The Latest Numbers

Earnings for the Bank of Montreal (BMO:TSX) in 2006: $2.66 billion

Total compensation package paid in 2006 to its CEO, Tony Comper: $10 million

Number of employees that need to be laid-off because BMO says it didn't earn enough: 1,000

Number of words in a BMO press release explaining why they need to earn more money by laying off 1000 employees: 533

Number of words used in the same press release cautioning its shareholders that BMO may not neccessarily know what it is doing in order to avoid any litigation: 646

Dysfunction Junction

I have found a book, now topping the non-fiction bestsellers list, that could help us moribund metabloggers. It is The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni.

Here's an excerpt, courtesy of USA Today:

Not finance. Not strategy. Not technology. It is teamwork that remains the ultimate competitive advantage, both because it is powerful and so rare.

A friend of mine, the founder of a company that grew to a billion dollars in annual revenue, best expressed the power of teamwork when he once told me, "If you could get all the people in an organization rowing in the same direction, you could dominate any industry, in any market, against any competition, at any time."

Whenever I repeat that saying to a group of leaders, they immediately nod their heads, but in a desperate sort of way. They seem to grasp the truth of it while simultaneously surrendering to the impossibility of actually making it happen.

And that is where the rarity of teamwork comes into play. For all the attention that it has received over the years from scholars, coaches, teachers, and the media, teamwork is as elusive as it has ever been within most organizations. The fact remains that teams, because they are made up of imperfect human beings, are inherently dysfunctional.

Meta question

I was partaking of tea and crumpies with Aggie the other day -- she's good about pouring my tea into a saucer, at least tolerates the unavoidably rude slurping noises, and us coyotes always enjoy a nice bit of crumpet... O hell! I'm already digressing again, ain't I?

Anyway, I meant to say she let drop how disappointed she was, that all of her efforts on Elgin Street Muse hadn't earned her the coveted metablog scrutiny yet.

Whether she'd actually like it if she got it is a question for another day. She has a point. She's bustin' her butt over there. We're metabloggers, dammit! Just lately this has manifested as Aggie riffin' on 4th Dwarf riffin' on my gig. Now, I happen to believe the world needs more poets, and I fully support these worthy efforts. They're both brilliant. More, please!

But might this trend not also suggest a peril of swallowing our own metamythological tail until we disappear entirely? I admit to a certain ongoing existential worry in this regard.

Do we need to consider returning to our former Musely format, to metablog Aggie? We've done some of our best stuff on Muses... But what to label it? MetablAgging? MetabAggie? iMetaDame?

Wha...? 'Scuse me a sec, phone's ringing...

"Hello? Who? What? Mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm. I see... Well, your mom wears 'em too, I bet!"

Ahem. That was Steve Jobs' hideously-expensive team of Apple Inc™ lawyers calling from Cupertino. Er, scratch that last naming option. Seems it would suck us inexorably into an ruinous legal debacle that we would be sure to lose, one way or another. Damn, those guys are fast!

I'm back - with deep thoughts

Yes, it's been a long time since I've posted here. I may have a Publog report up later today. Why so quiet on the blog? Two reasons.

First, I've been trying to get somewhere with ESI merchandise. The holiday season reminded me that I promised a long time ago to come up with the Elgin Street Irregulars Boardgame.

Second, I read Agatha's Random Musings hmmph, I thought, I suppose Aggie thinks she's the only one who has deep thoughts like that. I know people think of me as the comic relief around here, why else am I the only one who gets left hanging out to dry and blamed for everything that gets wrong? But I have deep thoughts too, you know.

And I have been compiling them for you:

1. If the people who make CSI can show you the path of a bullet going through a person's torso shattering organs and blood vessels at a microscopic level, how come they can't make the wheels on cars look like they're rolling forwards?
   


2. If I wrote fan fiction, I'd write: Harry Potter and the Mature Students Association. Harry goes back to magic grad school in his 40s. Ron and Hermione tease him about his 25-year-old classmates.
   


3. If Howard Epstein, the Nova Scotia MLA gets his An Act to Repeal the Treasure Trove Act passed, will it be a good thing or a bad thing? (A) With the act repealed if I find pirate treasure, I get to legally keep it all, but (B) I'd keep it all anyway, because since when does a pirate tell the government about finding another pirate's treasure, and (C) suppose I bury some treasure in Nova Scotia, the repeal of the Treasure Trove Act might make law-abiding non-pirates go treasure hunting because it will be more lucrative for them. So... bad thing. If only we pirates were better politically organized.


4. If I ever suspect that someone I know is a space alien, I will invite them to a birthday party. If they bring a gift in a box that you can open by just lifting off the nicely wrapped lid, I will know for sure they are an alien because only people on TV wrap gifts that way and space aliens learn how to impersonate us by watching TV. Also if they use words like "rassin-frassin" to swear, I will know they only got broadcast TV and not cable.


5. Should the ESI game use a spinner? or giant dice?

Speaking of the the game again, it looks like my best ideas have already been taken by an Asian company:



[Explanation available at short pants, long story]

[p.s. I've posted another brilliant Google Poem]

Present and unaccounted for

Hangovers. Nagging colds. Relationship woes. In our workaholic culture, none of these nasty things will keep folks from showing up at the office. Shunning Aggie's advice to take a mental health day, the suffering drones are present in body but barely in spirit.

Painted Stick recently pointed out the term for this phenomenon is presenteeism.

Word Spy defines it like so: presenteeism (prez.un.TEE.iz.um) n. The feeling that one must show up for work even if one is too sick, stressed, or distracted to be productive; the feeling that one needs to work extra hours even if one has no extra work to do. —presentee n.

Statistics Canada has even noted this sister condition of absenteeism in a report on depression and work impairment.

So the next time you feel like like you're running on three cylinders, it might be wise to pull over to the side of the road. And take a nap in the staff lounge.