.

One friend said, “Actually, I’ve changed little my spending habits since the downturn was evident (for supporting documentation, please see my financial statements...which seen in order look remarkably like the drop of a rollercoaster at Wonderland). Most days I bring food for breakfast and/or lunch, which has been a staple for me for years. I regularly walk to/from work, and to destinations within a few miles of home. And my entertainment dollars are being spent as frugally as ever. I admittedly splurge on food and drink (splurge being a relative term - I don't cheat myself on items I know my friends will enjoy). The only real change I see is a result of reading media stories about how to find savings in daily purchases. If I see something that I'd like to try, then I'll adjust my approach that way. Otherwise, I try not to run up unnecessary or frivolous debt. Basically, I've had no real reason to have to change my spending habits.”

Another friend told me that he has kept his expenses pared to the bone for many years. He gave some useful insight into ways to live within one’s means, writing: “Personal economic change can be a surprisingly long process. For the first two or three years, every time you think you've cut expenses so far that you can't possibly take out any more - wait a couple of months to allow your perceptions to adapt, then recheck your budget for fat. Each time, strangely, you'll always find more to cut, while still leaving "enough". It's like peeling an onion - most of us have many, many layers of "luxury-we've-habitually-come-to-regard-as-necessity" that we can safely - and sometimes advantageously - remove before we reach the essential core of things.”

Image: Squawkfox.com Where frugal living is sexy, delicious and fun

Part III will look at what you shouldn't scrimp on.

Coping with the Economic Downturn

Audrey’s Survey Says…

When I was a little girl, my family predicted that I’d be a banker when I grew up, since I loved money. Monopoly was my favourite board game! I couldn’t wait to grow up, so that I’d have more control over my future.

Now that I’m an adult, while I’m not a banker, I continue to be interested in financial issues, especially issues related to personal financial planning. I’m risk-averse and a worrier, resulting in much careful planning over the years in order to spend my income wisely. (Yes, people laughed at me when I lived in a small apartment, but my low rent allowed me to purchase my first home when I was in my early 30s.)

However, as is the case for many of you, the economic downturn has affected my personal finances. I thought it might be useful to survey my friends for their strategies for coping with the economic downturn and to present the results to readers of this blog. I am pleased to be able to provide you with the results of my survey – and useful tips for weathering the recession – in five instalments.

Part I looks at the changes made by those who, like me, have altered their consumption patterns as a result of the economic downturn.

Strategies of Those Who Have Changed Their Spending Habits

Most of my friends have changed their spending as a result of the economic downturn, and not because they are saving for a special purpose, such as a vacation, a car, or a house. We are all in the position where a job loss would be catastrophic – often in circumstances where a return to school or a move to another city would be difficult due to family commitments. In addition, many are homeowners and most of us have mortgages and other financial obligations.

Many of those friends who have altered their spending have reduced expenditures on lunches out. We all work in downtown Ottawa, so the lunchtime meal choices are many and varied. In the past (in 2008!), we would have eaten lunch in one of the food courts (L’Esplanade Laurier, 240 Sparks, the Sun Life Financial Centre, the World Exchange Building), bought a sausage or fries from one of the merchants at the corner of Bank and Laurier, lined up for an inexpensive ham and cheese sandwich at the German Town deli on Slater Street, or treated ourselves to the occasional lunch buffet at Moni Mahal.

In the new economic climate we have all decided to spend a few minutes each morning or evening packaging leftovers or preparing a sandwich to take to work. The savings can be important. For example, I now spend $2 per day (I’m still buying tea twice per day but that is a little luxury) whereas I used to spend $7 per day. Even taking into account the added expenditure on sandwich ingredients, my savings are about $100 per month.

One of my friends told me that he has cut down on meals at restaurants, especially on weekends, in favour of more home cooking. He said that he is avoiding pubs unless there is a special occasion. Like him, I find that my boyfriend and I are sharing cooking duties more often, and we rarely eat dinner at a restaurant. We still meet friends for dinner at pubs, but typically choose the salad or the burger rather than the dinner special. The Standard on Elgin Street has a great deal on Sundays – $13 for a burger and a pint of beer.

The survey revealed that my friends’ coffee and alcoholic beverage habits have changed, too. One friend told me that he is drinking the cheap coffee at work but drinking the more expensive beer when out to the pub. “I am drinking the expensive imported beer when I do treat myself. I am savouring it like a good glass of wine, and not overindulging. That's my little protest against the recession.”

We have all reduced our discretionary purchases of clothing and shoes. One friend said that, before making a purchase, she asks “Do I need it?” instead of thinking “It’s on sale and I want it.” Another friend told me, “I'm not buying as many new clothes as I might have, otherwise. Even though I feel a little less stylish than my coworkers, I can't justify it now.”

My friends and I are all news junkies, yet many of us have changed our purchasing habits with respect to newspapers and magazines. In my case, while I still purchase newspapers, on Saturdays I sometimes buy only The Ottawa Citizen, or only The Globe and Mail, instead of both newspapers. One friend said that she looks for free newspapers, and finds Metro has useful information.

With rapidly rising house values, many of us indulged ourselves in the past few years by making our nests more comfortable. One friend writes: “I used to think about doing minor renovation and decoration to my house. I'd look at design options in magazines, and think that my kitchen would look good with a nice dark hardwood floor, and that my bathroom could really use a change of lighting. Now, I don't consider those things at all. I know that I won't be making these cosmetic changes because I feel my money is better kept in my bank account, just in case I end up without a job. So there's no point in browsing through options.”

Some smaller changes that some of us identified are related to lotteries, transportation and movie-going. One friend said that he participates in the office lottery pool “not just to be social but with actual fantasies of winning.” Some of us have been avoiding using our cars and are using public transit (yes, difficult to do during the bus strike) or walking more. Of course walking is good for our health, so that is an added bonus. In addition, some of us are going to the movies only on Tuesday nights, when some cinemas have reduced prices. For example, the Cineplex Gloucester SilverCity has reduced prices on Tuesdays.

Image: Ponte Vecchio, Firenze

Part II will examine the opinions of those who have not made changes to their spending in this new economic climate.

ESI BeaverBalls™… Got Any?

Now we know that not blogging gets a coyote in a lotta trouble. Late this week I was whacked with a rolled-up newspaper and locked in the doghouse ummm, ESI Product Development Lab. To repent. Instead, I sat among early Mumumelon™, ChickUn™ and lingerie prototypes and had another (ahem) stroke of genius.

The Independent Observer's recent exposition of the disturbing eating habits of Canada's national animal got me thinkin' laterally: those guys in the beaver themed cook shacks on the canal sell huge fried pastries, in dozens of tasty flavours. What if a guy just wants smaller, budget- and diet-friendly snacks with his hot chocolate? Teeny noshes for lean times? Especially if they have the dim-sum-esque quality of being small and diverse enough to con you into overeating them outrageously encourage you to have another. Our marketing department is always thinkin' like that.

So this week, a brand new product introduction: ESI BeaverBalls™!* Deep-fried pastry so tastry, real beavers abandon their own nether regions for it!

And with them, a new ESI contest! Here's the deal: We need a full range of picturesquely-named product. BeaverBalls™ being a completely original concept, toppings like the other guys' Killaloe Sunrise - butter, castor(heh) sugar, cinnamon and a squeeze of lemon juice - are nonstarters. We wouldn't dream of ripping off flavours from our pals on the canal. I'm thinking lotsa maple syrup. Oh, wait...

So dear readers: suggest flavours for our new ESI BeaverBalls™, and Woodsy will whomp up a dozen for the winner(s) - in their winning flavour(s). (We originally thought her rare, collectors-item Hooters T shirt, but decided to save it for another contest...) Think diversity. The sky's the limit. And Aggie, who always gets it right, says we need savouries as well as sweets. Vegan, if you like - say tamari sauce and toasted sesame seeds. I'm personally thinkin' Calgary Coronary: Gruyere and tons of bacon bits. Betcha can't eat just one. We and our loan officer are counting on it…

BeaverBalls™. Got any? Show us!

*(Discarded) slogan suggestion: Not suspiciously similar to TimBits. And even more Canadian.

When the world catches Spamish flu

It's another odd little "Who'da thunk it?" sign of global recession: Apparently when times get tough, the tough buy Spam. My secret coyote sources tell me that Hormel Inc, manufacturer of the delicacy, is already cheering it's fat(ty) windfall profits. Even added extra shifts to the assembly line to meet surging demand.

But anyone warming up for a swan dive into the dietary Spambyss should note that, though we coyotes will eat most any damn thing, we won't touch that stuff. (Note to early Christmas shoppers: We prefer chocolate, and large, slow cats, and sugary baked goods but really, we're not fussy... I digress)

You're baffled, you say? All of Great Britain lived on the stuff during the Second World War, you say? It can't be that bad, you say? Who wouldn't like unidentifiable parts of porker, frappé-ed to vaguely pinkish molecules in some industrial-sized Cuisinart, then suspended in gelatinous yellow goo comprising half fat and half salt, you say? Then welded into a metal-jacketed brick of maybe-meat, you say? Resembling food? You say?

Oh, wait, you say. Except that Great Britain immediately after the war had to invent the National Health System to counteract its effects. One 12-ounce block (Remember ounces? I digress again...) serves you 180 per cent of an average human's normal daily dose of salt, 150 per cent of the total fat, and 170 per cent of the saturated fat. Oh, and, like, rather more than a thousand calories. That's a lot of goodness in one unassuming little can.

Which, judging by my speed-reading-on-the-fly the last time Hartman's Independent Grocer stockboys were chasing me out with brooms, ain't that cheap compared to like, food, anyway. It's all so... unappetizing.

Let's get very clear here: buying Spam is not about economizing, it's about self-flagellation for goin' all greedhead and buying those sub-prime mortgage futures your idiot brother-in-law was flogging, even when you knew the economic model sounded like utter lunacy. Is it coincidence that penitence and penury share prefixes? But for those that feel a need to maintain certain standards of social decorum and gracious living in a global meltdown, we look to Hawaii for a ray of hope: Spam sushi. Because even while you're killing yourself, you can hang onto a vestige of your old panache doing it.

When in doubt, rearrange the deck chairs

Thank Dog! One election's done with. We can get closer to what passes for normal around here. And what should we do first? Support His Nibs, I think. Ooh, but where to start? So much density, so little gravitas.

Our esteemed mayor this week - the week that the city fired a mittful of its top managers in the name of economy in hard times - announced he wanted to hire a private company to rationalize Ottawa's street furniture. With loadsa advertising plastered on it. Because the current stuff just looks so darn ugly. He was obviously stepping from strength to strength, building on the success of last week's Ottawa Life Magazine hagiography ummm, profile. The one that said that city administration under Ottawa's former mayor, Bob Chiarelli, was 'marred by scandal'.

Now that's spin...!

Naturally, bein' a sensitive aesthete myself, I heartily approve of the impulse behind this pronouncement. (I'm pretty sure it was impulsive.) I mean, we don't have anything else to deal with, do we? The economy's in great shape, our mayor hasn't been convicted of anything, and those nice new CFL franchise owners want to take that ugly, unpopular, useless Lansdowne Park off of the city's hands and turn it into something the city can really be proud of. For a small consideration from the city. Ka-chiinnngggg!

Obviously we need, very badly, to talk about street furniture. Right now. Yup. And since the Irregulars are well acquainted with one or two pieces of anthropomorphized furniture, we herewith offer our expertise in aid of this important issue. For a small consideration from the city. Ka-chiinnngggg!

Bong Thursday

"They'll stone you when you're at the breakfast table
They'll stone you when you are young and able
They'll stone you when you're trying to make a buck
They'll stone you and then they'll say good luck
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned" (Bob Dylan)

This song used to be my ring tone, but I got rid of it when I was given more responsibility at work. I wouldn't call myself a stoner, but I have to say getting stoned is not the worst thing you could do during these trying times.

I also recommend the following activities to make yourself feel better:

1) do at least one rocker jump a day.
2) do art.
3) get a pet.
4) make this dessert right now- Cut up a pillsbury doughboy tube into pieces and place them at the bottom of a small loaf pan. Cut up some apples and throw them on top. Sprinkle some cinnamon on there. Throw some brown sugar on top. Pour a cup of heavy cream on top of the whole thing. Put it in the oven for about 40 minutes.
5) There is no fifth thing.