Saving trees with Larry

So it seems that His Nibs Larry "Potatoes" O'Brien has concocted a new crackpot scheme, ummmm, visionary idea to try and make up the potential loss of that pesky, $2 billion Siemens AG lawsuit, hanging there since he led the charge to scotch Ottawa's original light rail project.

This one involves making city council meetings paperless, which if my pointy ears didn't mislead me on this morning's newscast, hizzoner estimates will save $150,000 and a couple-hundred-odd trees a year. Wonder where those certified-accurate figures might've come from? I digress. Again. Never mind. Now, our very own Woodsy and her tree fairy friends are safe. Our mayor is so green... and technology is always good. In the incomprehensible words of business geeks everywhere, it's a win-win-win!

Or is it? I really hate to rain on the parade of progress, but according to CBC,

"The paper documents would need to be replaced by computers and other equipment that was expected to cost around $150,000. However, O'Brien estimated the cost would be recovered within three years from savings in printing costs."

Right, then. But, uhhhh, Larry: any LAN administrator worth his/her Algonquin College certificate will tell you that computers are full of toxic stuff. And they become obsolete and need scrapping and replacing how often ...?

In Harmony with Equal Opportunity

Harmony was doing her own version of being "in harmony" with Blue Skies last week-end. While others played music and sang, she giggled and/or snorted behind her Cosmo magazine.

During one instance she sweetly informed the men gathered under the gazebo that it was now absolutely OK for men to get a Brazilian wax. Fellas, any comments?

Downtown redevelopment in the wind?

As I scuttled down Elgin Street at rush hour this morning, on my way toward another date with destiny, or possibly an unfortunate waxing accident, a little whirlwind at Elgin and Lisgar spun out of the traffic and blew a piece of semi-official-looking stationery straight at me. I chanced to read it as I peeled it off my face and saw the draft missive below. My heart raced. Who could've written it? What can it all mean...?

Mayor Larry O’Brien Appoints New
Downtown Redevelopment Adviser

DRAFT: For future release
August 12, 2008

OTTAWA - Today Mayor Larry O’Brien released the name of the Chair of a Taskforce on Downtown Redevelopment.

As part of his 1 000 Days of Change, Mayor O’Brien committed to making Ottawa "one of these cities with swagger."

The Taskforce’s mandate is to examine the current downtown and waterfront of the City of Ottawa and develop recommendations based on best practices, and other municipal models.

David Boyd, a Halifax cab driver, computer technician and tow truck driver, who has also advocated man-on-android love, is appointed task force chair. Mr. Boyd envisions more casinos, strip clubs and Las Vegas-style nightlife in the city.

While Ottawa has a number of adult-entertainment parlors and nearby access to the Gatineau Casino and the Rideau-Carleton Racetrack, Mr. Boyd believes the City needs more. "It's high time Ottawa grew up and realized it's a government town," Mr. Boyd said.

Proposed temporary interim position on waxing, until we can call an Emergency Meeting and ratify the minutes . . .

Ooh. Ouch.

The Dangers of Slacking Off

Have you read Zoom's latest posting? She says Ottawa bloggers are "remarkably uninspired lately" (including herself for the past two days) and has handed out assignments. For us, she says:

I had lunch with one of the Elgin Street Irregulars today and I had a brilliant idea for a series of posts for them. I don’t want to give it all away, but it would start with an official ESI policy statement on chocha shaving.

Let's make one thing clear. I did not have lunch with Zoom today (and I have an alibi witness if I need one.)

More importantly, now we have to call an Emergency meeting to decide if we should have a policy statement on bare chochas; then if we decide we should, we'll have to come up with the policy statement. But it won't end there. If we're going to take a stand on that topic, people will expect us to take a stand on other important topics. For instance, who do we endorse for President between Paris Hilton and Britney Spears?

I hope this is a wakeup call to you ESIs who have been taking it easy. When we don't metablog, we leave a vacuum that is filled by the less qualified.