Figure Us Out: The Google Poem

* By some really weird coincidence, the police managed to figure us out by the next morning, but I think it was for the better. ...

* hang out awhile, and if you can't figure us out by then, you are hopeless!

* They are trying to figure us out by searching for us online, but all they have to really do is stop, listen, and absorb. We tend to glow

* It didn't take long for the man to figure us out. By noon, we were shown the door

* figure us out. By honoring ourselves, and living by this example, we allow others to do the same in their lives.

* ... Brett is trying to figure us out by gathering social data

* If you can't figure us out by our name you'll be too slow to keep up with our discussions of the world's ultimate racing series. ...

* you think people would figure us out by now :) ...

* Sheesh, you would think you could figure us out by now.

* If aliens from outer space were trying to figure us out by tapping into television transmissions, I wonder what they'd think.

* The teams will figure us out by the second half of the season

* Also, quit trying to figure us out by making lame generalizations, just talk to us instead.

* Like bears or any animals for that matter aren't smart enough to figure us out by now!!!!

* Maybe one day, you'll figure us out. By your statements, you clearly haven't as of yet.

* This is a good place to "figure us out" by direct observation.

[Search] [We're #9]

Tinfoil hats: a gut wrenching exposé

As avid, nay, militant exponents and proponents of tinfoil hats, especially in dire emergencies, we Irregulars have just gotten extremely distressing news:

Namely, that a buncha bright engineers from M.I.T. seem to have discovered that tinfoil hats do not protect your brain from zombifying, soul-sucking government and/or alien mind-control radio frequencies, but instead amplify them! (See the terrifying conclusion.)

Wait! This means that all this time when we thought we were laughin', and thought you were too - because you put on your tinfoil hat when we told you to, right? - all of us were actually under the influence of sub rosa mind-control rays, making us beleive things that were untrue. Evilly fostering, for instance, the illusion that our tinfoil hats were protecting us. And under that illusion, we were actually.... oh. Oh. Dear, dear me!

The very insidiousness of it all boggles one's (controlled) mind! Especially if one trusts engineers!

That we're all doomed over here, goes without saying . But hey. If we all just put on our soothing, comfy tinfoil hats, we'll never notice...

Summertime's small pleasures

Drippy weather didn't stop Cedric from enjoying a week at a cottage in the idyllic Gatineaus. He even made a new friend who calls himself the head gaffer and drinks a lot of herbal tea. I'm glad the little troll is having a good summer, but I'm not crazy about him hanging around Hollywood film-biz types.

Don't Tell Me It's a Google Poem

* Don’t tell me it's impossible

* Don’t tell me you're leaving.

* Don’t tell me if I'm dying cause I don't want to know

* Don’t tell me that that is the past and none of our concern.

* And don't tell me I don't have a right to my views on morality, while trying to force me to accept yours.

* Don’t tell me what you're against; tell me what you're for.

* Don’t Tell Me To Shut Up

* Don’t Tell Me SHOW ME

* And speaking of wait times, please don't tell me you're naive enough to think that isn't a problem in the US too?

* Don’t tell me what to think!

* Please don't tell me to rest.

* Don’t tell me what to do.

* Don’t tell me who it is! You'll ruin the fun…

* Don’t tell me what to write.

* Please don't tell me times are different and kids have it harder or more to carry now.

* Don’t tell me, I want to guess.

* Don’t tell me u can't, cos u will be a loser if u really can't.....

* Don’t tell me You can't turn around.

* Don't tell me how to drink your beer ...

* Don’t tell me you don't like it, write a letter to corporate.

* Don’t tell me not to fly, I've simply got to.

[Source]

Going Down is Going Up

On July 29, the Ottawa Citizen reported that a shocked couple complained about three books they discovered on the Ottawa Public Libraries "on order" list. [Citizen Article]

It's not clear who the couple are nor whether they wanted their complaint to be publicized.

This means it is an open question: Are they misguided prudes who don't realize that calls for censorship increase readership and that librarians are freedom-of-speech, anti-book-banning zealots who will hear their complaint as a reason to order even more sex manuals? Or is this couple a pair of devious sex manual publicists?

Whoever they are, I hope they complain about my book when I finally get around to writing it. Even if they don't, I'm grateful to them for making me realize I need to drop my working title: the meaningful little book of life with Jesus.

Get out your library card and click these links to get on the reservation list:

• The Going Down Guide
• The Sex Instruction Manual : Essential Information and Techniques for Optimum Performance
• The anal sex positions guide : the best positions for easy, exciting, mind-blowing pleasure
• The little book on meaning : why we crave it, how we create it
• A Meaningful Life
• A spectator's guide to Jesus : an introduction to the man from Nazareth