Smells like diss-spirit

Like all canines, we coyotes are connoisseurs of the aromatic. And the strong whiff we whiffed in the environs of Hizzoner-the-mayor yesterday was the reek of sweaty failure.

The mayor had lurched off the high road he claimed he would stick to when he started campaigning, to diss 77-year-old opponent Andrew Haydon with the jibe that he was "past his best-before date".

Them darned gotcha media picked up on it, and by the evening news, His Nibs was making like a Maytag, trying to respin that infelicitous turn of phrase to mean only Haydon's ideas, not the man himself.

That the mayor was pissed about looking like a jerk (again) was self-evident. Whether he accepted that he authored his own misfortune was less so. He tried to force a smile as he twisted in the wind - but the TV interviews betrayed a flat, clipped voice, a hard glare and gritted teeth behind perfunctorily-curved lips.

With about two weeks left to campaign, he's transitioned from his usual baseless confidence into a muted desperation hallmarked, in about equal parts, by abortive Hail Mary passes and highly defensive-sounding damage control.

He still struggles to project a self-confident visual, but the invisible bouquet that cascades from him belies it. Somebody else, I might feel sorry for. Since it's Larry 0'Brien, I'm snappin' a clothes peg over my snout to block the growing odour of flop sweat. And as has been my habit for four years, rolling my eyes heavenward until election day and trusting in the, ummm, wisdom of crowds.

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

I chatted briefly with these three friendly turkey lovers before taking their picture.


I found it rather odd that the girls were promoting PETA in such tiny sexy outfits, but then I googled PETA images...

Google Poem Thanksgiving

* I'm just thankful that there are people that are trying to help me, and to those people I just want to say thanks for all that you do.
* I'm just thankful my clothes are fitting, because I am going to stay out of maternity clothes as long as possible.
* i'm just thankful i had a childhood to remember now that everyone has been taken over by everything that is just so unnatural.

* Sometimes I complain about all the things I need to do in my life, but really I'm just thankful I get tro stay at home with my sweet baby and that I have a work-at-home job and that I have THINGS that need packing. 

* I'm lucky and thankful that Mr. Hot is in my life

* I'm just thankful that I find meaning and connection from doing ordinary things... like taking care of my dogs.
* I'm just thankful it was me and not some defenseless old lady or something.
* I'm just thankful I was also given talents where I can show my stuff for being a good dancer.

* I'm just thankful that we do not get all the government we pay for!

* I'm just thankful the photos weren't out of focus (I definitely was out of focus..)
* I'm just thankful to have this opportunity. 
* I'm just thankful that you took the time to stand up and glorify the greatness we can be together.

* I'm just thankful that my daughter Kendall and our dear friend Ryan Lavery are not in jail for this crime.

* I'm just thankful that they won't be raising our taxes now that this wasteful boondoggle has been rejected.

* I'm just thankful Boras didn't get his claws on Chooch before we scr, er, negotiated that sweeeeet contract in January.

* I'm just thankful for guys like Edgar Wright, Duncan Jones, Danny Boyle (sometimes!)
* I'm just thankful that I got to use the coupon they advertised and that the people there, from the manager on down, are always so pleasant to deal with.

* I'm just thankful that I got wind of it before it was too late.


* I'm just thankful that the race officials acted so professionally and I wasn't seriously hurt in the crash.
* I'm just thankful that I can find the matches online and feed my burgeoning addiction.

* I'm just thankful it hurt. You know, cancer doesn't always hurt.

* I'm just thankful that I don't have to drive in the city, because I don't think I would make it!

* But I'm just thankful that people find it entertaining and, hopefully, thought-provoking.

* I'm just thankful she's finally stopped scribbling on walls, spreading lotion on every available surface and sneaking off to the middle of my bed for chocolate syrup experiments.

* Alright, basically I'm just thankful to them for not banning websites that I spend 80% of my virtual time on which includes Facebook, You-tube and Twitter


[*]

Who You Gonna Call?

Bed bugs are all the rage these days...

Should I ever need mattress protectors, I know what company to call now. But, I would certainly not want them parked in front of my house.

P.S. Don't forget to mouse over the photo...

Darkly dreaming of dirty work at the crossroads

One niggling issue with buying a brain is that it is - so far, anyway - only an aftermarket accessory. I expect that will change at some point, but at the moment, Mayor Larry's attempt to bolt on some kinda political savvy is hampered by the fact that his actual, own brain is still the one hooked directly to his mouth. Mouth-shooting neurons being as speedy as they are, he can say all kindsa crap before the hired brain can, ummm, hit the Emergency Crash Override button.

So it was, with the Ottawa Stun's editorial board yesterday. Larry blurted that he had a hard time not thinking, as unnamed "more suspicious people" apparently already have, that former regional chairman Andy Haydon's entry into the mayoral race was engineered by front-runner Jim Watson to bleed off Larry fans and cause his ultimate mayoral demise.

Apparently, any unelection event would so not be Larry's fault. Also apparently, Larry fans, while ummm, legion, can't tell two bald guys apart. I'll take a moment to point out to fiscal conservative types who might be duped by such nefariosity that Haydon, while indeed partly bald, is an actual practicing fiscal conservative who knows how to do that kinda thing successfully. He is also capable of pithiness. Unlike me. I just digressed again.

Larry's campaign manager, Robert Thompson was in there yanking the leash. But it musta have been one of those spring-loaded thingies I see on all the posher domestic doggies: you know, the ones that can unreel to about 10 metres like taut clotheslines, to trip ya up. The leasher can theoretically thumb a brake button to shorten the line, and head off the leashee's intemperate darts into heavy traffic or other disasters - say, an unfortunate roll in something really smelly and unpleasant - but would have to be damnably quick on the draw* to slow down His Nibs.

So it was only after the blurtage that Thompson managed to yank that leash and tell Larry to STFU and get back onto the media line script. Carefully crafted by someone who's not Larry. A new, improved Larry 2.0 indeed. Two, ummm, too, bad about that legacy code...

* Mental digression: some freakishly-quick gamer with years of practice on X-Box or Playstation controllers might have developed the lightning reflexes needed. But I doubt they'd have the interest.