RNDP 14: A Google Poem - People who need a new paradigm

* From now on, I'm dating myself

* From now on, I'm dating gardeners

* you are just a little boy, And from now on, I'm dating men

* from now on I'm dating girls with no front teeth

* From now on I'm dating better looking boys

* from now on I'm dating on a first come first serve basis

* From now on…I'm dating myself. I mean I already talk to myself so I know my conversations will be good

* From now on I'm only dating Hungarians

* from now on I am only dating Korean women!

* From now on, I’m done dating. That’s it. Over.

* From now on I am only dating girls from North Carolina

* from now on I am dating individual pages as I update them

* from now on I am sticking to sex, dating, sex, women, sex, and drinking...ohh and sex.

* from now on i be better of just dating truly bi people

* From now on, when I'm looking through the dating personals, I'm going to be looking for a mature girl

* From now on, I'll be dating Full Filipinos

* from now on, unless I'm seriously dating someone who really wants me to change it, "single" on my MySpace means "not married"

* from now on I only will be dating playboy bunnies or rich good looking women!

* From now on, I'm only dating orphans

* From now on I'm only dating girls with ugly moms

* from now on I'm only dating sitter-downers

* From now on I am only dating nice guys, forget the slick player types

* From now on I'm only dating thoroughbred dime pieces, that may have stripped and/or posed nude, but are still good people

* From now on, I'm only dating married women

* From now on, I'm only dating hands

["From now on I * dating"]

Note to aspiring buskers

To the civilian bagpiper in full skirl, and his pal, the enthusiastic plastic pail drummer, who together led a small impromptu parade of friends down Somerset Street at 11:30 PM on Sunday night:

Interesting idea. Not good. But interesting.

Explanations you pervs force us to make

Found myself having to add extra words to an email to our old friend the Chair^[1] this week.

From: Fourth Dwarf
To: The Chair
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 11:06 PM
Subject: Weed whacker and hedge trimmer

No, this is not about the topic predominating recent ESI postings.

I've got an electric weed whacker for you.

Also, if you'd like, an electric hedge trimmer.

For your garden. Come on.

- 4

¹ Do you remember the Chair? He used to blog here. Witty fellow.

Saving trees with Larry

So it seems that His Nibs Larry "Potatoes" O'Brien has concocted a new crackpot scheme, ummmm, visionary idea to try and make up the potential loss of that pesky, $2 billion Siemens AG lawsuit, hanging there since he led the charge to scotch Ottawa's original light rail project.

This one involves making city council meetings paperless, which if my pointy ears didn't mislead me on this morning's newscast, hizzoner estimates will save $150,000 and a couple-hundred-odd trees a year. Wonder where those certified-accurate figures might've come from? I digress. Again. Never mind. Now, our very own Woodsy and her tree fairy friends are safe. Our mayor is so green... and technology is always good. In the incomprehensible words of business geeks everywhere, it's a win-win-win!

Or is it? I really hate to rain on the parade of progress, but according to CBC,

"The paper documents would need to be replaced by computers and other equipment that was expected to cost around $150,000. However, O'Brien estimated the cost would be recovered within three years from savings in printing costs."

Right, then. But, uhhhh, Larry: any LAN administrator worth his/her Algonquin College certificate will tell you that computers are full of toxic stuff. And they become obsolete and need scrapping and replacing how often ...?

In Harmony with Equal Opportunity

Harmony was doing her own version of being "in harmony" with Blue Skies last week-end. While others played music and sang, she giggled and/or snorted behind her Cosmo magazine.

During one instance she sweetly informed the men gathered under the gazebo that it was now absolutely OK for men to get a Brazilian wax. Fellas, any comments?

Downtown redevelopment in the wind?

As I scuttled down Elgin Street at rush hour this morning, on my way toward another date with destiny, or possibly an unfortunate waxing accident, a little whirlwind at Elgin and Lisgar spun out of the traffic and blew a piece of semi-official-looking stationery straight at me. I chanced to read it as I peeled it off my face and saw the draft missive below. My heart raced. Who could've written it? What can it all mean...?

Mayor Larry O’Brien Appoints New
Downtown Redevelopment Adviser

DRAFT: For future release
August 12, 2008

OTTAWA - Today Mayor Larry O’Brien released the name of the Chair of a Taskforce on Downtown Redevelopment.

As part of his 1 000 Days of Change, Mayor O’Brien committed to making Ottawa "one of these cities with swagger."

The Taskforce’s mandate is to examine the current downtown and waterfront of the City of Ottawa and develop recommendations based on best practices, and other municipal models.

David Boyd, a Halifax cab driver, computer technician and tow truck driver, who has also advocated man-on-android love, is appointed task force chair. Mr. Boyd envisions more casinos, strip clubs and Las Vegas-style nightlife in the city.

While Ottawa has a number of adult-entertainment parlors and nearby access to the Gatineau Casino and the Rideau-Carleton Racetrack, Mr. Boyd believes the City needs more. "It's high time Ottawa grew up and realized it's a government town," Mr. Boyd said.

Proposed temporary interim position on waxing, until we can call an Emergency Meeting and ratify the minutes . . .

Ooh. Ouch.

The Dangers of Slacking Off

Have you read Zoom's latest posting? She says Ottawa bloggers are "remarkably uninspired lately" (including herself for the past two days) and has handed out assignments. For us, she says:

I had lunch with one of the Elgin Street Irregulars today and I had a brilliant idea for a series of posts for them. I don’t want to give it all away, but it would start with an official ESI policy statement on chocha shaving.

Let's make one thing clear. I did not have lunch with Zoom today (and I have an alibi witness if I need one.)

More importantly, now we have to call an Emergency meeting to decide if we should have a policy statement on bare chochas; then if we decide we should, we'll have to come up with the policy statement. But it won't end there. If we're going to take a stand on that topic, people will expect us to take a stand on other important topics. For instance, who do we endorse for President between Paris Hilton and Britney Spears?

I hope this is a wakeup call to you ESIs who have been taking it easy. When we don't metablog, we leave a vacuum that is filled by the less qualified.

RNDP 13: Avatars

This week's adventure in the quest for an RNDP takes us to Omnidate.com, where an enterprising Toronto couple have created a virtual world where people looking for love can send their avatars on virtual dates. Vidya Rao of Columbia News Service explains how it works:

Through OmniDate, users choose avatars, or animated images, that will represent them on their dates. They are given the option to choose from six male or six female avatars, with each wearing a different outfit and hairstyle. For both genders, the avatars have one option each that clearly represents a person of color.

Virtual dates can include touring a museum gallery, going to a bar, listening to the user's choice of music in a lounge or even going to the beach. The avatars can interact with each other to express emotion. Type in “LOL,” for example, and users can make their avatars giggle. They can also direct them to blow kisses, hold hands, yawn and even roll their eyes to let the person on the other side of the screen know exactly how much they are or aren’t enjoying the date. [Full Article]

Omnidate's blogger tells us "an average virtual date lasts over half an hour" and predicts that in a couple of years, "dating sites without a virtual dating component will be considered lame and will experience a major decline."

4D Analysis: In Omnidate's world, you can "blow kisses", but you can't try out your moves. Major drawback. On the other hand, you'll be able to tell how fast the other person can type and that may tell you something about their manual dexterity. Possibly important to you.

Although new, and maybe even paradigmatic, I'm not going to think about endorsing it as a new dating paradigm until they incorporate smell effects technology.

We've yet to have any of our fieldworkers report back on an Omnidate virtual date, but you can click on the image below to watch to see how a date that lasts less than half an hour might go.

Urban Olympics:Bank Street Hurdles