Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2010-07-19

Venue: The Usual Spot
Present: 4th Dwarf, Woodsy, Aggie

1) Nobody blogging

It is noted that poor Coyote is carrying the blog and nobody else has blogged for weeks.

A: I would like to start again.

W: Me too, but I like to say “continue to blog”. It’s less negative.

4D and A agree.

A: Maybe using the camera is the key.

W: A picture with a couple of words is not so intimidating.

A: And maybe sketching...

Some discussion ensues about factors that limit blogging.

A: Then there’s perimenopause.

W: Or menopause, and 4D, how is your andropause?

4D: My andropause?

2) Vampires

A: Why are vampires so hot right now?

W: Because relationships suck?

Aggie groans. 4D pointedly does not.

A: Is it about gender power differences?

W: Huh?

A: In True Blood, vampires are an oppressed minority group, even though they are powerful beings. Like the white male narrative that they are now marginalized.

4D: Hmm. Maybe the Chair would like to come back to the blog as a vampire persona.

W: What is our official position on vampires?

4D: I don’t feel a need to have an official position.

W: What if Aggie and I do?

4D: [Shrugs and makes confusing hand gestures] Well... Why?

A: They seem to have taken on a cultural importance.

Some discussion ensues, but nothing is resolved on the vampire topic.

3) Coyote Carrying the Blog

A: Coyote is carrying the blog.

W: We should give him an award... Dinner and drinks from everyone else.

4D and Aggie agree and the motion is adopted by consensus.

A: Where is he?

W and 4D: It’s a mystery.

4) Back to Vampires

4D: Perhaps our official position on vampires could be reporting on who is not a vampire and who might be. For instance, our mayor Is not a vampire because he was captured on videotape outdoors during the day.

W: And we was married in a church.

A doesn’t seem to be fired up by this idea.

5) BOLO

A: Woodsy, how was Blog Out Loud Ottawa?

W: It was fun.

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2010-02-19

Venue: The Usual Spot
Present: 4th Dwarf, Coyote, Woodsy, Aggie

Absent: Chair (without regrets, no excuse), Independent Observer (with regrets and excellent Canadian excuse), Conch Shell (with regrets, reasonable excuse)

1. Parsing Elginstreet.com's (crass) attempt to either dognap Coyote, take us over, or do something else: Did Matty actually read the blog before making the offer?

[Background]

W: How much money are they offering? I say for $500k, we'll do it.

C: We should ask for one million dollars.

A: Between $500k and $1M, let's start at $1M

4D: Really. If they offered us any money at all we should take it.

C: What if they want editorial control?

[General laughter at the idea of any ESIs taking editorial direction from anyone.]

4D: If it is only Coyote that they want, should we tell them ,"No, but you can have the Chair"?

[All agree.]

2. How to support Aggie non-intrusively : best practices

A: Moving on to the next item...

[Woodsy intervenes in her indirect but persistent way to keep the agenda on track.]

A: This is good. ESI meetings, crafting, drinking, watching TV...

W: Above or below the blankets? [see RNDP 22]

4D: I think she means above the blankets.

A: Yes. Above the blanket.

3. Canal Skateway: Is the ice lousier this year, or is it just the Citizen?

A: These are the same people who said Gordon Lightfoot was dead.

W: The ice is not lousier.

4D: When I've been on it this year it's been in the condition I'd expect for the weather on the preceding days.

W: The Citizen is lousier.

A: Because [redacted] is [redacted].

4: The Olympics: The ESI's Official Position

4D: I don't think the Olympics are important enough for us to have an official position on.

C: Okay.

5: Vitamin D: The ESI's Official Position

A: I'm generally for pills.

W: No.

C: Yes.

4D: 3 out of 4 of us are pro-vitamin D, but I think there should be no official position on Vitamin D because it's not an area of our expertise.

A: I take vitamin D. I don't feel better, but I blame that on the Year of the Tiger.

5: To Twitter or not to Twitter

All: Not.

6: Official Positions

A: We could have an official position on positions.

W: What kind of positions?

4D: I don't think she's talking about yoga.

W: Oh ho. [Woodsy makes a suggestive smile and eyebrow waggle.]

7. Whither the Blog

A: Do we need an advisory board?

W, C and 4D: huh?

A: A group that could advise us on new directions, new technology, long-term planning, short-term planning?

Woodsy, Coyote and 4D endeavour to politely explain that they have no interest in taking direction from anyone else and doubt that any of the rest of us would pay attention to such a group.

W: We already get advice from people in the comments.

Aggie still thinks it is a good idea and suggests some specific names for board.

W: Zoom came to an emergency meeting and told us to just keep doing what we're doing. Megan came and said the same thing.

4D: On the one hand, I don't see the point because we won't pay any attention to them. We don't even pay attention to each other. On the other hand, our blog has become a public trust. Dare I say, a sacred public trust and perhaps we do need an external body to ensure we fulfill that trust.

[4D goes on to propose a mechanism that would address Aggie's proposal in a future posting. All agree.]

8: [Redacted]

4D: Do we have anything to say about Conch Shell commenting at [redacted]?

A: She's a free agent.

W & C: She can do whatever she likes.

4D: Yes, but do we want to encourage her to comment?

[This question is never answered because the conversation somehow is diverted to that old topic of how much more fun it was when we were metablogging the Fifth Muse. Woodsy reiterates that she doesn't get it because she wasn't around for all that. Aggie tries to explain with a diagram.]

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2010-01-11

Venue: The Usual Spot
Present: 4th Dwarf, Coyote, Woodsy, Independent Observer, Conch Shell (late)

Absent: Chair (with regrets, no excuse), Aggie (with regrets, reasonable excuse)

No discussion of who will takes minutes. 4D just starts taking notes.

1. Dating Format

4D asks what date it is for his minutes. This sparks discussion of the date's noteworthy binary nature (example: 11/01/10) in some dating formats. This leads to a discussion of preferred formats for listing dates. 4D, Woodsy and Coyote all advocate for year-month-day format. IO says he prefers the standard Canadian day-month-year. It appears consensus is impossible until the others convince the IO they are not advocating the evil American month-day-year format and year-month-day is far more useful for sorting computer files.

Year-month-day is formally adopted as the Elgin Street Irregular's official format for dates.

Woodsy: Can we have a page listing the ESI's Official Positions?

4D: Yes

2. Ottawa Bloggers Workshop or Something

The people who did Blog Out Loud Ottawa in conjunction with the people who once in a while bring do the Ottawa Bloggers Breakfasts have put forward the idea of a having "something like a bloggy workshop".

W: One - I don't need a f-ing workshop. Two - will there be food and drink?

IO: More blogging, less workshopping.

C: Unless we're taking minutes.

4D: Should the ESI's host a session?

W: Commitment to blogging!

IO: That's like Tiger Woods hosting a workshop on fidelity.

W: Dating.

C: Which kind? Dating people or the kind we just talked about?

The ESIs brainstorm blogging areas of their expertise that other Ottawa bloggers know precious little about:

• Blogger stalking
• How to maintain your secret identity
• How to reveal your secret identity
• Fieldwork dos and don'ts
• Proper use of a back channel
• Conflict resolution
• Pimp your blog
• Proper use of Photoshop
• Choosing the right tank top
• How to run a contest
  
• When to engage an ethics counselor
  

3. The Chair

The ESIs gossip about why the Chair is not present and has not attended the last four emergency meetings. Nobody present makes the bullwhip sound.

W: We're not bringing Aggie up.

4D: Why not?

W: I promised her I'd protect her.

All present agree that Aggie deserves our unconditional support. And with regard to the Chair, we agree that while he isn't posting, his cam choices are excellent.

4. Jo Stockton's Lock-out

Background: Jo Stockton's Blog Also a Talker has gone invitation only. No ESIs have received invitations. The ESIs share speculation that Ms Stockton may wish to be more frank about her work or personal life. Or perhaps her Man of Science has requested more privacy.

W: We'll have to remove her from our blog roll. Unless she invites us.

4D: I don't want to read an invite-only blog. It's like how you don't give people's private information to a cabinet minister. I don't want to be in a position where I might blurt out someone's secrets.

4D: There is still her vegan blog. What is it?

C: It ain't meat, babe.

W: That makes me think of that song.

4D: It ain't me, Babe?

W: No. You're No Vegetarian 'Cuz You Eat My Meat.

5. Retirement and Hiatuses

The ESI's acknowledge that several local bloggers have recently announced their retirements or going on a hiatus. Someone asks about Aggie and the Chair.

CS: Aggie's not on hiatus, she's just tardy.

C: Megan has been talking about not blogging.

CS: How is she?

The others say that she appears to be pretty good. In a relationship and not blogging about it. Which might not be good for entertaining us, but is something we can all support for Megan's sake.

CS: And how about 5M? She gives us one paragraph for a whole year and it's loaded!

6: Is Blogging in its Sunset phase?

The IO suggests that blogging is in a new phase where it is being supplanted by other services like Twitter and that blogging, like mainstream media, is segmenting in narrow topic niches.

4D: I don't think blogging is changing, I think what you are reading is changing. Because I'm scanning all the local blogs and the mommy bloggers are still reporting every shit and burp.

C: Are they twittering them as well?

Nobody has an answer because the ESIs don't tweet.

CS: Is there any drama out there?

4D: You've got various bloggers complaining about their bitchy sisters and rotten baby daddies, but the only blogger with real, readable drama is Salted Lithium. [Shout-out to Gabriel - you are an awesome dad! And wise to only show your boy Star Wars and the Empire Strikes Back.]

7: Creating a Muse

Woodsy, Conch Shell, the IO and Coyote discuss a wacky idea that 4D just cannot get behind.

4D: There's no question that this group can take an idea and embellish it.

C: I'm not in, but go for it.

CS: We need Aggie.

IO: It could be fun.

8: Woodsy's New Contest

Woodsy shares her idea for a new contest. Everyone is supportive. Woodsy reveals she would still like to do "Tea with Woodsy" but has not had time.

9: News of the Day

Proroguing:

CS: Whatever.
C: What about proroguing the blog?
IO: Maybe we need recalibration.
4D: Please. No. I couldn't bear it if the Revolutionary New Dating Paradigm died on the order paper.
C: And you'd have to start all over? No. We're not proroguing the blog.

Hartman's Piano:

4D: Let's protest the stores that never had a piano in the first place.

Mayor Larry:

CS: Will he run again?

4D: Jim Watson is going to announce he's running tomorrow morning.

W: I'll vote for anyone who brings water taxis to Ottawa.

The Coyote Hunt:

It is unanimous that we oppose all coyote hunts and this is adopted as an official position of the ESIs.

10: Pumping up the Content

CS: I have things to say about real estate.

4D: We get a whack of hits when we say anything about OC Transpo.

11: Why are people not playing with us?

C: Have we gotten boring?

IO: Is it something we said?

Emergency Meeting Minutes: Next stop, Bulk Barn

Present: Aggie, The Chair, Conch Shell, Coyote, Fourth Dwarf, The Independent Observer, Woodsy.

Special Guests: Dishevelled Man, Harmony, La Belle Chanteuse, Painted Stick

Venue: The Somewhat Unusual Spot.

Once food and beverages are lustily consumed, the meeting comes to order.

Conch Shell and Painted Stick depart. Conch Shell assures Fourth Dwarf she will "probably" blog soon.

Coyote moves to hang sewage-splattered 4D out to dry.

4D: I thought there was a standing order to that effect.

Aggie and Woodsy make a joint joy-spreading proposal as an homage to Mae Callen: knitting items and leaving them around town. For instance, statues could be outfitted with earmuffs.

4D: On the evening of Sept. 18 or early Sept. 19, all statues could be dressed as pirates.

Coyote: How about a new product, Eau de Joy Perfume?

Woodsy asks The Chair, "What are you going to make?"

The Chair: (awaking from nap) Make what? Er, a coffin for the mayor.

Aggie: A coffin is too negative. We must brainstorm. There are are no bad ideas, except yours. Besides, two negatives don't make a positive.

4D asks Aggie, "Is this about ideas, or you getting your bon mots in the minutes?" He then asks The Chair if he plans to blog any time soon.

The Chair: Maybe. I haven't been inspired.

Aggie, Dishevelled Man, The Chair, Harmony and La Belle Chanteuse depart.

Woodsy confesses she is concerned about missing Project Runway Canada. She corrects herself, saying that actually 4D (redacted). She also declares that the waitress is a cutie, to the general agreement of the others.

4D suggests (redacted) may be our new muse. He notes that she writes with candour about her revolving-door bedroom escapades. Further, he cites a recent incident in which she described texting a friend about Mr. VIP's hydraulic problems, all while he was sorting out his mechanics during a timeout in the bathroom.

Coyote wonders if she has any clue that people are actually reading her blog.

IO: She may be a virtual exhibitionist.

Coyote: She is.

The IO then expresses concern the ESIs have stooped to pandering, making a tawdry burlesque of the blog by writing about cats and real estate simply because these are the subjects that draw the most visitors.

4D: We are not pandering enough! There's been nothing about real estate lately.

4D and Coyote suggest metablogging cat sites.

IO: I think this screams creative bankruptcy. To go from the 5M to four paws is simply wrong.

4D recalls that even the 5M blogged about kittens. He adds, "You have forgotten the heritage the 5M has left us."

The IO, clearly struggling to come up with anything better, suggests a series of Overheard segments, such as Overheard on OCTranspo.

There is agreement the blog is best when we play off of each other's posts.

IO: What about liveblogging?

Discussion turns to the techniques of liveblogger Kady O'Malley, a former 4D Blog Crush.

4D: We could each cover an event in our own way.

Coyote suggests taking the OTrain to Bulk Barn as an ESI field trip, after which we would each blog the event in our own way.

Woodsy declares that she would like to use the proposed field trip to buy the mayor a jockstrap. Indeed, this gives a whole new meaning to supporting the mayor.

As the meeting begins to wind down, Woodsy invites the others to stroke her unusually textured notebook. Without hesitation, they do.

Woodsy: I'm a very tactile person.

The ESIs agree, it's all about the senses.

The meeting is adjourned.

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2008-09-07

Venue: The Usual Spot

Present: 4th Dwarf, Conch Shell, Chair, Coyote, Independent Observer, Woodsy
Guests: Harmony, Painted Stick

Breezed in with no excuse: Agatha, Shaggy Waiter

1. Woodsy Reports on the Blogger's Brunch
Woodsy has kind words for all of the bloggers she met. "A bit anti-climactic" someone suggests. [Perhaps it would have been more exciting if we had sent the Dwarf.]

2. How can we support Coyote in his efforts to keep the blog alive?
It is mentioned that since the agenda went out, both the Chair and the IO have posted. [Expressions of surprise from those who can't keep up.]

IO: I think we should go back to the schedule where everyone has a day on which they post.

4D: I'm on board with that.

IO: But only post per day.

4D: But I've got a lot of RNDP postings to go through and this would mean only one per week.

IO: You could do two a week.

4D: But there are 7 ESIs and 7 days in a week.

IO: Oh.... right.

After some discussion, it is agreed that a blogger may post as many items as they like on their day and breaking news may be posted as it is breaking, so that the Chair is not restricted from updating his insightful election coverage.

People begin choosing days as Aggie arrives. We stop to update Aggie on the new plan. Aggie has a momentary seizure but collects herself in time to prevent collapsing to the floor. [Note for a future emergency meeting agenda: How can we better accommodate of Aggie's ODD issues with rigid plans?]

Posts are expected by 9am

Sun: The Chair
Mon: 4th Dwarf
Tue: Aggie
Wed: Independent Observer
Thu: Woodsy
Fri: Coyote
Sat: Conch Shell

[p.s. A shout out to Megan from the ESIs and the IO especially, who says he did see you around the time of the Bluesfest, but didn't realize it until you'd passed each other and you were with someone and he thought it would be awkward at that point.]

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2007-07-15 "Supporting Aggie"

Venue: The Usual Spot

Present: 4th Dwarf, Agatha, Conch Shell, Chair, Coyote, Independent Observer, Woodsy
Guests: Audrey, Harmony, Painted Stick

Absent with lame-O excuse: Nobody
Late: Nobody

4D is assigned responsibility for minutes. He uses this to imperiously rearrange the seating so he can hear people speak and Audrey and Painted Stick are not forced to participate in agenda items that will bore them and consequently cause them to sidetrack us from our important deliberations.

European Office Report:

IO passes around photos detailing the latest advances in furnishing of the Western-Europe office. All present make the appropriate noises and comments. 4D refrains from asking why IO has no images of cuties from RNDP fieldwork.

Our Old Friend:

Aggie asks about our feelings on recent developments.

IO: Damn his [redacted] loins!

Aggie: Who is anti-condom these days?

Male Chorus: {uncomfortable silence}

Woodsy: Everybody?

Chair: I like condoms. I also like showering with my socks on.

Coyote: Will this be front channel?

Woodsy: Did you say there's going to be French?

4D: Front channel, Woodsy, not French channel.

Woodsy: So what about the date request?

IO: We never got a thank you for the marriage.

{Woodsy is filled in on old ESI history.}

Chair: Bring back the dude.

C.S.: It's time for a come back.

Chair: We've run out of anything interesting we can do.

4D: Hey!

Aggie: There, there, 4D, you and Coyote are carrying the blog.

Coyote: She needs new rules of engagement.

IO: Number One - Avoid engagement.

Chair: The lower-case poet!

Some honourable member: Absolutely not!

Aggie: Anyone else ruled out?

Coyote: The Dude.

Chair: M?

Aggie: No M.

Coyote: And there is no Fifth Rule of Engagement.

How Can We Support Aggie?

Aggie introduces her problem: People say to me, '"Hey, Boss."

IO and Chair request a report on Aggie's sabbatical.

Aggie: I can do that.

IO: We meant right now.

A: No, I can blog it.

IO: How about a 10 to 25 word synopsis?

A: In a poem?

IO: No, not a haiku.

All stare at Aggie for an uncomfortably long period.

4D: Um...

A: I need some time.

4D: So, Aggie, you need support. What is falling? What is sagging?

Woodsy: Even before he said that, I was about to suggest new underwear.

Aggie: I like good concrete advice. Especially management advice from people who've managed.

Some honourable member: Listen more than you talk.

Harmony: You can't be their friend.

Woodsy: But you can be friendly... No high heels or fancy nails.

CS: It's like parenting.

A: How?

Coyote: You can't let them smell your fear.

4D: We're tossing out all this management advice you can read anywhere. Let's talk about what you specifically need. You can't be their friend. Does this mean you don't have anyone to have lunch with?

Some honourable female member: Or yoga?

Chair: We could show up in power suits and snake skin boots.

Woodsy: Always with a kiss, kiss.

A brief interruption from Painted Stick and Audrey's end of the meeting table.

Painted Stick: We're discussing weight.

Audrey: I have to keep the same weight for the next 60 years.

Chair: Put on a pound a month and he'll never notice.

Audrey: As long as it's in the breasts!

Aggie points to herself and raises her eyebrows to bring us back to the agenda.

We are still on the power suit visits.

Woodsy: You're welcome to give me a little pat on the ass as we leave.

Aggie: That's good because we have a lesbian friendly office.

Chair: Corset Fridays!

Harmony: Let it be noted that Woodsy was eager to help purchase corsets.

The meeting is informally adjourned as conversation drifts to Aggie's crush on Milan and issues involving carbon dating.

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2008-01-11 "The Megan Consultation"

Venue: The Usual Spot? Maybe. Maybe not.

Present: 4D, CS, Agatha, Coyote
Guests: Pandora, Woodsy
Featured Guest: Megan
Absent with lame-O excuse: I-O
Late: Chair

4D distributes vitamin D to all but Woodsy.
4D offers to take minutes so that they will be done right.

Pandora suggests that 4D also draw pictures of those present like court reporters do.

Our Consultant, Megan, arrives. Conch Shell is introduced and gets up to go.
"Any word on posting?" she is asked.

"Very, very soon. Like this weekend." And she leaves.

Megan settles in. 4D checks to see she is wearing the top that makes her breasts look shockingly large, but he cannot tell. And surprisingly, manages to refrain from public comment on the topic until typing these minutes.

We ask: Do you need a flip chart stand? 'No.' Laser pointers? 'No.'

Megan: You've fixed all your blogging problems.

Agatha: Oh, should we talk about the Bank Street people then?

Megan: The Bank Street Blog? ...Irony without earnestness.

Megan and the ESIs share thoughts on the Bank Street Blog. 4D announces that he will prepare a posting welcoming them to the blogosphere after he does the minutes.

Coyote: Or after Conch Shell posts. [to general laughter]

Megan: Maybe before...

What to do about Conch Shell?

Megan: Is there something she could do that doesn't involve posting?

Coyote: There's the tagline under the ESI title banner.

Agatha: But she wouldn't do that. We could post for her...

Megan: Or you could trick her. Email her a question?

Coyote: Does Conch Shell answer email?

4D: It's rare.

Agatha: Or a phone call.

Megan: And I guess it would only work once.

Pandora: Maybe it could be Conch Shell's job to never ever post.

Consensus: This would be workable and the worst that could happen is that the Oppositional Defiance Disorder prevalent among the ESIs would result in her actually posting.

Back to the ESIs
4D: Agatha, you were the one who first suggested we engage Megan as a consultant. What did you think she could bring to us?

Agatha: I've been feeling our group is too insular, it would be good to bring in people from outside. I would ask: What should we do more? What should we do less?

Megan: Just more of what you're already doing. One theme I've liked is the searching for a new muse. It's entertaining. Does it have to be only Ottawa?

[The Chair arrives. 4D asks if we should have any concerns about the in-a-delicate-condition T and her husband. "The one who pissed his pants?" asks the Chair. This brings up the issue of us creeping bloggers out. 4D shares a story of a blogger - a young woman who doesn't blog so much any more - who, at the coffee shop she always blogged about, had a fan appear and sit down with her. It creeped her out. "It wasn't me," 4D clarifies.]

Guest Bloggers
Megan agrees that the Andrew ZRX posting was a tremendous success. Pandora suggests that we could auction off the chance to post on our blog. The Andrew ZRX story is patiently explained to Pandora and no one says anything like "Where the hell have you been?" Perhaps because our guest consultant had everyone in such a lovely mood from her compliments and she is an ettiquettist after all.

Megan suggests we could have a contest with a skill-testing question to award the opportunity to be a guest blogger and the skill testing question could be the sort that makes them prove their worthiness for a guest posting.

Chair: Maybe we should turn into a Cat Blog.

Agatha: I love Duncan.

Megan: I would read anything Zoom wrote.

Consensus: Zoom has the best blog in Ottawa and we should do something to recognize that.

Chair: Or we could bring in Cousin Oliver [and then explains that Cousin Oliver was the kid brought in to revive ratings on the Brady Bunch, generally held to be that show's Shark Jump.]

4D: Maybe you could take on Cousin Oliver as a new persona. It might revive your interest in blogging.

Megan asks the Chair why he hasn't been blogging.

Chair: The City is getting boring.

Megan: The Mayor just got arrested!

4D: You have to understand, the Chair has been jaded for about 20 years.

Coyote: And before that he was just apathetic.

4D announces that he is ready to stop taking minutes.

Agatha: I'm just overwhelmed that Megan is here with us.

Chair and Coyote: We are not worthy! ... We are not worthy! [with the bowing and hand gestures]

Megan: Just do more of what you're already doing.

Official portion of meeting is adjourned. General conversation takes place in which further compliments are exchanged. The ESIs also interact with other patrons of the establishment, one of whom introduces himself as a reader. 4D's does a brilliant thespian portrayal of a person who is ignorant of the Elgin Street Irregulars, but the fellow persists, points out that we're sitting with AsteroideaPress and tells the 4th Dwarf that he is the 4th Dwarf.

And who are you? Asks the Dwarf, wondering why he is the only one who ever gets outed.

davewoods.ca says the young man. Who then insists he is not part of any group blog. Even though 4D narrows his eyes the second time he asks.

"Perhaps we should stop addressing each other by our aliases when we're in public," says the Dwarf after the young man rejoins his dining companion.

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2007-12-18

Venue: A remote corner of a place that is not the Usual Spot

Present: Fourth Dwarf, Coyote, Conch Shell, the Chair
Absent with notice: Agatha, Independent Observer

Minutes by: 4D

1) What to do about [Redacted]
a) Who are they?
4D: Can't be any of us. You're all too bone lazy, I'm not, but (a) I'm too busy with my plowing contracts, (b) I hate wordpress, and (c) I wouldn't have done such an exact matching of aliases.

CS: What about Aggie?
4D: Are you kidding?
Coyote: She doesn't have the HTML skills.

The Stats Team discuss [...... ..... Redacted ...... .......]. Although they have deployed techniques matching those of the Las Vegas CSI team, they have no useful information.

Speculation swirls around various possible candidates:[..... ....... ..... Redacted ..... ....... .... ......], but settles mainly on [... Redacted... ]:

• [... Redacted... ]
• [... Redacted... ]

Coyote suggests domain-squatting [... Redacted... ].com
4D suggests this would be mean and pointless
Coyote says "Yeah. And...?" He then counter-suggests creating a [...Redacted...] blog.
4D: or [ Redacted... ]

b) One person? or more?
Consensus: Too soon to tell,but [... Redacted... ].

c) Do they know that we know?
The Stats Team point out [.... ..... ..... ... Redacted... .... ...... ....].

Coyote: And I [... Redacted... ].
4D: Huh?
Coyote explains [... Redacted... ]:

[... Redacted... ]

d) So what do we do about them?
Consensus: [... Redacted... ]
Chair: I'd like to see some cash in an envelope.

2) Tiana's Prize
Coyote asks what we're going to do about it. 4D reveals that Agatha had entrusted him with the task and abjectly apologizes for not having completed the mission. He is sure that one of his plowing contracts will take him close enough to her neighbourhood to complete the mission before Christmas.

3) Love on the Internet
Conch Shell tells us of the tragic story of the 13-year-old girl who killed herself recently after a neighbour mom impersonating a 16-year-old boy online told her she'd be "better off dead". We discuss various people we know who have fallen in love with people through their emails and then dropped them soon after meeting in person. It is suggested that this would be an excellent topic for CS to blog on.

CS: Yes, I'm going to post very soon. [The others all act as though they believe CS.]

4) AndrewZRX
4D asks if we should invite Andrew ZRX to post more. There is a brief discussion that notes:

• the high quality of Andrew's posting and the ZRX motorcycle; and
• the grossness of the placenta picture.

Unanimous: AndrewZRX is welcome to post again.

5) Contests
CS: We should have more contests.
4D: Like what?
CS: I like the Street Names one.
4D: huh?
CS: Renaming streets...
Coyote: or coming up with other blogs with street names, like "the Kent Street Incontinents"
All agree this has possibilities.

The Chair suggests a battle of the group blogs. 4D suggests we create avatars in World of Warcraft and take on all comers. Others seem less enthused.

6) Doomsday Machine
Chair: We should set up a Doomsday Machine. If we don't blog within a certain time period, the blog deletes itself.
CS: That's a great idea.

4D and Coyote look at each other and shake their heads.

Coyote: Right. More pressure to blog.
4D: Why do the two people who never post love this idea while the ones who do post hate it? Oh, of course, if the blog was deleted, there would be no pressure to post at all.

CS: I am going to post something soon. Really. [The others all act as though they believe CS.]

7) Life Coaching
4D explains he will be doing some postings related to life coaching and will be encouraging participation in this project from the other ESIs. Coyote gets that look on his face that means he wants nothing to do with this plan and thinks trouble will ensue.

4D: Don't worry, Coyote, you don't have to play if you don't want to, but you will want to and in fact, you'll be the most active.

8) Florence Appointments
With no discussion, The Elgin Street Irregulars appoint:

• Independent Observer as Director of Italian Affairs; and
• Audrey as ESI Cultural Liaison Officer

9) Conference Call with Aggie
4D briefs Aggie on the highlights of the discussion.
Aggie: Did Coyote get slammed for his rogue activity with the [Redacted]?
4D: Of course not. Only the Fourth Dwarf gets slammed for rogue activity.
Aggie: Right. Everything sounds great. I'm glad to see you're on it.

4D relays this and the others are pleased.

Aggie says something unintelligible. 4D asks her to repeat.

4D: Someone out east is slap happy?

Aggie: No, a blogger from the Far East says the ESIs are getting sloppy.

4D and Aggie have a brief exchange about what a loser this blogger must be. Everyone waves goodbye even though it's a telephone.

4D relates the sloppiness charge. The others express outrage.

4D: You know what? It's true. We have gotten sloppy. Coyote - using 4 words where 3 will do. Chair - sometimes it's days before we have a new movie in the sidebar cam. CS - I don't need to say anything to you, do I?

The others all hang their heads downcast for a moment as they reflect on this.

CS: But still. I am going to post something soon. Really. [The others do the usual thing.] And y'know what? Remember how it used to be when we started two years ago and we'd talk for hours about this stuff and it would bug other people so we'd have to change topics? And now so much has changed? But we're still into it and it still holds our interest.

Business is adjourned so the ESIs can discuss the "affairs" of those who are not present.

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2007-11-09 Part 1 - Meta Contest Winner!

Venue: The Usual Spot
On Time: Fourth Dwarf, Coyote, Agatha
Late: Conch Shell, the Chair
Absent with notice: Independent Observer
Emergency: Meta-Contest and Terms of Reference for Consultancy
Called by: Agatha
Minutes by: 4D

5:19pm: Coyote suggests that we have quorum and can begin the meeting. 4D insists we wait until 5:30, the time that Aggie chose to begin.

5:30pm: Aggie calls the meeting to order. Coyote unwraps Woodsy's bribe. Aggie asks how we should divide it. 4D suggests each present takes one of the 3 Lindts, one of the 3 Ferrero-Rochers, and we divide the Toblerone between us. Aggie asks if perhaps we might have preferences, so that each of us could take a different brand. 4D shrugs. "Okay. I want this one," he says, reaching for the Lindt. "Me too," says Coyote, placing his own paw firmly on the Lindt so that 4D cannot take it. "Okay. We'll divide it," says Aggie.

4D begins reviewing contest entries; restarts when Conch Shell arrives; then restarts all over again when the Chair arrives. All present reflect carefully on each entry.

Urban Pedestrian: one of Aggie's home-made muumuus

4D notes that UP, with four entries, should be recognized for her frequent participation in our blog comments. But for this prize, all look to Aggie.

"Too much work," she says.

Woodsy: the t-shirt with "Rock on" and "Anyhoo" (very tight slinky number (size petite), not one of those baggy, oversize thingies that Dwarfie wears.)

4D is feeling kindly disposed to Woodsy because the Lindt white chocolate ball he consumed tasted great. Aggie is similarly kindly disposed.
Coyote notes that he has ethical issues to raise regarding the bribe: "In future, I'd like to see a lot more chocolate - and of higher quality."
4D notes a problem with Woodsy's prize suggestion. She wants the t-shirt with "Rock on" and "Anyhoo", yet she wants it to be a tight slinky (size petite) number. The fact is that the t-shirt is size XXX-large. It is tight (and slinky) on 4D, but would need staples or binder clips to be slinky on Woodsy.

Urban Pedestrian: a new pair of pink go-go boots, size 7 1/2.

UP's second entry is recognized to be 'not bad', but as our shopping professionals had not spotted any pink go-go boots at Value Village, St. Vincents or the Sally Ann, UP will have to hope for one of her other entries.

Harmony: world peace - "An inner disarmament of the human soul that replaces jealousy and hatred with compassion and a holistic world view …."

Aggie and Conch Shell indicate they would be prepared to work on inner disarmament. Coyote suggests this is all too complex. 4D and the Chair are completely opposed. Things get ugly. Expletives are uttered. Cutlery is waved in threatening fashion. Bar staff intervenes and restores order.
Harmony will have to stick with her Lama friend for this one.

Apostrophe: a kick in the ass

No one is prepared to declare Apostrophe the winner, but we'd be happy to arrange a kick in the ass for him.

zoom: a mojo kit, with little treasures contributed by each of the ESIs.

Still affected by the fight over inner harmony and the the Kick in the Ass suggestion, the ESIs aren't feeling the Mojo.

Audrey: a Google poem written by the ESIs. ... mention my name ... dedicated to me

"We don't write Google poems," says 4D, "we find them."

Tiana: I would like to win a poutine made with crisp potato fries, squeaky cheese curds and a thick vegetarian gravy that hopefully doesn't taste mushroomy.

"Who wouldn't want this?" asks 4D. "If we knew where to get this we would have a new usual spot."
"Besides," says Coyote, "vegetarian gravy is an OXOmoron."

[4D notes that all of the following entries did not follow the contest rules because they were not posted in the comments attached to the original Meta Blog posting, but to update postings, or in one case to another blog entirely. "Fantastic," says the Chair, "eliminate them on a technicality. Very Ottawa!" Aggie and Coyote insist that we give these entries an equal chance.]

Urban Pedestrian: An opportunity to find us another muse to metablog.

"Perfect" says Aggie. Everyone nods in agreement. The quest for a new muse has become a frustrating crusade for the ESIs. "But what does Urban Pedestrian have in mind?" asks 4D. "Is she thinking of being our new muse and having us metablog her? Or is she going to help us find someone else?"
"Does it matter?" asks Aggie.
"Her blog doesn't have enough personal revelation and dysfunction," notes Coyote.
"And she doesn't really know what she'd be asking for," says 4D, "it's a real be careful what you wish for situation..."
"We should direct her to some of the postings after the unveiling," says the Chair. [example]
"I miss the Fifth Muse" says Aggie. The ESIs spend a few minutes reminiscing about highlights of the time they spent following 5M's adventures.

Urban Pedestrian: 2 million dollars

The ESIs are ready to move on with no consideration of this prize until 4D notes that UP did not specify which "dollar" she wanted and at current rates, $2 M Zimbabwe would come to about $64 Canadian. "Still too much, but with Zimbabwe's hyper-inflation, we should keep an eye on it."

Asteroidea Press: I think that the prize should be a light bulb sculpture.

4D announces that he has investigated this possibility with the lightbulb sculptor. "He says that he's already sorry he invited us to his last couple of parties, he's still cleaning up from Halloween, he really doesn't want any further association with us and we couldn't afford his price for a light bulb sculpture anyway.
"So if she wants a light bulb sculpture, she'll have to go to him," says Aggie. All agree.

bob: "a really good idea" of what to get my cats for their first birthday... ideas of other genres too.

"I think he's already got this," says Aggie.

Eternal_Hermit: Since I'm in no need of material things at the moment, I'll win by default, wishing someone else wins

Aggie is irritated. "I do not want him to win."
"He can't," says 4D. "If he wins, he loses, if someone else wins, he wins, therefore he loses."
Coyote asks, "Can we give him Apostrophe's kick in the ass?"

Tiana: a hand-made Christmas tree ornament.

4D notes that Tiana is a total hottie. "Seems obvious who should get the prize," says another ESI. "Should that matter?" asks Conch Shell. 4D notes that anything that helps us reach consensus is a good thing.
Aggie indicates that she would be extremely happy to craft a Christmas tree ornament for Tiana.

bob: Aggie's cat pillow ...

Again, we all look to Aggie: "I'm out of fish fabric. But I would do anything for Bob." All agree that it would be best for Bob if we kept his involvement with Aggie at a minimum.
Coyote notes that Bob should consider the pillow to be a great idea for a present for his cat.

The Winner:

Although the discussion of each winner has taken a long time, the ESIs quickly decide that the Winner of the Contest shall be:

Tiana, who shall receive a hand-made Christmas tree ornament.

And in a feeling of magnanimity, they announce a First-Runner-Up:

The Urban Pedestrian, who will be invited to help us find a new muse.

Thanks to all for entering!

[Minutes for remainder of meeting to follow...]

Minutes: Emergency Meeting 27 September 2007

Venue: The Usual Spot
Present: Conch Shell, Fourth Dwarf, Coyote, Agatha (no guests)
Absent with good excuse and notice: Independent Observer
Absent with possibly good excuse but no notice: The Chair
Emergency: Blog in Peril and Meta-Contest
Called by: Agatha
Minutes by: 4D

1. Quorum Count

Those present express their hopes that the IO is enjoying and making good progress on his research mission. Coyote suggests that the Chair is likely engaged in activities that all agree would be noble and an acceptable excuse for absence if we had been notified. There was no motion for censure.

4D points out an attractive young man and woman at a nearby table "do you think they are on a lavalife date?" Consensus: Yes.

4D asks "Did he bring the bicycle seat? If so, is that wise for a first date?"

Agatha, CS and Coyote think it is fine. 4D maintains that it hampers his ability to take her back to her place, share a cab or walk with her after the date. Plus, it draws attention to his possible lack of a car and likely anal retentiveness that he worries about his seat and flasher being stolen.

Agatha and CS note that the woman's skirt is not a good one for cycling, but that the seat and post are so much on her side of the table that it suggests it is hers. Agatha: "Of course, the seat is a phallic symbol."

Coyote: Then what would the rear flasher be?

Conch Shell: A clitoris.

2. The Meta -Contest

4D reviews the contest entries. Each entry is discussed in detail and a winner is chosen.

Aggie: "Do you notice the possible height difference?" All agree that it looks like the woman might be taller than the man. This and her striking beauty may explain why the man seems a bit nervous.

4D: "This could mean that it is not a Lavalife date. Lavalife lets people search on height. It might be OKCupid or Facebook.

3. The Blog in Peril

Aggie: Do we shut down our side projects?

4D admits that all he is doing at Swabbin' th' Deck these days is posting Google poems and he'd put them on the ESI blog but he wasn't sure the others wanted him to. Agatha tells 4D that she loves his Google poems especially the recent one dedicated to Conch Shell. Coyote says, "yeah they're good." Conch Shell indicates that she would probably like them if she had time to read them. With this outpouring of encouragement, 4D announces that he will stop posting on his side project and only post here.

In discussing Coyote's Screeching Orb Singing Moon, Coyote tells us that the work he posts there is written in a different voice and for a different purpose than what he posts on our blog. We all nod in an understanding way and press the poet no further.

4D notes that some of Aggie's postings on the Elgin Street Muse could be posted on ours, while many seem more suited to being on her own personal blog. We have a brief discussion about the difference between the two types of posting, being careful not to say anything that turns Aggie's quivering lower lip into outright crying.

Consensus: 4D will put all his work on ESI, Coyote is already carrying his weight here, Aggie should continue to place her fabulous postings wherever she thinks is best.

Aggie: Now he's playing with the tail light.

CS: You know what that means.

Coyote: Huh? What?

4D: He knows where it is and he knows what to do with it.

CS: Do we need another muse?

All agree that we do, but they are hard to find. 4D suggests that people just aren't baring their souls on the web like they used to. They've learned that as anonymously as they do it, they'll get outed and suffer for it. Aggie: "There are still exhibitionists out there."

Consensus: We will keep looking and perhaps blog more of our search.

Aggie: She's talking about her mother.

CS: Oh that's good.

4D: Oh, yes, very good. Unlike if he was talking about his mother.

Invite someone else to join the blog?

Shying away from this can of worms, we discuss the possibility of instead just inviting one or two of our favourite bloggers to an Emergency Meeting. 4D notes that two of them gave a workshop on blogging on the weekend. "Perhaps we could bring one of them in as a consultant, kind of like when he brought in the Ethics Consultant. They could give us advice on tuning up the blog or finding a new direction." Coyote: "A change management consultant. I like that."

Consensus: We will mull this idea over and come back to it at the next Emergency Meeting.

Aggie: She's flirting with [the waiter]. Nice touch.

All agree.

4D: What about the Schedule?

Aggie: The schedule really doesn't work well for those of us with Oppositional Defiance Disorder like me and the Chair.

CS: It also doesn't work for those of us who are INFP and I think both Aggie and I are INFP.

Coyote: What's INFP?

CS: A Meyer's Briggs classification.

Coyote: Oh yeah, I think I'm that too.

4D: Well, the schedule works well for me. Knowing that I'm supposed to post something on Sunday allows me to post without worrying about the content. It worked for the Chair a couple of times, he posted things that he might not have otherwise that were really good.

Consensus: 4D will post on Sundays. Everyone else will post whenever they feel like it.

Aggie: She's self-touching.

4D: But it's her leg below the table where he can't see it.

Aggie: Doesn't matter. It's a good sign.

4D: So do you think sex tonight?

CS: No!

Aggie: I think could be.

Coyote: I don't think so with his body language.

4D: I think she'd be ready for it, but he's too nervous to make a move. All these signs that are so clear to us are like a fog to him.

4D: So Conch Shell, is there any chance of you posting again?

CS: "Yes. There is." We have a brief discussion on the mollusk endangerment work that has occupied so much of Conchie's time lately. CS is encouraged to write about how she has dealt with the anxieties surrounding this project.

Consensus: All look forward to CS' return to blogging. 4D and Coyote indicate they are happy to assist with graphical support.

4D: She's paying with a credit card.

Aggie: He paid at the counter.

Coyote: So Dutch treat. Bad sign, right?

4D: [Shrugs] Who knows with kids these days.

The meeting is adjourned.

A new couple takes the table next to the ESI table. He is perhaps ten years older than her.

Coyote: He's dressed like a slob and she's dressed like a model. I don't see this going anywhere.

Minutes: Emergency Meeting 20 March 2007

Venue: The Usual Spot
Present: Conch Shell, Fourth Dwarf, The Independent Observer, Coyote (guest: Painted Stick) Late with no excuse: Eigga
Absent with no excuse: The Chair
Emergency: The Usual
Called by and Minutes by: 4D

1. Agatha's new direction

4D: Introduces the topic, asks how people feel about Eigga's new direction.

Eigga: It's "Aye-ga", not "Eee-ga".

Coyote: Suggests that this pronunciation should be comfortable for the dwarf given his nautical leanings.

CS, PS, IO: Huh? What are you talking about?

Eigga: Explains to those who cannot be troubled to keep up to date on important goings-on about her name change and the journey she is on.

CS: So you're giving away all your stuff? or selling it?

4D looks eagerly for the answer.

Eigga: I'll be putting it in storage.

4D: You aren't really giving up your material possessions if they're in a storage locker.

Coyote: Sorry, dwarf, you're not getting her art.

[The remainder of the discussion revolves around what arrangements can be made for Eigga's feline companion. CS insists he has lost weight, all others insist that this is not the case, and that in fact what has happened is that Conchie's feline companion has become morbidly obese.]

2. Weight Pulling

4D introduces the topic. CS and IO look sheepish.

Coyote: I've been reluctant to post because no-one else has been posting.

4D: That is lame.

Coyote: Well, I was the last one to post.

4D: Oh, all right.

Eigga: I got my own thing going on.

Others: Oh, right, your solo project. [Various supportive comments are made about Eigga's blog.]

4D: What if we were each assigned a day of the week to put up a posting. There's five of us, seven days. (actually, there are 6 ESIs) If it's not your day and you want to post something, that's fine. If it is your day and you don't post, well so be it, but we know who to point the finger at.

Coyote and IO nod.

Conch Shell: I like that idea.

Eigga: I don't know...

4D: So, the people who hardly ever blog are in favour, but the one person here who puts up a posting nearly every day isn't sure?

Eigga: But that's different. [Various supportive comments are made about Eigga's blog.]

While a rambling discussion takes place in which various members demonstrate their placement on the Attention Deficit spectrum, 4D canvases the group about which days they would want if we tried this system. In between discussing an ESI university and Conchie's upcoming voyages, the following assignments are made or requested.

Saturday - ???
Sunday - Fourth Dwarf
Monday - Eigga
Tuesday - Coyote
Wednesday - Independent Observer
Thursday - Conch Shell
Friday - the Chair

4D: This works nicely, I like that the Chair has "the hammer" so he can bring it all home at the end of the work-week. [4D explains the curling reference and a general discussion takes place of what it would be like if curling metaphors replaced football metaphors in politics. Example: so-and-so was dropped from the cabinet because he just couldn't get his rocks in the house.]

3. Harmony disses the Usual Spot

4D: Asks if the group should take an official position on Harmony suggesting the Usual Spot has gone downhill. [4D does not even bother to note that it was a groundless accusation, completely without foundation.]

Coyote: I don't think her blog has much street cred.

4D notes the remark, others express surprise that Coyote would be so blunt, Coyote dissembles that he really meant that he suspected her readership is low. A consensus arises to let it go.

4. Other Business

CS: Juniper has moved, its location is up for rent. Right next to the new GCTC location. We could take over the lease. We just need somebody to man it.

ESIs look around the table to see if anyone feels like "manning" a restaurant. Nobody volunteers.

Eigga: I like the idea of an ESI university.

CS: There has to be some way we can make money with blogging.

4D suggests putting ads on the blog. IO suggests he would find this distasteful. Eigga suggests that the topic would require a whole other meeting.

CS: I just went to the dentist for the first time in six years. No cavities and no tartar.

4D expresses his surprise as he flosses every day and sees his dentist every six months yet still has tartar.

CS: Do you use an electric toothbrush?

4D admits he does not. Coyote and others extoll the glories of electric toothbrushes. CS then describes a procedure her dentist suggested for replacing grey tooth enamel that creeped out the entire group.

Eigga: I like the idea of an ESI university.

The others finally agree that it is a brilliant idea.

Coyote: If you were involved with this school wouldn't that cause an ethical problem with your current employer?

Eigga: Ethics, shmethics.

IO: We should all teach something unrelated to our skills.

CS: So you wouldn't teach astronomy?

IO: Right. I could maybe teach terrorist skills.

IO withdraws this suggestion after others suggest it would be a bad idea to put a "terrorist skills" class in the course calendar.

4D suggests he'd like to see computer games where players learn so much while playing them that they could receive academic credit.

Coyote: Should we be accredited or non-accredited?

There is general consensus that being accredited would be too much trouble.

4D: Should we be something other than a "university"? Like maybe an "academy".

The others agree that it would be better to be an academy, institute or something else, with institute having the strongest support. No decision is reached on whether it should be IESI or ESII.

Not long after, the ESIs part, noting an intelligently-cute couple playing travel scrabble in the corner.

Emergency Meeting Minutes: February 16th

Place: Usual Spot

In Attendance: 4th Dwarf, Aggie, Conch Shell, Coyote, Independent Observer (in order of arrival ) Guests: Painted Stick, Pandora

The meeting begins with Pandora being briefed on current crisis. Pandora is shocked to learn[redacted]

Conch Shell asserts that the baby cartoon was inappropriate, commenting that the baby was sexualized in the cartoon. Other group members inform CS that they didn't see that at all, and that perhaps that is her own little twisted mind at work.

[Redacted]

Pandora points out that we can't always control how people will respond.

[Redacted]

4th Dwarf uncharacteristically orders a grog.

[Redacted]

Painted Stick asks: "Is the meeting over yet?" then corrects himself: "I mean, how's the meeting going?"

Conch Shell takes minutes while Aggie eats her burger. 4th Dwarf is uneasy about this.

Painted Stick starts talking about his G-string, and the discussion moves to sex.

4th Dwarf reasserts that there was no infraction, while Coyote, Aggie and CS all think [redacted]

Painted Stick says - "We've had a full discussion. Let's vote and move on."

4th Dwarf: "We haven't even gotten to the items of business yet."

The IO (a late arrival) is asked his opinion. He states that the cartoon was "borderline".

4th Dwarf argues that the Baby N cartoon was mentioned in the minutes and that no one had a problem with that.

Aggie complains of a headache. Coyote tells her that someone on CSI had a headache for a week and it turned out she had been shot. Then, a side-discussion broke out about which is better CSI-NY or CSI Miami. CS prefers Miami because of the prettier colours. Coyote prefers CSI-NY and likes all the darkness with lots of blue overtones.

Back to the issue at hand.

Conch Shell: We got lax. Instead of finger-pointing, we are all to blame.

Coyote: Anarchy is what we've been all about since the beginning.

Aggie: Do we need some kind of disciplinary mechanism in place so that this won't happen in the future?

Conch Shell points out that only the blogger-men in the group have Administrative powers: the power to delete postings and comments.

Pandora suggests making a donation to a baby-related cause, like CHEO. We all agree that this would be a proper penance.

It is agreed that Conch Shell and Aggie be given Administrative powers to rectify the gender imbalance, and to prevent future violations.

IO says he likes the new look of the blog, but that topic tags need to be on the sidebar.

The discussion moves to John Baird's hair. Coyote thinks he's hiding a receding hairline. CS says his look is appropriate for the Conservative party.

(CS posts these minutes on Aggie's behalf, as Aggie has become a luddite in the new post-bega blog world.)

Minutes: Emergency Meeting 6 Feb 2007

Venue: The Usual Spot
Present: Agatha, The Chair, Coyote, Fourth Dwarf, The Independent Observer (guest: Audrey)
Late with no excuse: Conch Shell (guest: Painted Stick)
Emergency: The Usual
Minutes by: 4D

Opening

Chair: Someone should do a cartoon series for the blog - The Adventures of Bored Baby "N".

4D: [pulls out index card, begins writing notes, does not draw picture of bored baby.]

[Redacted]

Agatha: I'm tired.

Coyote: So, I've been dealing with a person who sends ten emails to arrange a meeting, suggesting tentative times... I just want to know when the meeting is.

Agatha: Maybe she's ADD and could use an assistant. I've got an assistant now. She's great. We're doing a Clean Sweep of my office... She's totally non-judgmental, for instance she'll say things like "I'm feeling really good about this, how about you?"

[Redacted]

4D: [asks IO a prying personal question]

IO: [speaks for several minutes without actually answering 4D's question]

4D: Hmm, very interesting, but back to my question...

Agatha: Just a minute! [through gestures and inarticulate syllables Agatha expresses displeasure with 4D's persistence in questioning the IO. After a suggestion is made that she is once again avoiding intimacy, Agatha shares observations about recent interactions with a close relative.]

[Redacted]

The Phone Call

Agatha: Is it time to call Conch Shell?

IO: [Pulls out his Blackberry]

Coyote: Has anyone noticed these meetings are taking on a ritualistic character?

Agatha: [Rocking back and forth in a manner evocative of Dustin Hoffman's performance in Rainman] Really?

Chair: CS hasn't met her quota this month.

Agatha: Yesterday she told me that she now has more time.

IO: [finally manages to dial CS, leaves a stern message]... and here is what the other ESIs have to say about your absence....

Coyote, Chair, 4D, Agatha: [a chorus of booing and farting noises]

The Aborted Posting

[Redacted discussion of Agatha's aborted Muse on Elgin Street posting.]

Agatha: The lesson learned is "Don't blog while angry."

[Brief discussion of why Agatha was angry, 4D whines about the unfortunate loss of the brilliant comment he had left before Agatha deleted it all.]

Audrey: How about we have a party where the women wear dresses like that one with the polaroid photos?

The lads: [General agreement]

Agatha: [that look she gets when she is nowhere close to agreeing, is too polite to say so, but is not worried that one knows she disagrees.]

Conch shell and Painted Stick Arrive

Audrey: Hey, I went to Oz because of Aggie's recommendation... had the Asian bowl.... really liked it.

Aggie's New Car

Conch Shell: Aggie and I made a list of what she needs in her new car.

Agatha shares her list. The group quickly decides that her list is incomplete and that her new car should be completely pimped. Among the features called for:

• Purple lights on the underbody
• A popcorn maker
• A car phone - old fashioned, big honking thing
• Espresso machine
• Hairwashing sink

Singles > 36 and their Issues

Audrey: Single men over 36 have issues, let me tell you that.

4D: You mean those guys you dated in their 20s didn't have issues?

Audrey: Not like the ones over 36.

Agatha: What about women?

Audrey: I don't know, I don't have issues. Fourth Dwarf doesn't have issues.

Someone asks Audrey about bad sex.

Audrey: I think you can fix bad sex with men if you explain what good sex is.

Fourth Dwarf and the Chair have a side conversation in which they decide to try for new blog feature "Ask Audrey".

Having filled both sides of an index card, 4D concludes his minute taking.