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Tank Top Tuesday

Mourning the Poll Results - Oatmeal is Losing

Top Five Alternatives to the Coalition

Now that Prime Minister Harper has put the F-U in fiscal update and pushed Canada into a constitutional crisis, I propose some governance alternatives to consider:

Barack Obama

As Homer Simpson once said, Canada can be considered America Jr. So, why not have President-Elect Obama preside over things in the Great White North until his inauguration in January? It’s a win-win situation. He gets some governance experience before taking on the big job, and we get a good looking, well-educated hipster-guy as PM that everyone will like. We haven’t had that since Trudeau came on the scene in 1968. And our economy is only half as bad as Uncle Sam’s. Throw in Canadians’ low expectations when it comes to deliverables from politicians, and he may like it so much that he’ll want to stick around.

Michaëlle Jean

In the old days, her job was the executive branch of rule. Let’s give it back to her. And while we're at it, return the Stanley Cup and change the annual hockey classic to its original shinny days on the back rink of Rideau Hall. Go, Silver Seven, go!

Cats of Parliament Hill

Given Stéphane “I’m not dead yet” Dion seems to have as many lives as a feline, maybe we should take our cues and move the legislature to those equally feral denizens of Parliament Hill. A purr-fect time for electoral paws, I say. They cost less to maintain than a typical Cabinet Minister’s office budget and also do double-duty for rodent control [insert Senate joke here].

Post Mistress General

The old saw goes that whoever runs the post office truly rules the empire. For Canada, this comes in the form of Moya Greene, a native of Newfoundland, and head postie of our national postal service. Anyone who can get the mail through postal worker picket lines could probably move a few pieces of legislation with equal adeptness.

The CBC's At Issue Panel

They seem to know everything, that panel. They could make a pretty good governance coalition themselves. And that Chantal Hébert… isn’t she just the coolest the way she shuts down Andrew Coyne’s right-wing jingoistic rants with just a raise of an eyebrow? Put a mustache on her and you’d have the makings of a great porn star. And maybe Allan Gregg could use the extra salary to buy himself some new threads, preferably something that doesn’t make him look like a record company A&R man. Peter Mansbridge would become the Speaker of the House and Rex Murphy could become Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod --- if you know what I mean.

Not so Zen Thoughts

I have not quite perfected clearing my mind of all thoughts during yoga.

For example, tonight, while I was listening to my yoga teacher's soothing instructions, I was also discreetly trying to get a glimpse of the enticing tattoo on her rump.

As I continued posing, I remembered that I should book a series of massages with her. She is also my massage therapist.

At that thought, and as I was trying to stay balanced in a I Have Fire Shooting Out of My Middle Finger She Woman Man Hater Warrior pose, I let out a whiny Uji breath as I realized, with envy in my heart, that there are certain things that have happened to my beloved fellow bloggers that just never happen to me.

I have never,

1. Gotten to second base with my massage therapist,
2. Won anything of any significant value,
3. Scored free tickets to see someone I love perform, or
4. Made love to someone on the desk of a Member of Parliament.
5. There is no fifth thing, but I wish there was.
   

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