999 Posts Later...

...do you love us just the same?

And I thought there was no 5th anniversary.

The InterTubes According to Google

The Internet...*

• ...is a Series of Tubes.
• ...is no 21st century boob tube.
• ...is Never Gonna Give Rick Astley Up.
• ...is mainly for complaining.
• ...is an internet based on the Internet Protocol suite.
• ...is broken.
• ...is different.
• ...is almost full.
• ...is missing.
• ...is the enemy.
• ...is an Orgy.
• ...is an Ogre.
• ...is a copy machine.
• ...is a prime news source.
• ...is not a truck.
• ...is a good thing because it is unregulatable.
• ...is shit. It is vitally important that we all realize this and move on.

* With (sincerely faked) apologies to the Fourth Dwarf for being either too busy or too lazy to be original, and totally ripping off his Google Poem thing instead.

* Opinions expressed are the views of their authors and do not necessarily represent the viewpoint of the ESI Editorial Board. But they might.

ESI Emergency Meeting Minutes

In Attendance: Coyote, Independent Observer, Agatha, Conch Shell,Fourth Dwarf (late, with justification). Guests: Crazy Hat (left early), Painted Stick (arrived shortly before end)

Conch Shell offers to take minutes. 4D and others laugh and mention how she never posted the last time she took the minutes. Coyote says CS will have to offer up assurances. CS offers to pay for a round of alcoholic drinks at the next Emergency Meeting if she doesn't post the minutes. It's agreed.

Agatha asks that the minutes reflect that Coyote brought red marshmallow hearts for the group, expressing love toward us all.

Meeting items begin.

IO presents his [redacted] to 4D for the [redacted]. Others are given a deadline extension of a week.

CS inquires if Z is a [redacted.] 4D explains she's too nice. Coyote mentions she called the cover band by the wrong name when she linked to them, further evidence that she isn't one of them.

Move ahead to the main item: the Appearance and Disappearance of [redacted]. CS wonders about the timing of it all, considering that it existed for months when we didn't know about it, but when we find it (Thanks, Aggie!) and begin to enjoy it, within two weeks it's gone.

Aggie: "Is it a Conspiracy?"

All ESIs insist that none of them did anything this time to ruin it for the others. Coyote points out that [redacted] showed her more readers were seeing it, plus she had friends warning her. This makes sense to us. 4D comments that he liked the message of [redacted] being [redacted].

IO puts on Larry King persona and asks: "What is her frame of mind, in one word?"

CS: "Consistent".

ESIs agree that it was enjoyable while it lasted.

Coyote comments that in his experience every woman calls her ex a narcissist. When ESIs attempt to draw personal examples from Coyote's own past, he refuses to indulge. Coyote adds that his canine nose sniffed out that this was an inappropriate relationship from the start, and he didn't think she should go on dates with [redacted] in the first place. 4D says that we all knew it was going to be a disaster, therefore Coyote doesn't deserve a bone. Aggie says she didn't know it would end so fast. Coyote blathers on generally about the rebound/needing time phenomenon. Everybody ignores him, as is usual when he gets onto this topic.

CS asks about whether [redacted] might become a lesbian now, considering all these disappointments. 4D says a lesbian fling is a possibility because all modern women are bisexual. He then asks CS and Aggie to comment on this. They don't.

4D returns tiresomely to the narcissism discussion and points out that narcissism can be relation-based. For instance, if a man is not that into his partner of the moment, he won't be that focused on her, but on himself -- classic narcissism. Coyote furthers that when a man plays a musical instrument or other entertainment tool for a long time, he should pay attention to when his audience gets bored.

Meeting digression: Clinton/Obama? Ann Coulter, Yuck. Is the U.S. anti-English monarchy or just anti-taxation? No decision taken.

[Redacted]: Sorry or Not?
Coyote says [redacted]. Aggie says [redacted]. 4D says it was a facebook problem, not a blog one.

Ethical Discussion of the Day: [Redacted] . . . can we metablog her? 4D points out that we periodically metablog others like Zoom and Megan. Aggie wonders if she'll get scared and delete her blog? It's pointed out that she's writing a book on her blog subject(!!!!) ESIs agree that it's about balance. Anyway, only the Fifth Muse has inspired us as obsessively, and that's unlikely to change. ESIs agree to test-metablog her through these minutes. All feel her date wasn't very successful, and think it good that Three Date Man was honest with her.

Aggie says online dating is depressing and degrading: suggests instead that all hopefuls go to Venus Envy, get some good electronics, and adopt cats. She insists this is what she'd do, if she were [redacted].

CS interrupts: "Let the minutes reveal that IO is blackberrying"

Some Hon. ESIs: "Bad form!!!" IO asks when that was decided.

Group discusses Rebecca Eckler's blog and the finer points of emotional voyeurism. ESIs then congratulate Zoom over her best blog posting awards. 4D states that the knitting bloggers had a lock on the awards, that it was a conspiracy, and a future blog entry will be dedicated to this.

Aggie wants to discuss the Bank Street Irrelevants. "They're trying hard."
IO: "Why?"

It's declared that they're like a [redacted] cover-band, are having a good time, and some ESIs are happy for them.

This brings the conversation around to music, the nature of compliments and insults, and their relativity. It's revealed that IO is a fan of the [redacted] without having ever heard them. CS thinks one can't be a fan in such a scenario. 4D believes IO can be a true fan, just by understanding the concept. CS comments that this is as hollow as an empty shell. Others ignore CS and comment that IO should look the part of [redacted] when he's their [redacted].

Aggie points out that she deleted [redacted] because it revealed [redacted] about [redacted ].

Next Agenda Item: status of our blog & Google search hits. 4D says it's a good blog and he's happy with the postings lately. He likes the Word Cop part, because [redacted] loves it. Coyote states that our #1 Google search hit is for "high maintenance women". 4D loudly takes credit for the posting, and reveals Google ranking tricks: the posting is titled "high maintenance women" and it links to other sites about "high maintenance women". Coyote states that "Mumumelon" is our second mopst popular Google hit, and yoga booty ballet is a distant third. We used to get more hits for yoga.

With all topics covered, we move to Action Items:

Aggie states the next meeting should involve discussion on how to make ESI the most popular blog ever, so we can make money and retire. 4D mentions that CS needs to write up the minutes.

Resolved: That at some point in the future we will discuss creating the Elgin Street Institute, as another moneymaker.

Meeting Adjourned.

Welcome to the Blogosphere, Bank Street Irrelevants

Press Release:

The Elgin Street Irregulars(ESIs), today announced that they welcome the Bank Street Irrelevants(BSIs) to the Blogosphere and extend their friendship and goodwill to this new group who have taken meta-blogging to a new level of meta-meta-blogging. "Some people say Ottawa is not big enough for two metablogs," reported spokesperson Fourth Dwarf:

Bilgewater! says I. Bring'em on, the more the merrier. As my friend, the Chair, explained it to me, while we may have enjoyed our meta-blogging monopoly, it's led to a deadweight loss for our readers.

The Dwarf went on to specifically compliment the BSIs for:

• Taking obscure self-referential wanking to new heights: "We thought we were good at the obscure SRW, but with posts like My Most Horriblest Day and the Pssst series, we've met our masters."
• Coming up with such clever and appealing pseudonyms: "Especially 'the Third Elf', said the Dwarf, "who is he exactly, Hermey the Misfit Elf? Hank the Tall Elf? Boss Elf?
• Responding to criticism with art.

The Fourth Dwarf also clarified the ESI position on various challenges alleged to have been made by the ESIs to the BSIs:

Obviously, we didn't issue any challenges to them. See who can have profiles for all their members first? Would we issue a challenge we can't possibly win? Never! But I'll hear none of this nonsense that the Bank Street Irregulars are a pack of liars. It's surely our old nemeses Minty and Lana sowing discord between us with phony emails or something.