Will the gnome roam to Nome or Rome?

I am happy to report my new travelling companion is cute, looks good in red, and is up for just about anything.

I am less enthusiastic to note said companion is a 203-year-old gnome named Cedric with a fondness for homemade brew and a pronounced dislike of cats.

A Christmas present, Cedric came with explicit instructions that I must:

1. Take him wherever I go.
2. Photograph him.
3. Blog about his travels.

Cedric's maiden trip was a holiday jaunt to Sharbot Lake, Ontario, where he got a taste of country air and deftly avoided being eaten by a wolverine.

I suspect Cedric is a bit of a ladies gnome. He was in town scant hours before making the acquaintance of an unidentified female gnome (a century or so his senior) who hails from a small Dutch village.

And to think I was counting on him to be my wingman.

The New Year Lift

Harmony and I were discussing what to wear to the New Year's Eve party that we will be attending together.

Dwarfie, who overheard us, responded with, "Something that shows leg and cleavage." The Chair seconded Dwarfie's comment with a naughty chuckle and an affirmative shake of the head.

"Well, my dress is short and low cut," I responded, "but I don't know how to make my girls peek over the balcony..."

"The right bra will do the trick," Harmony informed me.

Harmony was correct. At a trendy brassiere shop in the Rideau Centre, a young salesperson, knowledgeable in the art of cleavage, explained to me that it was all about memory foam (I thought she said mammary foam).

"No one comes about it naturally and size is not important," she reassured me as she eyed my bosom. She handed me two different bras, and I was impressed to see that the bras featured over one inch of foam at the base and sides of the cups.

"All the better to push things up," she chirped encouragingly.

*I wont' show my bra versus bra-less look - that's already been done in quite the lovely way by one of the ESI's favourite bloggers.

Breaking News: Homeslice is in the Dictionary

The correct definition of "homeslice" is now in the Urban Dictionary.

What you need to do now is go to the Dictionary and click on the "thumbs up" icon to vote for that definition and click on the thumbs-down for all the other definitions.

You may be inclined to support the definition currently at #8:

A complimentary term of endearment often used when sending well wishes.

Goodnight homeslice, I hope you have pleasant dreams.

However, there are two problems with this definition of "homeslice".

1. It could be used for anyone, a child, an aunt, a colleague, and not just a conjugal partner.
2. The word "complimentary" and the phrase "often used when sending well wishes" are redundant.

[Previous post in which I solve the girlfriend/partner/significant other problem.]

12 Google Resolutions for 2009

Last year I resolved to be more creative and stop relying on Google for my artistic inspiration. That didn't work out; so this year I went to Google for a dozen fresh resolutions.

In 2009:

1. I won’t be 100 percent wrong
2. I won’t be out there to lie down for him
3. I won't spend all my R&D on a meaningless pet project that fails to appeal to anybody when I could have been making videogames the whole time
   
4. I won’t create more waste
5. I won't be signing up for this challenge again
6. I won’t buy yarn except on days that begin with S
7. I won’t be as involved with Parkville WILDFIRE as I have been previously
8. I won’t have a 360-degree role anymore
9. I won’t promote my articles bar Tweeting them once
10. I won't be voting for him no matter whom he's running against
11. I won't watch GH anymore
12. I won't be surprised
    

Merry Christmas to all…

…and to all a good night…