PuBlog Research: Canadian Museum of Civilization

Fieldwork by Agatha, Coyote, and the Independent Observer, April 1, 2007:

Pluses (Concepts to Steal)

• Fast cafeteria-style service and nice wrought iron tables beside a glass curtain wall facing pleasingly scenic bits of downdown Hull;
• Handy to a highly eclectic gift shop with a $6.99 price-point fetish;
• Handy to the capital city's combined IMAX/OmniMAX theatre;
• Handy to the children's museum (you may have figured out by now that this wasn't that other, larger cafeteria with the great view of the Ottawa River, but the satellite kiosk on the main floor);
• One hot dog spinning round and round and round on the electric rotisserie. (Call me weird. This appealed to me as a piece of conceptual art.)
  

Minuses (Things to Avoid)

• Shocking lack of booze;
• Nachos sport an un-nachoral orange sauce apparently composed of nuclear waste, salt, semi-liquid "process cheese food" and unknown quantities of food dye;
• Taking its cue from its proximity to a movie theatre, the kiosk obviously ripped its prices and menu straight from Cineplex Odious' playbook. A large popcorn ran to pretty much the better part of 10 bucks. (Let's not even get started on the popcorn/drink combos);
• A preponderance of wailing children (see above) As worthy and educational as museums and IMAXes are for young minds, many of 'em just wanted to get the f*ck outta there... "Right F*cking NOW, Parental Units!"
• One hot dog spinning round and round and round on the electric rotisserie.

Summary: Healthy food choices were in short supply, and soothing libations were non-existent. I do not count fizzy cola drinks as 'soothing', no matter what ad writers may try to impose upon my world view. The IMAX theatre was a nice touch. We all enjoyed Deep Sea - celebrity narration by Johnny Depp and Kate Winslett, creative munching, crunching, smacking and slurping noises dubbed into the Danny Elfman score, as strange marine creatures consumed even stranger ones with gusto. Also, realistic seasicky sensations, due to the extra-large-screen movie format. Let it be noted that Aggie mentioned Gravol, and that we reeled with vertigo when we exited. If we plan to serve food and drink for money, this may not be optimum. Then again, it might've been those radioactive orange nachos...

Begging for Metablogging

I've been trying not to metablog both Jo Stockton and Asteroidea, but with Jo Stockton's announcement that she is moving into the apartment next to Asteroidea's, [the announcement], I've just got to ask, is this where they jump the shark? or will it become a whole new level for us to appreciate?

Jo has compared it to Mary Tyler Moore, but that analogy fails because the show started with them being in the same building, and when Rhoda was well enough established, Rhoda moved away to her own show.

This is more like Mary Tyler Moore moving in to an apartment building with Lucille Ball or Carol Burnett. (If Lucille Ball or Carol Burnett were people who told you about their first orgasms.)

Also, Mary Tyler Moore didn't have bats.

Causes Conch Shell Might Donate to This Week

Pine Forest Cheerleading Camp - "the camp where the Booty Drop was born"

Wildlife Preservation Canada - working to save the Piping Plover, Swift Fox, Burrowing Owl and Spiny Softshell Turtle.

Spring Cleaning the Capital - Clean up public property or an area in your neighbourhood to help keep Ottawa clean, green and litter-free.

The Ingmar Bergman Foundation - to administer, preserve and provide information about Ingmar Bergman’s collected artistic works.

The Hank Williams Appreciation Society - Celebrating nine years on the internet please...

Dental Clinic for the Homeless - Extractions, fillings, cleaning, restorative, root canals. All of it.

Gimme an "E" .... "S" ... "I" ...

Coyote, the Research Director and I saw the Ottawa 67's implode the other night in a stunning loss to the Belleville Bulls. The hometown boys succumbed despite the best efforts of the enthusiastic 67's Ice Girls.

And it got me thinking: wouldn't it be totally inspiring to have my own personal squad of cheerleaders to follow me around and kick in whenever I need a little boost?

For example, I really don't enjoy flossing my teeth. But with those pom poms rustling and chipper voices ringing out (The IO's flossin' / Who's he bossin'? / Cavities! Cavities!) I could floss all morning long.

Or maybe I don't want to write that life-sucking memo my bosses need before lunch. But a peppy little cheer would put me over the top (The IO's at the keyboard / Typin' out words / Sendin' off a memo / To the pencil-necked nerds!)

I think this idea will catch on. Because the holidays may be long over. But we still need some good cheer.

Springifying

We coyotes are a nocturnal bunch. Comes with the genetic territory. When we're not howlin' at moons, we like runnin' under 'em. And it so happens that on my nocturnal perambulations, I've been seeing signs of spring returning to the centre of the city. Others note the seasonal birds chirping in the mornings. Bah. The little buggers wake me up, no matter how cheerful they sound. What I'm talkin' about is clean sidewalks and gutters.

As the city sleeps, the hired help is out sweeping sidewalks with pushbrooms and pressure-hosing them off, a winter's grim grime swept down the catchbasins in a single night.

As a four-legged type who eschews, (but sometimes, uh, chews) shoes, I appreciate this greatly. It means far fewer soggy cigarette butts squishing between my toes. Always a plus, in my books.

I also like the relative silence of this cleaning work. The plows that rush into the middle of the night after winter snowfalls are noisy damn things, given to loud, irritating roars and odd scraping and crashing noises that are hardly conducive to good napping.

Hand-held pushbrooms and water hoses beneath an early morning moon, on the other hand seem tolerably organic. After midnight, a city sounds quite different. The people who clean the streets during that time seem to respect this, and match quieter rhythms. The hum of traffic remains, but is greatly muted, and one can hear smaller sounds that rarely stand out after daylight. Like, say, the toenails of rather undomesticated dog types, splashing in puddles and romping on newly clean concrete...

Listen, and you can hear 'em...

Image: David Woodward, Cardiff University School of Physics and Astronomy