Things that should be paralyzing Ottawa in 2009

1. The City of Ottawa master-computer goes to war with the NCC master-computer. Snowplows battle it out with ice groomers while humans cower in their homes.
2. Everyone is grounded because all jetpacks made since 2005 are recalled to replace exploding components created by Moscow hackers who want to claim the 2nd-coldest capital honour for their city.
3. A coolant leak shuts down the superconducting coil in the monorail system.
4. City is evacuated because northwest winds are bringing a radioactive fallout cloud from a nuclear meltdown at Deep River.
5. A new psycho-pharmaceutical has made everyone telepathic so there is no need to go anywhere.

Harmony in cat world

The Middle East is a mess. The bus strike continues with no end in sight. The economy continues to suck. But, it's all love and peace here in cat world. If they can work it out, anyone can!

In the nick of name

OK OK OK, so the transit strike is still on. But what's really grabbing the chattering class - at least the one that chatters on the Globe & Mail letters page - is a deplorable and disrespectful media tendency to label the new opposition leader, Michael Ignatieff, as "Iggy". Shame!

Some go so far as to suggest a Tory smear campaign to reduce the head Liberal guy's stature in the eyes of the Canadian public, both by trivializing his name and associating him with some guys called "The Stooges". As if that would ever happen... Are Tories really so dumb as not to realize Iggy and the Stooges are (were?)* a kick-ass band?

Actually I discount this theory a little less after a quick coyote snuffle through Google images -- I note that most media outlets metalabel Mr I's web images with his full last name. Except those tighty-righty funsters at The National Post, who use, yes, "Iggy".

This got me thinking. With the exception of G.W. Bush, who is socially tone-deaf and maladroit to a fault, and Newfoundland's premier Danny Williams, who calls him "Stevie" just to piss him off, most public comment on our prime minister just labels him "Harper" . Except the Petfinder, whose retro-archaic stylebook insists on giving everybody an honorific such as "Mr." or "Mrs.". Even Michael Jackson, who appears to be neither of the above.

But we coyotes say fair is fair. If we are willing to degrade the tone of the nation's public discourse so much as to call Michael Ignatieff "Iggy" in headlines, then Mr Harper deserves parallel treatment, no matter how starchily he tries to stare down transgressors. "Stevie" is all well and fine, but in recognition of his performance of late - oh, all right, his performance, period - I nominate "Harpo". Because... heh... I do believe that associating him with anybody named Marx is gonna piss him off more than "Stevie"...

* R.I.P. Ronald Franklin Asheton July 17, 1948 - January 6, 2009

Unsurprising breaking news: Transit strike continues

Transit workers yesterday rejected the city's 'final' offer in a federally-supervised vote requested by the mayor and council.

The 75 per cent margin among those who voted appears to be a convincing rejection of the city's offer, and of Mayor-Larry-driven negotiating tactics that tried to bypass union leadership.

A recent poll suggested most Ottawa residents sided with council, calling the offer "fair" and saying transit employees should accept it and get the hell back to work.

But we coyotes can't help wondering if this had something to do with the City's carpet bombing propaganda blitz, featuring multiple full-page Petfinder ads per day. All of which pretty much called the offer "fair" and said transit employees should accept it and get the hell back to work. The union hasn't exactly been fattening local media ad coffers to win hearts and minds, so the poll results are make sense with that in mind. And frankly, most Ottawhatamies are pretty tired of adapting to no buses, as magnificent as they are at it, whether they're union-friendly or not.

Now, neither side is exactly covered in glory here. I have heard from possibly reliable sources* that senior drivers game that contentious scheduling roster system to work less and earn more. But the city negotiated that system to address serious Transpo dysfunction and morale problems a decade back, and drivers took long-term pay cuts in exchange for it. I wonder why city ads don't address this sore point, and harp instead on wage offers that on the surface indeed look "fair"? Those disingenuous full-pagers and negotiating (negatiating?) tactics make bulls in china shops look positively sprightly and graceful by comparison. Landed giant squids flopping airlessly, I can see.

Last night, in an attempt to substitute his personal reality for the one he habitually rejects, the mayor slipped 300 union members who didn't vote, into the percentage of those that actually voted to reject the offer, to style his smackdown as closer to 64 per cent. Ummm.... by that pretzel logic, the vast majority of citizens that didn't vote for him in the last municipal election deserve a different mayor, don'cha think...?

I still blame Larry. But I always do.

* Someone who knows someone. You know how it goes.

Ti-gris is bad....

Ti-gris is out of control. OK, all you cat people out there --- how do you "train" a kitten? Also, how do I help my calm, older cat deal with the trauma of having an insane younger brother. Help!