Minutes: Emergency Meeting 27 September 2007

Venue: The Usual Spot
Present: Conch Shell, Fourth Dwarf, Coyote, Agatha (no guests)
Absent with good excuse and notice: Independent Observer
Absent with possibly good excuse but no notice: The Chair
Emergency: Blog in Peril and Meta-Contest
Called by: Agatha
Minutes by: 4D

1. Quorum Count

Those present express their hopes that the IO is enjoying and making good progress on his research mission. Coyote suggests that the Chair is likely engaged in activities that all agree would be noble and an acceptable excuse for absence if we had been notified. There was no motion for censure.

4D points out an attractive young man and woman at a nearby table "do you think they are on a lavalife date?" Consensus: Yes.

4D asks "Did he bring the bicycle seat? If so, is that wise for a first date?"

Agatha, CS and Coyote think it is fine. 4D maintains that it hampers his ability to take her back to her place, share a cab or walk with her after the date. Plus, it draws attention to his possible lack of a car and likely anal retentiveness that he worries about his seat and flasher being stolen.

Agatha and CS note that the woman's skirt is not a good one for cycling, but that the seat and post are so much on her side of the table that it suggests it is hers. Agatha: "Of course, the seat is a phallic symbol."

Coyote: Then what would the rear flasher be?

Conch Shell: A clitoris.

2. The Meta -Contest

4D reviews the contest entries. Each entry is discussed in detail and a winner is chosen.

Aggie: "Do you notice the possible height difference?" All agree that it looks like the woman might be taller than the man. This and her striking beauty may explain why the man seems a bit nervous.

4D: "This could mean that it is not a Lavalife date. Lavalife lets people search on height. It might be OKCupid or Facebook.

3. The Blog in Peril

Aggie: Do we shut down our side projects?

4D admits that all he is doing at Swabbin' th' Deck these days is posting Google poems and he'd put them on the ESI blog but he wasn't sure the others wanted him to. Agatha tells 4D that she loves his Google poems especially the recent one dedicated to Conch Shell. Coyote says, "yeah they're good." Conch Shell indicates that she would probably like them if she had time to read them. With this outpouring of encouragement, 4D announces that he will stop posting on his side project and only post here.

In discussing Coyote's Screeching Orb Singing Moon, Coyote tells us that the work he posts there is written in a different voice and for a different purpose than what he posts on our blog. We all nod in an understanding way and press the poet no further.

4D notes that some of Aggie's postings on the Elgin Street Muse could be posted on ours, while many seem more suited to being on her own personal blog. We have a brief discussion about the difference between the two types of posting, being careful not to say anything that turns Aggie's quivering lower lip into outright crying.

Consensus: 4D will put all his work on ESI, Coyote is already carrying his weight here, Aggie should continue to place her fabulous postings wherever she thinks is best.

Aggie: Now he's playing with the tail light.

CS: You know what that means.

Coyote: Huh? What?

4D: He knows where it is and he knows what to do with it.

CS: Do we need another muse?

All agree that we do, but they are hard to find. 4D suggests that people just aren't baring their souls on the web like they used to. They've learned that as anonymously as they do it, they'll get outed and suffer for it. Aggie: "There are still exhibitionists out there."

Consensus: We will keep looking and perhaps blog more of our search.

Aggie: She's talking about her mother.

CS: Oh that's good.

4D: Oh, yes, very good. Unlike if he was talking about his mother.

Invite someone else to join the blog?

Shying away from this can of worms, we discuss the possibility of instead just inviting one or two of our favourite bloggers to an Emergency Meeting. 4D notes that two of them gave a workshop on blogging on the weekend. "Perhaps we could bring one of them in as a consultant, kind of like when he brought in the Ethics Consultant. They could give us advice on tuning up the blog or finding a new direction." Coyote: "A change management consultant. I like that."

Consensus: We will mull this idea over and come back to it at the next Emergency Meeting.

Aggie: She's flirting with [the waiter]. Nice touch.

All agree.

4D: What about the Schedule?

Aggie: The schedule really doesn't work well for those of us with Oppositional Defiance Disorder like me and the Chair.

CS: It also doesn't work for those of us who are INFP and I think both Aggie and I are INFP.

Coyote: What's INFP?

CS: A Meyer's Briggs classification.

Coyote: Oh yeah, I think I'm that too.

4D: Well, the schedule works well for me. Knowing that I'm supposed to post something on Sunday allows me to post without worrying about the content. It worked for the Chair a couple of times, he posted things that he might not have otherwise that were really good.

Consensus: 4D will post on Sundays. Everyone else will post whenever they feel like it.

Aggie: She's self-touching.

4D: But it's her leg below the table where he can't see it.

Aggie: Doesn't matter. It's a good sign.

4D: So do you think sex tonight?

CS: No!

Aggie: I think could be.

Coyote: I don't think so with his body language.

4D: I think she'd be ready for it, but he's too nervous to make a move. All these signs that are so clear to us are like a fog to him.

4D: So Conch Shell, is there any chance of you posting again?

CS: "Yes. There is." We have a brief discussion on the mollusk endangerment work that has occupied so much of Conchie's time lately. CS is encouraged to write about how she has dealt with the anxieties surrounding this project.

Consensus: All look forward to CS' return to blogging. 4D and Coyote indicate they are happy to assist with graphical support.

4D: She's paying with a credit card.

Aggie: He paid at the counter.

Coyote: So Dutch treat. Bad sign, right?

4D: [Shrugs] Who knows with kids these days.

The meeting is adjourned.

A new couple takes the table next to the ESI table. He is perhaps ten years older than her.

Coyote: He's dressed like a slob and she's dressed like a model. I don't see this going anywhere.

A dog's breakfast of Zen

Since the beginning of the month, my random pirouettes around the interwebby thingy have seemed to me to point to a theme. Maybe it's a cyber-cosmic message, maybe it's merely what passes for continuity in an ADD doggy's mind. But I kept thinking 'Ah, mindfulness' as I played whack-a-mole with the mouse.

Our own Aggie led off with not one but two exposés of her meditation experiences. Zen mindfulness up the yin-yang, there. Then, this weekend, I chanced on a fresh posting by Evey, who at a Ladyfest workshop this past weekend heard -- and more importantly, took to heart -- the good advice of a couple of ESI favorites, Jen Whiteford and Megan Butcher: "Give value to what you write: blogs, zines, anything."

Aha! That mindfulness thing again. Because ya can spew any old thing down -- dog knows enough people do -- but it usually ain't very elegant unless the writer has valued the exercise enough to put thought and practice into it.

Now, 'giving value' can, and should, mean a bunch of different things vis-a-vis the craft of writing, but it boils down to the simple fact that one has to pay attention to what one is doing on several levels. The usual basic grammar and spelling, of course, but also the theme that one is trying to impart, the structure of the prose, the flow of the words, their sound in the mind, and so on. They're all tools of writing, and like Aggie's mindful breathing, they tend to work better the less you actually have to consciously think about 'em. Think too hard about the tools, and the craft or (sullen) art suffers. Yet, starting out, you have think about 'em and sweat about 'em, until they become a part of one's instinctive vocabulary.

Mindfulness, I think (har!) is more about paying attention, allowing the rather valuable mental and emotional processes that one usually drowns out with one's own self-generated day-to-day static to rise in one's consciousness. No matter if you call it mindfulness, finding a groove, or being productive, it's kind of a cool place to be, whether you're learning to breathe or learning to write. Of course, most writers keep learning to write for their entire lives. And most people kinda ignore breathing their entire lives, except when they're forced to stop for some reason...

Anyway, the fact that Evey cares about taking care is a fine beginning. That, and the fact that she's also pretty good already. It'll be interesting to see where she goes with it.

Disclosure and disclaimer: I'm a smartass dog, for pete's sake. I know nothing about Zen. Apparently in some circles this makes me a master...

Photo: Cockeyed.com

The Meta Contest

Hello Readers, following a suggestion from the graceful blogger Zoom, the Elgin Street Irregulars are having a contest.

The Prize:

1. You get to put a posting on our blog! Your writing will be read by dozens of readers; it might get picked up by OttawaStart; and anyone googling "Elgin Street" in the following week, might just read it!
2. We'll put a link to your blog in the sidebar! Along with text and images recognizing your accomplishment!
3. The Chair will put a video in the sidebar as an obscure reference to something on your blog sometime in the next few months so that we all have to keep reading you so we can understand it.

What You Have to Do:

1. Suggest another contest we can have in the next few weeks in the comments to this post.
2. Enter by 7:00pm Eastern Daylight Time (Ottawa time) on Thursday, 27 September 2007
3. Make a suggestion that will be adopted by consensus at an Emergency Meeting of the ESIs, or if consensus cannot be reached, by winning a plurality in a reader poll.
   

Emergency Meeting - Blog in Peril

The Elgin Street Irregulars blog seems to be in peril-- despite occasional brilliant postings by its members. Here are some questions I believe we need to discuss in our next emergency meeting.

What is the future of the Elgin Street Irregulars blog? Should we let the ESI blog die? If so, should we create something new, inviting new membership, with new goals, a new mission statement, etc? Or, should we keep flogging the dead horse of finding a muse? How can we inject new life into our blog?

Perhaps we should extend these questions to our readership and blogging experts for their input.

Minutes will be posted at a later date. Stay tuned.

My Latest Rant

WELCOME GOOGLE SEARCHERS:
Your search probably brought you here because you were wondering what that LCBO/RAO means on your credit card statement. Don't worry it's legit. When you were in Ontario, Canada do you remember going to a Liquor Store? Yes. Well, you put your purchase on a credit card. Now get back to your AA meeting.

Every year I do the mature and responsible thing and add up all my expenditures for the past year just to find out where my money is going. To help track such matters I tend to put everything on my credit card. Using cash requires too much day-to-day tracking of spending and I’m too lazy for that. This brings me to one of the more common line items on my Mastercard statements this past year: LCBO / RAO #0212 OTTAWA ON.

Ontario’s Crown-owned liquor distribution retailer, the LCBO, was one of my biggest suppliers of goods and services this past year – to the tune of about $1,000. At first, I thought that’s a lot of spending, but I found out through Statistics Canada that I’m about average for a full-time employed male when it comes to spending on booze. No need for an intervention just yet.

Having conveniently parked the health issues related to my consumption in the closet of denial, I turn to the economic issues. Though $1,000 a year is a fairly typical expenditure for a typical Joe, it’s still a lot of money. This is where I get my back up against the wall when it comes to the LCBO’s pricing. According to their last annual report this monopoly paid a “dividend” to the Ontario government of over $1 billion (this is above and beyond any taxes collected on booze). Not a bad profit for a retailer. In fact, hands down, the LCBO is probably the most profitable retailer in the food and beverage industry in North America (maybe even the world!). Their net “profit” is about 33% of net sales. To give you a benchmark, Walmart, considered one of the best retailers in the world, had a net profit of about 5 % last year. And that was with a labour force paid close to minimum wage, whereas the LCBO provides a good union job (north of $20 an hour last I heard). I don’t mind that the price of my booze supports well-paid union jobs. That’s fine by me. What I don’t like is paying for monopoly profits above and beyond those well-paid jobs. And by my calculation, it’s costing me an extra $250 a year.

But maybe there’s hope.

The LCBO recently started to market affordable, yet classy-looking foreign beers that can be purchased one can at a time. Lately, I’ve been buying Holsten Premium at $1.95 for 500 ml can – a very good deal that can be paid for with a toonie. The downside is that I’ve reverted back to paying with cash – coins no less. So not only am I losing track of where my money is going, but every time I stop by for a purchase, I’m appearing more and more like the beggar outside the store who pays with quarters and dimes. And yesterday, he and I had the exact same purchase.

I’m ready for that intervention now.

Some Thoughts on Porn

This is a guest posting from our dear friend Audrey:

I was on a patio on Elgin Street recently with friends, including Conch Shell and Painted Stick. Conch Shell told me that, the evening before, she had been at home, working on her new laptop computer, when Painted Stick came into the room and asked her what she was doing. She said, "looking at porn". He went over and saw she was looking at a real estate website.

Conch Shell and I share a love of real estate. People tell us that we should be agents! We are always delighted to hear this. This summer we checked out the requirements and we were completely daunted by all the steps involved. Is there a way of being an agent without taking a course?

Others in our circle of friends do not share this passion for real estate.

They do not, daily, review homes for sale in the Glebe and Dow's Lake on the Multiple Listing Service. They might even find it odd that neither I, nor Conch Shell, is actually looking to purchase a home. (We are just keeping an eye on the market!)

They do not spend hours in cramped auction houses assessing the beauty and possible utility of hundreds of items.

They do not lust after the sublime furniture at Van Leeuwen's in the Ottawa Byward Market.

They do not order British pottery online from Bridgewater.

They do not share my already-admitted addiction to house magazines.

I recently met a couple who had owned 23 houses over the course of their 25-year marriage. They told me that this was unintentional! They admitted that they had a passion for homes and that they fell in love with the possibilities of a new home - the new canvas, the new location.

And so, my question, dear readers, is this: What should Conch Shell and I do to take our love of real estate to the next level?

Civic politics 101

...It utterly baffled Larry that, even long after dumping his two old business partners and then getting himself elected mayor, he was still regarded as something of a loose cannon in local political circles...

More People Trying to Limit my Dating Life

Bad enough that the Chair set out strict limits on who I get to go out with, there's a bunch of Midwesterners producing propaganda reels.

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