Tank Top Tuesday

Helping Manny Blue hang up a purple veil.

Overheard on Somerset Street West

"You golf?" she said looking and sounding surprised.

Well, Iggy Pop, the godfather of punk, golfs, I thought to myself.

"Yes, I golf," he insisted.

Minutes: Spontaneous Meeting of ESI Editorial Board

In attendance: [Redacted]
Venue: The [Redacted] Spot

1. The Stragglers
The board discusses the reasons that some ESIs are rarely posting on their selected days and concludes that there are a variety of reasons and that each person is a unique case with special needs. They identify possible reasons they may not be posting:

• Stressful lives
• Busy shagging
• Lack of inspiration
• Microphone Fright: Fear that their post will not be of high enough quality or importance
• Feeling they do not have enough to say
• Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and the other personality disorders that seem to affect all ESIs to varying degrees, especially, ADD and OCD
• Substance abuse
  

Consensus: We must recognize that all we can do is offer our support and create a safe environment for the Stragglers as they struggle with their demons.

2. Inducements to Post
The board discusses possible ways to induce the Stragglers to manage one post a week:

• Stress that a posting need only be a pair of sentences or a single image. (But not "I got nothing" says one board member.)
• Assign story ideas or topics ("That won't work for the Chair or for Aggie" notes the secretary as the Oppositional Defiance issue is recalled.)
• Conduct a Motivational Therapy Session by bringing in a speaker like Tony Robbins ("Or what about XUP?" asks a member who needs no motivation.)
• Rewards and Consequences (or Carrots and Sticks) ("With this crowd? Are you kidding?")
  

3. Focused Comments

Listings: Are any ESIs following the real estate market? How about a weekly Ottawa's worst listing?

Conch Shell:

• We would like to know about the occasional weird thing going on in the celebrity world.
• We would also like an occasional update on your fellow maritime creatures. Especially news about cute or famous maritime creatures.

Agatha:

• All you need to do is ask those piercing questions that come to you.
• We debated asking for more stories of shagscapades, but recalled that they seem to come naturally, all on their own.

Chair:

• There's more to life than watching movies.
• Posts can be short.

Independent Observer:

• The editorial board is happy with your frequency.
• We like that crazy still works for you.

Audrey:

• Just because you're not in the sidebar and don't have a day doesn't mean we don't expect more contributions from you.

Woodsy:

• No need to escalate things with Tank Top Tuesday. As you were advised by 7th Heathen, imaginations will fill in the details.
• However, if you switch days with someone, make sure that person knows they are expected to do a Tank Top Tuesday posting.

Coyote:

• Keep up the good work.
  
• Attending an ESI meeting with female guests, or attending a bloggers' brunch that single female bloggers are attending does not place you under an obligation to date any of those women.

Fourth Dwarf:

• No need for specific instructions for you because it is obvious by your posting the minutes that you found yourself at the Spontaneous Meeting of the Editorial Board.
  

When Bloggers Collide or Secret Identities Often Aren't

Do any of you remember years and years ago when the Atlantic published monthly stories about famous people meeting each other for the first time? Last week, Mae Callen met Hella Stella:

HS: "Hi, nice to meet you too. I love your blog. I read it all the time"

MC: "oh, I ah, didn't realize people actually did, wow, oh thanks, I didn't expect that"

HS: "yeah, and that vibrator (you know the one that gave you 8 orgasms in one night) yeah, I'm totally going to order one."

• Description from MC
• HS Explains
  

Like clockwork

Some things are as predictable as the seasons. I can tell it's autumn again, because City Councillor "Dog" Thompson, after mostly, ummm, lying doggo all summer, is once again fulminating about the apocalyptic looming infestation of untrammeled coyote hordes in Ottawa's far burbs. Yoohoo! Dog! Us coyotes all live downtown! The restaurants here are less likely to be crummy nationwide chains, and after tony bistros stack their chairs for the night, the cats of Parliament Hill make fine midnight snacks, ummm, excellent conversationalists...

Yet I have to say that I am beginning to become concerned about ol' Dog's persistence. It's like I'm playin' a roadrunner to his, ummm, badly-drawn Wile E, or something. Also worrisome is the fact that he now seems to be trying to bring a provincial cabinet minister onside. You know the jig is up when somebody initiates an investigative committee in the provincial ledge. They could deliver a non-partisan, all-parties proposal to scrutinize me with a legislative task force, in a matter of mere decades.

I am also worried by the increasing proximity of certain winsome wayward wallabies this week. It seems that Wendell, since his big jailbreak, has hopped it all the way from Kemptville to the fringes of Ottawa. How are ya gonna keep him down on the farm, after he's tasted the City That Fun Forgot's wild nightlife? And there have been ominous suggestions from Wendell's erstwhile screws and the Australian wallaby cognoscenti that if cute little Wendell bites it, it'll probably be a coyote that bit him.

People, I swear! It's a setup! I'm bein' framed! Now, excuse me. I have other fish to fry. And where did I misplace that bottle of Tangy Memories of Billabong Sauce...?