Interviews for Profiles

Dear fellow ESIs:

As you know, I have been completely blocked on the profiles. I had that one great moment of inspiration when I wrote the Chair's profile many moons ago. And, I have regretted even writing the thing, because the rest of you now resent me for not writing about you.

To remedy this problem, I would like each of you to fill out the following survey which will serve as a starting place for each profile. Megan suggested that it would be more fair to begin with the Irregular who blogs the most frequently. So, perhaps Dwarfie could complete the survey first. Thank you for your cooperation.

Aggie
xx

Survey

What do you consider to be your best quality?
What do you like to do when you are not blogging?
Tell me about your pets.
Tell me about your pet peeves.
If you were a pillow, what kind would you be?
If someone were to make you a pillow, what would you like it to look like?

Mumumelon® biz model: down the ol' flusher?

Aggie reports this just in from the CBC: Lululemon stocks appear to be taking a bath after an investor's private lab analysis discovered that a new line of clothing purported to contain beneficial health-inducing seaweed additives, turns out to be, ummm, maybe, less than likely to carry this enhancement. Could the venture be (fish?)tanking on the market?

Loyal ESI readers will recall that our nascent Mumumelon® venture was closely modelled on lululemon® -- in a matter/antimatter kinda way, since we're using many of the same marketing ideas to corner the exercise-wear market for the exact opposite somatotype. (That'd be the 'endomorphs', or to us new-age, workout-challenged lay-types, the potentially-lucrative Pillsbury Doughboy® contingent...)

To head off any financially-ruinous speculation among our main investors, I, as Mumumelon's® chief spokescoyote, just want to take this opportunity to assure the market (Huh? Whaddaya whispering at me? Oh! Them...) ...and our valued family of customers... that every mu'umu'u we produce is absolutely guaranteed to be factory-drenched in lime Jell-O®. If you start feeling a blood sugar emergency, say, after climbing the stairs or something, you can just suck on the hem until your head stops spinning and your glucose levels return to normal...

After all, the well-being of our bank accou... uh, customers, is paramount. Thank you.

Image: Toiletology.com

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2007-11-09 Part 1 - Meta Contest Winner!

Venue: The Usual Spot
On Time: Fourth Dwarf, Coyote, Agatha
Late: Conch Shell, the Chair
Absent with notice: Independent Observer
Emergency: Meta-Contest and Terms of Reference for Consultancy
Called by: Agatha
Minutes by: 4D

5:19pm: Coyote suggests that we have quorum and can begin the meeting. 4D insists we wait until 5:30, the time that Aggie chose to begin.

5:30pm: Aggie calls the meeting to order. Coyote unwraps Woodsy's bribe. Aggie asks how we should divide it. 4D suggests each present takes one of the 3 Lindts, one of the 3 Ferrero-Rochers, and we divide the Toblerone between us. Aggie asks if perhaps we might have preferences, so that each of us could take a different brand. 4D shrugs. "Okay. I want this one," he says, reaching for the Lindt. "Me too," says Coyote, placing his own paw firmly on the Lindt so that 4D cannot take it. "Okay. We'll divide it," says Aggie.

4D begins reviewing contest entries; restarts when Conch Shell arrives; then restarts all over again when the Chair arrives. All present reflect carefully on each entry.

Urban Pedestrian: one of Aggie's home-made muumuus

4D notes that UP, with four entries, should be recognized for her frequent participation in our blog comments. But for this prize, all look to Aggie.

"Too much work," she says.

Woodsy: the t-shirt with "Rock on" and "Anyhoo" (very tight slinky number (size petite), not one of those baggy, oversize thingies that Dwarfie wears.)

4D is feeling kindly disposed to Woodsy because the Lindt white chocolate ball he consumed tasted great. Aggie is similarly kindly disposed.
Coyote notes that he has ethical issues to raise regarding the bribe: "In future, I'd like to see a lot more chocolate - and of higher quality."
4D notes a problem with Woodsy's prize suggestion. She wants the t-shirt with "Rock on" and "Anyhoo", yet she wants it to be a tight slinky (size petite) number. The fact is that the t-shirt is size XXX-large. It is tight (and slinky) on 4D, but would need staples or binder clips to be slinky on Woodsy.

Urban Pedestrian: a new pair of pink go-go boots, size 7 1/2.

UP's second entry is recognized to be 'not bad', but as our shopping professionals had not spotted any pink go-go boots at Value Village, St. Vincents or the Sally Ann, UP will have to hope for one of her other entries.

Harmony: world peace - "An inner disarmament of the human soul that replaces jealousy and hatred with compassion and a holistic world view …."

Aggie and Conch Shell indicate they would be prepared to work on inner disarmament. Coyote suggests this is all too complex. 4D and the Chair are completely opposed. Things get ugly. Expletives are uttered. Cutlery is waved in threatening fashion. Bar staff intervenes and restores order.
Harmony will have to stick with her Lama friend for this one.

Apostrophe: a kick in the ass

No one is prepared to declare Apostrophe the winner, but we'd be happy to arrange a kick in the ass for him.

zoom: a mojo kit, with little treasures contributed by each of the ESIs.

Still affected by the fight over inner harmony and the the Kick in the Ass suggestion, the ESIs aren't feeling the Mojo.

Audrey: a Google poem written by the ESIs. ... mention my name ... dedicated to me

"We don't write Google poems," says 4D, "we find them."

Tiana: I would like to win a poutine made with crisp potato fries, squeaky cheese curds and a thick vegetarian gravy that hopefully doesn't taste mushroomy.

"Who wouldn't want this?" asks 4D. "If we knew where to get this we would have a new usual spot."
"Besides," says Coyote, "vegetarian gravy is an OXOmoron."

[4D notes that all of the following entries did not follow the contest rules because they were not posted in the comments attached to the original Meta Blog posting, but to update postings, or in one case to another blog entirely. "Fantastic," says the Chair, "eliminate them on a technicality. Very Ottawa!" Aggie and Coyote insist that we give these entries an equal chance.]

Urban Pedestrian: An opportunity to find us another muse to metablog.

"Perfect" says Aggie. Everyone nods in agreement. The quest for a new muse has become a frustrating crusade for the ESIs. "But what does Urban Pedestrian have in mind?" asks 4D. "Is she thinking of being our new muse and having us metablog her? Or is she going to help us find someone else?"
"Does it matter?" asks Aggie.
"Her blog doesn't have enough personal revelation and dysfunction," notes Coyote.
"And she doesn't really know what she'd be asking for," says 4D, "it's a real be careful what you wish for situation..."
"We should direct her to some of the postings after the unveiling," says the Chair. [example]
"I miss the Fifth Muse" says Aggie. The ESIs spend a few minutes reminiscing about highlights of the time they spent following 5M's adventures.

Urban Pedestrian: 2 million dollars

The ESIs are ready to move on with no consideration of this prize until 4D notes that UP did not specify which "dollar" she wanted and at current rates, $2 M Zimbabwe would come to about $64 Canadian. "Still too much, but with Zimbabwe's hyper-inflation, we should keep an eye on it."

Asteroidea Press: I think that the prize should be a light bulb sculpture.

4D announces that he has investigated this possibility with the lightbulb sculptor. "He says that he's already sorry he invited us to his last couple of parties, he's still cleaning up from Halloween, he really doesn't want any further association with us and we couldn't afford his price for a light bulb sculpture anyway.
"So if she wants a light bulb sculpture, she'll have to go to him," says Aggie. All agree.

bob: "a really good idea" of what to get my cats for their first birthday... ideas of other genres too.

"I think he's already got this," says Aggie.

Eternal_Hermit: Since I'm in no need of material things at the moment, I'll win by default, wishing someone else wins

Aggie is irritated. "I do not want him to win."
"He can't," says 4D. "If he wins, he loses, if someone else wins, he wins, therefore he loses."
Coyote asks, "Can we give him Apostrophe's kick in the ass?"

Tiana: a hand-made Christmas tree ornament.

4D notes that Tiana is a total hottie. "Seems obvious who should get the prize," says another ESI. "Should that matter?" asks Conch Shell. 4D notes that anything that helps us reach consensus is a good thing.
Aggie indicates that she would be extremely happy to craft a Christmas tree ornament for Tiana.

bob: Aggie's cat pillow ...

Again, we all look to Aggie: "I'm out of fish fabric. But I would do anything for Bob." All agree that it would be best for Bob if we kept his involvement with Aggie at a minimum.
Coyote notes that Bob should consider the pillow to be a great idea for a present for his cat.

The Winner:

Although the discussion of each winner has taken a long time, the ESIs quickly decide that the Winner of the Contest shall be:

Tiana, who shall receive a hand-made Christmas tree ornament.

And in a feeling of magnanimity, they announce a First-Runner-Up:

The Urban Pedestrian, who will be invited to help us find a new muse.

Thanks to all for entering!

[Minutes for remainder of meeting to follow...]

Elgin Street, 11 o'clock A.M.

Emergency Meeting - Almost in Session!!

Agenda

-to select prize-winner of meta-contest
-to discuss terms of reference for Megan's consultancy