My Latest Rant

WELCOME GOOGLE SEARCHERS:
Your search probably brought you here because you were wondering what that LCBO/RAO means on your credit card statement. Don't worry it's legit. When you were in Ontario, Canada do you remember going to a Liquor Store? Yes. Well, you put your purchase on a credit card. Now get back to your AA meeting.

Every year I do the mature and responsible thing and add up all my expenditures for the past year just to find out where my money is going. To help track such matters I tend to put everything on my credit card. Using cash requires too much day-to-day tracking of spending and I’m too lazy for that. This brings me to one of the more common line items on my Mastercard statements this past year: LCBO / RAO #0212 OTTAWA ON.

Ontario’s Crown-owned liquor distribution retailer, the LCBO, was one of my biggest suppliers of goods and services this past year – to the tune of about $1,000. At first, I thought that’s a lot of spending, but I found out through Statistics Canada that I’m about average for a full-time employed male when it comes to spending on booze. No need for an intervention just yet.

Having conveniently parked the health issues related to my consumption in the closet of denial, I turn to the economic issues. Though $1,000 a year is a fairly typical expenditure for a typical Joe, it’s still a lot of money. This is where I get my back up against the wall when it comes to the LCBO’s pricing. According to their last annual report this monopoly paid a “dividend” to the Ontario government of over $1 billion (this is above and beyond any taxes collected on booze). Not a bad profit for a retailer. In fact, hands down, the LCBO is probably the most profitable retailer in the food and beverage industry in North America (maybe even the world!). Their net “profit” is about 33% of net sales. To give you a benchmark, Walmart, considered one of the best retailers in the world, had a net profit of about 5 % last year. And that was with a labour force paid close to minimum wage, whereas the LCBO provides a good union job (north of $20 an hour last I heard). I don’t mind that the price of my booze supports well-paid union jobs. That’s fine by me. What I don’t like is paying for monopoly profits above and beyond those well-paid jobs. And by my calculation, it’s costing me an extra $250 a year.

But maybe there’s hope.

The LCBO recently started to market affordable, yet classy-looking foreign beers that can be purchased one can at a time. Lately, I’ve been buying Holsten Premium at $1.95 for 500 ml can – a very good deal that can be paid for with a toonie. The downside is that I’ve reverted back to paying with cash – coins no less. So not only am I losing track of where my money is going, but every time I stop by for a purchase, I’m appearing more and more like the beggar outside the store who pays with quarters and dimes. And yesterday, he and I had the exact same purchase.

I’m ready for that intervention now.

Some Thoughts on Porn

This is a guest posting from our dear friend Audrey:

I was on a patio on Elgin Street recently with friends, including Conch Shell and Painted Stick. Conch Shell told me that, the evening before, she had been at home, working on her new laptop computer, when Painted Stick came into the room and asked her what she was doing. She said, "looking at porn". He went over and saw she was looking at a real estate website.

Conch Shell and I share a love of real estate. People tell us that we should be agents! We are always delighted to hear this. This summer we checked out the requirements and we were completely daunted by all the steps involved. Is there a way of being an agent without taking a course?

Others in our circle of friends do not share this passion for real estate.

They do not, daily, review homes for sale in the Glebe and Dow's Lake on the Multiple Listing Service. They might even find it odd that neither I, nor Conch Shell, is actually looking to purchase a home. (We are just keeping an eye on the market!)

They do not spend hours in cramped auction houses assessing the beauty and possible utility of hundreds of items.

They do not lust after the sublime furniture at Van Leeuwen's in the Ottawa Byward Market.

They do not order British pottery online from Bridgewater.

They do not share my already-admitted addiction to house magazines.

I recently met a couple who had owned 23 houses over the course of their 25-year marriage. They told me that this was unintentional! They admitted that they had a passion for homes and that they fell in love with the possibilities of a new home - the new canvas, the new location.

And so, my question, dear readers, is this: What should Conch Shell and I do to take our love of real estate to the next level?

Civic politics 101

...It utterly baffled Larry that, even long after dumping his two old business partners and then getting himself elected mayor, he was still regarded as something of a loose cannon in local political circles...

More People Trying to Limit my Dating Life

Bad enough that the Chair set out strict limits on who I get to go out with, there's a bunch of Midwesterners producing propaganda reels.

Click To Play

Slight technical difficulties...

"I told ya not to fire them damn rockets, Short Guy. I don't know how to navigate uppy-downy arcs through the freakin' air. Especially at high speed. After that explosion on the Decarie, er, launch pad, we're really lucky we even went the right direction.

"So, why doncha just cool yer jets while that nice RCMP guy in the front of this cruiser checks our IDs. Ya gotta expect these kindsa holdups when ya land in a flaming wreck in the Parliamentary Precinct before dawn. And hey: I can smell Elgin Street from here!

"I'm pretty sure we'll get past the whole racial profiling thing with flying colours; no terrorists here. You're a short-arse space pirate, I'm a smartass talkin' dog, and we just plowed into the lawn behind the Parliamentary Library -- what could be more normal? We'll get outta this in plenty of time for you to scoff fries when The Usual Spot opens.

"Meantime, why doncha mellow out and watch the pretty eclipse? Us coyotes always say ya don't have to actually land on the moon to appreciate it..."