Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2007-12-18

Venue: A remote corner of a place that is not the Usual Spot

Present: Fourth Dwarf, Coyote, Conch Shell, the Chair
Absent with notice: Agatha, Independent Observer

Minutes by: 4D

1) What to do about [Redacted]
a) Who are they?
4D: Can't be any of us. You're all too bone lazy, I'm not, but (a) I'm too busy with my plowing contracts, (b) I hate wordpress, and (c) I wouldn't have done such an exact matching of aliases.

CS: What about Aggie?
4D: Are you kidding?
Coyote: She doesn't have the HTML skills.

The Stats Team discuss [...... ..... Redacted ...... .......]. Although they have deployed techniques matching those of the Las Vegas CSI team, they have no useful information.

Speculation swirls around various possible candidates:[..... ....... ..... Redacted ..... ....... .... ......], but settles mainly on [... Redacted... ]:

• [... Redacted... ]
• [... Redacted... ]

Coyote suggests domain-squatting [... Redacted... ].com
4D suggests this would be mean and pointless
Coyote says "Yeah. And...?" He then counter-suggests creating a [...Redacted...] blog.
4D: or [ Redacted... ]

b) One person? or more?
Consensus: Too soon to tell,but [... Redacted... ].

c) Do they know that we know?
The Stats Team point out [.... ..... ..... ... Redacted... .... ...... ....].

Coyote: And I [... Redacted... ].
4D: Huh?
Coyote explains [... Redacted... ]:

[... Redacted... ]

d) So what do we do about them?
Consensus: [... Redacted... ]
Chair: I'd like to see some cash in an envelope.

2) Tiana's Prize
Coyote asks what we're going to do about it. 4D reveals that Agatha had entrusted him with the task and abjectly apologizes for not having completed the mission. He is sure that one of his plowing contracts will take him close enough to her neighbourhood to complete the mission before Christmas.

3) Love on the Internet
Conch Shell tells us of the tragic story of the 13-year-old girl who killed herself recently after a neighbour mom impersonating a 16-year-old boy online told her she'd be "better off dead". We discuss various people we know who have fallen in love with people through their emails and then dropped them soon after meeting in person. It is suggested that this would be an excellent topic for CS to blog on.

CS: Yes, I'm going to post very soon. [The others all act as though they believe CS.]

4) AndrewZRX
4D asks if we should invite Andrew ZRX to post more. There is a brief discussion that notes:

• the high quality of Andrew's posting and the ZRX motorcycle; and
• the grossness of the placenta picture.

Unanimous: AndrewZRX is welcome to post again.

5) Contests
CS: We should have more contests.
4D: Like what?
CS: I like the Street Names one.
4D: huh?
CS: Renaming streets...
Coyote: or coming up with other blogs with street names, like "the Kent Street Incontinents"
All agree this has possibilities.

The Chair suggests a battle of the group blogs. 4D suggests we create avatars in World of Warcraft and take on all comers. Others seem less enthused.

6) Doomsday Machine
Chair: We should set up a Doomsday Machine. If we don't blog within a certain time period, the blog deletes itself.
CS: That's a great idea.

4D and Coyote look at each other and shake their heads.

Coyote: Right. More pressure to blog.
4D: Why do the two people who never post love this idea while the ones who do post hate it? Oh, of course, if the blog was deleted, there would be no pressure to post at all.

CS: I am going to post something soon. Really. [The others all act as though they believe CS.]

7) Life Coaching
4D explains he will be doing some postings related to life coaching and will be encouraging participation in this project from the other ESIs. Coyote gets that look on his face that means he wants nothing to do with this plan and thinks trouble will ensue.

4D: Don't worry, Coyote, you don't have to play if you don't want to, but you will want to and in fact, you'll be the most active.

8) Florence Appointments
With no discussion, The Elgin Street Irregulars appoint:

• Independent Observer as Director of Italian Affairs; and
• Audrey as ESI Cultural Liaison Officer

9) Conference Call with Aggie
4D briefs Aggie on the highlights of the discussion.
Aggie: Did Coyote get slammed for his rogue activity with the [Redacted]?
4D: Of course not. Only the Fourth Dwarf gets slammed for rogue activity.
Aggie: Right. Everything sounds great. I'm glad to see you're on it.

4D relays this and the others are pleased.

Aggie says something unintelligible. 4D asks her to repeat.

4D: Someone out east is slap happy?

Aggie: No, a blogger from the Far East says the ESIs are getting sloppy.

4D and Aggie have a brief exchange about what a loser this blogger must be. Everyone waves goodbye even though it's a telephone.

4D relates the sloppiness charge. The others express outrage.

4D: You know what? It's true. We have gotten sloppy. Coyote - using 4 words where 3 will do. Chair - sometimes it's days before we have a new movie in the sidebar cam. CS - I don't need to say anything to you, do I?

The others all hang their heads downcast for a moment as they reflect on this.

CS: But still. I am going to post something soon. Really. [The others do the usual thing.] And y'know what? Remember how it used to be when we started two years ago and we'd talk for hours about this stuff and it would bug other people so we'd have to change topics? And now so much has changed? But we're still into it and it still holds our interest.

Business is adjourned so the ESIs can discuss the "affairs" of those who are not present.

AndrewZRX: Motorcycles, Birth Classes and Roundabouts

This is a guest posting from AndrewZRX:

I recently blew up my motorcycle. I wouldn’t do this every day, but I’d highly recommend you try it at least once.

Wait - how does pre-natal classes at 7:30 am on a fucking Saturday morning sound? With my tongue still pickled, too, from the scotch the night before. Soften that cervix, baby.

No, the motorcycle sounds better. Or it did, anyways, before it blew up. Have you ever seen piston rods blasting out the front-end of a high-revving four-cylinder 1100cc motorcycle engine?

The midwife droned on for three full hours, using stained, filthy props and plastic posters of a graphical nature. The most interesting bit was the bit about the placenta -- or, more precisely, what people do with it afterwards. Some bury it in the garden during the full moon. Incantations are involved. Some people take them home and eat them. Apparently they’re quite tasty with garlic.

Actually, neither have I. (Seen the piston rods etc.). But as it was happening I was worried about grievous bodily harm, if you follow. Luckily all is well. So says my wife at least.

Do Canadians eat their babies’ placentas? I don’t know. But I sure miss Canada. I have a soft spot for those Canadian government screw-ups. Scandals in Canada rarely involve 25 million lost records, or illegal wars, or the shooting of innocents in the back. Canadian screw-ups are generally benign, and I miss them.

I miss the seasons, too, but at least over here I can ride my bike year round. It gets slippy in the roundabouts sometimes, but you can still do it. Roundabouts are a good thing. We should have them in Canada.

Here a few things you should know about roundabouts:

• If you like, you can go round and round. Just keep going. Beware of dizziness.

• There can be several lanes in a roundabout. Incorrect use of roundabout lanes can result in permanent disfigurement and embarrassment. Utilize with caution.

• It’s usually best to figure out where you’re going before you enter the roundabout. Otherwise you may get herded and end up in East Kilbride.

• Roundabouts can creep on a man. You can prepare yourself for this irritating tendency by driving faster than everyone else. When the roundabout materializes out of the Scottish mist, just claim it as your own.

• Roundabouts are not the place to be gentle and kind. Be assertive. Exercise your roundabout rights.

• When you start seeing signs for East Kilbride, you are lost. Do not head for East Kilbride. Circle back and try again.

• Drive on the left. This can take some time to master. But it’s fairly important. Watch for roundabout combatants coming from the right.

• Roundabouts are a serious business. Remember this and you’ll do fine.

It seems there are a few things you should know about labour as well. But I can’t seem to remember. She kept heading off on these strange tangents, telling fragmented stories. My mind wandered. Once in awhile my ears would perk up, expecting to finally hear something useful. But then she’d backtrack again, and I’d drone out. I was thinking about a bass riff in a John Scofield song called Over Big Top. The bass gets right in there and opens up doors.

We’re due at the end of January, so I just bought a new motorcycle. It’s black and shiny and pulls wheelies without much effort. Maybe I’ll get a sidecar for the wean. Hopefully I won’t blow this one up too.

AndrewZRX lives in Scotland and bought the opportunity to post here from Zoom in an auction on eBay. If you are wondering what placenta looks like, he offers this link.

Cheering on Andrew ZRX

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