When AAs sag

No, no, not those AAs. What were you thinking?

We coyotes lead portable lives. And that means we carry much small, valuable electronic paraphernalia about our ummm, persons. Anti-mayor radar, that sorta thing. If you see a medium-sized 'was that a dog?' someplace weird downtown - and it clanks with hidden gear - that's me. Oops. I digress. Who'da thunk?

Anyway, based on an anecdotal sample of one, I've lately noticed a steep climb in instances where costly gizmos go wonky, and I open them up to floods of corrosive goo from burst AA cells. Which I must clean out, or lose the gadget. This almost never used to happen if one avoided off-brands and dodgy dollar store counterfeits. Lately it's been like, twice a week.

I'm sure our friend Milan has statistics somewhere on the environmental unfriendliness of alkaline cells versus rechargeable, with life-cycle assessments demonstrating that investing in new and rechargeable gizmos is better than pumping one-use alkalines into old stuff. He's all over that sort of thing.

My issue is that rechargeable AAs are often AAAs stuffed in bigger AA cases. They're weak, and wear down fast. Still-working, but power-mad older stuff is what I have, and I am loathe to replace it. Especially that anti-mayor radar. It saves my tail sometimes... Oop. Digression detector's beeping!

Ummm, I blame Wall-to-Wall-Mart. And globalization. Among others.

Wall-to-Wall is a retail gorilla that tempts potential suppliers with huge markets. Under contract, they start relying too heavily on that fat, high-volume, low-margin cash cow. Then Wall-to-Wall orders 'em to slash supply costs, so it can undersell Target or Sears. Suppliers have to cheapen themselves or die. Win for the consumer, right? Or maybe once-reputable brands fatally debase themselves on Wall-to-Wall's altar. And maybe Wall-to-Wall throws 'em away when they're so lousy nobody buys 'em anymore. It's bidness.

Something similar can happen when formerly home-grown businesses contract out to far eastern factories for hire. Factories low ball contract bids insanely, then do test runs to prove they can actually make a thing to a "carefully monitored" North American or European firm's specifications. Once they snag the contract, they squeeze already low-paid workers, and find all sorts of cheesy, sleazy ways to progressively save a few cents per unit here, a penny a unit there, until they get a profit. Who cares if there's lead in the toys or venetian blinds? Or carcinogens in the baby formula? Or that flimsy MP3 and DVD players fail in weeks? And batteries vomit? We're only really talkin' about makin' money here!

Which may be why I keep running old, still-serviceable, but power-hungry electronic thingies on alkaline AAs. Years later, they still work. They wear out, not break. Just as long as I can keep those cheap fucking batteries from screwing 'em up...

Shannon Tweed vs. Jesus

It's the Big Day folks. She's been hobnobbing around her old haunts the past 48 hours. Hubby has got the big show tonight. He's assured us that his wife has no hard feelings about the proclamation fiasco. As he put it: Not everyone loved Jesus either.

Given Ms. Tweed was a regular staple around the Elgin Street scene of her day, having lived on Frank Street as well as working at the former Peppers, I think she would have made a great Muse for the Irregulars. In her honour, I suggest this day and Ms. Tweed be proclaimed the ESI's Honourary Muse Day.

Getting back to the comparison to Jesus point, lets take stock of these two celebrities and see where the chips fall:

Jesus: Started with 12 followers which evolved into millions
Shannon: Crowned Miss Ottawa Valley 1977 and went on to Playboy
Point: Tie

Jesus: Can walk on water
Shannon: Can walk in 6 inch heels
Point: Jesus (by a margin)

Jesus: 1965 New York Times declared his father dead
Shannon: Playboys 1982 Pet of the Year
Point: Shannon

Jesus: Never once lived in Ottawa yet every Sunday is His day
Shannon: Lived in Ottawa for 4 years but never has had her day
Point: Jesus

Jesus: Died on the cross for our sins
Shannon: Two words: Hef and Gene
Point: Shannon (no one likes a martyr)

RNDP 27: Looking, Listening and Frequency

Here is the latest roundup of research towards the revolutionary new dating paradigm.

Rating attractiveness: Study finds consensus among men, not women

From a press release about an article in the June issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:

Men's judgments of women's attractiveness were based primarily around physical features and they rated highly those who looked thin and seductive. Most of the men in the study also rated photographs of women who looked confident as more attractive.

As a group, the women rating men showed some preference for thin, muscular subjects, but disagreed on how attractive many men in the study were. Some women gave high attractiveness ratings to the men other women said were not attractive at all.

The age of the participants also played a role in attractiveness ratings. Older participants were more likely to find people attractive if they were smiling.

But an abstract for the same paper says:

Participants of both genders showed substantial consensus in judgments of whom they found attractive and unattractive, although men showed higher consensus than women.

What does this mean for the RNDP: If you're a man and a male friend tells you should meet someone because they are hot, you should. If you are a woman and a female friend tells you to meet someone because they are hot, probably you should. But maybe not.

Talk to the Right Ear

In 3 different studies, researchers from the University "Gabriele d'Annunzio" in Chieti, Italy determined a marked preference to listen with the right ear by young people in noisy nightclubs. Perhaps their most significant finding:

...the researchers intentionally addressed 176 clubbers in either their right or their left ear when asking for a cigarette. They obtained significantly more cigarettes when they spoke to the clubbers' right ear compared with their left.

What does this mean for the RNDP:

1. If you want to make a pass, sit or walk to the right of your object of affection or walk. If you're following the man-on-the-street-side-of-the-sidewalk rule, this may affect the route you take home.
   
2. Since this tip will soon be widely known, pay attention to whether your object of affection is trying to keep you on the left. It might not mean they don't want to be manipulated. Maybe they want to make the first move. Do what you can to make it easier for them if the latter.

Single women gaze longer

A study by Indiana University neuroscientist Heather Rupp found that a woman's partner status influenced her interest in the opposite sex.

...women both with and without sexual partners showed little difference in their subjective ratings of photos of men when considering such measures as masculinity and attractiveness. However, the women who did not have sexual partners spent more time evaluating photos of men, demonstrating a greater interest in the photos. No such difference was found between men who had sexual partners and those who did not.

What does this mean for the RNDP: Guys: the length of time a woman spends looking at you might tell you that she is available, but not necessarily available to you. She might only be taking the time to decide what she thinks about you. Gals: you're still stuck with no useful way to tell if that guy looking at you is married or not.

Daily sex helps to reduce sperm DNA damage and improve fertility

New research suggests that in couples trying to have babies, in order to improve sperm quality, men should not hold off until ovulation day, but should ejaculate at least daily for the prior week. Dr David Greening, an obstetrician and gynaecologist in Wollongong, Australia, says:

The optimal number of days of ejaculation might be more or less than seven days, but a week appears manageable and favourable. It seems safe to conclude that couples with relatively normal semen parameters should have sex daily for up to a week before the ovulation date. In the context of assisted reproduction, this simple treatment may assist in improving sperm quality and ultimately achieving a pregnancy.

What does this mean for the RNDP: Okay, this isn't about dating. But it does illustrate that the research community has scientists conducting research and reporting findings that may not please everyone, but will make the world a better place.

Better Proclaimers

What's with these politicos going off half-cocked, lately? It's such a prodigal misuse of their big swinging dicks . . .

After belatedly finding that his Slur-of-the-Month Club dealt him very shoddy goods, the PM retracted his latest partisan insult with appropriately bad grace, before a single TV camera in a bare studio. So as not to face the embarrassing prospect of an actual, you know, audience while he did the, ummm, manly thing.

Meanwhile at the local level, Temporary Putative Ottawa Mayor Doug ("Dog") Thompson took a minute off from harrassing innocent coyotes in the 'burbs to become a wannabe proclaimer, as reported below. He then swiftly proclaimed that he is naught but a mere groveller before the wilting rage of councillor Jan "Nobody's Bunny" Harder.

Enough. The Scots-type guys in these pictures are definitely better Proclaimers. They sing. They play. Some pogo gracefully. And on Friday night, in the midst of a superlatively soggy summer, they bore sunshine from Leith to the free Bluesfest stage on York Street. Bless 'em.

The Proclaimers

It seems the ESI were offline for a day or two. I blame some of this on the latest scandal to come to our parochial city. Yes – the sudden proclamation and de-proclamation of Shannon Tweed Day seems to have heightened the public debate regarding whom is entitled to get the keys to the city for a day. I really think this is short-sighted policy from our public officials. Long before most of us learned to type with one-hand on the internet, all that we had was what we found in our friends’ dads secret hiding spots in the basement behind the loose acoustic tiles. And Shannon Tweed was part of that history. Okay, so she wasn’t from Ottawa (a newfie no less), but she was a bit of an icon to this town having a bar on Bank St. named after her (ed. Zoom, you must have been to Shannon’s at some point? Did it become Hoopers?) And I read somewhere that she waitressed on Elgin Street for some time before breaking out for the big time. Lets face it: breaking out of Ottawa in the pre-internet, pre-instant celebrity, pre-Youtube world of the 1980’s deserves some recognition. Moreover, there was no pretense as to what Ms. Tweed represented. Meanwhile, we have currently-seated elected officials having streets named after them before they even leave office. Our Mayor is currently teaching his wife how to bake a file into a cake in case the judge doesn’t side with him. The guy who lives at 24 Sussex makes Machiavelli look like Gandhi.

So, I say, give Ms. Tweed her day. It can’t be any worse than what we have done before or what we will most likely do next. Besides, I hear Marlen Cowpland may be looking for the same recognition at some point and it may be in our collective interest if we can say: Sorry Marlen, it’s been done.