We want you, Jasmine!

Dear Jasmine,

Sometimes this world can really make you feel like a loser. We know that over here at the ESI Academy. Now that you are jobless and injunctionless, we would like to welcome you into the ESI family. Since the Chair and Conch Shell stopped blogging, and I have had my own problems blogging, we have spaces available. You have all the qualities we need in an ESI blogger:

1) You are hot. We like that over here. Let's face it, hotness matters!
2) You lose shit. We just love your Attention to Deficitness.... In fact, it just makes you all the more attractive to us.
3) You record people without them knowing. We love that you recorded your boss being a complete cow. If more folks did this, it would be a better world. Jasmine, you rock! Imagine all the field work we could do with you! We'll get you a new recording device and you can get started right away.
4) You are well connected, apparently. We need all the social capital we can get over here. We need you, Jasmine. With you, we could win all those blog contests hands down.
5) You like cocktails and pizza. Guess what? We do, too!! .

Artsy Fartsy Loo

Bob, is this not the most beautiful loo you've ever seen?

I didn't know if I should pee or genuflect...

Screw it. I'm goin' surfin'

We have a mayor striving to make Mel Lastman look good. We have a former prime minister striving to make hisself look good - and good luck with that lost cause, Brian! And we have a current PM striving to make the same-old, same-old troughing, mendacity and general ass-covering evil look good. After he swore he was going to change all of that. The big, flashy promises are always easier in opposition, huh, Steve?

I have had my fill of these shmucks. I'm going surfin'. Got the board. Got the wax. Got the hibachi. Now. Where did I put the damn orange sauce...?

Root, root for the gnome team

Cedric attended the very first Cubs home opener at Chicago's Wrigley Field (then known as Weeghman Park) back in 1916.

After his favourite team lost the championship to the Boston Red Sox in 1918, the pint-sized fan vowed never to return to the ivy-covered shrine until the Cubs won the World Series.

But he couldn't wait forever. After all, the tiny guy's life expectancy is only another 126 years.

Cedric enjoyed his return to Wrigley on the weekend, watching his beloved Cubs down the L.A. Dodgers, nibbling on hotdogs and slurping a brew or two.

He's no slouch on the field, either. Cedric had the highest on-base percentage during his two seasons in the 1920s with Blue White Amsterdam of the Dutch Baseball Union. His secret? Pitchers walked him almost every time because his strike zone was -- and still is -- only one centimetre.

A Sign that Might Not Work as Intended

I look like a slob, but I actually try to be tidy. When I was relieving myself the other evening while reading this sign, it didn't make me less tidy. It didn't even distract me from "aiming". It did tempt me to be oppositional. But I yielded not to that temptation because I am trying to get better at doing exactly what I would have done even if someone hasn't instructed me to do that very thing.

I wondered though if these signs work on the people who aren't tidy anyway.

Because I'm thinking the swinging dick crowd would see them as more of a challenge than a reasonable request.