Wednesday

Ottawa's Light Rail Re/Up/Set

Today, Ottawa's mayor and certain of the council are spinning their version of City Hall's latest light rail trainwreck like a 37-million-buck pinwheel. Maybe hoping that dizzying fuzzyheaded quadrupeds such as myself unto pukin', will compel us to ignore the fact that this week's good news on the light rail front is, ummm, last week's out-of-court contract settlement with Siemens AG.

Because, you see, during the election, the mayor famously vowed to "hit the reset button" on the previous administration's fatally flawed north/south light rail plan. Once in the mayor chair, he airly persuaded council to nix that signed and sealed deal in favour of his (unarticulated) better idea, claiming his vast business experience told him the penalty would be negligible. Last week the city paid Siemens that vast-bucks legal settlement.

Now we learn that the first leg they're thinking of building under the new improved light rail plan is, ummm, that fatally flawed north/south line. Because, hey, Siemens, by a huge coincidence, had already drawn the plans and done the environmental studies, before the mayor smacked that big ol' expensive button.

What Hizzoner and council apparently failed to clarify among themselves was that when you hit "reset" on a system that's nominal in the first place, you merely waste a lot of time rebooting - in this case, enough years that the damn thing would've been close to done if we'd stuck to the original plan - to get much the same system. Apparently, I am not the only one confused by council's inability to grasp this.

Sometime long before he was elected, the mayor shaved his head bald. I am not party to his reasons. My head is still as fuzzy as nature intended well-dressed coyotes about town to be. But at this point, I'm thinkin' he could hot-wax and buff that sucker 'til it glows in the dark, and he'd still look totally fuzzyheaded, next to me...

Thursday

Because the night...

She may be the queen of rock 'n' roll, so why shouldn't she play a palace?

Patti Smith and two of her band members, Lenny Kaye and Tony Shanahan, put on a knockout acoustic show at the Palazzo Vecchio in Florence on Wednesday night.

Smith delivered compelling renditions of signature tunes People Have the Power and Because the Night, as well as a stirring Helpless, the timeless Neil Young song, which she dedicated to her late husband. Smith sprinkled mesmerizing poetry into the mix. The highlight: a ferocious version of Allen Ginsberg's Howl.

This was pretty much Patti Smith week in Florence, a series of appearances and performances featuring the New Jersey-born muse to mark the 30th anniversary of a memorable show she gave in the city.

A small gallery presented some of Smith's own photos, an opening she saluted by playing a few songs in the street. An exhibit at the city archives, meanwhile, offered a black-and-white photo chronicle of that notable 1979 gig.
Smith seemed pleased and humbled to be feted in a city where the creative vibe is generously appreciated.

Get Yourself on TV

Say, have you been reading this blog for a couple of weeks and wondering why OttawaStart said we were essential reading? It is because every now and then we give you something that you didn't even know you needed and wanted. Like this post.

Did you know that you can get on reality TV right here in Ottawa? You can. Dust off the camcorder, set up the tripod and start rolling your audition tape.

Knight Enterprises is advertising for articulate extroverts:

Are you a chef, designer, funny-man or just all around fantastic person? We are always on the lookout for articulate extroverts with a passion for what they do, if this is you then let us know & you could become the new face of lifestyle television!

Knight produces or has produced:

Mountain Road specializes in home design shows and they are looking for larger than life personalities:

  • Real Estate Rookies - people taking the real estate licensing courses or who are recently licensed real estate agents
  • All or Nothing - home owners with no budget for a makeover
  • Sheltered - a native Canadian carpenter able to travel to Africa and South America
  • The Building Adventures of "Your Names Here" - two people (including at least one woman) who have decided to build a house or cottage together
  • Divide and Design - 2 interior designers who have been through divorce (with each other) to help others going through divorce with their new home design challenges

GAPC Entertainment isn't specifically advertising for reality talent, but they have some shows "in development" that might need your skills. What would it hurt to send them a link to your audition tape on Youtube?

  • Car Crusaders - 13 x 1/2 hours unscripted drama series
  • Shop Therapy - 13 x 1/2 hour lifestyle series
  • Mesmerized - A 13 x 1/2 hour make over series

Insight Productions is not Ottawa based, but they did shoot season 2 of Project Runway Canada here and they are now looking for "real Canadian women" aged 19 and over who reside in Ontario to appear in:


Wednesday

$250K to transform 3 ? The RCMP needs us!

Y'know, this front page item totally arrested me (heh...) as I pawed thru this morning's Petfinder: the RCMP is set to pay $220,000 to send three deputy minister-level guys to counselling in Arizona, in hopes of transforming their organization, particularly its sliding public image. Factoring in travel, taxes, meals and booze, they'll likely sock out $80K to $85K to ship each warm body out for, ummm, transformational counselling. Which will then, of course, drip through the RCMP org chart like wholesome milk through a bowl of Grape Nuts...

I have no quibble with transformational counselling. What with tasers sizzling amok; questionable training; organizational arrogance and rot; PR stonewalling and BS*; and all-round not-getting-it-ness, the Mounties lately have been driving their spiffy squad cars in the PR ditch more often than not. They need to change.

What gripes me is the fact that we're outsourcing this lucrative gravy train ummm, serious and delicate matter, to US counsellors...

I mean, just yesterday, Aggie was saying that our long-term plans to (somehow) make tunza bux off this blog and never work again, were in serious peril. This story is karma!

I'd like to note that we ESIs are long-time experts in both personal and systemic transformation. For $85K a pop, I'm pretty sure we can offer the RCMP a competitive service. And it shouldn't stop at three guys. Oh, no. In fact, we recommend our comprehensive counselling package for all 25,000-odd sworn and unsworn members of the force.

According to my calculator, this rings up at a touch over $2 billion. Give or take a few bucks. Almost enough, I think, to keep us in the style to which we would love to become accustomed...

We have one condition: our fees are non-refundable. Because, while we, as professional counsellers, would do our utmost to create conditions for transformative change, it's up to the Mounties themselves to (heh, again....) cop to the responsibility. They've got to really want to change...
* Blue Serge...

Tuesday

A new kinda Pisa topping

Thanks gang. Leuven? More like leavin'! I located Cedric in Brussels face down on a waffle, slurping maple syrup. The chagrined gnome and I hopped on the first plane to Italy.
Cedric agreed to accompany me upon learning we'd visit the leaning tower of Pisa en route to Florence. However, he was mightily disappointed to discover the famous landmark was not made of tasty tomato-and-cheese pies.

The ingrate. It was all I could do to refrain from dropping him off the tower in a recreation of Galileo's gravity experiments.
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