The Id in ideologue

In the nation's nominal capital, one tends to soak up, osmotically, more politics than one likes. Even if one is a hairy-ass quadruped that wishes to avoid politics altogether, one trips over an extremely unhealthy number of agenda-driven wonks.

I tolerate some of 'em, with severe reservations. I am a laissez-faire kinda coyote.

However, I fear and loathe the ideologues. Lest you think I contemptuously lift my pointed snout (or perhaps a rear limb) only at the current contol-freak Prime Minister and his merry (yet just now, strangely muted) gang, I'll say up front that I fear and loathe all ideologues from all colours of the visible and near-visible political spectrum -- from infrared to ultraviolet. I speak of a phenomenon with unfortunate cross-party appeal. Personally, I think that anyone that honestly thinks they might actually be competent to run any country is a borderline whack-job. If they're that sure they can, they scare the willies outta me.

Lest you think I'm gonna steer the Elgin Street Irregulars onto some kind of political soapbox, nope. Countless others in this city blog early, often, and way too loudly about politics from their particular podia. And welcome. I only wish somebody'd kick the soapboxes out from under a few and shut 'em up....

Ideologues, whatever their slants, are people who brook little opposition to their views. In fact, they can't wrap their heads around the idea that they might be wrong, no matter what their IQs. Many ideologues have very high IQs, but unfortunately this almost never prevents them from doing appallingly stupid things. I believe intelligence and stupidity were school buddies at Upper Canada College, years ago.

As long as I personally can avoid ideologues, that's fine. However, inside every ideologue is an id screaming to get out. One way it gets out is by getting itself elected,. But the only thing that really satisfies that self-gratifying (okay, 'wanking') portion of the lower psyche is to make everybody else follow his rules, no matter how badly they may fit a majority of the people. A majority, I hasten to add, that statistically, did not elect whichever ideologue claims to run the show.

Speaking of majorities, a majority of ideologues who say they're guided by 'strong principles' actually seem to take said principles on faith. Oh, they claim all sortsa intellectual rigour in the process of arriving at them. But really, they don't want to be confounded too much by facts. They believe what they believe. And, being faithful ideologues, they believe their ideas should be rammed down the throats of that majority of citizens (remember them?) that at best are disinterested in, and at worst disagree with, their ideas.

You might think that a coyote, as a native to Western Canada, (and often found lurking in the tall grass at the borders of the man's federal riding) would say that Stephen Harper walks on water. You'd be soooo wrong... wasn't that Stockwell Day's wetsuit press conference? And by the way, if you want to make a donation to the Coyote Party, please drop it in the collection plate at the door on the way out. I promise faithfully to use it to stay unelected. And maybe buy brunch. You've been a wonderful crowd. Thank you, and good night...

Why Bob Rocks

Ok, just let me go on a bit about Bob. Isn't he fabulous? We met him because he was the Muse's best commentator. Then, he started his own blog, and it is delightful. Here are just a few reasons I love Bob:
1) He is not a pretentious asshole.(Sorry, that is kind of a negative reason, isn't it?). He is obviously a skilled cook, and yet he is so casual about it. He'll talk about soaking red onions "to sweeten", which is something completely out of my cooking vocabulary. And yet, then he'll comment "that's good shit". This is the same reason why I love the Naked Chef, Jamie Oliver. I think Bob may be the Naked Chef of Ottawa.
2) He understands the yin/yang thing. He has a smoke after a jog. He understands that 'good living' isn't about this joyless puritanical existence that we see on some of the serious,earnest faces of some Ottawa people. You know the ones that go to bed at 9, eat only organic, get up at 6 and jog along the canal with a $1000 stroller. (Actually, I just know one person who does that!)
3) He knows how to fix things. I'm not just talking about hanging a Monet print; this guy can lay tiles and other complex tasks.
4) He is modest about his gifts. Modesty is underrated these days.
5) He is adorable. Remember when the 5M posted that photo of him. Sigh...

I promise, ESIs, I will not go on and on and on about Bob any more. I just had to get this out of my system.

Famous Chokers

Once again, the Senators are on the verge of being the top playoff veterans with the lowest golf handicap. The only solace I have is that those miserable Toronto Maple Leafs have been on the fairways for the last three weeks.

Loonie Fever

The Canadian dollar hit 91 cents U.S. today. The last time it was at that level was back in the middle of January, 1978. Coincidentally, the movie Saturday Night Fever was released around that same time. The thing is, the dollar was in the dumps for a long time before this sudden upsurge in value, and I wondered what is the true cause of the gain? Avoiding all that macro-economic mumbo-jumbo talk, I attribute it to the popularity of retro-nights around Canadian dance clubs and music halls. The dollar is high in value, because we THINK it's a different era. If this is true we may be able to get Bank of Canada Governor, David Dodge, to use monetary intervention measures to completely ban any potential late 90's revival nights. I could do without hearing another Ricky Martin, Jewel, or Britney Spears song.

Uncivil liberties

There I was on the bus, standing in the aisle near the back as passengers tried to navigate their way to the rear door to clamber off. It was more jam-packed than the Liberal leadership race and, despite my best efforts to let people by, there was little if any wiggle room. Unless I were to crowd-surf above the seats, I simply had nowhere to go.

"You're going to have to move," an amply proportioned lady said to me as she barrelled from the back of the vehicle toward the exit.

Not, "Excuse me, please." Or even, "I'll just squeeze by."

If civility lives, it is primed for Last Rites.

Consider this, from the Financial Post of April 15: "Businesses know that bad manners carry big costs. Recent studies have found that nearly half of all workers have experienced yelling or verbal abuse related to 'desk rage,' that more than half have been seriously distracted from work by rudeness, and that most believe that workplace incivility is out of control."

So, seeing as some of us have yet to file our taxes (OK, I have yet to file my taxes), here are suggested deductions that would both encourage civility and bolster the pocketbook:

Non-refundable tax credits

Multiply total annual income by 0.01 per cent and enter on line 251 if in 2005 you:

(*) Refrained from whistling Sinatra tunes (see Schedule 18) in elevators.

(*) Routinely put the little dividing bar in place after unloading your groceries onto the conveyor belt, so others could begin unloading theirs.

(*) Did not scream, without good reason (see "Dire Emergencies" in the Tax Guide), while standing beside the desk of a co-worker who was on the phone.

(*) Sent at least one thank-you note by regular postal mail.

(*) Did not deposit trash on the IO's lawn.