Health Canada Listeria Update

Q: The Stanley Cup was recently on tour in my town, and I kissed it. Do I have to worry about being infected by listeria?


A: You are safe! Listeria virus shelf-life is 8 months. The Stanley Cup has not been in contact with any Maple Leaf product in over 40 years.

Thank you for your inquiry.



A fist-bump to Peter H. for this timely contribution.

Fieldwork Opportunities with our friends at CSIS

Any bloggers out there looking for work that involves doing what you already do, that is observing, researching, analyzing and then reporting? I've found a perfect job for you as a surveillant:

The Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) is seeking applications for a career in surveillance in the regional offices of the Service. Candidates must possess a high level of initiative, motivation and discretion, with the ability to work a flexible schedule. Under the direction of a team leader, the Surveillant is responsible for :

• Conducting discreet physical surveillance.
• Researching and analysing information pertaining to surveillance.
• Drafting regular operational reports, detailing exact movements and activities.

Other Requirements
Candidates should be in good physical health and be able to adapt quickly to a variety of settings and situations and manage a high level of stress.

Besides being able to adapt quickly and manage stress, you'll need a driver's licence and a university degree (but it can be any degree at all! even a useless one like journalism.)

Also there are the "Security Requirements":

Candidates must have no criminal record, must not have used illegal drugs in the last twelve (12) months and must be able to obtain a Top Secret security clearance. This process involves a security interview, polygraph and a background investigation that includes credit and financial verifications.

Worried about the polygraph? The internet can help you there.

If your finances are in disarray, perhaps you should consult Gail.

And if spending your days eating pizza in a white van isn't for you, CSIS has a whole list of other immediate career opportunities.

Google Poem: How to Make? (brought to you by the letter "M")

How to make a milkshake?
How to make a martini?
How to make a music note on Facebook?
How to make a mustard plaster?
How to make a movie?
How to make a Mickey Mouse cake?
How to make a mojito pitcher?
How to make a man jealous?
How to make a million dollars blogging?

interruptus

Honestly...

I hate rainy days. And we coyotes find that honesty as defined by our elected representatives is a strange thing indeed.

Current events suggest that the current Prime Minister practices a form of petty-cash honesty - scrupulous about accounting for pennies, nickel(back)s and dimes, in ways that firmly address the letter of election promises to bring accountability back to government, but that are infinitely greasier on larger matters of ethics. Petty-cash honesty can be way to feel virtuous while more problematic pathologies of the soul need addressing.

A recently gauche minister was turfed because she is accused - but not proven - of applying her publicly-elected mitts to encourage a little private gain in the family. It's close enough to the kind of thing that helped the PCs deep-six Liberals and gain power, that the PM calculated that he had to cut her loose, or look even more like a cynical hair-splitter than he already does. Yet, nickel and dime stuff in the end.

In Ottawa's political bubbleworld, most big-picture statements made during elections seem to be covered by a blanket equivalent of crossed fingers behind the back. Politicians who spout 'em, believe them only as far as they need to to sell the message. Once asses are snuggled into seats in the House, neither they, nor any the other gamesters sitting across the aisle, expect to be held to such promises.

Cynical as hell, yeah, but it certainly helps a poor dumb canine to understand why a government elected on broad promises of openness and accountability can merrily strangle both, while the PMO's chief of staff mouths black-is-white platitudes about the great job it's doing on the file.

And the question of whether Cabinet, or ministers, condoned or encouraged the torture of human beings in Afghanistan, was dismissed with the suggestion that Canadians don't care about it. "Canadians" in this case probably means the Conservative's core voters. Problematically, I am left to conclude that the party's definition of "human beings" may mean the same exclusive group.

So even if the nickels and dimes in petty cash add up so far, it doesn't follow that a government is intellectually honest - or ethical.

And thinking about it, I kinda wonder if maybe the current government has as much problem with the "intellectual" part as it does with honesty. Shudder. We coyotes would do well to save that one for an entirely different rainy day, I think...