I don't get paid enough to create Google poems

* I don't get paid enough to deal with this guy!

* I don't get paid enough to fix it.

* I don't get paid enough to do this job

* I don't get paid enough to potentially get blown up by an IED and be away from my family for a year ($2250/mth right now), but I do it anyway.

* I Don't Get Paid Enough To Blog (2), I should know better then to do meta

* I don't get paid enough to even consider it.

* I don't get paid enough to explain this, but I promise twenty, thirty or fifty years from now, a house bought will be worth more than you paid for it today. You'd have to be stupid as a zombie to keep paying rent...

* I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**!

*You ruffle too many feathers, and at the moment I don't get paid enough to handle the stress of that kind of feather-ruffling on my front page with my name over the top of it.

* I would definitely take my tantrums elsewhere, but I don't get paid enough to.

* I don't get paid enough to be abused.

* I don't get paid enough to put up with the crap that people are giving me.

* I don't get PAID enough to spend as much time as you do here.

*I don't get paid enough to put up with a toddler that gives me bruises and bites the hell out of me every time he gets put in time out.

* personally, I don't get paid enough to be a judge for everyone in the blogosphere.

* I don't get paid enough to touch used panties, and I won't do it.

* I don't get paid enough to live in fear of being hacked by my fellow co-workers.

* I don't get paid enough to think.

Google Poem: Do we really want a mayor?

* Personally, I don't want a mayor who isn't willing to do the legwork to ensure that all of her/his nominators are in fact on the voters list

* I don't want a mayor or councillor who blames new people for the ills of this community.

* I don't want a mayor who is too scary to talk to.

* I don't want a mayor with a track record of over 80% failure in city hall. I've been in the damn #verizon store so much that I'm the mayor

* We don't want a mayor that goes by his opinion only

* I don't want a mayor who's going to get up on his soap box, shake his fist and “stand up for our city”.

* I don't want a mayor that show-boats with an Islamic extremist that believes suicide bombers and the execution of homosexuals are acceptable.

* I don't want a mayor that delivers "energy" and "renewal"

* pick whatever hackneyed adage or idiom you'd like but the reality is I don't want a mayor who will make me feel good

* We don't want a mayor that signs papers without reading them.

* They don't want a Mayor who insists on protecting the hills, air and water, and avoid big-time traffic increases.

* I don't want a mayor that waddles.

* They don't want a mayor that would have this bunch, or an essentially similar one, happier in their work. They want a mover and a shaker

* I don't want a mayor that sits back and lets the city go down the tubes to protect his buddy Longos feelings.

* I don't want a mayor that's going to drop dead half-way through.

* I don't want a mayor who says “I'M WORKING FOR U”. It's not difficult at all to type the other 2 letters to make the correct word.

I'd love it if you read my Google poem

* I'd love it if Emilia discovered the joys of curry and the pleasures of tempura and the bliss of creme brulee earlier rather than later, but I'm not going to force the issue.

* I'd love it if you guys reviewed games more often

* I'd love it if Sanford and Son moved out but for now I'd settle for the boat and car.

* I'd love it if you would visit her, read my post, and check out the rest of her site.

* "Well I'd love it if you didn't fucking kill someone--" "Maybe if you'd gone to the store yourself I wouldn't have had to--"

* I'd love it if you'd join me, and weigh in on your experiences.

* I'd love it if she were a cheerleader someday. I'd also be just as happy if she plays basketball, sings in the choir or joins the debate team.

* I'd love it if I lived in an idyllic world and could believe there was a cease fire, but I don't.

* i'd love it if you'd share.

* ha! i'd love it if gilbert brought laimbeer to town.

* I love critical analysis of comics, and I'd love it if more superhero comics were produced that stood up to analysis beyond, "Yep, that two-page splash sure was cool!"

* I'd love it if Sprint would just allow me to upgrade to the Evo with their discount, but i'm sure that's not likely.

* If you're a regular visitor or just passing through, I'd love it if you'd sign my guestbook.

* I'd love it if it was a product that wasn't going to sting

* I'd love it if you had any insights.

* I feel like I'd love it

* I'd love it if Chris Farley showed up and crashed thru the conference room table.

* I won't bribe you to become a follower, although I'd love it if you were.

* I'd love it if you take a moment to leave a comment!

* I'd love it if you would visit my shop and if you're in the mood, please feel free to heart it!

* I'd love it if you became a follower of the blog!

* She said, “I'd love it if you went and bought eye cream for me.” I told her that she absolutely would not like that.

* I'd LOVE it if he chose the weekend before I start back to work to decide that sleeping through the night is a good idea. Because I think it's a FANTASTIC idea. I mean, come on, kid. Sleeping is COOL. DO IT MORE.

* I'd love it if they got together, but I'm not sure if it would work.

* I'd love it if these summer tours enabled the England squad to develop, to identify some key players, to rule out others that are not.

* I'd love it if this was released in Austria while I'm studying there.

* I'd love it if you'd join my group for updates and discussion of our favorite beading techniques, new product info and more!

* I'd love it if they came clean, said the latest Shuffle was a huge mistake and gave us a decent micro player instead.

* I'd love it if you'd comment and make me feel less alone in my chaos.

* If you enjoyed what you read here, I'd love it if you could share this with one friend or tweet this story.

* No pressure, but I'd love it if you became an official "follower" of the Devil and Egg blog!

* I'd love it if any readers with call center experience weighed in on this one.

* I'd love it if you would include the MM button in your post, to let others know you are participating.

* I'd love it if Nintendo would announce that Other M's release date was being bumped up to at least July. Another thing that would floor me is the announcement that Metroid Dread does exist and it's a proper 2D Metroid

* I'd love it if you stopped by.

* i don't know if i like jimmy buffet, but i'd love it if i could have a job to go to afterward, you know?

* I'd love it if it was just the picture, because it's really cute. Especially since I'm a fan of all things rabbit related. But I don't care for the text and, really, it's not even necessary. The picture speaks for itself

* I'd love it if you would link up your freebie

* I'd love it if you follow me, follow me please. pleeeease!

[Source]

It's time for a Google Poem!

* It's time for some planning

* It's time for regions in Nova Scotia to actively promote what they have to the world.

* It's time for a little intelligent dialogue.

* It's time for Change!!!!!!!

* It's time for the Jewish community to put farber out to pasture and consolidate his organization into another usually more sane voice like B'nai Brith.

* it's time for dinner

* it's time for the Astros to stage a revival.

* It's time for the city to be fully transparent on our tax increases, explain why they're going up, and seek public input on how to rein in spending and expenses.

* Now, it's time for him to stand up and really be a contributor.

* Perhaps it's time for us to swallow our collective pride, and give the guy a decent second chance.

* It's time for Chicago's establishments to step up on behalf of the Bulls.

* And now....., it's time for some damned lies.

* It's time for everyone to help out in its time of need.

* It's Wednesday, so it's time for the Wednesday Minute

* With the US soccer roster named, it's time for Coach Bradley to get to work.

* It's time for Soderling and Roddick to make a move.

* Although most of the Devil's long time veterans still have a good number of years left in them, I think it's time for certain players to move on.

* It's time for Tiger to “lawyer up.”

* It's time for me to scare you.

* it's time for me to log off for a bit.

* After two lovely, if ordinary performances, it's time for Crystal to go big again.

* It's time for REAL CHANGE!

* Maybe one smoke before it's time for me to go?

* It's time for your yearly Comcast Project Infinity video on-demand update

* Hank Haney says in a statement to the Golf Channel that he enjoyed working with Woods but he thinks it's time for him to step aside as his coach.

* It's time for Jewish leaders in Israel, America, and around the world to grapple with the difficult truths of Israel's occupation and its treatment of the Palestinian people

* It's time for President Obama to lead on clean

* It's time for our weekly baseball picks for online MLB betting action.

* it's time for that attitude to change

* It's time for cycling accidents in Ottawa.

* It's time for The Insider's Best and Worst celebs for Tuesday!

* Facebook's Gone Rogue; It's Time for an Open Alternative

* it's time for new window displays!

* it's time for the government to act

* Tired of the run around, maybe it's time for the BBB.

* It's time for war

* Panasonic's KX-TG9300 series DECT phones also boast a talking alarm clock that will tell you when it's time for lunch

* It's time for a little '90s anime nostalgia!

* Now it's time for relaxation. Lie on your back and bring your feet together. Allow your knees to splay apart. You can also extend your legs and come into corpse pose

[Source]

This Google Poem is killing me

* Life is killing me.

* The suspense is killing me

* shermans house is killing me.

* New York Is Killing Me.

* Rasheeda's Hair is KILLING ME!

* Facebook Is Killing Me.

* That doll is killing me.

* Princy is killing me again, she says if i dont pin up my bangs from now on she'll just butcher them her self. God, i hate that woman.

* I must confess, that my loneliness is killing me now;

* My bra is killing me.

* P90X is KILLING ME! (And I Like It).

* ouch, my back is killing me!!!

* Jealousy Is Killing Me.

* The suspense is killing ME TOO

* So...as you can imagine, this wait is killing me!

* your icon is killing me.

* I am having major spring fever, this rain is killing me!

* The anticipation is killing me!

* Ah man, he is killing me.

* MY HEAD IS KILLING ME!

* your traits is killing me!

* THE MUSIC IN THIS MOVIE IS KILLING ME

* this snow is killing me.

* this genetics class is KILLING me right now

* And Owen is killing me, I could just eat him up!!

* My guilt is killing me slowly.

* My current computer is killing me.

* this blizzard is killing me though,

* My headache is killing me, but in Japan this is the reality of the health care system.

[Source]

Google Poem: Unrequited?

* I would love to reconnect with my Grade 4 teacher, Mr. Brown.

* I would love to try Coze!

* I would love to get a look at that house!

* I would love to hear from him one way or the other.

* If you want just drop me a message I would love to talk.

* I would love to hear from you. ...

* Ohhh how I would love to travel more,

* I would love to take some writing classes, photography classes, and graphic design classes.

* I would love to be Jacinth, “Captain Jack” from Slave.

* i would love to be a part of your show because ilike mind games

* I would love to hear your domain ideas, so please feel free to share them in the comments below.

* I would love to see some of your finished 3D's

* I would love to know their future plans on phones and approximate release times.

* Sure, I would love to have a boyfriend who cares so much about me, but to always be there, always be so overprotective and so strict ? I would just move in with my father.

* Michelle Kwan is my idol and I would love to meet her some day. ...

* The main tips I would love to share with my fellow bloggers is that if you don't have a plan you plan to fail blogging takes time and energy have patience and learn the basic html and css this is very important if you are serious

* I would love to learn how to use my flash gun to it's full potential on location.

* I would love to go to New Zealand!

* I would love to stop snoring at night,

* I would love to have a dog.

* If I could I would love to be stuck on an island like the one from LOST

* I would love to be friends with you

* I would love to have prayer meetings on a regular basis.

* I would love to be very knowledgable about everything.

* I would love to test this theory, but I have to think

["I would love to"]

Google Poem: Asking Too Much?

* is it too much to ask that the same co-authors stick to a consistent position within a given book?

* Is it too much to ask that Barrasso show enough courage to tell supporters that they shouldn't pray for deaths of Senators to get their way?

* Is it too much to ask that the people responsible for sending our sons and daughters into harm's way give a moment's thought to their sacrifices before whining about being inconvenienced for a few days?

* Is it too much to ask that religious-right leaders stop talking about matters of faith in terms of violence and war — even as the United States is engaged in a real war with violent religious extremists?

* I mean, is it too much to ask that someone out there is on our side, and that that someone could at least be the people who we have bought our tobacco from all these years?

* is it too much to ask that these overtly ardent couples find more private tables?

* Is It Too Much to Ask That Sex Offenders Don't Have Sex In Public Parks?

* Is it too much to ask that for the duration of the baseball calendar that a guy you are paying millions to, I don't know, focus on PLAYING F-ING BASEBALL?

* Is it too much to ask that my kids keep to a few minimum standards around the house? Is it too much to ask that they feed the animals THEY wanted? Is it too much to ask that they try to keep their fighting to a minimum...

* Is it too much to ask that liberals understand that a person usually has more depth and character than portrayed in the media?

* Given the fact that the Bondy production is traveling to Munich and La Scala (unless the intendants saw the HD transmission and canceled the transfer), is it too much to ask that the production be revised?

* I was just wondering... is it too much to ask that my children put these horns on their heads, hug each other, and smile in my direction?!

[search string]

why am i riffing on fourth dwarf's gig

First 10 menu pulldown choices upon entering the word "why" into Google:

why is the sky blue

why do men have nipples

whyville

why do cats purr

why men cheat

why do dogs eat grass

why did the chicken cross the road

why is there a dead pakistani on my couch

why did michael jackson turn white

why am i so tired

Google Street View Comes to Stornoway

The Official Residence of the Leader of the Opposition

(click photo to enlarge)

Figure Us Out: The Google Poem

* By some really weird coincidence, the police managed to figure us out by the next morning, but I think it was for the better. ...

* hang out awhile, and if you can't figure us out by then, you are hopeless!

* They are trying to figure us out by searching for us online, but all they have to really do is stop, listen, and absorb. We tend to glow

* It didn't take long for the man to figure us out. By noon, we were shown the door

* figure us out. By honoring ourselves, and living by this example, we allow others to do the same in their lives.

* ... Brett is trying to figure us out by gathering social data

* If you can't figure us out by our name you'll be too slow to keep up with our discussions of the world's ultimate racing series. ...

* you think people would figure us out by now :) ...

* Sheesh, you would think you could figure us out by now.

* If aliens from outer space were trying to figure us out by tapping into television transmissions, I wonder what they'd think.

* The teams will figure us out by the second half of the season

* Also, quit trying to figure us out by making lame generalizations, just talk to us instead.

* Like bears or any animals for that matter aren't smart enough to figure us out by now!!!!

* Maybe one day, you'll figure us out. By your statements, you clearly haven't as of yet.

* This is a good place to "figure us out" by direct observation.

[Search] [We're #9]

Don't Tell Me It's a Google Poem

* Don’t tell me it's impossible

* Don’t tell me you're leaving.

* Don’t tell me if I'm dying cause I don't want to know

* Don’t tell me that that is the past and none of our concern.

* And don't tell me I don't have a right to my views on morality, while trying to force me to accept yours.

* Don’t tell me what you're against; tell me what you're for.

* Don’t Tell Me To Shut Up

* Don’t Tell Me SHOW ME

* And speaking of wait times, please don't tell me you're naive enough to think that isn't a problem in the US too?

* Don’t tell me what to think!

* Please don't tell me to rest.

* Don’t tell me what to do.

* Don’t tell me who it is! You'll ruin the fun…

* Don’t tell me what to write.

* Please don't tell me times are different and kids have it harder or more to carry now.

* Don’t tell me, I want to guess.

* Don’t tell me u can't, cos u will be a loser if u really can't.....

* Don’t tell me You can't turn around.

* Don't tell me how to drink your beer ...

* Don’t tell me you don't like it, write a letter to corporate.

* Don’t tell me not to fly, I've simply got to.

[Source]

Google Poem: Let's Not

* Let's Not Be Fools!

* Let's not be naive.

* Let's not be greedy

* Let's not be afraid to roll our eyes just a little.

* Let's not be unfair.

* Let's not be afraid to tap into that inner reserve of wonder that's known as imagination.

* Ok, let's not be premature with our celebrations!

* Let's not be fussed about appearing as if we are creating conflict to get universal health care, renewable energy, a Global Marshall Plan.

* Let's not be lonely, let's not be strangers. Let's wake up on the same side of the bed today.

* Let's not be afraid of political action.

* Let's not be hasty here, I'm sure there's a perfectly rational reason for this.

* Let's not be distracted by a few wheelbarrows full of cash.

* But let's not be a people who are known for what and who we're against.

* Let's not be timid.

* Let's not be ignorant on the subject.

* Let's not be ridiculous.

* Let's not be too quick to praise Tim Hortons' show of leadership regarding the recycling of paper coffee cups.

* Let's not be too hard on the boy. He's been bowling fantastically well for the last year.

* Let's not be as intolerant as those we criticize! [

* Let's not be too harsh on Cory.

* Let's not be imitations or fakes- we just need to keep it real.

* But while we are at it, let's not follow our pets back into the wild – let's not be like Timothy Treadwell in Grizzly Man

* Let's not be too hard on Courtney Lee.

* But let's not be so sure there isnt a backup plan yet.

* LET'S NOT BE IMPOLITE AND CHASE HER AWAY.

* Let's not be so quick to chase Mora out.

* Let's not be so quick to crown Roger the Greatest

* Let's not be anti-intellectual (Jesus and Paul were not).

* We all love to stick it to the corporate Man, but let's not be too hasty or judgmental.

* So let's not be lame about it, there are some things you should know.

* Let's not be so hard on her. ...

* But let's not be any more anthropocentric.

[Source Search]

Google Poem: Not me

* I'm not the kind of person who likes medications but with my migraines I've always taken a double dose of advil

* I'm not the kind of person to come up to a friend/colleague/family member and talk like there's no tomorrow. It's not me – at all.

* And I'm not the kind of idiot who will eat worms or a box of thumb tacks if you dared me.

* I'm not the kind of guy who says one thing today and another thing tomorrow

* I'm not the kind of liberal who thinks safety net programs are the end all be all, but I do think they serve a serious and necessary purpose.

* Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of cheesball man, comfortably satisfied by watching junk tv missing the fun like a spoil sport.

* I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into.

* Normally I'm not the kind of guy who would go around encouraging people to look at my stuff

* I'm not the kind of person that instantly jumps on the "the world is gonna be nuked," "the Earth is heating up and New Jersey will be an underwater museum," bandwagon.

* Now granted, I'm not the kind of freak that needs the new and improved upgrade the day it's released,

* What should I do, I'm not the kind of person to be straightforward about these things.

* So, I'm not the kind of person who checks his email regularly, but this time I just had to, because my inbox has too many e-mails from Facebook.

* Andddd, yeah I'm not the kind of girl that ALWAYS have the perfect hair, perfect bangs, perfect face and everything.

* I'm not the kind of person who believes thieves ought to get off free.

* I'm not the kind of person who thinks there are certain things you just can not joke about.

* and I'm not the kind of person that thinks about taking pictures of clouds very often. In case you care.

* See...I'm not the kind of wife that can't sleep when her husband is not right next to her

* Because what I finally realized yesterday is that I'm not the kind of person who I used to be

* I'm not the kind of person who likes losing her time, but sometimes it feels good.

* I'm not the kind of artist who can paint the same kind of picture over and over, or write the same stuff over and over. I need to be on the move, exploring, failing, striving and challenging myself.

* I'm not the kind of guy who just sleeps with anyone

* I'm not the kind of person to not put in my two cents.

* I'm not the kind of girl to try to play a man out. I take the money and the gear and then break the hell out.

* And I'm not the kind of guy, I think you know, that spends a whole lot of time worrying these things.

[Source]

Live Long and Oppose - Google Poem

• Life is too short to have an affair.

• Life is too short to think small. So live large.

• Life is too short to be somebody, so be yourself.

• Life is too short to pout All the time.

• Life is too short to be bitter.

• Life is too short to be ordinary...

• Life is too short to sulk. So turn around.

• [...] life is too short for me to have people in my world that pull this crap on me.

Coping: The Google Poem

* I'm coping by eating toffee.

* I'm coping by keeping my well-paid job in a stable, recession-proof industry.

* I’m coping by fantasizing about moving to a commune in Oregon to bake bread, make goat cheese, and raise honeybees. Of course I know that would be stressful too because honeybees are dieing off...

* As you can see, I'm coping by turning my grief into anger.

*So far, I’m coping by a lot of eye rolling* I'm coping by talking to some friends, and posting quite a long story here, and maybe I'll try to find some St. John's wort.

* I’m coping by doing silly things like this.

* I’m coping by working out regularly for the last six months with the Orinda Aquatics Masters program.

* I'm coping by cleaning off the car while my partner showered. I'm coping by insisting on shoveling yesterday. I'm coping by eating. I'm coping by calling every single one of the temp agencies and getting back on their "available" list.

* I’m coping by reinforcing and learning as I go.

* I'm coping by cracking open some new football cards.

* I’m coping by using even more extraneous swearing on the internet than before, because I can’t even say “that sucks” around the kids.

* I’m coping by watching Quarterlife on the net at Dexter on DVD.

* I'm coping by making my way through "Dexter" Season 1 from Netflix (they'd better release Season 2 soon!) and going through my "Buffy" DVD collection for the first time.

* I'm coping by first doing loosening things, like hip rotations and slow side left-right, right-left punches.

* I'm coping by emailing a girl I knew for two days who lives on the other side of the continent.

* I'm coping by cleaning the house and reading madness and civilization.

* I've been grounded from the internet, tv, my nintendo ds, magazines, take out food, my cell phone, and radio for 2 weeks at my moms cause i was really rude to her when we got in a fight earlier, but I'm coping by reading Harry Potter.

* I'm coping by still living in a community house that makes demands of you frequently (but all in all in a good way), and working very hard, and trying to get organized.

* I'm coping by not coping.

* I'm coping by not thinking about it

* I'm coping by not even thinking about it.

* All of my classes require entirely too much reading, but I'm coping by simply not doing all of it.

* ...meanwhile, things are a bit uncomfortable but I'm coping by just digging in and concentrating hard on my job.

* I'm coping by putting it into a story

* anyway, i’m coping by “working from home” today, aka getting paid to sit around and surf the web.

* I'm coping by typing fast.

Google Poem – Extreme Love

* I loved him so much that I just never told him.

* I loved her so much that I didn't feel like I could lie to her about anything

* I loved her so much.. that I did lie

* I loved her so much that I started to lay my cards about the coming days.

* I loved him so much that I didn't want to face the truth.

* I loved him so much that I’d rather be forgotten by him than cause him a moment’s pain in the remembering

* I loved him so much that I just learned to overlook things like forgotten anniversaries or Valentine's Day.

* I loved him so much that I let him go fulfill his dreams.

* I loved him so much that my heart fell out

* I loved him so much that I even forgave him that weird habit he had of describing the slightly sagging flesh of women's upper arms and knees...

* I loved him so much that I felt like I was killing off the part of me that loved being a radical feminist dyke.

* I loved her so much that I loved her to death, because two weeks later she got killed in a car accident...

* I loved her so much that I would always go with her if I could. I hate to shop and she knew that.

* I loved him so much that I asked the vet to put me down as well when he was ill and full of suffering ...

* I loved him so much that I gave up my job and moved.

* I loved her so much that I bought a shirt.

* I loved him so much that I held on even when he proved he wasn’t the guy I thought he was.

* I loved her so much that I even accepted her after two breakups

* I loved him so much that I didn't really care if a sexual relationship ever developed.

* I loved her so much that she was never sold, and never ended up on the supper table.

* I loved him so much that it terrified me.

* I loved her so much that I did not stop to think.

* Oh, I loved him so much that his tail and nose fell off. I hope to recreate that love for my daughter one day.

* I loved her so much that I’m even called “t*nga”.

* My wife and I loved him so much, that he went on our honeymoon with us.

* I loved him so much, that I wanted to fix him.

[source]

The InterTubes According to Google

The Internet...*

• ...is a Series of Tubes.
• ...is no 21st century boob tube.
• ...is Never Gonna Give Rick Astley Up.
• ...is mainly for complaining.
• ...is an internet based on the Internet Protocol suite.
• ...is broken.
• ...is different.
• ...is almost full.
• ...is missing.
• ...is the enemy.
• ...is an Orgy.
• ...is an Ogre.
• ...is a copy machine.
• ...is a prime news source.
• ...is not a truck.
• ...is a good thing because it is unregulatable.
• ...is shit. It is vitally important that we all realize this and move on.

* With (sincerely faked) apologies to the Fourth Dwarf for being either too busy or too lazy to be original, and totally ripping off his Google Poem thing instead.

* Opinions expressed are the views of their authors and do not necessarily represent the viewpoint of the ESI Editorial Board. But they might.

Google Poem: More than one way?

* if you think the only way to get laid is by drugging someone in order to sleep with you, that is rape and you need to be locked up

* best way to get laid is put her on her stomach, take down that panty shield, and poke until she makes sounds

* Perhaps the best way to get laid is to lead a life worth living.

* Fastest way to get laid is to know what artist your gurl likes most and buy all their albums! You have no idea how many times I have to listen to Chris Brown or Justin Timberlake!

* The best way to get laid is to put on some slow jazz music.

* The best way to get laid is without having to use a pickup line; weed out the sober ones who still have their morals intact!

* I am thinking that the easist way to get laid is to hit the club

* It's a truism worthy of Yogi Berra to say that the best way to get laid is to lose your virginity.

* many neanderthals believe that the best way to get laid is to just get her drunk. Don’t get me wrong; that is a fantastic idea if you’ve been married or in a long-term relationship and she is just not in the mood very often

* an easy way to get laid is baking tasty shit for people who think that stuff is hard. ...

* And the best way to get laid is to pretend to be someone else who is cooler than yourself.

* the only way to get laid is… to be rich!

* I was obviously wrong, and the only way to get laid is by emotional manipulation. I have found, from personal experience, that virginity leads to feelings of shame, rage, frustration, inadequacy, isolation, alienation, ...

* a dude in his underwear sitting in his mom's and dad's basement decides the best way to get laid is to lie (this is actually true) so he puts up an improbable Craigslist post trolling for some 15 year old choke job chicken head

* Look at the 40 Year Old Virgin and similar movies, where the sexually-inexperienced male is advised by his “wiser”, more experienced friend(s) that the best way to get laid is to look for the drunkest girl at the party ...

* Seems to me that the way to get laid is to dress up in a hilarious Disney character costume. This also means that you will get to handle celebrity tits.

* Û² So a kid is ~Censored~ and the only way to get laid is to go to ²Û. Û² this ultra school of ~Censored~ kids and here the first thing that ²Û. Û² happens to him is getting rapped by the principal who is g3y and has ²Û ...

* Arabs want sex just as much as Westerners but they are taught that it is dirty and the only “respectable” way to get laid is to get married.

* This brought upon me an epiphany: The easiest way to get laid is to feed off a woman’s jealousy.

* The best way to get laid is to fake confidence and don't listen too much.

[NSFW Disney Photoshop]

12 Google Resolutions for 2009

Last year I resolved to be more creative and stop relying on Google for my artistic inspiration. That didn't work out; so this year I went to Google for a dozen fresh resolutions.

In 2009:

1. I won’t be 100 percent wrong
2. I won’t be out there to lie down for him
3. I won't spend all my R&D on a meaningless pet project that fails to appeal to anybody when I could have been making videogames the whole time
   
4. I won’t create more waste
5. I won't be signing up for this challenge again
6. I won’t buy yarn except on days that begin with S
7. I won’t be as involved with Parkville WILDFIRE as I have been previously
8. I won’t have a 360-degree role anymore
9. I won’t promote my articles bar Tweeting them once
10. I won't be voting for him no matter whom he's running against
11. I won't watch GH anymore
12. I won't be surprised
    

Google Poem: Symptoms

* I knew I was sick when I woke up and had to cancel my interview for the university

* I knew I was sick when I did not even want to look at my new steed and wheels and some really slick Timex clothes

* I knew I was sick when I wasn't getting any better

* I knew I was sick when I began coughing up one green golfball-looking globule after the other

* I knew I was sick when I couldn't even enjoy a Miller Lite with Kev on Sunday

* I knew I was sick when I turned down French fries!!

* I knew I was sick when I was trying to make some scarves and my head a was just busting from the pain

* I knew I was sick when I didn't want to knit!

* I knew I was sick when I pulled over to the side of the road to throw up

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