Vegan Nightmare on Sparks Street

Yes, Ribfest, a.k.a. the best thing about Ottawa's so-called pedestrian mall, is back. And life is mouth-wateringly good.

Image: flickr.com

BREAKING NEWS

Coyote spotted driving in downtown Ottawa

At first he doesn't see me (what a big nose he has)

Suddenly his keen doggie senses kick in (what big eyes he has)

Then he sees me, and I run for my life (what big teeth he has)

Room service? Send up Cirque du Soleil!

Cedric may be small but he knows some big rollers. For instance,
Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud, the world's 20th-richest person and co-owner of the Fairmont Hotel chain.

Seems Cedric met the prince when they were fellow master's students at Syracuse University. The budding billionaire took a liking to the little guy, who picked up some extra cash by faithfully shining the royal Mercedes.

The prince never forgot, and presented Cedric with a Christmas gift: a cross-country tour of Fairmont digs that recently took us to Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver.

Cedric let me come along, but I drew the line at calling him Your Highness. After all, he's a dwarf.

Google Poem: Not me

* I'm not the kind of person who likes medications but with my migraines I've always taken a double dose of advil

* I'm not the kind of person to come up to a friend/colleague/family member and talk like there's no tomorrow. It's not me – at all.

* And I'm not the kind of idiot who will eat worms or a box of thumb tacks if you dared me.

* I'm not the kind of guy who says one thing today and another thing tomorrow

* I'm not the kind of liberal who thinks safety net programs are the end all be all, but I do think they serve a serious and necessary purpose.

* Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of cheesball man, comfortably satisfied by watching junk tv missing the fun like a spoil sport.

* I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into.

* Normally I'm not the kind of guy who would go around encouraging people to look at my stuff

* I'm not the kind of person that instantly jumps on the "the world is gonna be nuked," "the Earth is heating up and New Jersey will be an underwater museum," bandwagon.

* Now granted, I'm not the kind of freak that needs the new and improved upgrade the day it's released,

* What should I do, I'm not the kind of person to be straightforward about these things.

* So, I'm not the kind of person who checks his email regularly, but this time I just had to, because my inbox has too many e-mails from Facebook.

* Andddd, yeah I'm not the kind of girl that ALWAYS have the perfect hair, perfect bangs, perfect face and everything.

* I'm not the kind of person who believes thieves ought to get off free.

* I'm not the kind of person who thinks there are certain things you just can not joke about.

* and I'm not the kind of person that thinks about taking pictures of clouds very often. In case you care.

* See...I'm not the kind of wife that can't sleep when her husband is not right next to her

* Because what I finally realized yesterday is that I'm not the kind of person who I used to be

* I'm not the kind of person who likes losing her time, but sometimes it feels good.

* I'm not the kind of artist who can paint the same kind of picture over and over, or write the same stuff over and over. I need to be on the move, exploring, failing, striving and challenging myself.

* I'm not the kind of guy who just sleeps with anyone

* I'm not the kind of person to not put in my two cents.

* I'm not the kind of girl to try to play a man out. I take the money and the gear and then break the hell out.

* And I'm not the kind of guy, I think you know, that spends a whole lot of time worrying these things.

[Source]

A carnival atmosphere

Y'know...

The thought of riffing just one more time on the weak-mindedness of politicians contributing to this town's carnival atmosphere makes me catastrophically weak in the knees. All four.

And after all, with the onset of full-on festival season in the Nation's Cap, the chimp house on the Hill becomes a mere second banana sideshow, albeit one with the undisputed entertainment value of high pitched screeching and gratuitously flung poo.

But this weekend, thank Dog, we can dive into two truly excellent little affairs that have nothing to do with politicians. Except for the inevitable drive-by glad handing, which Ottawattamies have learned to ignore with blasé shrugs and understated lip curls. Tsk. I digress.

In Centretown, Le Festival Franco-Ontarien has set up shop with a big main stage, a Ferris wheel 'n everythin', in front of City Hall. I'm pretty sure any politicians will mostly be safely locked inside. The musical line-up looks like good times.

And out in deepest Westboro is the free and extraordinarily kickass little WestFest. The musical line-up also looks like good times.

And if neither of those grab your butt, Zoom has a bunch more options posted. My best advice? Stock up on bus tickets, cab fare, or chain oil. Shuttle back and forth with un-Ottawa-like abandon! Fest early! Fest often! It's finally the season again for actual real people - and coyotes - in this burg...