Tuesday

Taxi Driver Story I: My Don Juan


A few nights ago, after a date with a cute pixie, I hailed a taxi to go home.

“Hello pretty lady,” the young, swarthy taxi driver amiably says even before my itsy bitsy rear end is comfortably positioned on the seat.

Hmmm, he’s good, I think. He’s managed to cover up creepiness in his voice completely. So, what’s he up to? Is this just an innocent comment? Something he says to all the women who get into his cab?

He starts chatting. I learn that he is a full-time taxi driver and a part time student, and that he is 20 years younger than I am.

Then, somehow in the midst of talking about school and the courses he is taking, he turns on the overhead light, spins his head around to face me, flutters his long black eye-lashes at me and declares, “I prefer mature women!”

He turns back to facing the road, and turns off the light. I hear him chuckle.

“You prefer mature women? How mature?” I question.

He turns around again, the light goes on once more, and he presents me with a pout this time. “Your age.” he says softly.

I can’t help but feel that this young Don Juan pup has taken lessons from 4D in wooing women.

He returns to a safe driving position, the light is turned off again, and another chuckle is perceived.

“And why do you prefer older women?” I ask, determined to control the conversation.

“I like that they are experienced, that they do not have inhibitions, that they never have headaches, and that they take care of me…”

“So, are you married?” I ask, knowing fully well that he is. He wears a wedding band.

No chuckle this time. He is serious as he says, “I don’t know why, but I feel comfortable telling you this. I don’t usually tell women this (I don’t believe him), but my wife is cold. She is a good mother and a good wife, but she is cold. You understand what I mean, right?”

It’s a long ride and he continues, asking me directly at one point if I will consider being his lover. The overhead light is turned on many times, and many times he twists around and purrs, “Look at my lips… Don’t you want to know more about these lips? Don’t you want kisses from these lips?”

I am quick at deflecting, and getting him to talk more about his wife and children.

He starts laughing after a while, and resorts to chatting in a friendly manner. He stops pursuing me, and wants to know what kissing means to me. It is a serious question.

When we arrive at my place, he tries one last time, “Are you sure that you are not interested?”

“Yes, I am sure.” I repeat confidently.

“Listen,” I say, “think about this when you go home to your wife tonight. You claim that you like older women, correct? Well, that beautiful young wife of yours will one day be a mature woman. She will be the kind of woman you desire.”

He smiles at me. I suspect that I have made a point.

As I hand him the fare, he takes my hand and kisses it gently and says goodnight.

I am not offended. He has conceded defeat in a gentlemanly manner.

But, I am left to wonder about one part of the conversation… what does kissing really mean to most people?

Thursday

RNDP 3: Monty's New Dating Paradigm

Monty of Much Ado About Monty... is the third link Google gave me in the quest for a revolutionary new dating paradigm. He is also my favourite of them all. I thought about saving Monty for later, but today really is the day to showcase him.

Just over a year ago, Monty was finding that his dating strategy using Gaydar (eHarmony for non-straights) wasn't working and so he came up with a new plan in a post called Changing tactics...:

I've decided to stop dating a bunch of new guys each week and instead, focus on the guys I've already met. ... I am not dating-with-relationship as the goal, but rather it's more about making friends with the guys I have met. If a relationship is going to happen, it will happen in its own time (and most likely when I least expect it). No use trying to force it - I just need to relax and enjoy the company of these guys!

...Naturally, Monty can't completely change his spots and so to keep things interesting, I'm allowing myself one new guy per week. So, whilst I haven't jumped off the Gaydar merry-go-round completely, I'm at least slowing it down to a more manageable pace. And I'm liking this!

Two weeks later, Monty gave an update in My New Dating Paradigm...:

I've been rabbiting on about my New Dating Paradigm over the last couple of weeks and as everyone is aware, I've not been so successful in sticking to it.

...now, instead of a hard and fast rule of ONE newbie per week, it shall simply be my goal to date only one newbie per week. That way, if I do end up with two or even three newbies in a week, I'll be simply exceeding my goal...

I must say however, that I have succeeded in slowing down the dating merry-go-round and so the NDP is achieving its purpose. I'm having more 2nd, 3rd, 4th dates etc which is much more fun! And I'm getting to know these guys better and becoming friends with them. Life is so much less stressful and I'm definitely not feeling as fatigued as I was when on the merry-go-round. Yay!

Now it is a full year later. How did Monty's new dating paradigm work out? Today his post is titled: The L-Word...

And NO, I'm not becoming a Lesbian! The L-Word I'm referring to is THAT one...yes, dear readers, LOVE!

...it's only since I've been out - 22 months and counting - that I've been open to the idea of a relationship ergo LOVE. And as you, my dear readers, are aware, since then I've certainly been out there trying to find Mr Right - and finding lots of Mr Right Nows (and the odd Mr Oh-What-the-Hell-Were-You-Thinking-Of)! That is, until I met McBrad. Ahhh, the gorgeous McBrad.
...
And so last weekend, we were lying in bed talking - proper serious talking, the relationship kinda stuff - and it just came out - naturally and honestly and soberly! And boy, did it feel good! McBrad obviously liked it and definitely showed me how much he liked it - WOW!!! But I was really happy that I did hold out until I was ready for it. (Not that he pressured me or anything - that was the really nice thing. He wanted me to know how he felt and was happy to wait until I could respond) And now, I just want to keep telling him! I don't of course - don't want to overdo it, but it's just such a liberating thing! I love McBrad!!! And I want eveyone to know! Wahooooo! :-)

4d Analysis: Monty's "old" dating paradigm was to see 3 or 4 new people every week. The "new" dating paradigm was to see 1 or 2 new people every week along with 1 or 2 that he'd been out with before. The new dating paradigm clearly worked for him.

As he is just one person and self-selected rather than randomly selected, we have no statistical confidence that his NDP would work for others. On the other hand, he has demonstrated that his paradigm can work for at least one person. We have no such proof from the authors who brought us the "Feminists in the Office without Chivalry" and "Hooking Up" paradigms.


Yeah. And what about the larger metaphysical implications...?

Wednesday

RNDP 2: Hooking Up?

Google's next hit in our quest for a Revolutionary New Dating Paradigm (RNDP) is an article called Sexuality, Reproduction and Menopause : Editorial: the new sex in ... Although we cannot see the article because it is behind a pay wall, Google tells us that it says:

The new dating paradigm is to get together casually, called “hooking up,” a term that defines a lack of commitment or expectations other than sex and ...

4d Analysis: Unfortunately, I blew my research funds on a bottle of tequila and couldn't afford to buy this article. They might be on to something, but isn't "hooking up" what fuck buddies did in the 80s and what free-love hippies did in the 60s? In other words, not new?

RNDP 1: Feminists in the Office without Chivalry

The first place Google takes us in our quest for a Revolutionary New Dating Paradigm (RNDP) is Gradspot.com where a writer named Gritz tells us that the new dating paradigm is to look for career-oriented women at the office and forget about chivalry.

Paradigm Shift #1: The office is the new bar
As Rosenbloom explains, “Those who follow the evolution of the workplace romance say the stigma may be fading because the line between business and personal life is blurring among younger workers. They are working longer hours. Their workplaces encourage collaboration. And, of course, most single people are in the work force.”

Paradigm Shift #2: Feminists are the new hot girls

...A “career-oriented” women—too often used as a descriptive shorthand for a feminist—is now more acceptable than ever....

Paradigm Shift #3: Chivalry is dead


Fourth Dwarf Analysis:

It appears Gritz and the writer Stephanie Rosenbloom have spent little time in the workplace and possibly less time dating. The only "new" thing in this 3-part paradigm shift is the throw-away line that "chivalry is dead". People have always hooked up wherever they happen to meet. Feminists have always been the hottest women. If chivalry is dead, based on the comments we've seen about how it's appreciated when guys pay for dinner, fellows who revive chivalry are well appreciated.

It could be that Gritz is suggesting that women should stop looking for chivalry in the men they are dating. Unfortunately, Gritz has given us no basis following this suggestion, but we'll explore the idea in future postings.

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