Forget Larry, Let’s Talk About Flirting

Over at the Elgin Street Muse blog, there is quite a bit of talk about flirting. Manny Blue mentioned that flirting is a four season activity. Anonymous wanted more instruction. Conch Shell felt it was more of a pre-relationship thing. I like that Aggie concluded that we should just be doing it, and not over thinking it. Certainly, to me, it is an every day activity.

I flirted with an enchantingly pretty young woman this morning. The barista at a Starbucks. She had wild, radiant hair that had strands pulled up in a few places and that were held up by coloured elastics and pretty little barrettes. She wore shiny shell and silver jewelry, and at first I thought she looked a bit like a fairy tale princess - like the one in The Princess Bride. I noticed that the chalk board on the counter that names the baristas had a drawing of two Mermaids (one blonde with wild hair like my barista). When she handed me my coffee, I looked her in the eyes, smiled amiably, and told her that she did indeed look like a mermaid. She broke out into a lovely smile, and thanked me sweetly.

I flirted with a scrumptious young man this afternoon at a Bridgehead. I liked how he had a bit of an old fashioned look about him - as if he had just walked out of the late seventies. Maybe I just wanted to believe he looked that way, because that is when I would have been the age that I suspect he is now. I asked him if he would make my latté pretty like the last time. Last time he made a half-moon design in the foam. We chatted about how in Vancouver they make all kinds of nice designs in the latté foam. He had my undivided attention. He mentioned that a friend of his was being flown from Vancouver to somewhere in the States to compete in foam decorating.

“I’m really not very good at this,” he apologized.

“In Vancouver someone made a heart in my foam.” I mentioned.

“There you go,” he said handing me my latté, “but I don’t know what it is.”

“Look,” I said, turning the cup around for him to see, “it’s a tulip.”

“Oh, wow, so it is.” He marveled at his art.

I winked at him and said, “Now I can tell my friends that a nice young man gave me a flower today.”

He smiled and blushed.

Ms Army Pants witnessed the flirt with the young man and was told about the flirt with the young girl. She called me dirty.

“You’d do anything for sex wouldn’t you.” She accused.

“It’s not about sex,” I protested. “I am much too old for either of them. It’s about connecting, it’s about having conversations, it’s about making people smile…” I explained passionately and honestly.

“No, you’re just dirty.” She insisted.

In like a lion, out like a...

-- Photography and mint sauce courtesy of the lovely and multitalented Pandora...

Ottawa Housing Market: Up or Down?

The spring housing market is upon us, and I have some friends who are now looking to buy property, and I thought I’d turn this discussion to thoughts on Ottawa’s real-estate market.

Garth Turner, who has just published, “The Greater Fool: The Troubled Future of Real Estate” says no-one should be buying a home now. Others disagree. Loads of economic forecasters say the market will keep rising, although perhaps slower than before. Others say we could be in a condo bubble. Others that condos are solid because of our aging population base. Others say the U.S. economic meltdown will soon hurt our own housing prices. I also find myself wondering about all those people who rushed, as speculators, to buy in Calgary/Edmonton. Forecasts now are that these markets have flat-lined.

It’s a gamble. An old house on my street (Central Ottawa) just sold for well over $500,000, and I thought it was worth about $350,000. These new owners must think it’s worth it.
Well, for those of you who want to buy, but really, really don’t want to lose money – and are not made of it -- here’s my thoughts (okay, I’m no expert, but nonetheless):

First, don’t go into the suburbs. Everyone’s into minimizing their carbon footprints, and that means inner-city neighbourhoods are in. For several years now the city core neighbourhoods have been climbing in value faster than the outlying areas, and I think this trend will continue and intensify. (Besides, studies tell us that suburb life makes people fat and a little less happy than they would have been, country homes excluded).

Second: if you can at all manage it, buy a house that actually has a yard. There are $600,000 properties out there with no yard, and there are $300,000 ones with beautiful back yards. As the city grows, that urban yard will become much more valuable, plus it gives you room to expand (when you can afford it) without having to move.

Third: If you must buy a condo, see #1 and be even more stringent. That’s uber-urban core, and by this I also mean the hip-urban core of areas like Westboro and the Glebe. Places where there’s not a lot of crappy homes/old warehouses that could get torn down for future condos to compete with yours (and glut the market). I’d say, make sure your condo is within a 10 minute walking distance to three coffee shops. Let’s say that two will suffice if said condo is also within a five minute walk to water.

Fourth: Try not to be directly on a busy street. Don’t buy on Main St., or Parkdale, or Holland, or Scott, if you can avoid it. It might seem like a good deal now, but it’ll be hard to sell in the future, especially if there’s a downturn, plus all that carbon-monoxide and extra stress will take years off your life. Not a good deal.

Fifth: Don’t buy somewhere where you can clearly hear the Queensway hum. Again, it’s not just noise pollution, it’s also that carbon monoxide stuff taking years off your life.

Sixth: Do buy in the “annex” neighbourhoods, the poorer cousins to the rich ones. So: Dow’s Lake, Bronson-West/Little Italy/Hintonburg (Mechanicsville), which annex the Glebe and Wellington Village/Westboro. Preferably seek out a neighbourhood that has a cool and already vibrant “High Street”. A main drag that looks like it could develop further. For the strong-willed and smaller budgeted, I’d also suggest Vanier, but close to Beechwood, not MacArthur.

What do you think, are prices going up or down? What Ottawa neighbourhoods are the best ones to buy into now?

A brief celebratory interlude

This week has been afflicted marked with a number of small, intimate celebrations of an unspecified annual observance for an unspecified member of the Elgin Street Irregulars. Let me put this into perspective by stating that when you've been running around sticking your semimythical nose into things for the number of millenia that I have, multiplying all of the person-years by seven to arrive at a rough canine equivalent doesn't bear thinking about. So we won't.

But it would be remiss of me not to thank all who joined me to balm the abrasions and toast the small victories of another year. A big howl-out to the IO, Audrey, Aggie, 4th Dwarf, Pandora, the Chair, Conch Shell, Harmony, Painted Stick and Zoom. And especially to Woodsy the wood elf, who, when I said I'd like nothing better than a chocolate-point Siamese cat, got it mostly right. It seems to be very similar to white chocolate, and it does look sorta like a cat. One with very oddly fixed pink-and-purple eyes. And may I say, it's soooo beeeyootiful!!!! Ahem. Thank you. As you were.

A modest proposal

This has been the winter of my discontent. Apparently, I'm not alone in this feeling. But it's not just winter. At our last emergency meeting the Irregulars voted to support Larry O'Brien in the belief that this will be good for our karma. Would it be bad karma to point out that there was vociferous undocumented dissent during that debate -- namely, mine?

But noooo. Everybody ignores the damn doggie. And now look at us. Having huge amounts of trouble figuring out what the hell the guy is good for, so we can 'support' him without messing up our already-tottery karmic imbalance even further. And we're not the only ones.

Yet, strangely, I believe I have found a solution that may be able to satisfy us all, the fluffy-bunny supportive types, as well as (ahem) any semimythical totemic animistic sorts who hearken back to older, possibly harsher spiritual systems. (I have to say that considering that Easter originally celebrated nailing a guy to a board, and these days is an excuse for rendering joltingly-gratuitous violence unto Marshmallow PEEPs®, any claims that my roots are uncivilized and backward seem a tad blinkered.)

When I took the problem to a longtime semimythical totemic animistic friend of mine from my old stomping grounds back west, he went straight to the nut: "You're looking for a use for this guy so you can support him in good conscience, right? And winter's been going on way too long, right? So multitask. Make him a human sacrifice to the spirit of winter, so it'll screw off and let spring back in. And the bonfire warms everybody up in the meantime."

Is this guy good or what?

12 other Mayors with problems

Ontario

• Carleton Place Mayor Paul Dulmage has had a private charge issued against him dismissed after a businessman said the mayor threatened to hunt him down like a dog.

USA

• Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is hanging on for his political life after the revelation that, among 14,000 text messages between him and his chief of staff Christine Beatty, there was evidence of an extramarital affair between the pair -- evidence that contradicts his sworn statements in a whistleblower case brought by former police officers that ended in $9 million in damages against the city.
• Former Leighton, Alabama, Mayor Robert Ricks was sentenced to 12 months probation following his September conviction on federal extortion charges.
• The mayor of Berryville, Arkansas, Timothy Ray McKinney, was arrested and booked into the Carroll County Jail early Sunday morning; charged with speeding, driving while intoxicated, and possession of a controlled substance. He was released on bond early Sunday afternoon.
• Alice, Texas Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez resigned because of a custody dispute over a Shih Tzu named Puddles. Saenz-Lopez insists she didn't steal her neighbor's pooch.
• Arlington, Oregon mayor Carmen Kontur-Gronquist who once stripped to her underwear and posed on a fire truck has been stripped of her office.
  
• Bath, New Jersey Mayor David D. Mosey was charged with recklessly endangering another person, reckless driving, careless driving and other motor vehicle violations after it was reported he repeatedly crashed into another vehicle that drifted into his lane while the Mayor was on his way to take a stress test.
• Police arrested the Mayor of Samson, Alabama, Clay Mchugh King, Friday after he allegedly confronted and stabbed a 44-year-old man he found with his wife.

Spain

• Juan Millán, the Socialist Mayor of the small Málaga village of La Viñuela, faces a possible 18 months in prison in connection with three building licences, in a case where he is charged with perversion of the course of justice and also faces a 17 month ban from public office.
• The former Mayor of the Málaga village of Cómpeta, the ex Partido Popular Mayor, Leovigildo López, has been banned from any public office position for the next seven years, in a sentence from criminal court No. 1 in the provincial capital which has found him guilty of planning crimes.

Republic of Kalmykia

• Kalmykia's prosecutors have opened a criminal investigation into Rady Burulov, the mayor of the republic's capital, Elista, on allegations that his administration overpaid for goods purchased from a company owned by his parents.

United Kingdom

• The mayor of Pembroke, Wales, Keith McNiffe is to appear in court accused of fraudulently claiming thousands of pounds in disability benefits while refereeing at football matches in west Wales.

Previously: Mayors with Swagger

Hot Bikini Babes - Emergency Meeting Minutes

Location / Date: Usual Spot, Friday March 21 2008
Members In Attendance (and on-time): 4th Dwarf, Coyote, Agatha, the Chair
Member arriving late in their usual passive-aggressive manner: Conch Shell
Member absent for semi-legitimate reasons: Independent Observer
Guests: Audrey, Harmony

Meeting began. First item of order: delegation of the taking of the minutes. Aggie nominated the Chair to take minutes. Seconded by Dwarfie. Reluctantly accepted by the Chair.

Before going into formalities, those present congratulated Coyote on surviving to see another annual milestone in Bytown’s less-than-hospitable urban setting for creative canines – Doug Thompson be damned. Beverages were raised. Yellow snow was made.

Item 2: Whither the Blog – Kitty Blogging

A point was raised regarding the prevalence of pussies felines in the blog of late. This has raised some concern for some of the members and regular readers of the blog. Some felt the ESIs were selling out to the popularity of cats in the blogosphere while others wanted more focus on politically incorrect Chinese food recipes. [Redacted] noted that she has cat allergies and couldn’t read such postings without her Epi-pin at hand. It was further noted that those wannabes down the road were going all porno on their parodies of this topic and it could marginalize our readership. It was agreed that we would poll the readership before implementing any censorship.

Item 3: Dwarfie’s Crushes – Cute or Creepy?

Dwarfie’s latest escapade in provoking potential restraining orders against the ESIs from Ottawa’s Blogtown Babe Community was discussed. A quick vote came down to a split decision on whether this is cute or creepy. “It’s not like I’m stalking!” said the Dwarf. Aggie shuddered. All agreed that we would let things continue as they are, but that [redacted] was in the best position to veto this behaviour.

Item 4a: Who is the CBC commenter with no sense of humour?

The Chair opined that it would be a shorter list if we asked the opposite question and subsequently threw out the name Alan Neal (just to see if he actually reads this blog). Others suggested [redacted]. Some clues suggest that it could be coming from subversive elements associated with the readership of Aggie’s blog. CSIS would be contacted for assistance.

Item 4b: Who is the 7th Heathen

All agreed it was most likely [redacted]. Our message to 7th Heathen: keep it up. We know who you are, and we know where you live.

Item 5: deferred until our special guest arrived

Item 6: Report from the Italian bureau

Audrey updated us on developments overseas. All is well as she and the IO manage furniture and decorating details. The Chair was impressed with their choice of furniture and recognized one of his relatives in the Ottoman section of the catalogue. 4D asked if the apartment had yet been “baptized, if you know what I mean ?” Aggie shuddered.

[in camera]

[out camera]

Item 7: How to bring down Mayor Lex Luthor and become famous in the process

Most agreed he doesn’t need anyone’s assistance on this front, as he and his staff were doing an admirable job on their own. [Redacted] mused whether we would be seeing a wind-tax or a “cloudy-with-a-chance-for-a-shower” tax in next year’s budget. Rehabilitating him was considered the better option to pursue. “It would be very zen-like,” said Aggie. “Everyone loves a redemption story,” said the Chair. The Chair then recounted a story about how his mother used to respond to obscene phone-callers in the days before call display. “Why are you doing this? You need help…” she’d tell them. Dwarfie laughed, albeit a little too knowingly by the Chair’s take.

The discussion moved onto strategies for elevating the Mayor’s cred. Dwarfie offered to continue to post about other bad public figures. Another idea included bringing down his opponents. Conch Shell was immediately tasked with creating a detailed list of Mayor Lex’s opponents and was subsequently going to make an ATI request to the Census Bureau.

Item 8: Making Woodsy a full fledged ESI

Aggie said it would be a good idea seeing that Woodsy has provided more content than some of the current ESI members. At this point, Conch Shell and the Chair looked at each other with shame, both knowing that such a passive-aggressive comment in their presence would only contribute to their further marginalization from the blog and countless hours of therapy as they fight their sense of self-worth in a publish-or-perish world of two-bit hacks... oh fuck-off!!!

Audrey, speaking on behalf of the non-member ESIs present, noted that perhaps Woodsy wasn’t the “cliquey” type personality that the Irregulars seem to emulate with such fervour. The ESIs present unanimously agreed that Woodsy was welcome to join their “clique”, allowing Woodsy to be part of a group that would snub all others and have dates for the prom and daddy’s car…

Item 9: Jesus

All made a nod to the big-J, on a day that wasn’t so good for him, even though it’s called Good Friday. The Chair noted that it was such an ironic use of adjectives in the Catholic Church that probably contributed to his lapse in faith and why he always gets the giggles when he visits the Stations of the Cross.

Item 10: Other business

Dwarfie shared some blog statistics with the members. His chart suggests that blogging about hair and/or Kady O’Malley seems to draw in the readers -- as does having provocative words in our posting titles. Aggie confessed she deliberately chose her title to up our hit count in her last posting. The Chair noted this phenomenon and duly changed the title for the Emergency Meeting minutes.

Someone raised the issue of the ESI position on Clinton vs. Obama. The ESIs did not take a political stand except to state that either would be welcome to do a guest blog. Details were going to be discussed with Zoom on setting up an eBay invite to candidates.

All other matters having been considered, the formal part of the meeting was adjourned with the arrival of Woodsy and the ESIs' special guest – Zoom.

Item 5: Special Presentation to Zoom

Zoom arrived and exclaimed, “So, you’re all real!" That said, all engaged in further discussion on the events of our times over a few cold beverages. I’m sure Zoom will give you all the details.

Bad poetry and hot sex

I'm in Ottawa now, and am enjoying all the Mayor Larry stuff, I must say. But, really, seriously, how can we bring this guy down? I've put this on the agenda for the next ESI Emergency Meeting. Stay tuned.

In other news, one Ottawa blogger is not happy with the quality of men out there right now. It seems the choices are 1) sappy poetry, or 2) NSAHS (no-strings-attached-hot-sex). Hmmmm. I know which one I'd choose in a pinch... but, no matter!

I would like to reassure this blogger that things are going to shift soon. Spring brings change, which means relationship bust-ups, which equals (desperate) available or available-ish men. There still may be the bad poetry/hot sex offerings, but there may be some lads who at least know how to package themselves a bit better.

My New Blog Crush: Kady O'Malley

Sorry, Tiana, you're looking better than ever, but I have a new blogging crush. Kady O'Malley at Inside the Queensway has been blogging Parliament Hill for Macleans Magazine since last July. In the fall she began live-blogging committee meetings with her Blackberry.

I've been enjoying her postings, skimming through some of the longer blow-by-blow accounts, but enjoying her enthusiasm and amused view of proceedings.

But then a couple of weeks ago, she started doing video commentary with her phone-cam and uploading them to Youtube and I was moved to infatuation. How blown was my infatuation? Full.

Here she is in the Driveway of Power:

Another classic is "There's no good reason why this meeting is in camera."

[p.s. Have you noticed that "mainstream media" bloggers have awful blogs from the standpoint of sidebar content? No profile links, no "top posts", no linkrolls, no tag clouds, no photo albums?]

[p.p.s. If our anonymous CBC commenter the other day was Hallie Cotnam, I just want to say "sorry, I've moved on" to you also.]

[p.p.p.s. To the young lady I have plans with for Friday night, don't worry, we're still on. ]

Let's talk HAIR!

I just got my hair cut. I told the hair stylist, "I want something more MODERN". My hair stylist is about 18 years old, so I figured he is plugged into what is modern. In my mind, I was thinking Megan and foxification. I was hoping for the smokin' hot results that she achieved. I was delighted when my stylist began hacking off my hair and thinning it out. He even got the razor out at one point, which is always fun. He then applied some very expensive hair straightening product to my hair. Then, he carefully dried my hair and used a FLAT IRON (again, I was feeling excited at the similarity with the process involved in Megan's foxification project). I walked out of the salon $50 poorer, and with my hair clinging to my head like a wee helmet. When Dischevelled Man saw me, he tried to be supportive, but I could tell he wasn't feeling it. It didn't go over well when he said, "You've got a tiny little head, don't you, sweetie?". The next day, I washed and dried my new hair MYSELF, and teased it out, making it BIG. This is when I realized -- who am I kidding? I am an 80s chick. I need big hair. I am a big hair chick.

Down. Word. Dog.

The Irregulars have been all over the Word Cop thing, and I have watched with yellow-eyed jealousy. Yet my oppositional defiance disorder has been playing up big-time, so there's no way I'm slavishly following the pack. But. Grammar rants are soooo tempting. And the material soooo rich. So I've decided to bite Mother Corp's ass on pronunciation. Close enough.

We coyotes wake up darned early in the morning. Given our druthers, we like to eease into full awareness with our eyes closed for a bit, listening to the dulcet tones of the CBC announcers who read the early morning news and financials before 6 a.m.

More than a few mornings recently, my sleepy eyes have jarred open in outrage and shot lightning of a kind normally reserved for pre-migraine auras, as those dulcet CBC tones egregiously jackboot certain words. Repeatedly. Word has it that Mother Corp used to have a pronunciation guide, and woe betide the dumb rookie who blew off that part of the exam. But it seems that things have gone to hell since Lister Sinclair booked it, apparently somewhere in the mid-Atlantic. Sure, I'm cranky about it. I'm enough thousands of semi-mythical years old that I've earned the right.

Ottawa Morning's news guy has a cringe worthy speech impediment that causes him to utter the word DEE-fence repeatedly when speaking of things related to this country's armed forces, while the woman from Calgary who covers gas and oil drops frequent clangers about Alberta's REE-source management.

This is just wrong on so many levels. For one thing, Alberta hardly manages its resources lately, it sells gargantuan quantities of them at fire sale prices to ingrate, mostly-US-based multinationals. I digress. We'll speak of the true definition of 'stewardship' another time.

The Oxford Big Word Thingy, Canine Edition, above, or any other Canadian dictionary, is clear on this point, dammit! Defence. Resource. Neither is pronounced with the stress on the first syllable. Unless you were concussed in peewee hockey and have since watched way too much of that sterling grammarian, Don Cherry on TEEvee. Unless your name is Bubba from Alabama and you drive a NASCAR veeHICKle. Or unless you're George Bush. But even the people that elected him have finally realised he's an idiot.

I'm just sayin'.

Aggie's cat observing record snowfall

Uh oh, now what?

Record snowfall accumulation?

No. Nope. Noooooooo. Hell no! Not until we've had at least another eighty-seven freakin' centimetres....

Word Cop - rejected with disdain?

or goaded, urged or incited?

Tabula Rasa 24 Feb 2008 by Brett A. Bumgarner
I've completely forgotten all the horrors of Carrboro that spurned me to move here.* I've completely forgotten everything! Believe me, those horrors still exist. I'm still extraordinarily angered, hurt and pained by some people and ...

The American Gangster 17 Feb 2008 by Marc
The story starts briefly with the arrival of millions of immigrants to the United States by way of Ellis Island and the harsh working conditions that spurned children to grow up and be more than their parents were, ...

Ramblings... 24 Feb 2008 by Gina
It certainly didn't seem to in Paul's case; his troubles spurned him to further Christ likeness. But I am thankful for "friends who stick closer than a brother" that the Lord has brought into my life. He knows my weaknesses and that I ...

"The Constant" 28 Feb 2008 by Wes Raine
I think that the announcement of the end of LOST in three more seasons has given the producers a focus that they have been lacking and has spurned them to reinvigorate the series in a way that I could never have imagined. ...

New Website Releases a Directory of Jeweler Locations 23 Feb 2008 by Jewelry News
A week before Valentine's day, the webmaster of JewelerLocations.com saw the void in the jewelry industry that has spurned him to creating an online directory of jewelers. For those interested in buying and/or selling jewelry, ...

[Physics] Black holes, gravity, and pecan pies 28 Feb 2008 by epicclean
This forum topic at wulfram forums spurned me to look around at black hole gravitational stretching of space-time.

Review: the Light my Fire Spork 12 Feb 2008 by karmatir
My previous mention of my purchase of a “silverware” set spurned me to post this.

February 14, 2008 14 Feb 2008 by Jak
But my recent awareness of the sexualization of youth has awakened my moral conscience. And the death of a recent hero has spurned me to take action and live because of what was killed. I am a grown up. I am a married woman. ...

Farewell, Freya...

Megan came by last night and took Freya home. Home to Megan's house, I should say, because I think Freya came to think of my abode as home while she was here and I came to think of it that way too.

Freya is an excellent animal companion. If she were here now, she'd be resting on my belly while I type, with her chin resting on my left thumb. Only meowing when I make a typo.

"She's a great cat," said Megan, "but she doesn't give you much to blog about."

"It's true," I agreed. "But when you acquired her, you wouldn't have been thinking of finding a bloggable cat. Not like Zoom picking Duncan because he was the most bloggable cat she could find."

I could have blogged Freya's unconventional gender assignment, but I figure it's her business and if she is comfortable with it, so am I.

I hope Freya comes to stay again. As long as I'm here, she'll be welcome.

Meanwhile it's back to my word cop beat.

Conrad 101

News item: In an e-mail to an Irish newspaper, Lord Black expressed an interest in teaching other inmates.

We're sure he could show them a thing or two . . .

Freya still fine