Whatever you do, don't skip this Google Poem

don't touch his hat

* Whatever You Do, Don't Buy Dermasis.
* Whatever You Do, Don't Show Him The Queen of Hearts.
* Whatever You Do, Don't Call Them Fuddy-Duddies.
* Whatever you do don't do other people's thinking for them.
* And whatever you do, don't try lugging in any nacelles to your local scrap dealer.

* Whatever you do, don't ignore it.
* Whatever you do, don't over-schedule the kids. Everyone needs some downtime.
* But whatever you do, don't get on meds. Those things are REALLY bad for you!
* And whatever you do, don't sit on the sidelines, waiting for a massive drop in prices. It isn't coming.
* whatever you do,don't eat take out/fast food,the stuff is toxic garbage.

* Don't touch his hat, whatever you do, don't touch his hat.

* Whatever you do, don't wait till the last minute to drive to your appointment or you'll pile additional stress on yourself by having to rush.
* Whatever you do, don't lower it.
* Whatever you do, don't forget to put the accurate information for contacting you.
* Whatever you do, don't be one of those people who give their parents a generic wedding gift put some thought into it, make it memorable, and don't wait to the last minute!

* Whatever you do, don't use a string trimmer, which will send sap-oozing bits of plant flying — some undoubtedly landing on bare skin.I
* So, if you like them, eat some apples and bananas and lettuce and make a splendid salad, but whatever you do - don't start your day with a banana!

* Whatever You Do Don't Relax!
* Whatever you do, don't take the staircase that leads up to the rooftop deck. It's haunted.
* Whatever You Do, Don't Stay In Your Lane.
* Oh … and whatever you do … don't forget to leave a comment below!

* Whatever you do, don't forget to thank your asian zodiac that bamboo is making a serious statement for those looking for a modern-day wooden look.
* Whatever you do, don't make an altimatum that you are not fully prepared to follow through with.
* You may say this goes without saying, but whatever you do, don't say anything bad or derogatory about the attendees or anyone or anything while on the webinar, even if you think you've hit mute or it's not on.

* whatever you do, don't ask for the ketchup unless, that is, you like plenty of attention.
* Everyone stay inside and crank the A/C! Whatever you do, don't learn how to cope with extreme weather without the help of central air!
* whatever you do, don't give the photos to a newspaper

* Whatever you do, don't waste that space.

* whatever you do, don't look down at Jennifer Aniston's feet. They are horrible. Really horrible. It's like a dead person's feet have been attached to her.

* And whatever you do, don't stop your child from eating because 'it's almost time for dinner.'
* Whatever you do, don't forget to take advantage of this time.

* whatever you do don't put the blame on you.. blame it on the rain yeah yeah. ...



[source]

Feet, however, are permitted

Alexandria, Ont., Nov. 21

RNDP 30: The quest has ended

I haven't posted much lately on the quest for a Revolutionary New Dating Paradigm because while I continued to monitor the internets for new developments, everything I've found merely echoes what we already know:

• Smell matters, seriously;
• Having too many choices can prevent you from finding a truly suitable partner;
• Playing hard to get isn't necessarily a winning strategy;
  
• Well-being is related to having less small talk and more substantive conversations;
• Using social media can be complicated; and
• Beautiful women can cause men to do stupid things.
  

But now the quest is over.

In today's Dinosaur Comics, T-Rex gives us a revolutionary new dating paradigm.

You'll have to click through and read all the way to the last frame. Make sure you also read the mouseover text.

I'd like to thank you all for your patience during the years it has taken us to come to this conclusion. Especially those of you who held off on dating until we had this answer.

The New Year Lift

Harmony and I were discussing what to wear to the New Year's Eve party that we will be attending together.

Dwarfie, who overheard us, responded with, "Something that shows leg and cleavage." The Chair seconded Dwarfie's comment with a naughty chuckle and an affirmative shake of the head.

"Well, my dress is short and low cut," I responded, "but I don't know how to make my girls peek over the balcony..."

"The right bra will do the trick," Harmony informed me.

Harmony was correct. At a trendy brassiere shop in the Rideau Centre, a young salesperson, knowledgeable in the art of cleavage, explained to me that it was all about memory foam (I thought she said mammary foam).

"No one comes about it naturally and size is not important," she reassured me as she eyed my bosom. She handed me two different bras, and I was impressed to see that the bras featured over one inch of foam at the base and sides of the cups.

"All the better to push things up," she chirped encouragingly.

*I wont' show my bra versus bra-less look - that's already been done in quite the lovely way by one of the ESI's favourite bloggers.

Crowing Cock

I call Dwarfie for advice and he answers with his usual crusty this better be important grunt for a salutation.

"Hi, Dwarfie, I'm confused about something. Do you have a minute?"

"What's up, Toots?"

"I was reading Tiana's blog, and for the second time she mentions that her son has a giant cock. I can't explain it, but it bothers me to read that."

"That's because a cock is something you have sex with..."

"That's it," I respond relieved, "and on a baby..."

"You'd call it something else."

Breaking News*

Nymphs not wearing tank tops

Here are the results, so far, of your voting for which t-shirt or tank top I should order:

Coming Through: 8%
Woodsy's Web: 25%
Putting Out: 25%
Mad for Tea: 42%

You have two more days to vote before I place my order, and unlike with the Canadian Blog Awards, you can vote as often as desired.

Audrey and Harmony, I haven't forgotten your two votes for Romantic Gestures.

*OK, so maybe it isn't.

Tea-Shirt Advice

I can't decide which Tea-Shirt by Fourth Dwarf I should order for myself.

What Tea-Shirt would you like to see on me?
	Coming Through
	Woodsy's Web
	Putting Out
	Mad for Tea
Free polls from Pollhost.com

RNDP 10: Recycling and Rules

Moving away from Histocompatibility for now, the next Google hit to explore in the world of new dating paradigms shows up in a comment to a livejournal posting. 30-year-old featherynscale asked her readers:

If you are friends with someone, and they break it off with a person they are dating/sleeping with/married to/whatever, is it okay for you to pursue their ex?

She broke her question into sub-questions and created several polls that 32 of her readers responded to. She also invited her readers to leave comments expanding on their answers and to describe circumstances that would make it okay or not okay.

Her first commenter, saffronhare, replied:

This is one of those areas where it always depends on some other shading of relationships. If both people of the deceased relationship (dating or married) still travel in the same social circles, then one would perhaps want to maintain some amicability in any new dating paradigm. You know, and *talking* to the people involved. But I bet you already knew that. :)

4D Analysis: Saffronhare is using the phrase "new dating paradigm" to refer to a new dating situation that a person might be in, in this case, with a person who used to be involved with a friend, not to a whole new model for dating. You might assume that, because Saffronhare and Featherynscale are not endorsing this model as a new paradigm, I also wouldn't endorse it. But let's not sail away from this port before seeing all the sights.

2 out of a non-random sample of 32 people say it's not okay to date a friend's ex even if the friend is dead. I hope these two are in happy relationships that last until they die and if after their death their widows or widowers get involved with a friend, there really is no afterlife so they won't ever know about it.

A majority (20/32) say it can be okay in certain circumstances, but this also means they think it is not okay in other circumstances. I assume that they are all referring to it being morally not okay. Not to it being practically not okay.

Because let's face it, while dating a friend's ex may have pitfalls like possible fistfights, slashed tires, and late night hangup phone calls, it also has benefits like already knowing the person you're dating and knowing what you can do to compare favourably to the last paramour. And you can date a stranger and get the pitfalls anyway.

If you've got a screening list like Kirshenbaum, Coyote and Milan do, you might be tempted to add not a friend's ex to it, or if you're not a hardliner, not the ex of a friend who says it's not okay.

What I ask if you have a screening list is, do you actually want to date? Or are you trying to come up with reasons to justify not dating? Sure we don't want you getting involved with an ax-murderer or somebody you'll come to despise, but at the pre-dating stage, where you are trying to find somebody to go out with, a list of criteria that removes people from consideration may just keep you from getting involved with somebody wonderful.

A Dating Paradigm for the ADD

Revolutionary new dating paradigms are all very well, but I can't help noticing that the Short Guy is taking a darned long time to reach the punchline. And he says I tell shaggy dog stories! In these ADD times, the only worthwhile solutions come in ten second soundbites. And the Elgin Street Irregulars are all over Attention Deficit Disorder, because... Ooh! Look! Shiny object!

Now, where was I? Uh, yeah... instant dating paradigms. We're not talking about high-speed dating - that's something else entirely. As an example of what I mean, Michael Pollan in the New York Times recently managed to reduce the complexities of good nutrition to three stunningly simple sentences: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. That would probably even work for me. If cats count as vegetables.

So what we seek here is a way to measure dating suitability in a nanosecond. The less time you waste in deciding if the person before you is suitable, the more quickly you may proceed toward the decided charms of lolling and fubbing. Normally, the Irregulars would be all over formulating something like this, but, hey, it's sweltering out and we're feeling dopey. Conveniently, somebody's already done the work for us. Mira Kirshenbaum, a relationship therapist who seems to have a nice sideline in self-help books has just released a feel-good opus entitled When Good People Have Affairs, which according to this week's Maclean's is a book "for the decent person who made a mistake and got themselves into a complicated, messy, and dangerous situation."

Sort of off our chosen topic, because an affair presupposes a relationship already, which means that you've already figured out the... Ooh! Look! Shiny object!... However, a short paragraph toward the end of the review describes how Kirshenbaum attempts to do for dating, what Pollan did for food. Here's what she says to look for:

• Not stupid.
• Not crazy.
• Not wierd.
• Not mean.
• Not ugly.
• Not smelly.

Roughly twice the word count of Pollan's dictum, yes. But dating's roughly twice as complicated as food.

Ask Frank

As part of their expanding public service mandate, the ESIs are proud to offer an insightful new advice column. None other than The Chairman of the Board himself will take all manner of questions and solve vexing problems.

Q: Hey Frank, I over-contributed to my RRSP last year and now my taxes are a mess. Please help.

A: Whoa, sounds like someone had a bangup year at the craps table! Doncha worry, my friend. Sammy had the same problem with the IRS boys back in '68. Here's what ya gotta do. Go to the Canada Revenue Agency website. Download one of them T3012A forms. Fill 'er out. Now getchyer mitts on a T-1 ADJ schedule. Attach it all together and send the whole whack of stuff off to the taxman. Yeah, I know. It all sounds kinda complicated. But soon you'll be scoobydooing your way back to the roulette wheel. Got it, fella?