This Week's Fun from Ottawa Blogs

Nik at Kill Everything had a fun Facebook chat with a woman, Sarah G, whose name showed up in some insulting graffiti. Sarah G didn't realize at first that Nik was actually doing her a good deed and lashed out at him. The way Nik turned it around is an example we can all learn from:

I was walking my dogs with my wife and we saw the graffiti. And I said, jokingly, "I wonder who Sarah G--- is? Maybe I should look her up in the phone book."

She laughed and said, "Look her up on Facebook."

So I punched in "Sarah G---" and your profile was obviously in Ottawa. So I sent you a message.

It struck me as vaguely funny. And your response ("fucking dick") made my wife and I laugh. So now everyone is happy.

Well, except maybe you. And maybe some other Sarah G.

Zoom over at Knitnut reported on Nov. 12th that XUP said she talks about her Gentleman Caller (GC) too much [ed: I disagree and would like to read more adventures of GC.] And so, Zoom announced that she will be mentioning XUP in every post until the end of the month.

P.S. A little birdie told me that XUP thinks I’m mentioning GC too often on my blog, so I’m going to mention XUP every day for the rest of November.

Do you see what is happening here ESIs? Zoom has already schooled us on Kitty blogging, Craft blogging, Local Politics Blogging and Photos of Dead People Blogging, but now she is coming after our main turf: Self-Referential Wanking (SRW)!

Hella Stella is going for a spa massage soon and tells us that this always brings to mind an experience she shared with her Better Half (BH) in India:

...actually, every time I get a spa massage I flash back to that time I was in India and decided to get a Aryuvedic massage with my BH. Then we got stripped down to nothing, oiled up, and spanked for over an hour. It was pretty much the worst massage EVER. The only thing my massage "therapist" could say in English was "ticklish?" and I had to laugh and nod because she wouldn't have understood "no, I'm bleeding internally." Then we limped back to the hotel.

Remember last week when Hella met Mae for the first time and told her that she loved the story about her vibrator [which was really a dildo] and the eight orgasms in one night?

Now Mae (or you) when you see Stella somewhere in public, can say "Stella, I love the story about you and your guy getting oiled up and spanked by women in India!"

To readers appalled by Coyote's cavalier attitude

Hey! I didn't actually say I was appalled myself, did I...? And the cookies over here are terrific!

Breaking News - Spotted on Elgin Street

Communist Snowmen and Bears!

Breaking News: Missing wallaby's body found in field near eastern Ontario zoo

...ESI's Coyote to be brought in for questioning.

Death, taxes and, oh yeah, annoying phone calls

You might think Canada's tax collectors would be a sharp bunch. Competent, educated, shrewd, with sharpened pencils at the ready. And the latest electronic tools at their disposal to flag overdue accounts, zero in on debtors and efficiently scoop up cash that's rightly owed to Canadians.

You would also be wrong.

At least, if my recent experience is anything close to typical.

Here is a verbatim transcript, with only minor identity-protecting edits, of a message left on my home answering machine:

"Hi Indochinese Obstetrician, this is Peso Cohlecta from the Canada Revenue Agency. I'm calling in regard to your old numbered corporation X87X97PD. Currently there's a lot of overdue GST returns. And I think we've been having ongoing conversations -- or you have -- with different people at the organization. I just want to get this account cleared up in terms of file-up-to-date and closed. Would you please give me a call and I can help you with that in any way I can. Currently with the notional assessment that's been done, we think you owe $7,500, which is no doubt wrong, but it's the debt that currently stands until this gets corrected, so please call me."

Things I told Mr. Cohlecta upon calling him back:
1. I have never had, nor been involved in, a numbered corporation of any kind.
2. I have not had ongoing conversations with people at the Canada Revenue Agency, just one previous conversation six months ago with him, Mr. Cohlecta.
3. In this previous conversation, I told him my name is Independent Observer, not Indochinese Obstetrician, and that I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about.

Mr. Cohlecta then said, "Oh, we must be looking for a different Indochinese Obstetrician."

"OK," I replied, "what does that have to do with me?"

"Well, your names are very similar."

"Actually, no, they are not even close."

"Are you calling me back from a 905 area code number?"

"No, it's a 613 number. I live in Ottawa."

"Oh," said Mr. Cohlecta, "that's the problem. I'm going to scratch your phone number from the database."

"I'm still totally confused," I asked. "How could this happen?"

"Well, when we are seeking a debtor, sometimes we cast a wide net and go after people with names that might match."

"This is the second call I've received from you. How do I know there won't be more? Could you kindly send me something in writing to assure me this was a mistake?"

"Well, your number has been scratched from the database. You have my personal assurance I won't call you again. And I'm going to be here for years."

We are all doomed.