Fishing Off the Company Pier

Office dating is nothing new. It’s a product of our time. Most of us have done it. Most of us have survived. It will continue. In fact, at my old haunts, I didn’t think this topic warranted discussion. In the words of one colleague: It’s passé. Or as those in Ottawa on French training say: it’s passé composé.

Then Peter McKay comes along and reminds us that not all have learned the conventional wisdom on this topic. Given Musie hasn’t given the ESI’s much to work with lately, I thought I’d use the moment to help the Peters out there to understand the wisdom around office dating. Most of you know this, and I apologize for the redundancy of this lecture.

The Chair’s Wisdom on Office Dating

Rule #1: Keep it a secret, even to yourself

Okay. So you’ve bedded the office hottie. All your buddies (married ones included) have been vying for this chance and you’ve landed her. Don’t parade the trophy. We know the primal urge is to throw your catch over your shoulder and trot through the office showing all potential threats that you have won and that you are now the king but you must not succumb. And it’s no better if you passively let it out when asked. Be coy. Lie. Psych yourself into believing it is not happening. This denial will help you in the future.

As for Peter and Belinda, while the backroom press chat had long confirmed the two were an item (having been spotted jumping on the same plane to the Caribbean), it wasn’t until Mr. MacKay started doing public interviews on the subject that things got out of hand.

Rule#2: Know your partner’s m.o.

Knowing whether your recent office love partner has a history of fishing off the company pier can help you keep things in perspective as to where things might go. With one of my indiscretions, I had already learned that there had been a recent “other guy” who was currently in therapy following his momentary lapse in judgment involving the same woman. This prepared me well for the final relationship crash, allowing me to immediately access the appropriate therapy, which, by this point, had turned into an encounter group of ex’s meeting weekly over coffee and cigarettes in an Anglican Church basement.

If Peter had done his homework he would have realized Belinda’s first marriage was to Don Well, a Magna executive she got friendly with while on company road trips. Her second marriage was to a Norwegian Olympic gold medal-winning speed skater. Okay, maybe not work-related on the second go, but a Norwegian? Two words: The Scream.

Rule#3: When it goes south – suck it up.

I’ve been twice burned on the office romance front. And in both instances, the formers started up new romances with other office mates. Yeah. Major bummer. Taking my cue from the Queen, I’ve always remained stoic. Found a few confidants to take me out for drinks, maybe a side trip to a peeler bar, and offer some solace. What I didn’t do was have a camera crew follow me out to a potato patch (what were you thinking??) while I tried to find a dog to pretend to like me. Just sad.

Rule#4: Keep it civil

So they’re not going to be your best friend. Or maybe they will be. Either way, getting sulky doesn’t work on so many levels. Level one, the more you sulk, the more your former will be vindicated for dropping such a loser. Being civil may actually instill some guilt in her for her behaviour, and I’m always a big fan of passive-aggressive behaviour. Level two, it doesn’t help your case with chasing after the new hottie on the backbench (or front bench, for that matter --- hello Rona Ambrose, let me tell you about my global warming…). Level three: have you seen her new beau? I’ve never been a fan of Tie Domi, but I’m not going to slag his girlfriend either. He’s sort of mental. Taunting former Leafs goons is not a good play.

Rule#5: If you can’t be civil, at least be witty

Maybe Hansard doesn’t have a fuddle duddle equivalent for referring to one’s ex-girlfriend as a dog. So the record will never show what was said. Either way, Peter Mackay’s response was just plain un-witty. And to boot, I’m just waiting for a Garth Turner / Belinda Stronach joint-appearance on Rick Mercer to one-up the whole thing. At that point, we will be laughing, Peter. But not with you. Just at you.

BlogAdmin and the Cams

Our Blog Administrator is a quiet fellow, his only comment comes with the cam views in the side panel. I don't catch them all, but here are the ones I have caught along with my best guess as to what he is referring to.

15 Dec 2006: Mayor Lex Shops for Lawyers Cam [Ref: LRT - Plan B; CBC]

11 Dec 2006: Depression Cam [Ref: 1, 2, 3]

1 Dec 2006: Porno for Asexuals Cam [Ref: six reasons to love an asexual ?]

29 Nov 2006: Keeping Secrets Cam [Ref: Emergency Meeting 27 Nov 2006]

28 Nov 2006: How To Flirt at the Office Cam [Ref: The Mannerly Guide]

22 Nov 2006: Searching for New Muse Cam - Candidate #2: Psycho Girlfriend

21 Nov 2006: Searching for New Muse Cam - Candidate #1: Yuckos the Clown

20 Nov 2006: What Really Happened to Aggie Cam [Ref: 1 2 3]

19 Nov 2006: Dueling Hipster's Cam [Ref: MatildaZine]

17 Nov 2006: Happily Ever After Cam [Ref: Musie's Goodbye]

15 Nov 2006: Good-Bye-Rummy, Now-Lets-Go-Home Cam

13 Nov 2006: ESI's Salute Coyote's Good Deed Cam [Ref: 1 2]

Great Google features: A cautionary tale

Overhead in the coffee line-up this morning:

Guy 1: So, I'm not going to the ball hockey tournament in Windsor this weekend?

Guy 2: Why not?

Guy 1: My wife was doing a Google on our home computer and when she typed the letter 'S', the auto-complete displayed 'strippers windsor'.

Guy 2: So, she won't let you go because of that?

Guy 1: I guess. Like what does she think is going to happen?

Conch Shell greets her fellow ESI's, and issues message

Ah, you guys. Thanks for making the Conchie Returns video for me, although aren't you giving your identities away? Yes, it's been a long dry season. But slamming organic food was just too much.
Especially when I know what all those toxins are doing to my fellow marine creatures. You know, all that run off of chemicals goes somewhere. But, on a related note, I have a public message for my fellow bloggers. Not organic, or recycling. No, sustainable seafood. If you care about the future of Conch Shell's essential habitat, maybe you could follow ethical seafood eating guidelines. In short: say no to food produced from bottom dragging the ocean floor (and other horrendous things). Say yes to fish taken in a sustainable fashion: Do a Seafood Search Or print off your handy little guide.
Anyways, that's my one "Save me! Save me!" message of the year.
On a side note, I knew Aggie wouldn't give up juicy details about herself. She hasn't yet even taken off her bandages.

Newsflash: Conch Shell is back!

Conch Shell has finally resurfaced on my blog. It seems that my trashing organic food got a rise out of her.