Showing posts with label Zen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zen. Show all posts

Tuesday

Not so Zen Thoughts



I have not quite perfected clearing my mind of all thoughts during yoga.

For example, tonight, while I was listening to my yoga teacher's soothing instructions, I was also discreetly trying to get a glimpse of the enticing tattoo on her rump.

As I continued posing, I remembered that I should book a series of massages with her. She is also my massage therapist.

At that thought, and as I was trying to stay balanced in a I Have Fire Shooting Out of My Middle Finger She Woman Man Hater Warrior pose, I let out a whiny Uji breath as I realized, with envy in my heart, that there are certain things that have happened to my beloved fellow bloggers that just never happen to me.

I have never,
  1. Gotten to second base with my massage therapist,
  2. Won anything of any significant value,
  3. Scored free tickets to see someone I love perform, or
  4. Made love to someone on the desk of a Member of Parliament.
  5. There is no fifth thing, but I wish there was.
.

Wednesday

Mumumelon® biz model: down the ol' flusher?

Aggie reports this just in from the CBC: Lululemon stocks appear to be taking a bath after an investor's private lab analysis discovered that a new line of clothing purported to contain beneficial health-inducing seaweed additives, turns out to be, ummm, maybe, less than likely to carry this enhancement. Could the venture be (fish?)tanking on the market?

Loyal ESI readers will recall that our nascent Mumumelon® venture was closely modelled on lululemon® -- in a matter/antimatter kinda way, since we're using many of the same marketing ideas to corner the exercise-wear market for the exact opposite somatotype. (That'd be the 'endomorphs', or to us new-age, workout-challenged lay-types, the potentially-lucrative Pillsbury Doughboy® contingent...)

To head off any financially-ruinous speculation among our main investors, I, as Mumumelon's® chief spokescoyote, just want to take this opportunity to assure the market (Huh? Whaddaya whispering at me? Oh! Them...) ...and our valued family of customers... that every mu'umu'u we produce is absolutely guaranteed to be factory-drenched in lime Jell-O®. If you start feeling a blood sugar emergency, say, after climbing the stairs or something, you can just suck on the hem until your head stops spinning and your glucose levels return to normal...

After all, the well-being of our bank accou... uh, customers, is paramount. Thank you.
Image: Toiletology.com

Aggie's perfect storm

Zoom needs a little time to pull her extra-special prize guest bloggage together, but watch this space. It's coming soon, and it's gonna be brilliant! In the meantime, to cover, I'll do what ESIs do best. No, not that. I mean metablogging.

It has become overwhelmingly needful to metablog our own Essex girl.

Evidence suggests Aggie has found that the road to new-age enlightenment is no easy thing, strewn as it is with a perfect storm of pitfalls. And bad hair days. Not to mention bent-to-broken metaphors. Poor thing is now so confused, she's laying off drinking and trying to reinvent herself as a common craft blogger...

What are the ethics, here? Aggie is one of us. I mean, I love her, and she is, like Mary Poppins, Practically Perfect in Every Way. Uh, but she remains in place as our next-best Muse. Better yet, she's not here to defend herself... and we need material. No honour among metabloggers. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, I was at Bank & Slater yesterday, nose to the ground, sniffin' opportunity, when I chanced to look up. And was struck with awe. I mean, the signage at this one corner has Aggie's enlightenment covered: martini lounge named for her favorite yoga position, strong coffee options, a hair salon to repair the unfortunate mullet experiment, and a relaxing day spa. The salon's name? Perfection. Nothing better than that.

And what about that constant, soothing flow of large American cars, huh?

Truly, when one seeks satori, the devil is in the distractions. Crafting? Aggie, we barely recognize you! Just ignore the proven fact that when anyone in a dysfunctional group tries to change for the better, other members will pressure her to return to old, familiar patterns, so they can avoid confronting their own dysfunctions. Instead, think about this, Ags: Lotus Martini Lounge!

Monday

A dog's breakfast of Zen

Since the beginning of the month, my random pirouettes around the interwebby thingy have seemed to me to point to a theme. Maybe it's a cyber-cosmic message, maybe it's merely what passes for continuity in an ADD doggy's mind. But I kept thinking 'Ah, mindfulness' as I played whack-a-mole with the mouse.

Our own Aggie led off with not one but two exposés of her meditation experiences. Zen mindfulness up the yin-yang, there. Then, this weekend, I chanced on a fresh posting by Evey, who at a Ladyfest workshop this past weekend heard -- and more importantly, took to heart -- the good advice of a couple of ESI favorites, Jen Whiteford and Megan Butcher: "Give value to what you write: blogs, zines, anything."

Aha! That mindfulness thing again. Because ya can spew any old thing down -- dog knows enough people do -- but it usually ain't very elegant unless the writer has valued the exercise enough to put thought and practice into it.

Now, 'giving value' can, and should, mean a bunch of different things vis-a-vis the craft of writing, but it boils down to the simple fact that one has to pay attention to what one is doing on several levels. The usual basic grammar and spelling, of course, but also the theme that one is trying to impart, the structure of the prose, the flow of the words, their sound in the mind, and so on. They're all tools of writing, and like Aggie's mindful breathing, they tend to work better the less you actually have to consciously think about 'em. Think too hard about the tools, and the craft or (sullen) art suffers. Yet, starting out, you have think about 'em and sweat about 'em, until they become a part of one's instinctive vocabulary.

Mindfulness, I think (har!) is more about paying attention, allowing the rather valuable mental and emotional processes that one usually drowns out with one's own self-generated day-to-day static to rise in one's consciousness. No matter if you call it mindfulness, finding a groove, or being productive, it's kind of a cool place to be, whether you're learning to breathe or learning to write. Of course, most writers keep learning to write for their entire lives. And most people kinda ignore breathing their entire lives, except when they're forced to stop for some reason...

Anyway, the fact that Evey cares about taking care is a fine beginning. That, and the fact that she's also pretty good already. It'll be interesting to see where she goes with it.

Disclosure and disclaimer: I'm a smartass dog, for pete's sake. I know nothing about Zen. Apparently in some circles this makes me a master...
Photo: Cockeyed.com
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