The Best Group Blog? It's not us

Best group blog? Please, we're not even close. For my money it's the gang over at the OC Transpo Community Livejournal. How can we compete with posts like this?

driver of bus #5040. #7 ST Laurent @ 4:10pm
What is up with your driving! I am typing this as I am sitting in your bus on my Blackberry. This is a Hybryde bus and you are driving like it was a standard and you are poping the clutch! Everyone is having a hard time staying in their seats let alone stand in the bus! What gives? I know some buses are smoother then others but this takes the cake!!

Ottawa's anti-prorogue rally

Ottawa's prorogue protest, timed to coincide with several dozen across the country today, wasn't exactly slick. It was long. The student cheer leaders were endearingly amateur. A speaker or two wandered lengthily off-track. And there looked to be a lot of ad-hoc cooks trying to salt their own spice into the bouillabaisse.

But ya know what? If it had all been slick clockwork, I would have been more concerned. That might've meant some oily pro had pumped backroom grease into what looks to be real Facebook populism, rising spontaneously among concerned citizens.

Ya know what else? It was big. Far larger than the coalition rally after Prime Minister Stephen Harper prorogued in late 2008.

Even so, I heard a trio that looked like pro journalists, asking each other as pros are sometimes wont, if there was any story.

We coyotes, amateur and unjournalistic to a fault, would say there is. It is this: Anger and frustration over Harper's cynical manipulation of the democratic process in general and the prorogation card in particular is grassroots, authentic, and to be reckoned with.

If no smooth professional political types are involved yet, it may well be because the PM's disregard for the niceties of traditional politesse confounded and hamstrung them.

But while he smugly ties Parliament in knots, apparently he forgets that the real power of this country rests in many millions of people who, while they may never step onto the Hill, care deeply that what goes on there should be aboveboard. Especially when somebody starts jacking around with it too much. There's irony in self-anointed populists being bitten by the populace they claim to represent. Based on today's event, the PM might do well to remember that. If he ever got it in the first place.

Ask your doctor

All these Viagra and Cialis commercials make me think there are perhaps two, maybe three, men in our great Dominion, able to get an erection. Yes, if the frequency, tone and urgency of the ads are to be believed, in the words of the incomparable Moe Berg, almost all men, with few and valiant exceptions worthy of the Order of Canada, just can't seem to get it up.

All of which made me wonder if there is a drug available for the opposite condition. Yes, I seek the anti-Viagra. The pill or potion that smites desire and keeps it passive and subservient.

A quick online search turned up several possibilities: Marriage. Salt peter. Fathering a child. Curlers, beauty mask cream, a cigarette, bottle of tequila, frumpy nightgown, granny panties, or furry bunny slippers. Or a bunny wearing furry granny panties.

And for the women: A picture of Dom Deluise. Men that wear socks in bed, leave the bathroom sink in a mess, fail to put the seat down, don't cut toenails, or do and leave them on the floor.

Doctor Phil, where are you when we truly need you?

Love means not ever having to say you're sorry you wrote Love Story

The New York Times announced this morning that Love Story author Erich Segal has died.

Some of the younger among you won't remember this (extremely) slim bestseller. That is good.

Just take it as a salutary warning that when the inevitable weepy movie appeared in 1970, the world was blessed with Ryan O'Neal and Ali McGraw as nanosecond superstars.

And that, back in the day, Love Story and Jonathon Livingston Seagull almost completely defined the philosophical thought of a, ummm, certain generation.

All of which may explain why many things so often screech sideways, now that this ummm, generation is runnin' things. I'm just sayin'...

Google Poem: Unrequited?

* I would love to reconnect with my Grade 4 teacher, Mr. Brown.

* I would love to try Coze!

* I would love to get a look at that house!

* I would love to hear from him one way or the other.

* If you want just drop me a message I would love to talk.

* I would love to hear from you. ...

* Ohhh how I would love to travel more,

* I would love to take some writing classes, photography classes, and graphic design classes.

* I would love to be Jacinth, “Captain Jack” from Slave.

* i would love to be a part of your show because ilike mind games

* I would love to hear your domain ideas, so please feel free to share them in the comments below.

* I would love to see some of your finished 3D's

* I would love to know their future plans on phones and approximate release times.

* Sure, I would love to have a boyfriend who cares so much about me, but to always be there, always be so overprotective and so strict ? I would just move in with my father.

* Michelle Kwan is my idol and I would love to meet her some day. ...

* The main tips I would love to share with my fellow bloggers is that if you don't have a plan you plan to fail blogging takes time and energy have patience and learn the basic html and css this is very important if you are serious

* I would love to learn how to use my flash gun to it's full potential on location.

* I would love to go to New Zealand!

* I would love to stop snoring at night,

* I would love to have a dog.

* If I could I would love to be stuck on an island like the one from LOST

* I would love to be friends with you

* I would love to have prayer meetings on a regular basis.

* I would love to be very knowledgable about everything.

* I would love to test this theory, but I have to think

["I would love to"]

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2010-01-11

Venue: The Usual Spot
Present: 4th Dwarf, Coyote, Woodsy, Independent Observer, Conch Shell (late)

Absent: Chair (with regrets, no excuse), Aggie (with regrets, reasonable excuse)

No discussion of who will takes minutes. 4D just starts taking notes.

1. Dating Format

4D asks what date it is for his minutes. This sparks discussion of the date's noteworthy binary nature (example: 11/01/10) in some dating formats. This leads to a discussion of preferred formats for listing dates. 4D, Woodsy and Coyote all advocate for year-month-day format. IO says he prefers the standard Canadian day-month-year. It appears consensus is impossible until the others convince the IO they are not advocating the evil American month-day-year format and year-month-day is far more useful for sorting computer files.

Year-month-day is formally adopted as the Elgin Street Irregular's official format for dates.

Woodsy: Can we have a page listing the ESI's Official Positions?

4D: Yes

2. Ottawa Bloggers Workshop or Something

The people who did Blog Out Loud Ottawa in conjunction with the people who once in a while bring do the Ottawa Bloggers Breakfasts have put forward the idea of a having "something like a bloggy workshop".

W: One - I don't need a f-ing workshop. Two - will there be food and drink?

IO: More blogging, less workshopping.

C: Unless we're taking minutes.

4D: Should the ESI's host a session?

W: Commitment to blogging!

IO: That's like Tiger Woods hosting a workshop on fidelity.

W: Dating.

C: Which kind? Dating people or the kind we just talked about?

The ESIs brainstorm blogging areas of their expertise that other Ottawa bloggers know precious little about:

• Blogger stalking
• How to maintain your secret identity
• How to reveal your secret identity
• Fieldwork dos and don'ts
• Proper use of a back channel
• Conflict resolution
• Pimp your blog
• Proper use of Photoshop
• Choosing the right tank top
• How to run a contest
  
• When to engage an ethics counselor
  

3. The Chair

The ESIs gossip about why the Chair is not present and has not attended the last four emergency meetings. Nobody present makes the bullwhip sound.

W: We're not bringing Aggie up.

4D: Why not?

W: I promised her I'd protect her.

All present agree that Aggie deserves our unconditional support. And with regard to the Chair, we agree that while he isn't posting, his cam choices are excellent.

4. Jo Stockton's Lock-out

Background: Jo Stockton's Blog Also a Talker has gone invitation only. No ESIs have received invitations. The ESIs share speculation that Ms Stockton may wish to be more frank about her work or personal life. Or perhaps her Man of Science has requested more privacy.

W: We'll have to remove her from our blog roll. Unless she invites us.

4D: I don't want to read an invite-only blog. It's like how you don't give people's private information to a cabinet minister. I don't want to be in a position where I might blurt out someone's secrets.

4D: There is still her vegan blog. What is it?

C: It ain't meat, babe.

W: That makes me think of that song.

4D: It ain't me, Babe?

W: No. You're No Vegetarian 'Cuz You Eat My Meat.

5. Retirement and Hiatuses

The ESI's acknowledge that several local bloggers have recently announced their retirements or going on a hiatus. Someone asks about Aggie and the Chair.

CS: Aggie's not on hiatus, she's just tardy.

C: Megan has been talking about not blogging.

CS: How is she?

The others say that she appears to be pretty good. In a relationship and not blogging about it. Which might not be good for entertaining us, but is something we can all support for Megan's sake.

CS: And how about 5M? She gives us one paragraph for a whole year and it's loaded!

6: Is Blogging in its Sunset phase?

The IO suggests that blogging is in a new phase where it is being supplanted by other services like Twitter and that blogging, like mainstream media, is segmenting in narrow topic niches.

4D: I don't think blogging is changing, I think what you are reading is changing. Because I'm scanning all the local blogs and the mommy bloggers are still reporting every shit and burp.

C: Are they twittering them as well?

Nobody has an answer because the ESIs don't tweet.

CS: Is there any drama out there?

4D: You've got various bloggers complaining about their bitchy sisters and rotten baby daddies, but the only blogger with real, readable drama is Salted Lithium. [Shout-out to Gabriel - you are an awesome dad! And wise to only show your boy Star Wars and the Empire Strikes Back.]

7: Creating a Muse

Woodsy, Conch Shell, the IO and Coyote discuss a wacky idea that 4D just cannot get behind.

4D: There's no question that this group can take an idea and embellish it.

C: I'm not in, but go for it.

CS: We need Aggie.

IO: It could be fun.

8: Woodsy's New Contest

Woodsy shares her idea for a new contest. Everyone is supportive. Woodsy reveals she would still like to do "Tea with Woodsy" but has not had time.

9: News of the Day

Proroguing:

CS: Whatever.
C: What about proroguing the blog?
IO: Maybe we need recalibration.
4D: Please. No. I couldn't bear it if the Revolutionary New Dating Paradigm died on the order paper.
C: And you'd have to start all over? No. We're not proroguing the blog.

Hartman's Piano:

4D: Let's protest the stores that never had a piano in the first place.

Mayor Larry:

CS: Will he run again?

4D: Jim Watson is going to announce he's running tomorrow morning.

W: I'll vote for anyone who brings water taxis to Ottawa.

The Coyote Hunt:

It is unanimous that we oppose all coyote hunts and this is adopted as an official position of the ESIs.

10: Pumping up the Content

CS: I have things to say about real estate.

4D: We get a whack of hits when we say anything about OC Transpo.

11: Why are people not playing with us?

C: Have we gotten boring?

IO: Is it something we said?

Official Positions of the Elgin Street Irregulars

1. Year-Month-Day is the ideal format for dates. [Adopted - Emergency Meeting 2010-01-11]
2. We are opposed to coyote hunts. [Adopted - Emergency Meeting 2010-01-11]

[This page contains all official positions of the Elgin Street Irregulars.]

Parsing Coyote's negative press

Today's Petfinder story about a hapless Osgoode snowmobiler attacked by an allegedly insane coyote makes for interesting reading. But not necessarily because it justifies the recurring hate-on for my kin, by city councillor Doug Thompson and the local Fish and Game Association.

See, when you tune out the story's chest-thumping quotes, the bald facts of the matter are these: a guy driving a snowmobile used it to mow down a coyote, breaking its legs. Then he finished the job by climbing off and kicking it to death.

Sadly, the coyote, like many of us, may just have been enraged by a hellaciously noisy machine racketing through his turf. Or what was left of it. Possibly the last, literal, straw after getting squeezed out by suburban developers.

Even disregarding for a moment that -

• The snowmobile in the accompanying photo looks like it ought to be able to outrun pretty much any coyote, even one that's rabid - or mainlining meth - and;
• The driver seems awfully chuffed about entering his novelty kill in the current "Kack a Koyote for Konservation Kontest™"

- ya might ruminate upon who the real predators are. We coyotes do. Often.

Yawn. Lessee here....

A coyote assassination contest, you say? With shotguns as prizes? Provided you present evidence confirming your murderous success?

Obviously, Ottawa Councillor "Rabid" Doug Thompson is betting this will be a winning civic election issue in his ward again this fall...

I wonder if he wants heads? Or tails? Nyuk nyuk.

Image: Freeclipartnow.com

Hoot, Hoot Tiana

Dear Tiana,

We should have tea sometime. I have the tea pot (made by hand by the Erratic Genius), and you have the cup.

Cheers,

Woodsy

Can't help it...

Y'know, for my New Year's resolution, I swore that I was going to go cold (leftover, Christmas) turkey on tiresome political rants. I really did. Sadly, the road to hell is paved with velleities. Or, as my wise, but (thankfully) rather indecorous, Uncle Harry Coyote once said over a bowl of high-test Scotch, "The things we pretend to intend to do." I, ummm, digress. Musta been the Scotch...

But I have been provoked. Sometime over the holiday, the PM gambled that the Canadian body politic has become ADD enough to be distracted by by Olympic bread and circuses while he tries (for the eleventy-third time since his minority government began business) to game our democratic system like a cheap pinball machine. Until he's busted it.

The media, pundits, Facebook, and some of our favourite bloggers et. al. are hitting parliamentary prorogation in depth. Keep piling it deeper, deeper, I say!

But what I return to is the fact that, while we all may not quite get the niceties of prorogation - hell, some us can't even pronounce it without our tongues wrapping sloppily around our pointy noses - we know morally bankrupt cynicism when we smell it. Even with our tongues wrapped around our noses.

If I was a betting coyote, I'd bet he wants a spring election. The guy actually granted "real" journalists some interviews this week. Including the CBC. And he tried to smile while he greased Peter Mansbridge heavily enough to clog arteries. He only ever does these things when he thinks he has to. And he only thinks he has to when he's shooting for that elusive majority. Too bad the public ain't exactly down with that plan.

I've said before that the PM is an unreconstructed strategy board gamer. Like too many half-smart gamers, he considers himself an unassailable whiz kid. Trouble is, also in common with too many half-smart gamers, he's more into slightly sociopathic tactics than, you know, actual strategies for decent governance. And he's so fixated on his own whizzing that he fails to see when it sprays on other people's feet.

RNDP 28: Using Facebook

No need for me to write anything this week. Ryan Dube at Makeuseof.com has written an excellent guide for men who want to use Facebook to find women.

3 Coolest Ways A Geek Can Get Girls To Notice Him On Facebook.

There's no indication on whether anyone at Makeuseof intends to write a companion piece for how girls can get geeks to notice them on Facebook, so I'll do it for them:

1. Get a Facebook account.
2. Put a picture of yourself in your profile.
3. Optional: List your relationship status as single.