10 Vacation Tips

1) If you need to get up and actually do something when you are on vacation, make sure you use a functional alarm clock. Test it to make sure it works properly.
2) Don't rush when you are on vacation. Relax your body. Slow it right down.
3) If others around you are stressed when you are on vacation, get the fuck away from them. Go to the beach. Go for a drive. Do what you need to do.
4) Plan, but don't overplan. When going to the beach, it's nice to have 1) cold beer or cider 2) a few snacks 3) sunscreen 4) a towel 5) water and 6) reading material. That's all you need, and you don't even really need all of these items. You could get away with just the sunscreen and the towel in a pinch.
5) Don't drink too much every day. It will make you feel bad, and then you'll have to drink more.
6) Check your restaurant bills when you are on vacation. Sometimes when you are relaxed you miss things like being overcharged for entire dinners you didn't order.
7) Remember that when you are vacation it is not about what you accomplish in a day, it's about being a complete underachiever.
8) Read and sleep a lot.
9) Don't eat battered seafood everyday. It will make you sluggish.
10) If you are not completely relaxed and feeling like you are on vacation, don't get stressed about that.

Postcardy goodness

What are vacations good for? Sending postcards.

Once you get past certain paranoid conspiracy theories (2) about the name (Why do noids always come in pairs, and what the hell are they, anyway...?), the footbridge over the Rideau Canal turns out to be a terrific spot for taking sunset pix all full of postcardy goodness.

I'll forebear from calling it the "new" footbridge, because, well, certain lame-o federal political parties have been takin' fully-deserved flack lately about a rebranded "new" government that's not much older than this bridge.

But check it out -- any given night, a half-dozen-odd turistas line up at the rail 'round sundown, point tiny cameras toward the Chateau, then ooh and aah at the spectacular results. At least when it's not raining. But if it is raining, certain ducks in this picture would be fine with that...

We coyotes approve of ducks in any weather. Tasty, tasty ducks. Orange sauce is nice, too.

Having a great time. Wish you were here.

Decision-making when on vacation

Harpers or the New Yorker. Or People. Beach now, or later. Fried clams or fried scallops. Fries or salad. Red or white wine. Sleep in or get up. Breakfast or brunch. Exercise or lie down. Sunscreen 40 or 30. Bikini or tankini. Coke or Pepsi. Or water. Toenails pink or red. Blog or no blog. Bob Dylan or Rolling Stones. Or Neil Young. Strawberries or raspberries. Chocolate coconut cake or berries and cream.

Five life lessons learned in the last week

1) Trying to get insurance companies to cooperate with you is challenging when you are homeless.
2) Getting your cat a root canal or yanking out your cat's tooth costs exactly the same.
3) Getting your cat's tooth yanked out costs more than getting one of your own teeth yanked out.
4) Paying others to clean after you have vacated your place is money well spent.
5) Carrying your old heavy CPU down narrow basement steps with no railing when you are a little bit drunk is a very bad idea.

Bluesfest. Done. Like Dinner.

Stick a fork in us. We're overdone. Like Mom's trademark Sunday dinner. You want anarchy, Short Guy? Try this: by the last day of our big blues binge, the sound reinforcement professionals twisting the little coloured dials on the multiplicity of mixing boards strewn across the site were pretty much all deaf, and their therapeutic remedy as a cohort was to CRANK IT UP REAL LOUD ALL OVER... Oy.






Our frenetic sprint through the finale of Ottawa Bluesfest had highlights: witness the big, blazing Detroit Women ensemble, preceded on the Rogers by vivacious economy-sized former pornstar Candye Kane's very credible barrelhouse blues -- and the sudden huge thundering (all-male) herd of 'official' shooters aiming real big, long telephoto lenses up her feathered and spangled mini....

But before the tail-end of it, the Independent Observer and I were both ready for it to be over. We took in Sam Roberts' superior power-pop, then surveyed our options for the big windup. Solid Gold Dance Party, featuring some twisted remnant of the Village People on the Main Stage? Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings on the Blacksheep? Alexisonfire on the River?

Nah. Done. With all due respect to their brilliance - and we're huge Dap-King and Alexis fans - we'd hit the very tippy edge our human and canine limits. We called Aggie's Big American Taxi Service and whisked off to a quiet debriefing. Well outta earshot...

Pix, From top, l-r: About a quarter of the Detroit Women; Candye Kane; Standup blues: Mannish Boys' sharp dressed bassist, Tom Leavey; Horn shots: King Sunshine; Full-bore swamp funk from the Chief Thunder Chicken: Papa Mali; Romeo goes electric: Steve Forbert; Authentically grizzled blues wheelman Watermelon Slim (left) with one of his Workers; Sam Roberts hitting the crowd with well-crafted tunes; After all the hoo-hah, ya didn't think we'd forget the chair contingent, didja? Check out this li'l hummer -- Comes with its own built-in sunshade; And finally, from the HiloTrons' hot-boppin' afternoon stage show: definitely not your average gogo dancer....