Countdown...

Damhnait Doyle, who with fellow East Coast ex-pats Kim Stockwood and Tara MacLean form harmony-driven Canadian sorta-supergroup Shaye, runs a sound check at the main stage on Parliament Hill, 1:00 p.m. Saturday, setting up levels for Sunday's celebration. One of 'em was missing, so they called themselves "Two-Shaye". Y'all know by now about certain coyotes' affinity for lousy puns... I like these people!

A restful pre-Canada-Day interlude...

This restful pre-Canada-Day interlude brought to you by Canada's latest UNESCO World Heritage Site, the Elgin Street Irregulars and me. The coyote. I figure if that silly putz, John Baird, can take credit for it, then so can I. As a semi-mythological coyote from a certain foothilled region of the prairies, I have, after all, had some previous experience (2), (3), (4), (5) with UNESCO heritage designations...

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

Those tricky Fenians are on the move. Not content with only naming important Ottawa sites, they've started buying up the city:

Historic church to become Irish centre after sale
Last Updated: Friday, June 29, 2007 11:47 AM ET
CBC News

A historic Ottawa church that parishioners tried to keep open by suing the local Catholic archdiocese has found a buyer.

St. Brigid's Church and Rectory in Ottawa's Lowertown district will be bought by a group of individuals in the local Irish community with their own money, said the group's spokesman Patrick McDonald on Friday.

It will become known as the Irish Canadian Cultural Centre after its deal is complete in September, he said....

Just so you know

I created a more accessible testing instrument: Are You Addicted?

Uses for a Coyote

Just returned from a family reunion and received the following email from a cousin who is having Canada Geese problems --- or, should I say Canada Geese poop problems. The attempted solution is a Coyote blow-up doll:

Do you or does anyone you know have tried and true advice-cum-experience re. making one's pond un-appealing to geese? For the first time in 30 plus years, a family of Canada geese -- as in Make Way for Goslings (yet to be written) -- has decided to summer-over and poop copiously on our turf rather than flying on to Canada.

One non-violent antidote suggested by Google but summarily rejected by me was to spread powdered grape kool-aid mix (sic !) (stomach-ache stuff for geese) around the pond's periphery.

Another suggestion was to rent a border collie for the summer. Good grief....
A friend said she tried flying at them, flapping her poncho wings like a mega-alpha-goose, to no avail.

Other friends said that either some resident snapping turtles or a target coyote worked like a charm; the pond there is now free of the poop-bags (geese).

So we've followed suit and ordered a life-size foam rubber coyote by overnight mail to stand guard on the bank. Whether this wily "predator" with a dangerous-looking, flapping bandana around its neck will end up deterring and dislodging the messy geese or delighting them, is yet to be determined.

I've a Monkey on My Back

and it's name is Freecell.

Gaming addiction is a psychiatric disorder: U.S. doctors

Last Updated: Friday, June 22, 2007 | 9:51 AM ET
The Associated Press

A leading U.S. council of doctors wants to have video game addiction officially classified as a psychiatric disorder, to raise awareness and enable sufferers to get insurance coverage for treatment.

CBC News

I was going to sign myself into rehab on the weekend, but I couldn't find a clinic with broadband wifi access.

Now, it turns out I may have to wait much longer for funded treatment as the AMA wants to study the issue further. (Just like George Bush and global warming.)

Experts oppose video game addiction designation

By Reuters

Published: June 24, 2007, 6:05 PM PDT

Doctors backed away on Sunday from a controversial proposal to designate video game addiction as a mental disorder akin to alcoholism, saying psychiatrists should study the issue more.

C Net News

I hope that by the time the professionals accept that my internet compulsion is an addiction there will actually be treatment for my insurance to fund. I picture a Legion Hall euchre tournament as the methadone equivalent.

How do I know I need this treatment? I used the Young Screening Instrument. You can too because I've created a test that figures it out for you.

Click Here and find out if you have a problem.

That is the first step after all.

Cat-ered lunch

I'm not sure what it was that tipped Aggie off. Coulda been the sudden manic red gleam in my yellow eyes. Coulda been the unseemly fountains of drool. Coulda been the not-sotto-voce-enough, "Oh yeah, you betcha I'll take care if it for you. . . !" Or maybe she knows me a touch too well from previous experience.

But after she asked me to tend to her sizeable cat for her while she's off at her family reunion, she eyed me narrowly and mentioned that if said sizeable cat disappeared in her absence, certain coyotes would suffer. Greatly.

Damn. "What possible good is a sizeable cat that one cannot eat?" I asked myself.

Since then, though, the cat and I have discovered unspoken mutual interests in Dame Agatha's back yard. 'Unspoken' because cats and dogs do not really speak with each other much. . . it's kinda genetic.

Full detente is a way off -- I interpret my agreement with with Aggie to mean that all bets are null & void after she returns, 'specially since I felt it was made under unseemly duress. And crossed my toes whilst she extracted certain promises from me. But meantime, the cat and I have called a temporary cease-fire in order to pursue the kinda lunch we can both appreciate. And I hafta say that teamwork when you're chasin' hot squirrel sandwiches on the hoof can be a good thing...

For whom the Bell tolls

My cell phone conked out in the middle of a conversation today. No problem, I thought: I will use the nearby pay phone.

I inserted a quarter. The phone display told me I had a credit of 25 cents, and requested another 25 cents.

Yes, folks, it now costs 50 freakin' cents to make a pay phone call!

I understand that phone technology is still in its infancy, having only been around for a century. And that Bell Canada is a small startup with poor cash flow. And that people are always willing to shell out more for basic services because, hey, we like doing that.

But this is ridiculous. Yeah, everyone has a cell phone, yada, yada .... no, wait, not everyone does have a cell phone. And the people who don't probably don't because they can't afford one.

So how does Bell make life easier for these poor folks? By dialling up a 100 per cent increase.

Talk about a disconnect.

More than your line is dead

Message left on Chair's answering machine:

Hi, it's Mom…I tried to phone the cable company, but you know what, I think I’m gonna have to get you to do it for me because they keep saying things like "you pressed the wrong button"…I don’t understand what’s going on…and I tried and tried…and all I got was something like a zombie that was coming on…there was nobody there and they kept saying you have to do this and you have to do that…and I kept trying and I couldn’t get a person on the phone…so I’m going to need your help.

Even New Yorkers Have Trouble with the New Labels

It's Too Hard Pretending to Be Who I Already Am

Metrosexual: Have you gone to that hair salon I told you about?

Scruffy artist: I walked by...

Metrosexual: It's beautiful.

Scruffy artist: I can't go in. It's too hipster.

Metrosexual: No! It's anti-hipster.

Scruffy artist: Well, I can't do the cultural math.

via Overheard in New York, Jun 4, 2007

PuBlog: Audrey and the mini-caribou burgers

After many weeks of hockey watching in local bars and living rooms, it was a shock to attend the garden party at Stornoway hosted by the Leader of the Opposition, the Hon. Stéphane Dion, and his wife, Janine Krieber. No one talked about hockey! I didn't know everyone! I didn't have to bring beer!

It was exciting to sample the various canapés on offer. I ate:

· Smoked arctic char with mascarpone in a fennel dusted crepe (Nunavut)
· Caribou burgers (Northwest Territories)
· Wheatberry salad with lime and coriander (Saskatchewan)
· Creamy lobster bisque (New Brunswick)
· Lowbush cranberry brulées (Yukon)
· Rumballs, featuring Screech (Newfoundland and Labrador)
· "Sugar" pie, with wild blueberry compote (Quebec)

I did not eat:
· Tortilla chips and salsa
· Salt and vinegar potato chips
· Hickory Sticks
· Cookies
· Hamburgers
· French fries
· Pizza

My favourite canapé was, of course, the mini-caribou burgers. I'd told everyone that I hoped there would be mini-burgers there, and I was not disappointed - the burgers were fantastic.

Photo: Audrey / Hand modelling: The IO

Things we noticed on our field trip to Westfest

Many polite youngsters in this town can hang out enjoying themselves and they don't seem to smoke cigarettes.

Photo: Coyote

A longer line-up at the Bridgehead than at the Starbucks.

Not enough rowdy drunk people to make Audrey feel like she was at a proper festival.

Kathleen Edwards is nice to look at if you can get close enough to see her.

A man on roller blades wearing a kilt.

Although the Works only serves hamburgers and cheeseburgers on their patio, if you go inside and ask if you can have a poutine to-go because you have an American friend here for only two days who has never had poutine, they will quietly bring one out "on the house" for your American friend and it is not at all a bad poutine.

Photo: Coyote (on food setting)

Westboro is really nice. Too bad it's in Westboro. . .

Fourth Dwarf on Facebook

When I first heard about Facebook, I assumed it was the devil's tool. I still think it may be. 4th Dwarf announced last evening that he is a proud Facebook user and that he has lots of "friends", including an ex who solicited him to be her "friend" moments after his setting up the account.

I asked Dwarfie to explain what he does on Facebook and he said, "I talk to my friends." He seemed pleased with himself. He also talked about the "wall", and I never understood what this was all about. Writing on the wall? Everyone sees the writing on the wall? I don't get it.

Dwarfie was particularly proud of his Facebook photo which he said was very flattering. Congratulations to 4th Dwarf for being the most technologically advanced Irregular!

Ooops

I meant to post this on this blog.

Ottawa's New Light Rail Plan...

Before Lex lost his bet:


After Lex lost his bet:

Kthxbye. . .

Ottawa Senators
2006 - 2007 Stanley Cup Finalists:

Daniel Alfredsson, Mike Comrie, Joseph Corvo, Patrick Eaves, Ray Emery, Mike Fisher, Martin Gerber, Dany Heatley, Chris Kelly, Dean McAmmond, Andrej Meszaros, Chris Neil, Chris Phillips, Tom Preissing, Wade Redden, Oleg Saprykin, Peter Schaefer, Christoph Schubert, Jason Spezza, Antoine Vermette, Anton Volchenkov.

We don't usually do sports, so watching that was just exhausting. Can't imagine how it felt to play it. Thanks, guys. There's always next year.

...and a tip of the magic dog's pointy ears to The Independent Observer for a fine running game of Word Jumble...

Senspiration

The Ducks may have more muscle, more goals and more wins. But Ottawa has history on its side.

Sign o' the times...

The Fenian Naming Machine

"We're here for an impromptu ceilidh," said this fellow in his charming brogue.

It appears our local Irish mafia have got a lock on the name for the Rideau Canal Foot Bridge. The "Corktown Bridge" may not seem poetical to sensitive ears like those of our friend Coyote, but the Irish managed to outflank both the anti-semitic mayor troops and the numerous but poorly-organized Somerset Street denizens at the latest meeting on the topic.

Look at the enormous and frightening mob they can assemble at a moment's notice!

I'd say the only way it won't get called the Corktown Bridge now is if the Senators win the Stanley Cup on a goal scored by their only player with an obviously Irish name: Chris Kelly.

Yes, they use young women in fancy costumes to advance their agenda.

I hope you all realize this is just the thin edge of the wedge. Coyote and I did some discreet reconaissance and our sources tell us the local Irish have plans to put their mark on every new project coming to this City and they even plan to rename a number of existing institutions, for example:

• New Brown's Inlet storm drains: SewerDance!


• New Music Venue on Elgin: The Play Something Irish You Bastards Concert Hall


• Proposed Transit Viaduct: The Kiss Me I'm Irish Tunnel
  


• Municipal Waste Site: If it's Not Celtic it's Carp Landfill


• Ottawa's transit system: O'CTranspo
  


• 80 Elgin Street: The James Patrick Whelan Building

Here you see their Corktown Bridge logo. Commissioned for $5000 from a topknotch graphic designer and rendered to look like it is the product of a grassroots community group.

And after...

Hours before game time, hope abounds..