I was going to make Thursday, Thong Thursday. However, given the gravity of the current economic situation, I must shift my focus to non-arse matters. I'm ignoring the election here up north. Not because I think it's boring ( even though it is). But because the Harper majority possibility scares me into a blah-blah-blah-I'm-not-listening kind of state. So, let's shift the focus south. Not that it is less scarey.
McCain has suspended campaigning because......he thinks he can singlehandedly save the economy right before the election? Or, is it because (here's the conspiracy theory) Bush is planning to cancel the election because ......how can they have an election when the "entire economy is in danger"? And watch for another terrorist attack while you're at it.
Apart from all this, the weather has been nice, eh? Warm enough to wear a thong.
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Wednesday
Tuesday
Cabinet secrets indeed...
Can the election get any more boring? The eye-glazing ennui sent me scurrying to the observatory library to dig up these little-known but fascinating facts about Canadian politics:1. Historians believe William Lyon Mackenzie King wrote a final but now lost volume of his famous diaries. Known cryptically among scholars as "Tranche 21," it has never surfaced. But King did mention the volume in at least two letters penned shortly before his death. In one of these missives, King suggests he fabricated stories in the earlier volumes about séances and conversations with his dog to dispel the notion he was tremendously dull.
2. Sir John A. Macdonald's fondness of drink is well documented. But his true weakness was pie. During whistle-stop campaign tours, Macdonald insisted that a fresh-baked pastry -- preferably blueberry or strawberry -- be waiting on the train platform, to be lustily consumed immediately after his public addresses. He even travelled with a personal pastry chef. During the 1891 campaign, the chef fell ill in northern Ontario. Party minions were left scrambling to ensure a suitable pie was ready for the stop in Kenora, Ont., and sent frantic telegraph messages to the kitchen at Rideau Hall in Ottawa for advice. Nervous aides feared the crust would be too soggy or, even worse, too flaky, sending Sir John A. into another of his drunken tirades.
3. In the late 19th century, men in sparsely populated western Canada were allowed as many as three votes: one for themselves, and up to two others for their livestock -- either two head of cattle, or one cow and one sheep. Several years later, women got the vote.4. The Green Party's campaign signs are completely edible. Coming in three flavours -- mango, pomegranate and rhubarb -- each certified-organic sign contains more protein than the average veggie burger.
5. All of Environment Minister John Baird's toupées are hand-woven from imported chinchilla fur. A special order-in-council was signed last year to allow a dozen of the Andean rodents, which face extinction, to be quietly brought into Canada. They are raised at a secret location in Baird's Ottawa riding.
Images: Sir John A.: Politics, Polls and Pastry, Nofifththing Press, 1976; Cows: www.rampantgames.com/
Monday
Meta-Meta Contest
Aggie and Woodsy have traded days for posting. The reason why we did the switch will be apparent later today, so stay tuned.A few months before I was invited to join the ESI, a meta-contest was held on this blog. I entered the contest and won a prize. When my prize never materialized, I started whining annoyingly to Fourth Dwarf that I wanted my prize.
"Oh, don't you worry, my dear, you'll get your prize alright," he coughed out ominously.
I got my prize. It is hidden within this blog.
I would like to suggest a meta-meta-contest. Comment as to what it was that I wanted for my prize, then find the prize on this blog, and I will take you out for a coffee and a ginger cookie at Bridgehead - my treat!
RNDP: Campaigns
A few years back, I did a little door-to-door canvassing for a politician I thought would represent me better than the fellow who'd been holding the job. On election night, all the campaign workers gathered in a basement bar downtown.The bad news came at 11 pm. The incumbent had won, our candidate was about to give the concession speech. Nothing to do but drink to dull the grief we felt. Half an hour later, startling news! It had been a mistake! With some late reporting polls and a some digits switched the way they were supposed to be, our candidate was the winner! The incumbent had to give his concession speech.
My friend Sue sidled up to me. "Dwarfie, if you were looking to get laid, this would be a good time to approach someone." Of course, a man of the world like myself doesn't need to rely on cheap emotional manipulation to make a love connection, but a man of the world also opens the door when opportunity knocks.
What does this have to do with the RNDP? The RNDP is about getting lucky. According to the ancient Roman philosopher, Seneca, luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. And according to Thomas Edison, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls, and looks like work." To get this opportunity, you will have to prepare with some campaign work.
Choosing a Party - should you cross-volunteer?
Choosing the party to support may be tricky if you are a female NDPer or a male Tory. It is a well known fact that there are more women volunteers with the NDP and more men with the Conservatives. The ratio for the Greens and the Liberals depends a lot on the specific candidate.
If you are male and Conservative, unless you are some sort of alpha male (obviously you believe you are or you wouldn't be a Tory, but try to be objective for once), check out the ratios in the other parties. You may want to cross-volunteer. It's not morally wrong because you know that your actions aren't going to make a difference to your candidate anyway. The Greens have social policies you believe in and if they save the environment, you'll have somewhere to go hunting. If the Liberals get in, they'll wind up doing pretty much the same thing your party was going to do anyway, and if you're connected with them, you've got better long-term prospects for a patronage appointment. The NDP haven't got much you can support with a straight face, but if you hook up with an NDP woman, you may find that your passionate arguments about pretty much everything can lead to the fun kind of passion when it's just the two of you.
If you are female and NDP, especially if your candidate has no chance of winning, either help the Greens send a message about the environment, or help the Liberals keep Harper out. I won't suggest faking conservatism because the constant taste of vomit at the back of your mouth would ruin any chance of a dating initiative. Of course, if you are female and NDP, there is little chance that you could actually support another political party solely in order to find someone to date. So, volunteer for the NDP. With any luck, you'll score a cute cross-volunteering Tory. Maybe you can convert him.
Volunteer effectively:
- One volunteer shift will be enough to get you on the invite list for the election night party.
- Door-to-Door canvassing is generally done in teams. Involves lots of walking. It can be challenging to get yourself partnered with someone you'd want to be partnered with. Mixed teams are preferred by campaign managers to show the diversity of support for the candidate. This is not good for you if you are looking for a same sex relationship with someone your age, but if you're a middle-aged woman who likes young Latinos, you might be in luck.
- In the movies, they make it look like they need lots of envelopes stuffed in campaign offices. Sadly, they don't. It's sad because envelope stuffing is a perfect occupation for scouting and chatting with prospects.
- What they actually need at the campaign office is telephone volunteers. This is an activity that lets you chat with people you can't see about whether you can count on their support, put a sign on their lawn or in their window, and get a donation. Low dating opportunity, but it gets you in to the election night party and it's not quite as bad as telemarketing because you're mostly calling your candidate's supporters.
Centretowners can volunteer for:
[Sorry fringe candidates, your volunteers are scarier than you are.]
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