The Fenian Naming Machine

"We're here for an impromptu ceilidh," said this fellow in his charming brogue.

It appears our local Irish mafia have got a lock on the name for the Rideau Canal Foot Bridge. The "Corktown Bridge" may not seem poetical to sensitive ears like those of our friend Coyote, but the Irish managed to outflank both the anti-semitic mayor troops and the numerous but poorly-organized Somerset Street denizens at the latest meeting on the topic.

Look at the enormous and frightening mob they can assemble at a moment's notice!

I'd say the only way it won't get called the Corktown Bridge now is if the Senators win the Stanley Cup on a goal scored by their only player with an obviously Irish name: Chris Kelly.

Yes, they use young women in fancy costumes to advance their agenda.

I hope you all realize this is just the thin edge of the wedge. Coyote and I did some discreet reconaissance and our sources tell us the local Irish have plans to put their mark on every new project coming to this City and they even plan to rename a number of existing institutions, for example:

• New Brown's Inlet storm drains: SewerDance!


• New Music Venue on Elgin: The Play Something Irish You Bastards Concert Hall


• Proposed Transit Viaduct: The Kiss Me I'm Irish Tunnel
  


• Municipal Waste Site: If it's Not Celtic it's Carp Landfill


• Ottawa's transit system: O'CTranspo
  


• 80 Elgin Street: The James Patrick Whelan Building

Here you see their Corktown Bridge logo. Commissioned for $5000 from a topknotch graphic designer and rendered to look like it is the product of a grassroots community group.

And after...

Hours before game time, hope abounds..

Why I won't be driving for a while...

Crying 'Go Sens Go' won't deter police

The Ottawa Citizen,

Wednesday, May 30, 2007
The Ottawa Senators may be in the Stanley Cup finals, but the OPP Ottawa detachment is telling Senators fans that yelling, "Go Sens Go" will not get them out of traffic violations. The OPP said motorists will not be able to sweet-talk their way out of a ticket using the popular slogan, despite reports to the contrary. [link]

Here am I floating in a tin can...

I'm not sure how far I'll get in this world. But I know my name has travelled widely in outer space.

When my spyglass is trained just right on a clear night I can see a special little speck in the sky: the Stardust spacecraft.

On board are two tiny microchips with more than a million names, including mine, engraved on them. I signed up many moons ago and recently remembered that I had climbed aboard the mission.

Stardust hurtled into space in early February 1999, bound for Comet Wild 2, which hangs out 390 kilometres from Earth.

It scooped up some cometary materials and plenty of interesting dust particles in a sample capsule, which returned to Earth last year. But the rest of the Stardust craft will remain in space, forever orbiting the sun.

It's good to be along for the ride.