Bunk. And double bunk.

We coyotes note with (uncompounded) interest that G8 and G20 leaders visiting Toronto for next month's world summit - mostly a grand (standing) photo-op for the Prime Minister - are now projected to cost Canadians, according to one estimate, something approaching $1.1 billion. With a "B". As in "Bunk".

It's more than three times - closing on four times - the cost of any previous "most expensive G20 summit". The record until now was a paltry $300 million. With an "M".

The billion buck boondoggle arises, says Public Safety Minister Vic Toews, and I quote, probably pretty accurately: "Because since 9/11... mutter spread fear mutter ... terrorism... mutter non sequitur mutter... high tech security!!!!" Huh. Even the lately-habitual conservative defender Rex Murphy couldn't buy that.

Mr. T. is also the government's designated faux-hardass in charge of cluelessly punitive prison policy. As in, "If we build lots more jails and lock up everybody for everything no matter how trivial, crime will drop."

Apparently Tories haven't been reading Statistics Canada analysis showing that, ummm, crime has been dropping steadily for a couple of decades already in the absence of such ideologically-driven programs. Damn statistics, anyway! Never let 'em get in the way of a good media line!

Lately, confronted with, you know, actual costs for building all them penitential buildings that ain't revivalist churches, Mr. T had to do some quick media spin. He now alleges his government's policies won't cost much. Because, hey, having thought deeply about it - possibly for the first time, although what passes for deep in this case would barely cover my doggy toenails if I stepped in it - he'll just double bunk all the new prisoners in existing hoosegows. No problemo!

In the spirit of liberté, fraternité et egalité, we coyotes suggest that if double bunkin' is gonna save so damn much in incarceration costs, howzabout double-bunking G20 leaders? And all of their high-tech security? By Mr. Toews', ummm, logic, if it saves proportionately as much for the G20 bunfest as he thinks it'll save the corrections system - I admit you're free to argue that's complete bunk - us coyotes figure we're back down to only equalling the previous most expensive G20 summit. Bargoon!

I'd love it if you read my Google poem

* I'd love it if Emilia discovered the joys of curry and the pleasures of tempura and the bliss of creme brulee earlier rather than later, but I'm not going to force the issue.

* I'd love it if you guys reviewed games more often

* I'd love it if Sanford and Son moved out but for now I'd settle for the boat and car.

* I'd love it if you would visit her, read my post, and check out the rest of her site.

* "Well I'd love it if you didn't fucking kill someone--" "Maybe if you'd gone to the store yourself I wouldn't have had to--"

* I'd love it if you'd join me, and weigh in on your experiences.

* I'd love it if she were a cheerleader someday. I'd also be just as happy if she plays basketball, sings in the choir or joins the debate team.

* I'd love it if I lived in an idyllic world and could believe there was a cease fire, but I don't.

* i'd love it if you'd share.

* ha! i'd love it if gilbert brought laimbeer to town.

* I love critical analysis of comics, and I'd love it if more superhero comics were produced that stood up to analysis beyond, "Yep, that two-page splash sure was cool!"

* I'd love it if Sprint would just allow me to upgrade to the Evo with their discount, but i'm sure that's not likely.

* If you're a regular visitor or just passing through, I'd love it if you'd sign my guestbook.

* I'd love it if it was a product that wasn't going to sting

* I'd love it if you had any insights.

* I feel like I'd love it

* I'd love it if Chris Farley showed up and crashed thru the conference room table.

* I won't bribe you to become a follower, although I'd love it if you were.

* I'd love it if you take a moment to leave a comment!

* I'd love it if you would visit my shop and if you're in the mood, please feel free to heart it!

* I'd love it if you became a follower of the blog!

* She said, “I'd love it if you went and bought eye cream for me.” I told her that she absolutely would not like that.

* I'd LOVE it if he chose the weekend before I start back to work to decide that sleeping through the night is a good idea. Because I think it's a FANTASTIC idea. I mean, come on, kid. Sleeping is COOL. DO IT MORE.

* I'd love it if they got together, but I'm not sure if it would work.

* I'd love it if these summer tours enabled the England squad to develop, to identify some key players, to rule out others that are not.

* I'd love it if this was released in Austria while I'm studying there.

* I'd love it if you'd join my group for updates and discussion of our favorite beading techniques, new product info and more!

* I'd love it if they came clean, said the latest Shuffle was a huge mistake and gave us a decent micro player instead.

* I'd love it if you'd comment and make me feel less alone in my chaos.

* If you enjoyed what you read here, I'd love it if you could share this with one friend or tweet this story.

* No pressure, but I'd love it if you became an official "follower" of the Devil and Egg blog!

* I'd love it if any readers with call center experience weighed in on this one.

* I'd love it if you would include the MM button in your post, to let others know you are participating.

* I'd love it if Nintendo would announce that Other M's release date was being bumped up to at least July. Another thing that would floor me is the announcement that Metroid Dread does exist and it's a proper 2D Metroid

* I'd love it if you stopped by.

* i don't know if i like jimmy buffet, but i'd love it if i could have a job to go to afterward, you know?

* I'd love it if it was just the picture, because it's really cute. Especially since I'm a fan of all things rabbit related. But I don't care for the text and, really, it's not even necessary. The picture speaks for itself

* I'd love it if you would link up your freebie

* I'd love it if you follow me, follow me please. pleeeease!

[Source]

Emergency Meeting Lite* and Spontaneous

In Thrall, Warwick Goble

Attendance: C, W, CS and [redacted]

CS: Did [redacted]?

C: [redacted] rudimentary sense [redacted].

CS: Why [redacted]?

C: [redacted].

W: Too much [redacted].

C: I think we've gotten over the [redacted].

CS: Ya! [nothing redacted]

W, C, CS: laughter

C: Good to have them minutes done.

CS: Yes, let's eat!

*.5%

What's My Sign?

After the city's long recovery from "Technically Beautiful" (rightly) being laughed out of the park a decade back, Ottawa's National Capital Commission is again on the hunt for a new city slogan. Ummm, an official one.

The old one, you will recall, left itself hanging wide open to the fair and obvious question, "If you're only technically beautiful, what are you, really?"

After that fail - the poor thing only absorbed about four months' hooting before it crawled, whimpering, battered and bloody, into a dumpster - the NCC's committee thumbsuck will, no doubt, be epic.

The Petfinder's business columnist sees this as a problem. He's probably right. First, because these guys are mostly business-oriented, and figure the slogan to attract business. Yawn! Second, committees above a certain size - and you can count on this committee being above a certain size - level creativity into radioactive wastelands anyway. Members fancy themselves creative with a certainty that, mathematically, works out to be the inverse of their actual abilities. Cubed.

Oh, they consult. They collect options. Then one of a couple of things happens: One is that they each champion something different. In the inevitable verbal brawls, some peacemaker suggests that fatal word, "compromise", so they take what looks like a promising slogan, and keep grafting on bits of other, lamer, ones until the thing is DOA. But everybody on the committee can boast about their "important input". The other is that they quickly, ecstatically agree on the absolute lamest option, then skeeve off to Hy's for celebratory expense-account triple scotches.

On that note, I want y'all to know that us coyotes are creative. With a certainty that, mathematically, works out to be the inverse of our actual abilities. Cubed. And our fave slogans are, in no particular order:

• Ottawa: Funner Than Stephen Harper's Sex Life!
• Ottawa: Not Enough Porta-Potties on Canada Day!
• Ottawa: Not Fucking Toronto!

But our committee is soliciting as many other options - with exclamation points to punch 'em up - as possible. Triples all 'round!

Dispatch from the culture wars

I tried to file this post earlier, but all the boomtastic artillery barrages convinced me to hunker in the trenches awhile and picnic on delicious, delicious Spam instead. We coyotes like our bushy tails (and their attached asses) and are not above saving 'em by sittin' on 'em... I digress. It's a trademark. Deal with it.

Anyway, the big guns wheeled out a couple weeks back when an independent pollster interviewed on CBC was asked what he'd advise the Liberals to do in the face of recent government actions. He dropped the catchy soundbite, "Culture War!"

Conservative reaction was a collective howl to lynch - well, really, anybody not conservative - for even bringing the idea up.

Not long after, a conservative senator felt the need to tell pro-choice aid organizations to, quote, "Shut the fuck up" before they lose (even more) government support. Meanwhile, others in another quarter felt no such need for prudent silence - they held a big anti-abortion rally on Parliament Hill.

In the followup sideshow, CBC struck a panel to investigate itself for anti-Tory bias. This although pretty much every major private electronic and print media chain is currently held by proprietors much more conservative than not.

This speaks to semi-mythical coyotes of the onset, proper, of witch hunting season in the hamlet of Ottawa. The PM's backlog of spite and venge, and his unusual enthusiasm for blunt instruments wielded fast and capriciously, has a lot of semi-important, formerly semi-independent, people in this hamlet cowed. The truth of what "arms-length body" actually means in the face of a determined attack is sinkin' in.

Social conservatives everywhere seem to have gained a grandiose sense of aggrieved entitlement to an unbalanced concept of redress. Even in power, they plead that they're victims. The cognitive dissonance must be truly crippling.

But us coyotes, even with our semi-mythical tin hats jammed firmly down, don't have any trouble seeing who's pulling the firing lanyards on the heaviest cultural artillery in a generation. It really does look like a cultural war from out here in the trenches - just not the quite the one toward which the party in near-power is trying to misdirect your attention. It is well to remember that no matter how big the lie gets, ya gotta always pay attention to that guy behind the curtain... and not shut the fuck up about it.