Yummy Bunny

Dear Coyote,

I took this picture just for you.

Amitié, Woodsy

They were promoting Alice in Wonderland

RNDP 13: Avatars

This week's adventure in the quest for an RNDP takes us to Omnidate.com, where an enterprising Toronto couple have created a virtual world where people looking for love can send their avatars on virtual dates. Vidya Rao of Columbia News Service explains how it works:

Through OmniDate, users choose avatars, or animated images, that will represent them on their dates. They are given the option to choose from six male or six female avatars, with each wearing a different outfit and hairstyle. For both genders, the avatars have one option each that clearly represents a person of color.

Virtual dates can include touring a museum gallery, going to a bar, listening to the user's choice of music in a lounge or even going to the beach. The avatars can interact with each other to express emotion. Type in “LOL,” for example, and users can make their avatars giggle. They can also direct them to blow kisses, hold hands, yawn and even roll their eyes to let the person on the other side of the screen know exactly how much they are or aren’t enjoying the date. [Full Article]

Omnidate's blogger tells us "an average virtual date lasts over half an hour" and predicts that in a couple of years, "dating sites without a virtual dating component will be considered lame and will experience a major decline."

4D Analysis: In Omnidate's world, you can "blow kisses", but you can't try out your moves. Major drawback. On the other hand, you'll be able to tell how fast the other person can type and that may tell you something about their manual dexterity. Possibly important to you.

Although new, and maybe even paradigmatic, I'm not going to think about endorsing it as a new dating paradigm until they incorporate smell effects technology.

We've yet to have any of our fieldworkers report back on an Omnidate virtual date, but you can click on the image below to watch to see how a date that lasts less than half an hour might go.

After the Flirtation: Getting some Action at the Movies

There has been some talk around here lately about flirting. Seems some of you are comfortable flirting, some of you have issues with flirting and some of you don't know you're being flirted with until someone plants a wet one on your lips.

I, of course, am an expert on flirtation, but rather than share my expertise with you people at no charge, I am holding out for a government contract. As you've no doubt heard, the government of Singapore has introduced a university course on flirtation. In a year or two, they will need someone to lead their graduate-level classes and they'll be looking to hire me. Either that, or our own government will realize that Canada is falling behind in the love-gap and bring me in to straighten things out.

Still I have some advice for you developmentally-delayed daters. Here it is:

Movies are for First Dates!

I can hear you already! "Are you crazy, Dwarf? You don't go to a movie on the first date! You can't talk at the movies. You can't learn more about the person."

I say, "exactly!" You can't talk at the movies. The more you talk with someone, the more likely you are to find out things about each other that will turn you off. There is plenty of evidence that the time you spend before the movie is more than enough time for two people to become attracted to each other and things you believe are turn-offs and turn-ons for you, probably aren't. [e.g. News or Journal].

And if you don't know each other, after the movie you will have a shared experience to talk about.

Then there's the situation where the date is with someone you know really well. Maybe for years. Had lunch together every work day for months. Helped each other buy clothes. Let's face it, if you're in this situation another opportunity for talking is not going to help you get on base. Go to a movie.

You're in the dark, you can't talk, but you can smooch. If the movie is awful, smooching will improve it; if the movie is wonderful, smooching will add to the emotion.

Tips for Action

1. Sit in the back row. So you won't feel observed.
2. Wear a shirt with buttons. If you're wearing a boy shirt, sit on the right, your date's hand will more easily slip inside; sit on the left if you're wearing a girl shirt.
3. If you're holding the popcorn, accidentally move it when your date goes for it, gently place their hand where you think it should be.
4. If your date is holding the popcorn, accidentally miss the box, let it stay there longer than necessary.
5. Ostentatiously yawn, stretch your arms, and let your arm fall over your date's shoulder. Smile to show that you're being funny and know that you're using the oldest move in the book. But leave your arm there.
6. Your hand may just happen to fallen over a breast.
7. And unconsciously squeeze at a moment of comedy, tension or drama.
8. If something scary happens, grab your date's arm or leg.
9. Or if something funny happens.
10. Allow yourself to find things funnier or scarier than you would normally.
11. You can't talk, but you can whisper.
12. Whisper things like "that outfit would look good on you" or "I bet you'd deal with a bad guy the same way".
13. While whispering, your lips might accidentally touch your date's ear. Pretend it didn't happen and keep whispering.
14. Or acknowledge that it happened and just start kissing.

If at any point in this process your move is rebuffed, just say, "sorry, I get affectionate at the movies" and go back to being just friends. If they go to a movie with you again, you'll know you are in there. If they don't, maybe you'll move on and stop wasting your time with a hopeless unrequited passion.

Other resources:

• Video: How to go on a date to the Movies
• Advice: How to See a Sexy Movie and Not Have Sex After
• Wiki: How to Kiss
• Instructable: How to Kiss
• Podcast: First Kiss Tips for Christians

Forget Larry, Let’s Talk About Flirting

Over at the Elgin Street Muse blog, there is quite a bit of talk about flirting. Manny Blue mentioned that flirting is a four season activity. Anonymous wanted more instruction. Conch Shell felt it was more of a pre-relationship thing. I like that Aggie concluded that we should just be doing it, and not over thinking it. Certainly, to me, it is an every day activity.

I flirted with an enchantingly pretty young woman this morning. The barista at a Starbucks. She had wild, radiant hair that had strands pulled up in a few places and that were held up by coloured elastics and pretty little barrettes. She wore shiny shell and silver jewelry, and at first I thought she looked a bit like a fairy tale princess - like the one in The Princess Bride. I noticed that the chalk board on the counter that names the baristas had a drawing of two Mermaids (one blonde with wild hair like my barista). When she handed me my coffee, I looked her in the eyes, smiled amiably, and told her that she did indeed look like a mermaid. She broke out into a lovely smile, and thanked me sweetly.

I flirted with a scrumptious young man this afternoon at a Bridgehead. I liked how he had a bit of an old fashioned look about him - as if he had just walked out of the late seventies. Maybe I just wanted to believe he looked that way, because that is when I would have been the age that I suspect he is now. I asked him if he would make my latté pretty like the last time. Last time he made a half-moon design in the foam. We chatted about how in Vancouver they make all kinds of nice designs in the latté foam. He had my undivided attention. He mentioned that a friend of his was being flown from Vancouver to somewhere in the States to compete in foam decorating.

“I’m really not very good at this,” he apologized.

“In Vancouver someone made a heart in my foam.” I mentioned.

“There you go,” he said handing me my latté, “but I don’t know what it is.”

“Look,” I said, turning the cup around for him to see, “it’s a tulip.”

“Oh, wow, so it is.” He marveled at his art.

I winked at him and said, “Now I can tell my friends that a nice young man gave me a flower today.”

He smiled and blushed.

Ms Army Pants witnessed the flirt with the young man and was told about the flirt with the young girl. She called me dirty.

“You’d do anything for sex wouldn’t you.” She accused.

“It’s not about sex,” I protested. “I am much too old for either of them. It’s about connecting, it’s about having conversations, it’s about making people smile…” I explained passionately and honestly.

“No, you’re just dirty.” She insisted.

ESI: The Sock Puppet Movie

Anybody who dips into this chaotic little opus semi-regularly will remember that we've often referred to ESI: The Sock Puppet Movie as 'stalled in development'. So often, in fact, that we were thinking of renaming it that.

We haven't given up, but it's been hell, people. HELL! Stealing Audrey's favourite pink socks for cast costumes. Persuading Conch Shell to rewrite the umpteenth screen treatment. Hiring and firing script writers left, right and center. Trying to line up backers with actual money. Focussing the Independent Don Cherry Observer's lenses on a non-hockey topic. Setting up screen tests. Preventin' the Chair from taking advantage of the Casting Couch. Pryin' Aggie off Facebook, yet again. Gettin' a director's beret... stealin' it back from the Dwarf... cuttin' holes in it so my ears would fit. Doin' lunch 'till it's coming out of our ears. Explaining to Harmony that the mauled cat is lunch, then buying Gravol for her, earplugs for me, and grape Kool-Aid for the Canada Geese. It goes on and on.

Few investors out there seemed for awhile to want to drop their mad-money on the production values that this piece of cinema verite so richly deserves. Yet, perversely, we've had to beat off Brad & Angelina, Jen & Ben, Cameron & Drew, Tom & Katie, Ashton & Demi and even frickin' Paris -- and all of their agents, for gawdsakes-- when it leaked out that we were casting character voices.

Nevertheless! Rising from the chaos! At last! A very-high-quality test clip, based on the never-before-told, unexpurgated story of our adventures in the Caribbean! Only now, can we finally begin to tell you what really happened that night on the fateful three-hour cruise! The dark and lonely lost months afterward! The climb back to bloggy goodness on Elgin Street! Everybody's talking about it! The summer blockbuster of 2007! You can't afford to not to see this! Roger Ebert gives it four paws, straight up, and he hasn't even watched it yet!




('Kay, kiss-kiss mmmmm-wah! You look fabulous! Terrific Botox work! Love ya! Have your people call my people, and we'll do lunch at Hollywood's Number One restaurant sometime. I'll bring my own cat...)

Equality in Love

That fellow Matt and his girlfriend who doesn't love him as much as he loves her reminds me of a movie I produced a few years ago.

What's been going on...

While some of us have been going to fancy dinners, lounging about with personal trainers or sniffing out recipes from the Trilateral Commission, I've been investigating a series of events that affect us all personally. Through careful research, long hours, sleepless nights, and some activities that might skirt the fringes of the law, I have learned of a nefarious plot against us.

I believe I've gotten to the bottom of the whole scheme and to save time in explaining how all the evidence fits together, I've prepared a visual aid that explains it all.

Click on the image to see my new animated featurette.