Bong Thursday

"They'll stone you when you're at the breakfast table
They'll stone you when you are young and able
They'll stone you when you're trying to make a buck
They'll stone you and then they'll say good luck
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned" (Bob Dylan)

This song used to be my ring tone, but I got rid of it when I was given more responsibility at work. I wouldn't call myself a stoner, but I have to say getting stoned is not the worst thing you could do during these trying times.

I also recommend the following activities to make yourself feel better:

1) do at least one rocker jump a day.
2) do art.
3) get a pet.
4) make this dessert right now- Cut up a pillsbury doughboy tube into pieces and place them at the bottom of a small loaf pan. Cut up some apples and throw them on top. Sprinkle some cinnamon on there. Throw some brown sugar on top. Pour a cup of heavy cream on top of the whole thing. Put it in the oven for about 40 minutes.
5) There is no fifth thing.

First Feline of Florence

Wise and whiskered
In his element
Oblivious to mantras, miscues and meltdowns
Far from the hustings
Light orange gelato stripes listen
For the sounds of cork
Rubbing against glass
Footsteps on slow-travelled stone
And whispers in the piazza
So blissfully unaware
Of John Baird's hair

Tank Top Tuesday

Star bellied...

Hand Kissing

Last Spring, I was kissed on the hand by three different men - a family friend, a taxi driver, and the doorman at a tavern all within a week of each other.

I was surprised by these unsolicited kisses, and I wondered if hand kissing was back in style. Why had no-one warned me?

I mentioned these incidents to the Word Wizard, who seems to know something about every topic. He quickly responded with questions, "Did you offer your hand to be kissed? Did they touch their lips to your hand?"

No, I had not offered my hand to be kissed, and in all three instances I was tricked into receiving the kiss. And, yes, all three had touched their slobbery lips to the back of my hand.

I have since become a little wiser about hand-kissing, and so, gentlemen, if you want to kiss my tiny tender nymph hand

• I must be the one who initiates the gesture by offering you my hand palm down;
• I must know you;
• You must be of equal or higher mythological standing than I am;
• You must slip your fingers under the palm of my hand and gently rest your thumb on my knuckles;
  
• You may either quietly air kiss the back of my proffered hand, or kiss your thumb;
• You must kneel at my feet as you kiss my hand to show that you are in awe of my charms, and
• be forewarned that, according to W.J. Bethancourt III, should you offer an unsolicited kiss I am in my right to eviscerate you on the spot!

6 Ottawa places I don't miss

While I've still got a few minutes left in my posting day, I thought I'd get in on the nostalgia kick with my list.

1. Le Metro - moved from Elgin to Somerset, then closed. If you like snobby waiters bringing you small portions of mediocre food, you may miss the place.
2. The "convenience" store at Bay and Lisgar where the old lady who was always there would malevolently stare at you until you walked out.
3. Café Henri Burger - Maybe if George Radwanski had taken me there for lunch once or twice I'd miss the joint. And maybe if George hadn't been nailed for expense account shenanigans, Café Henri Burger would still be open.
4. The Hull Strip - I do not miss Ontario bars closing at 1am, then going to Hull, then waiting in line to get into some incredibly loud place where you couldn't talk to anyone and then taking forever to get back to Ottawa so you could finally get some sleep.
5. Big Bud's - Sorry, nostalgia nuts, the Dollar-It that replaced it is cleaner, friendlier and cheaper.
   
6. Fuliwah's was not a bad Chinese Restaurant, but the Chu Shing people make tastier food and probably the best dim sum in Ottawa.