Remedies for post-vacation/end-of-summer blues

I'm back from the Riviera and am now dealing with the back-to-reality blues after days of lounging on the beach and having to make difficult decisions like: fresh scallops or mussels? get up at 11 or noon? SPF 30 or 40? Freshwater or saltwater swimming? Red or white?

I know after all of this I should not be feeling sorry for myself. But I am! Here are some things I'm doing and will do this evening to remedy my blues:

1) Making cranberry sauce with the cranberries I picked. This is making me feel productive, although they just boiled over on the stove, creating a big mess.
2) Clean up mess from cranberry sauce-making project.
3) Unpacking dirty clothes and sorting them into laundry piles. Not really fun, but keeps me busy.
4) Read trashy magazine. I still haven't heard what the deal is with Tom and Katie's baby.
5) Throw things out. It's garbage night.
6) Catch up on the blog. Still no sign of the 5M. I have a feeling she is going to pop up one of these days with a baby blog. They seem to be all the rage these days, but probably not something the ESIs would be interested in following.
7) That is all I've come up with so far. I'm open to other suggestions.

Kittenomics 101

Memo to:

Canada Council for the Arts
350 Albert Street,
P.O. Box 1047,
Ottawa, Ontario
K1P 5V8

Re: Grant Application


Please accept the following application for consideration of funding for the ongoing operating costs for the art installation proposal explained below.

Background

The consequences of globalization have long been understood by academics, experts in development, and even politicians who care to familiarize themselves with the topic. But while the anti-globalization movement has made some headway, it has largely been ignored by the masses, as we continue to shop at Walmart, destroy the rainforest at a rate of one and one half acres every second, and displace indigenous family farmers from lands held for successive generations.

Yet, when you talk to individuals about such issues, they actually care. Sadly, in this era of instant gratification, attention-deficit disorder, and real-time connectivity to global events via the internet, it is becoming evident that individuals are distracted and can no longer make the connection with changes in social institutions and policies with one’s own sense of ethics and social justice.

Simply put, we are just too distracted with other things. As a case in point, using Google trends, one can see how popular the search term “kittens” compares with the term “globalization”.

The anti-globalization movement needs to connect peoples’ innate interest and empathy for kittens with issues related to globablization.

Making the Connection: Kittenomics 101

A major issue of concern with the anti-globalization movement is in the domain of free flowing capital. Currency trading has become an end in itself and now subjugates people from all corners of the world to the whims of distant money speculators in high office towers in New York, London, and Zurich. Peasants harvesting coffee in Guatemala may or may not make ends meet because of the day’s currency events. Sadly, the masses do not connect to the hardships of the peasant farmer, yet everyday we see foreign exchange rate numbers scrolling across our television screens, internet feeds, and currency exchange kiosks in major tourist sites.



The kittenomics installation is designed as a portable, self-run, kinetic art piece that can be used to demonstrate the connectivity between currency fluctuations and its consequences, with the purpose of appealing to the widest audience.

The installation is quite simple and is illustrated below.

The core to the installation is a wifi-enabled laptop computer that is both connected to an internet foreign exchange portal and a piston controller driven from the exchange rate telemetry. The piston forms the floor of a cylindrical unit containing a kitten and is calibrated as an analog indicator of exchange rate by markings on the side of the tube. From this example you can see that I have established a floor point of around 90 cents (being an example of the exchange rate of the Canadian dollar in U.S. currency). As the real-time exchange rate telemetry is captured, the piston will correspondingly rise or fall.


This particular installation is designed to establish the mass-connectivity between high domestic currency rates and the impacts it has on the export market. A high value in the Canadian dollar causes hardship to workers in our export industries, much like the potential hardship the kitten may encounter as the dollar strengthens.

Funding

The funding request is quite modest and many of the parts can be purchased second hand. Much of the ongoing cost will be in replacing kittens and for cleaning supplies, depending on how often there is a run on the dollar.


Thank you for your consideration,

The Chair

Let's talk about Polyamory

Some of the bloggers we follow have recently mentioned their participation in polyamourous lifestyles [Megan Butcher 1 2 3; Francis Heaney 1 2 3]. It strikes me some readers (and even contributors) may benefit from information on this topic.

As usual, Wikipedia has an excellent definition to get you started on understanding the term:

Polyamory, in its broadest usage, is the practice or lifestyle of being open to having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly.

The Wikipedia article explores the derivation of the term along with the controversy over what counts as polyamory and what doesn't count. Along with this it gives a superficial overview of the good points and common criticisms of about polyamory.

If you are interested in taking up polyamory, or if you've had it thrust upon you, I recommend you read the article. You might also want to read With Open Hands: A Handbook on Open Relationships

However, I must advise you that none of these sources tell you everything you need to know. For that reason and based on my extensive experience in human relationships, I present to you now the following illustrated guide.

Seven Lesser Known Challenges of Polyamory

Big Dates

Les Menages...

What are they doing in there?

Presents

Dining

Useless Competence

Renovation

Has the Fifth Muse resurfaced?

If she has, she has a new passion in her life besides R.

Chinchillas.

Mere coincidence?

OK, Aggie's got a case here for you folks. I've discussed this extensively with the Chair, and he has some strong opinions about this which I'm sure he will share. Here's the case: I know two wonderful Ottawa women of a certain age who are 'out there' trying to date. One met a dude through a dancing event. They arranged a date, he didn't show up or call, she called him and told him that not showing up without calling is rude, he left a message 2 days later saying that her message had been "unkind" because he had been in the hospital with kidney stones.

Second woman: They went out on a date. It was hot. 2nd date. He didn't show. Resurfaced a week later, with the excuse that he lost his blackberry, and hence her phone #.

The interesting thing about this is that - are you ready? -, both men have the same name. For privacy reasons, I will not post the name, but I will say it is not a common anglo name like one of the following names: John, Mike, Jeff, Dave, etc... It is more like one of these more uncommon names: Bart, Wyatt, Lyle, etc...

Mere coincidence? Or, are there two pathological liars with the same name preying on innocent Ottawa women? I say we get to the bottom of this and bring justice back to the Ottawa dating scene.