5th Muse Pregnancy Issue; New Muse on Elgin; Undeclared Meeting Minutes

Undeclared Meeting Minutes

Location: A place new to most of the Irregulars

Members present: 4D (scribe), IO (convenor), Aggie, Coyote, the Chair, CS (late w/o excuse)

Guests present: the Ethicist's Daughter, PS (arrived w/ CS)

1. Aggie related details of improvisational performance she and the ED attended in which a man played the role of a kayak and a woman acted the part of a kayaker. They concurred it was the most interesting part of the evening. All present agreed that "the kayak" would make a great name for a sexual position to be practised by Canadians. (Scribe's notes: I imagine a natural step during the Kayak, would be an Eskimo roll or two.)
   


2. All congratulated the IO for the great work he is doing for democracy. As Aggie said, "he's protecting our freedoms more than those fucking soldiers in Afghanistan."


3. Aggie asked if there is anything on TV that would warrant her acquiring a TV. Coyote allowed that he finds it necessary to watch House. "He's brilliant and obnoxious." (Scribe's note: I believe the canine identifies with at least one of those qualities.) Before the dwarf could admit that he has also been sucked into a damn medical show (yes, the dwarf has to admit it's not all home improvement shows and pirate movies on his TV screen), the Chair began making an exageratted gesture in which his cupped hand appeared to be moving up and down along a vertical cylinder. "Wank, wank, wank. You could just masturbate and have more fun. I hate that show."


4. The ESIs adjourned their meeting to enjoy a performance by Mr. William Bragg of England.


5. The ESIs reconvened at the same spot. All but the dwarf were greatly amused when the waitress implied that the humble scribe did not need the caffeinated beverage he ordered.


6. CS asked for everyone's opinions on whether Canadian troops should be in Afghanistan. PS suggested that other topics would be more interesting. For example, how was dwarfie's week in the salt mine or what aquatic species is endangered.


7. CS informed us that in fact, the dwarf wedge mussell has become extirpated. (Scribe's note: It's true. When we get our band going, we should do a benefit.)


8. CS asked which Canadian is famous enough that people would vote for them for Prime Minister. Many names were suggested, but all were shot down because they were either: too weird, linked to drugs, or only famous in Canada. In the end, the only name that remained was Mike Holmes of Holmes on Homes. All agreed that he'd tear down the structure of government, rebuild it to code, and get it right. All but Aggie, of course, because she has no TV and has never seen Mr. Homes solve people's renovation nightmares.


9. On the subject of the 5th Muse, all agreed that she is not entertaining us the way she was when she actually told us about what was happening in her life.

New Muse on Elgin

Leave it to Agatha to step in when others have dropped the ball. I am delighted that she has started her own blog and hope that it doesn't become one of the millions of blogs that start with great promise and then get dropped. I also hope that she gives us some real dirt on people she knows and gives us some straight talk about sex.

5th Muse Pregnancy Issue

Yes, there is something the muse has not been blogging about. But she is discussing it on a forum. Cleverly disguising herself as being from Barrie (clever because rather than being unnamed, it's a named Canadian City.) She's got concerns about diet, ledges, and maybe even a C-section. You can read all about it here.

I'm not reading Middlemarch, but....

I'm considering renting the video... the protagonist there looks like a hottie.

Here's what Aggie's reading right now:
1) In Praise of the Slow - A book about slowing the f**%&! down. Musie would love this one right now at the rate she's going. I have to confess that after eating 10 chocolate- covered coffee beans today, I felt like throwing the book and the whole fucking slow movement across the room...

2) Yoga for Depression - I'm gearing up for my annual bout of Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is the first day of fall, after all. After the 10 chocolate-covered coffee beans, I didn't feel that I will really need this book.

3) A pile of trashy magazines - After those 10 chocolate-covered coffee beans, these seemed just right.

What some of the blogging experts are saying....

Today I was surfing some other blogs, including the famous Mommy-blogger, Dooce. She was pimping a friend's book today called No One Cares What You Had for Lunch:100 Ideas For Your Blog. I'm thinking that we should obtain this book and write a collaborative review of it.

Personally, I love it when the lovely Bob writes about what he eats for lunch.

Introducing Marmite and Söt

Friends, I have found a new blog for us to follow. It is the pictorial record of the adventures of two toy animals. Marmite is the monkey.

These two have a clear passion for life and embrace their new enthusiasms. The photo I have selected here is titled: Marmite & Söt's Favourite Film

They are on a trip right now. Perhaps to England. I suspect that careful analysis of these photos will teach us much about life.

Message to R---Lose the Nightlight!

I am pro-R. I love his red hair. I love his soups, his dishwasher purchase, his gregarious nature. I love that he married Musie. I love what this relationship has done for Musie. Marriage may not be for everyone, but it is certainly is doing positive things for Musie. Hurray for R!!!

But R needs to lose the nightlight. That is not something Musie should have to put up with.

Feeding the Hand that Bites You

So once again, the nation’s capital is caught in a storm of controversy regarding animal welfare. I sometimes wonder whether this town is a world-class city what with the media obsession with anything furry (sorry, Coyote).

The latest brouhaha involves the local Humane Society’s procedures regarding the assessment of adoptability of pets. Both the Citizen and the CBC Radio covered the story extensively this morning.

The big controversy revolves around one particular test, that being the animal’s response to a fake hand on the end of a stick poking at it while it tries to eat its food. Failing this test apparently sends Fido to death row. While I don’t want to debate the merits of this test on dogs, I can relate to it when it comes to people. I can think of at least two girlfriends that I would not have put my hand anywhere in their vicinity while at the all-you-can-eat buffet. It was just plain stupid.

I just wish I knew about the fake hand test prior to some of those courtships. For one thing, I’d be much better at playing the piano today.

Fall

In the promising light
of a cloudless morning
rich in symbol
in early September
a city's hidden vertigo
dances out between
rippling waves of heat
shaken
by improbable fire
and much more basic
imponderables
until
mirrored towers shiver
sway
tremble
lurch against gravity
like drunks
on their morning way
home
groan
then fall
to the curbstones
raining shattered glass
steel
and life
down to the streets
boiling chalky choking dust
out from the centre.

Dazed night falls too
as people pick
frantically
uncertainly
through the
still smoking shifting
heap
of what once was
for survivors
where there are none
under emergency lights.

That first night
at the edge of their glare
one camera's
recording eye
gropes blindly
past a billboard
from a
jauntier time
lost only hours before
still standing
impossibly
on the rim
of ground zero:
"A hit from
way
off Broadway..."

Plutonic relations

Pity poor Pluto. For more than 75 years it held the enviable status of ninth planet from the sun. Then the International Astronomical Union comes along and demotes Pluto to dwarf planet (no offence, Dwarfie). And the space scientists compound the humiliation by assigning the once-proud sphere the nondescript identifier 134340.

It must be unsettling to go through life thinking you are one thing, then waking up to find you have been pigeonholed by others as something else entirely.

We may not be able to guide our personal fates, but we can sure try. So when the Muse picks herself up, dusts herself off and makes a new go of it, that is to be applauded. In crafting a life with R she has surrendered a measure of control over her destiny. But she has embarked on a journey in the hope of something better. And no one can take that away.

The meaning of life

With this title, I figure BlogAdmin will fire up that antique Monty Python Cam any sec...

But really. Humans' wanting meaning to exist, and being disposed to look for meaning, doesn't always mean that it's there. Maybe it just means they're being particularly over-ingenious at pattern recognition. I'll make a small nod here to Sartre as a quotable authority on life's meaninglessness. 'Small' because while I began Being and Nothingness, I didn't finish it. It was giving me nausea... but the guy did have an argument.

I've been reading the Muse's last few entries with a certain puzzlement. I'm not a very bright coyote, but it seems to me that some of this stuff about life's circles within circles, karmic payback, &cetera, may come from the vantage point -- that of having achieved the longed-for great love and marriage, after going through relationship hell. Oh, I'm big on karma and the circle(s) of life myself. Having figured somewhat in one or two local creation myths, a coyote of my ilk can barely do otherwise. But what about that PA guy, who has not found his own blessed state? And come to it, was she quite so certain of life's karmic gyres back she she was feeling desperate herself?

"I understand PA's desire to "settle" and find ground. For so long, I too was looking for that. I was desperate for it. Now, I can just focus on making this work, which is a much more rewarding process than trying to find someone to work with," she says.

Uh, exactly. I'm sceptical that her current high cycle may have been pre-ordained by the low that preceded it. Could just be dumb luck, appropos of no cosmic plan whatever. She's an undeniably bright one, but the gloppy and sticky goo of sentiment soaking through the reasoning here is musielage.

(Image: thecakelady.ca)

Labour Day Epiphany

Epiphany: 3 a (1) : a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) : an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) : an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure b : a revealing scene or moment

First, I want to apologize for not attending the Emergency ESI meeting. As 4D mentioned below in the meeting minutes, my excuse was shoddy. The truth is, I continue to have trouble coming off of vacation: my health has gone into decline, and my spirits have been low. However,there was a gradual upturn on the weekend, punctuated by an epiphany. The epiphany came out of three unrelated things -- Musie's recent blog postings, a singer/songwriter I saw on the weekend, and a conversation I had with a young mystery writer last week. The epiphany was this: One of the great struggles of life is knowing when to work and when not to work. Overworking can be as bad as underworking. But, underworking can be bad, too! Pretty deep, eh?

Musie is doing well right now because she is not working so hard. She is learning to relax and enjoy the details of her life. Like many of us, her natural inclination is to overwork. She worked far too hard on the "M" relationship. That was not good. Relationships may be 'work' sometimes, but they should not be that much work. The relationship with "R" seems easy right now. I like that the man got them a dishwasher. Again... less work!! I also like that "R" is sleeping a lot and is still managing to fix things around the house.

Second event. I saw a really intelligent, great singer/songwriter on the weekend. Unfortunately, I felt that he ruined two potentially great songs by overworking them. They were too much. He didn't give his listeners enough credit, and they came across a bit wanky. Another example of how things can be ruined by overwork.

Third thing. A conversation with a young mystery writer. Here was the conversation:
Young mystery writer: What do you think I should do?
Agatha: Why are you asking me?
YMW: Because I want your opinion.
Agatha: OK. I think you need to work your ass off and stop asking people what you should do.

My goal for the next few months--figure out where I need to work more and where I need to work less.

On diaries and diarists

As a reflective kinda coyote, I understand the journal keeping impulse. Kept one, on and off, myself, for dog's years...

Yet as one who is also somewhat retiring, I don't think I am able to fully appreciate why so many people blog their innermost thoughts on this internet thingy. I prefer to keep my innermost thoughts innermost, rather than inter-most. Posting some of the things our Muse has written in the past takes a certain kind of courage, and her candour has occasionally left me breathless.

'Course, some would say that with a dog's breath, that's an improvement... oh, nertz! As usual, I digress before I get to the heart of the thing. We semimythical, animistic, shamanistic dogs have attention-span issues...

What I started to say was that in my experiences with journals and diaries, many, if not all, seem to be written in a spirit of self-exploration. Stated bluntly, diarists flow most when issues abrade 'em, and ebb again when things smooth out. Human nature. The sincerer sort of diaries and journals are attempts to work out that most vexing of problems -- "What the f*** makes me tick? How do I fit into all of this?!". Certainly, her epic struggle with He Whose Initial Shall Nevermore be Blogged (HWISNBB? Oh, crap, it's more convenient to keep calling him 'M'...) was a case in point.

Agatha, always perceptive, and sometimes eerily prescient, has said more than once that the Muse cannot stay away from blogging, and the Muse's own recent behaviour now lends proof. I note that her three-month hiatus from her site approximately coincides with what relationship mavens say is the average 'honeymoon period' of 90-odd days -- that blessed period when everything is viewed from atop a pink cloud of bliss. After that, one begins to settle toward a more realistic perspective.

Now, notwithstanding the fact that our girl was marrying, moving house and wrapping up a thesis, and doing, uh, all sortsa other stuff during that time (and congratulations to her, by the way), I'm sure that there was a honeymoon happening. R sounds like a decent sort -- whatever scurrilous things the Dwarf and Chair may impute. (We do have an image as unconscionably rude pranksters to preserve, don't we?)

But I'm thinking that now that all of this is out of the way, she's reflecting again. She is of that nature. Now, she says that R. isn't fully comfortable with her blog, and has asked for some privacy. If there were any relationship issues, we'd likely not hear them, and I'm okay with that. The man stated his wish, and one respects that. But she can't not write somewhere, and I don't have a sense that she journals offline. Sooo, gratitude, happiness and Top Ten 'I Love You' lists aside, I'm wondering what our Muse is really thinking about these days. I await with interest the unfolding of her full reasons for surfing back into the domaigne publick...

(Image: Mills 1983, Creative Commons)

Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2006-08-31

Agenda (as set by the IO with no amendments):

1. Return of the Fifth Muse
2. Xpress Best Ottawa Blog Award
3. Debriefing of weekend events
4. Other Matters

Location: The Usual Place

Members Present: The Chair (convenor), Independant Observer, Coyote, 4th Dwarf (arrived late)

Absent with Barely Acceptable Excuse: Conch Shell

Absent with Unacceptable Excuse: Agatha

Invited Guest: Audrey

1. The Chair, IO, Coyote and Audrey entertained themselves as best they could until the Fourth Dwarf arrived and told them of his exciting day and exciting new career in Rocket Science.
2. Not wishing to have the entire evening focus on himself, the humble dwarf yielded the floor to others and a lively discussion began on item #3 and the direct interest the Christian God has taken in Conch Shell's life. All agreed that his plan did seem to be working out for her.
   
3. Somehow this lead to discussion of the Chair and [redacted]. Comparisons were drawn to the Fourth Dwarf and [redacted]. (Note: Coyote and IO were left out of this one as they usually are for reasons unknown to your secretary.)
4. In an unconscious wish to bring us back to the agenda, Audrey raised a concern that the Fifth Muse's top ten list didn't say anything about how R is in bed.
   
5. This lead to a wide ranging discussion about passion. The Chair observed that for Audrey, passion is essential to start a relationship and said something about somebody only sleeping with someone they want to marry.
6. "I don't sleep with men I want to marry!" exclaimed Audrey, "I only sleep with men I want to have sex with."
7. A lengthy conversation ensued in which Coyote, IO, 4D and the Chair tried to ascertain just what this meant.
8. The IO asked 4D if he would do the minutes.
   
9. Audrey asked with surprise if she had been attending a meeting.
10. 4D asked Audrey who had invited her.
    
11. Audrey said it was the IO.
12. Upon direct questioning, the IO admitted he had not told Audrey it was a meeting.
13. 4D walked away as if in disgust, but really just to go to the bathroom.
14. Upon his return, 4D asked the IO a direct personal question about [redacted].
15. Following a back and forth round of misdirection and further probing questions, the IO gave an almost direct answer.
16. Bar bills were paid and the meeting adjourned.
    

Secretary's addendum:

Although I cannot make up for the lack of serious discussion that took place on item #1, 5M's return to blogging, I had a lively discussion in my head on the way to the meeting about item #2 and how the discussion would go if Conch Shell and Agatha were at the meeting.

Aggie: Are we going to nominate the blog for the Xpress award?

Conchie: We totally should!

Coyote: Hmmm....

Chair: It would be hilarious if we won.

Aggie: What do you think, IO?

IO: Sure, it might give us some profile.

Conchie: Do you think there'd be any money?

Coyote: I doubt it. Who would do the nominating?

Aggie: You're being awfully quiet, Dwarfie...

Conchie: Yeah, Dwarf, what do you think?

4D: {rolling his eyes} First of all, half of you haven't even posted in the last two months. Secondly, do you think the Rabid Posse would let us win? They might not win themselves, but you can bet that Lana and Minty have a lock on who's going to win and the fix is in. We'd be wiser to take the high road and pretend we don't care about some stupid Xpress award. Piss on it.

IO: Yeah, and you could do that literally, Coyote.

Coyote: har, har.

Top ten ways for Musie to get R thrilled about her blogging

10. Claim that since curtailing the blogging, she’s felt like joining the Conservative Party

9. “I blog or get 3 kittens. Your choice”

8. Blog that you’re back together with M, and the whole R thing was just a dream sequence, like in that show Dallas

7. It’s crude. It’s manipulative. It’s fellatio.

6. “I blog or Coyote moves in. Your choice”

5. Keep out any obvious physical descriptions that may identify him such as his messy curly red hair….oops…too late…don’t read that.

4. “I blog or you must listen to every little mundane nuance of my life for which I need an outlet. Your choice.”

3. Tell him she’s doing it for the “underdogs” out there in blogland – for example, the ESIs

2. Next blog entry: How to get along with a guy with a big penis

1. Only blog in his presence. In the nude.

[...R's not thrilled I'm blogging again...]