ESI - Smarter Than Fifth Graders

Aggie's Pirate Chest Nestled Next to Her Favourite Port

Aggie, Fourth Dwarf, and I met at Pandora's house in the sky to play LOOT - The Plundering Pirate Card Game, and drink some of Aggie's economical winter drink.

"The game is for ages ten and up," I comment innocently.

"Oh, that means it's going to be hard," worries Aggie sweetly.

"A ten year old is a fifth grader," adds Fourth Dwarf.

"That's when kids are at their smartest," Pandora elaborates.

"That right, Pandora," concludes Fourth Dwarf, "and that's why so many people aren't smarter then a fifth grader."

It's a Hoot

A few years ago, when Hooters first came to Ottawa, I thought it would be entertaining to see what all the fuss was about.

A male companion and I sat down at a table, and after a long wait a cute blond waitress skipped over to us. I admired her fit body clad in tiny tight sports shorts (the kind I had worn when I was sixteen) and her tight little wife beater t-shirt with the trademark protruding owl eyes design. She placed both elbows on the table, leaned over and cleverly aimed her tits at us.

"And what can I bring you folks today," she giggled smacking her gum.

She took our order and as she wiggled off I looked at my companion curious about his reaction.

"It's all just an act you know. She's a university student trying to earn an honest living," he stuttered as I noticed the deep blush on his face.

The New Year Lift

Harmony and I were discussing what to wear to the New Year's Eve party that we will be attending together.

Dwarfie, who overheard us, responded with, "Something that shows leg and cleavage." The Chair seconded Dwarfie's comment with a naughty chuckle and an affirmative shake of the head.

"Well, my dress is short and low cut," I responded, "but I don't know how to make my girls peek over the balcony..."

"The right bra will do the trick," Harmony informed me.

Harmony was correct. At a trendy brassiere shop in the Rideau Centre, a young salesperson, knowledgeable in the art of cleavage, explained to me that it was all about memory foam (I thought she said mammary foam).

"No one comes about it naturally and size is not important," she reassured me as she eyed my bosom. She handed me two different bras, and I was impressed to see that the bras featured over one inch of foam at the base and sides of the cups.

"All the better to push things up," she chirped encouragingly.

*I wont' show my bra versus bra-less look - that's already been done in quite the lovely way by one of the ESI's favourite bloggers.

ESIs May Need a Correspondent to Keep Up to Date with the News

From: Fourth Dwarf
To: ESIs
Sent: October 02, 2008; 2:00pm
Subject: Event to Cover

Hey,

This event is on a Saturday morning, but the ESIs should at least send a reporter.

http://ottawa.ca/cgi-bin/pressco.pl?Elist=14862&lang=en

Media Advisories, News Releases & Public Service Announcements

Contact: Public Affairs (613-580-2450), medias@ottawa.ca

PSA: Ottawa moms expecting to set the record for the most babies being breastfed at one time, at one location

Ottawa - On Saturday, October 11 Ottawa moms and babies will gather at St. Laurent Shopping Centre’s Centre Court and compete for first place in the annual Breastfeeding Challenge. Canada and the United States are competing for the seventh consecutive year to set the record for the most babies being breastfed at one time. Moms in Cyprus, France, Luxembourg, Philippines, the United Kingdom, Italy, Japan, Malaysia, Belarus, Bermuda, Switzerland, the Ukraine and many more will join the challenge this year. In 2005 the National Capital Region was proud to come in first out of all 234 participating sites in North America, with 179 babies at the main site. In 2007 there were 198 breastfeeding babies and Ottawa placed fourth. Ottawa hopes to regain its first place rank and encourages all breastfeeding moms to come out, join in the challenge, and raise awareness of the benefits of breastfeeding. Date: Saturday, October 11, 2008 Time: 10:30 to 11:30 a.m. Location: St. Laurent Shopping Centre, Centre Court on the first level This year’s main site is at St. Laurent Centre with additional sites at CHEO, Queensway Carleton Hospital, the Montfort Hospital and Civic and General campuses of The Ottawa Hospital. The challenge is part of the celebrations for World Breastfeeding Week in Canada and is sponsored by the Quintessence Foundation, a non-profit group providing education to parents and professionals about breastfeeding. For more information on the Breastfeeding Challenge, visit ottawa.ca/health. For more information on the Quintessence Foundation, visit www.babyfriendly.ca.

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From: Aggie
To: ESIs
Sent: October 02, 2008; 2:05pm
Subject: Event to Cover

I will give this assignment a pass. But, indeed, someone should latch on to this one.

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From: Coyote
To: ESIs
Sent: October 02, 2008; 2:15pm
Subject: Event to Cover

A crying shame, but I will be watching the PowerBlock on Spike TV. Because then, I know where to aim my eyes without somebody becoming unsettled.

Tank Top Tuesday

Something borrowed from Manny Blue

Breaking News!

Woodsy said...Would Woodsy posting a bosom picture (à la Nursemyra) showing off the special pirate top she wore today in honour of Talk Like a Pirate Day be considered "breaking news"?

Harmony said...
Probably not, Woods. But it would be a rum jury rig to distract the mangy cur Coyote from dominating that niche so much!